What We Really Want: Conversations About Connection

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There are several issues that represent potential landmines for Christians. One of them is how Christians relate to the LGBT+ community. Another is the concept of singleness vs. marriage. PIETER VALK is someone who has signed up to tackle both of these issues with conscientiously and compassionately. Pieter is the founder and executive director of EQUIP, a premier consulting and training solution for churches aspiring to be places where LGBT+ people are embraced, and thrive according to historic sexual ethics.

In recent years, Pieter has written and spoken extensively on the topic of vocational singleness, and encourages Christians to consider this not as a curse, but as a calling on their lives.

Episode 45 | Pieter Valk: Singleness - Curse or Calling will be available Tuesday, September 16th!

#pietervalk #equip #equipyourcommunity #vocationalsingleness #lgbt #gaychristian #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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People  addicted to pornography often experience lots of shame and self-contempt ("What's wrong with me?!"). They often see their sexual desire, and the fact that they go to porn to try and satisfy it, as THE problem.

Our guest, DREW BOA, disagrees. In his new book Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle, Drew says, "Your sexuality is not the problem, and the urge to watch porn is not bad either. It's a symptom of unprocessed pain. When you understand this, your journey will dramatically change."

In this great conversation with our first returning guest, we talk with Drew about how compassion and curiosity are far more helpful in outgrowing porn struggles than shame, self-condemnation, and strategies limited only to behavior management. We discuss how evangelicalism's history of unhelpful messages about sex have negatively contributed to people's struggles. And we talk about how committing to a path of healing and recovery can help us find what we've been looking for all along.

Drew is the founder of Husband Material, an online community where men can find friends, coaching, and resources to support them in their path to living as mature, healthy men.

Some of the items we discussed in the episode:

• Drew's previous episode of What We Really Want
• Sheila & Keith Gregoire's episode of What We Really Want
• Johan Hari's famous TED Talk

How to connect with Drew:

• Husband Material website
• Husband Material podcast
• Outgrow Porn book from Drew's website (discount + bonus materials)
• Outgrow Porn book on Amazon

#drewboa #husbandmaterial #outgrowporn #healtheboytofreetheman #purityculture #pornography #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw  #connection #conversation

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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

We're excited to welcome our first RETURNING guest on the show. DREW BOA is a good friend, and someone committed to helping struggling men outgrow their need for and pursuit of pornography. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, an online community where men can find friends, coaching, and resources to support them in their path to living as mature, healthy men.

Drew released a book, Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle, on August 25th. It's a book that therapist and author Michael John Cusick calls "...a paradigm-shifting resource that leads men from battling against the beast of porn to the pursuit of growing up into wholeness of heart."

Episode 45 | Drew Boa: How We Outgrow Porn will be available Tuesday, September 2nd!

#drewboa #husbandmaterial #outgrowporn #purityculture #pornography #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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When couples in conflict feel a million miles apart, are they? Are the areas of "stuckness" as insurmountable as it sometimes feels?

KELLY BOURQUE, is a therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a modality of counseling that focuses on attachment science and how it shows up in romantic relationships. Kelly is the founder of Red Therapy Group in Franklin TN. EFT is a modality based in attachment theory, and is helpful in allowing couples to identify unhealthy patterns in their relationships. Patterns such as the "push/pull" or "pursuer/withdrawer" dynamic, or with anxious/avoidant attachment styles.

Kelly talks about how EFT has been invaluable in helping couples see that despite the surface conflict, they usually desire the same things. It can help them get out of old, unhelpful cycles and find their way back to each other more healthily and authentically.

#kellybourque #redtherapygroup #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #efttherapy #efct #efit #suejohnson #holdmetight #createdforconnection #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

Free consultation for 3-day intensives in Franklin, TN. Click here

Red Therapy Group website (traditional therapy for TN residents)

Kelly's book I Have Feelings About This

Kelly's video series for betrayal trauma recovery

Find an EFT therapist (https://iceeft.com/)

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Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

In 2023, we (Greg & Stacey) took part in a marriage intensive with a therapist who had been highly recommended to us. That therapist was KELLY BOURQUE, the founder of Red Therapy Group in Franklin TN. Kelly is a certified Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) therapist and supervisor. 

EFT is a modality based in attachment theory, and is helpful in allowing couples to identify unhealthy patterns in their relationships. Patterns such as the "push/pull" or "pursuer/withdrawer" dynamic, or with anxious/avoidant attachment styles.

