It’s official: after nearly 40 years of rumours, Nintendo has confirmed that Mario and Princess Peach are not an item. Just mates. And honestly? With Mario still living upstairs at his parents’ house in a shared room with Luigi, who can blame her? We deep into fictional crushes—from Mufasa’s BDE to Miss Piggy’s chaotic charm—and the horny hotline does not disappoint. One caller is hot for Mickey Mouse. Another? The fox from Zootopia. We’re not here to judge… but wow.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.