What We Really Want: Conversations About Connection

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People who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior including pornography use tend to have a really hard time finding help. Often they haven't had anywhere to go where they will actually receive help, rather than shaming or harsh criticism.

SAM BLACK is the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, a company providing helpful resources for people seeking freedom from porn. He is also the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography, and How to Fix It.

Sam believes churches need to be the safest places on earth for people to find help and change. But sadly this is far too rarely the case. Our communities that should provide healing too often react with harsh judgmentalism toward those who struggle. Sam's book seeks to equip leaders to better understand what's  going on under the presenting problem, and how they can offer true safety and help to those who need it.

Episode 51 | Sam Black: Safe People, Safe Places, Safe Process will be available Tuesday, November 25th!

#samblack #covenanteyes #thehealingchurch #pornographyaddiction #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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What if sadness isn’t the problem—what if the real drain is the energy we spend trying to avoid it? To celebrate our 50th episode, Greg & Stacey talk with therapist and author ADAM YOUNG (host of The Place We Find Ourselves podcast) for a frank, tender, and deeply practical conversation about story work, lament, and the courage to feel. Adam unpacks why facing your past can enlarge your heart, expand your capacity for joy and grief, and finally quiet the buzzing smallness that comes from numbing out.

Adam shares his own journey into therapy and the frameworks that helped his symptoms make sense. We explore the Psalms as a living handbook for honest prayer, including the lines that complain to God about God. Adam even shares a simple way to write your own psalm. No spiritual shortcuts—just truth told in the presence of love and trust.

We also dive into idolatry as a compassionate diagnosis; how story work reveals the holy desires beneath compulsions & addictions: to be seen, soothes, safe, and secure. When those desires are honored, we gain the expulsive power of a new affection and reconnect to real freedom. 

We're so grateful to Adam for making our 50th episode so special. We hope you'll subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show.

#adamyoung #adamyoungcounseling #theplacewefindourselves #makesenseofyourstory #thebigsix #storywork #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

AdamYoungCounseling.com (many resources available here!)

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It's our 50th episode! And we can't think of a guest we'd rather have to celebrate this milestone with us than ADAM YOUNG, host of the amazing podcast The Place We Find Ourselves. In addition to the podcast, he is a therapist and author of the book Make Sense of Your Story, published earlier in 2025.

Adam has been a primary inspiration for this show, and it was a joy for us to have a conversation about the benefits of doing healing work. One thing it allows us to do is experience the full range of our emotions, which although difficult and often painful, helps us live a life more like Jesus and to experience the abundance he offers his children.

From joy to sadness to praying "Psalmically," you'll love sitting in on this amazing conversation with Adam Young. 

Episode 50 | Adam Young: Sadness Does Not Sink Us will be available Tuesday, November 11th!

#adamyoung #adamyoungcounseling #theplacewefindourselves #makesenseofyourstory #thebigsix #storywork #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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It's always fun and encouraging to talk with other people who work in the same spaces. NICK LIBERTO is the executive director at Proven Ministries, an organization committed to "seeing a revival of sexual integrity throughout the entire Bride of Christ." They provide support and resources for men, women, and ministry leaders. Proven has created many resources to support sexual integrity, including TheSexTalk.com, an online course for parents who want to effectively provide sexual education and discipleship for their kids.

Nick is also the co-host of the I'm Telling God About This podcast, and recently published his first book, a satirical how-to guide called "How to Remain Humble When You've Never Been Wrong in Your Life: A Self-Help Book for the Man Who's Never Needed One."

But while topic of humility is approached satirically in his book, Nick understands true humility is no laughing matter: it's a critical part of healing and recovering from unwanted sexual behaviors, porn addiction, etc. We get into a great discussion on the role of humility in living healthy and free. 

Nick lives in Lynchburg, VA with his wife and three children.

#nickliberto #provenministries #provenmen #sexualintegrity #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #thesextalkdotcom #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

Proven Ministries (website)

TheSexTalk.com (online parents’ course)

I’m Telling God About This (Spotify) (Apple Podcasts)

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Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
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Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

It's always fun and encouraging to talk with others whose work is in the same space as ours. NICK LIBERTO is the executive director at Proven Ministries, an organization committed to "seeing a revival of sexual integrity throughout the entire Bride of Christ." They provide support and resources for men, women, and ministry leaders.

Nick is also the co-host of the I'm Telling God About This podcast, and recently published his first book, a satirical how-to guide called "How to Remain Humble When You've Never Been Wrong in Your Life: A Self-Help Book for the Man Who's Never Needed One." We have a lot of fun talking about that.

But the topic of humility is not just for satire, it's a critical part of healing and recovering from unwanted s*xual behaviors, p*rn addiction, etc. We get into a great discussion on the role of humility in living healthy and free. 

Episode 49 | Nick Liberto: Humility is a Secret Superpower will be available Tuesday, October 28th!