Kelly talks about how EFT has been invaluable in helping couples see that despite the surface conflict, they usually desire the same things. And the practice gives them a language to help them get out of old cycles and find their way back to each other more healthily and authentically.

Episode 44 | Kelly Bourque: Finding Your Way Back will be available Tuesday, August 19th!

#kellybourque #redtherapygroup #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #efttherapy #efct #efit #suejohnson #holdmetight #createdforconnection #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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People walking through the wilderness of addiction can have a hard time finding places that feel truly safe to open up. Yet authentic connection is the key to freedom from addiction. One of the things that gives the safety people seek is a person who chooses to be open about their own "limp," not hiding from their personal failures. 

John Steakley is that kind of person. Since walking through his own addictive struggle with alcohol, John has been using that experience to help hundreds of others find hope as they seek to walk out of that same wilderness. John is the founder and Executive Director of Unbound Grace Ministries, a support & counseling ministry helping people who have found themselves trapped in unhealthy relationships with alcohol and other substances.  

John talks about the importance of providing safe healing space by how we are vulnerable with our own struggles (pointing to our limp). Pointing to our own limp also helps us and others remember that it's not about us or what we can do... our limp also points to God, the "Power greater than ourselves," who desires to restore us to the lives we were meant to live. 

John has written a book, also titled Unbound Grace. He lives in Birmingham AL with his family.

#johnsteakley #unboundgrace #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #healing #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation

Unbound Grace ministry website

Unbound Grace book (on Amazon)

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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

Since walking through his own addictive struggle with alcohol, JOHN STEAKLEY has been using that experience to help hundreds of others walking through the same wilderness. John is the founder and Executive Director of Unbound Grace Ministries, a support & counseling ministry helping people who have found themselves trapped in unhealthy relationships with alcohol and other substances.  

John talks about the importance of providing safe healing space by how we are vulnerable with our own struggles (pointing to our limp). He has written a book, also titled Unbound Grace. He lives in Birmingham AL with his family.

Episode 43 | John Steakley: You Point to Your Limp will be available Tuesday, August 5th!

#johnsteakley #unboundgrace #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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For people in the Birmingham AL area, or who are part of the PCA denomination, BOB FLAYHART is probably a name you've heard. In 1989 Bob was the founding pastor of Oak Mountain Presbyterian Church, and served as lead pastor there until 2024. Bob has remained a consistent advocate for the pure message of God's unconditional love, grace, and transforming power through the gospel. 

Both Greg and Bobby benefitted from Bob's (and OMPC's) openness to provide a welcoming space for recovering people to meet for support. In our conversation we talk about how obvious it is that pastors should be open to supporting people in recovery, and why for some ministry leaders it doesn't seem so obvious.

We also talk about a concept he's been preaching for years, called "The Gospel Waltz," and how understanding it can help Christian believers who struggle to recover from addiction.

#bobflayhart #gospelwaltz #grace #gospel #transformation #oakmountainpresbyterianchurch #ompc #healing #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #recovery #connection #conversation

The Gospel Waltz book (on Amazon)

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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"

Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including... 

For people in the Birmingham AL area, or who are part of the PCA denomination, BOB FLAYHART is probably a name you've heard. In 1989 Bob was the founding pastor of Oak Mountain Presbyterian Church, and served as lead pastor there until 2024. Bob has remained a consistent advocate for the pure message of God's unconditional love, grace, and transforming power through the gospel. 

We talk about how his concept of "The Gospel Waltz" can help Christian believers who struggle to recover from addiction.

Episode 42 | Bob Flayhart: Living the Gospel Waltz will be available Tuesday, July 22nd!

#bobflayhart #gospelwaltz #grace #gospel #transformation #oakmountainpresbyterianchurch #ompc

Awaken website
Roots Retreat Men's Intensive
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Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

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When Stacey and I talked with Corinne Vance for Episode 41, we started recording early and the conversation got really interesting really quickly (at least for us). We got to know a lot about Corinne: how she came to faith, her early experiences with Christianity, and how that has impacted her as a therapist.

We thought you might enjoy a little extra helping of our talk with Corinne, so here it is! Please keep listening in...we'll be giving you new conversations every other Tuesday. Also, please support us by writing  a positive review and giving us 5 stars where you get your podcasts.

#corinnevance #traumatherapy #sexualtrauma #sexualabuse #therapy #spiritualhealing #counseling #healing #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #recovery #connection #conversation

Corinne's counseling website

Support the show

Awaken website
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