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In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.
As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.
I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.
If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.
Takeaways include:
The difference between chemistry and compatibility
How to identify your unmet needs in real time
Why even "kind and available" people might not be the right fit
What it looks like to actually date from your secure self
How to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align
🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.
Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.
By Jessica Da Silva, LMFT4.8
266266 ratings
In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.
As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.
I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.
If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.
Takeaways include:
The difference between chemistry and compatibility
How to identify your unmet needs in real time
Why even "kind and available" people might not be the right fit
What it looks like to actually date from your secure self
How to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align
🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.
Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

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