#nickliberto #provenministries #provenmen #sexualintegrity #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #thesextalkdotcom #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

Support the show

Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
Roots Retreat Women's Workshop
Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

In the category of sexual addiction recovery, there are a few people who deserve to be called pioneers. BARBARA STEFFENS is definitely one of them. Over the last quarter century she has begun and advanced invaluable philosophy and resources related to partner betrayal trauma. Previous sex addiction conventional wisdom referred to the addict's partner as a "co-addict," used phraseology that ignored the post-traumatic stress partners undergo, and suggested they may bear some responsibility for their partner's addiction.

Barb, and many others since, have introduced a more compassionate and helpful approach, acknowledging betrayal trauma for the actual traumatic experience it is, and offering help and resources for partners seeking to heal from the extensive wounds of being betrayed. 

Barb is the founder of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists; an organization that trains therapists to more compassionately and effectively work with partners of sex addicts.

#barbarasteffens #apsats #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

DrBarbaraSteffens.com (Barb's website)

APSATS (Assn. of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) website

Support the show

Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
Roots Retreat Women's Workshop
Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

In the category of sexual addiction recovery, there are a few people who deserve to be called pioneers. BARBARA STEFFENS is definitely one of them. Over the last quarter century she has begun and advanced invaluable philosophy and resources related to partner betrayal trauma. Previous sex addiction conventional wisdom referred to the addict's partner as a "co-addict," used phraseology that ignored the post-traumatic stress partners undergo, and suggested they may bear some responsibility for their partner's addiction.

Barb, and many others since, have introduced a more compassionate and helpful approach, acknowledging betrayal trauma for the actual traumatic experience it is, and offering help and resources for partners seeking to heal from the extensive wounds of being betrayed. 

Barb is the founder of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.

Episode 48 | Barbara Steffens: Be a Safe Person and Listen will be available Tuesday, October 14th!

#barbarasteffens #apsats #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

Support the show

Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
Roots Retreat Women's Workshop
Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

RE-RELEASE. This episode originally released June 3, 2024.

What is a recovery intensive? How is it different from weekly therapy or extended inpatient treatment? How could it help my recovery process? To address these important questions, Greg enlists the help of three friends, therapists who consistently staff the Roots Retreat Men's Recovery Intensive from Awaken.

Adam Calvert, James Horne, and Jason McNaughton are all counselors who are specifically and extensively trained to work with clients around areas of trauma and addiction. They all have been part of staffing and developing the Roots Retreat since its inception in 2016.

Adam, James, Jason and Greg talk about why recovery intensives are valuable, how their impact is different than (and complimentary of) ongoing individual therapy, and why men recovering from unwanted behaviors might want to consider attending.

If you think the Roots Retreat might be right for you, please reach out to us with any questions. We'd love to help you find the right resources to support your recovery! Our next Roots Retreat Men's Intensive is November 6-9, 2025. Click the link below to fine out more and register.

#AdamCalvert #JamesBuddyHorne #JamesHorne #JasonMcNaughton #therapy #counseling #gospel #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

Support the show

Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
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Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Suffering. We don't like it. Most of us probably don't even like the word. Suffering brings to mind experiences of abuse, neglect, rejection, abandonment... traumatic events that lodged themselves into our lives as long-term traumas. How do we get away from suffering?

Our guest CATHY LOERZEL gives an answer many won't like. We don't get away from suffering. It is inevitable and unavoidable in this life. We are made for perfect care, yet none of us receives care perfectly or completely. But the fact that suffering is going to be part of life doesn't have to be defeating or depressing.

As a speaker, coach, co-founder of The Allender Center, and co-author (with Dan Allender) of Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals our True Calling," Cathy has given us a gift as she helps us understand what it's like to "make friends with the reality of suffering." 

Our conversation visits how to "be with" the suffering we face, and to see how God meets us, heals us, and changes us as we walk through whatever kind of suffering we encounter.

Cathy's website

Redeeming Heartache (on Amazon)

Retreats & Workshops offered by The Allender Center

#cathyloerzel #storywork #storyworkcoach #redeemingheartache #suffering #trauma #addiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw  #connection #conversation 

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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

The Bible presents many topics that elicit passionate and polarizing opinions. One of these is how unmarried Christians should evaluate their calling and purpose as it relates to marriage.

Our guest, PIETER VALK, has a lot to say on the subject. As a Christian who for most of his life has experienced same-sex attraction and a commitment to honor a traditional Biblical sexual ethic, Pieter has embraced a life of vocational singleness. But he doesn't think it's something only gay or same-sex attracted people should consider.

Pieter believes the calling to remain single has deep, meaningful purpose for those who would embrace it. He believes single people have a responsibility to own their lives and to pursue deep relationships outside of marriage, AND he believes the Church has a responsibility to provide real family to those who remain unmarried.

Pieter is the founder and executive director of Equip, a premier consulting and training solution for churches aspiring to be places where LGBT+ people are embraced and thrive according to historic sexual ethics. Since their inception in 2014 they have trained over 35,000 individuals on how to better love and care for LGBT+ people in their churches and communities. 

• EQUIP's web site
• Pieter on Instagram
• Some of Pieter's writings
• Pieter's article on vocational singleness

#pietervalk #equip #equipyourcommunity #vocationalsingleness #christiansingleness #lgbt #gaychristian #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
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Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)