Where Do We Go From Here?

Christmas is a time for romance, or so the Hallmark movies go. What do we do when we're alone during the holidays? And what about 2020 the year when there may be no gatherings because of Covid-19? We gathered three single women together who are all in different stages of their lives, homeowners, living with parents, living on their own, to talk about what single life is like during the holidays.

For those of you who are single, we hope this helps you know that you're not alone. For those of you who are partnered, let this grow empathy in you for what you're single friends are experiencing.

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In January we start reading Beyond Shame by Matthias Roberts, so we remixed our last conversation with him for you today. With the wisdom and compassion of a therapist, Matthias talks to us about the building blocks of healthy sexuality. Jess & Devi round out the conversation by talking about how we can find common ground with people with whom we might disagree. Why does this common ground matter? Why do we need to address our own intellectual insecurities? Listen in to find out.

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Matthias Roberts is author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms (Fortress, 2020) and host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being which was named as one of the "12 Best LGBTQ+ Podcasts of 2020" by O: The Oprah Magazine and the #1 Podcast to Listen to on National Coming Out Day by Radio.com. He holds two master's degrees, one in theology and culture and one in counseling psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. In his psychotherapy practice, Matthias specializes in helping LGBTQ+ teens and adults live confident and fulfilling lives. He writes and speaks often about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology.

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All December 2020 we are revisiting our earlier episodes from season 1. Should we use the word "sexual purity" or is there a better way to talk about our sexuality as Christians? Jess and Devi chat today about how beliefs have evolved (or not) in the past year. Would we say the same thing now as we did last year?

Are words like "virginity" and "sexual purity" the best ways to talk about the human body and the human sexual experience? Listen in to hear our conclusions.

Listen to the full version of episode 2 here

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She's gone from "It's a love story/ Baby just say yes," to "I think I've seen this film before/ and I didn't like the ending." What does Taylor Swift's music mean for Christians and people leaving Purity Culture? Dr. Kutter Callaway joins us to talk pop culture, how we interpret music, skills we need to be better discerners of popular culture, and even what it means to be an image bearer of God. The answer may surprise you.

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Kutter Callaway is associate professor of theology and culture at Fuller Seminary and co-director of the Reel Spirituality Institute. His most recent books are The Aesthetics of Atheism: Theology and Imagination in Contemporary Culture (Fortress Press, 2019) and Deep Focus: Film and Theology in Dialogue (Baker Academic, 2019). In 2017, he wrote Breaking the Marriage Idol: ReConstructing our Cultural and Spiritual Norms. He is the father of three young girls and has been married for almost 20 years to Jessica. Follow Kutter on Twitter.

Erika from Canada joins us today to talk about how she figured out sexual ethics as a teen and young adult. She came from a non religious household and continues to be non religious, but her ideas about sexual ethics are not what you've seen in the movies. Erika takes us through her thoughtful choices and helps us see how we can intentionally make decisions about our sexual ethics.

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Jess and Devi also reflect on the impact of building your own moral compass instead of using one that someone else gave you (especially if you don't have the instructions).

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Rachel Joy Welcher's new book Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality takes on the heavyweights of publishing past. Didn't like I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Wild at Heart, And the Bride Wore White? This book goes into the many problems with the books of purity culture past while also focusing on the tender ground we walk on moving forward in sexual ethics. We talk about how tricky it is to work things out with nuance, why reading in groups yields better results than reading alone, and how suffering can shape our view of human sexuality.

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Rachel Joy Welcher (MLit, University of St. Andrews) is a columnist and editor at Fathom magazine. She is the author of two books of poetry: Blue Tarp and Two Funerals, Then Easter. Her writing has appeared in The Gospel Coalition, Mere Orthodoxy, Relevant, and The Englewood Review of Books, and her most recent book, Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality from InterVarsity Press, explores the damaging messages from modern purity culture and presents a better way forward for the Church. She lives in Glenwood, Iowa, with her husband, Evan. You can connect with Rachel on Twitter and Instagram.

Abortion is a conversation about women's bodies, and it is part of the conversation about sexual ethics. Today we connect the dots between Purity Culture rhetoric and abortion. Andrea Lucado joins us to discuss her op-ed, How the female body became a scapegoat for white evangelicals.

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Andrea Lucado is a freelance writer based in Austin, Texas. She is the author of English Lessons: The Crooked Path of Growing Toward Faith and has contributed articles to publications such as The Washington Post, Fathom magazine, and Christianity Today. Connect with Andrea on Instagram

Are you single in church and wondering if you should ask someone out or waiting for someone to ask you out? The stakes feel high, but you're looking for connection. You're tired and wondering how and when this is going to happen.

Dallas Pastor JD Rodgers asked the question on his Instagram account, Why aren't Christian guys asking Christian girls out? You had big thoughts about his assumptions, so we posed this question and others to two Christian men, Joel and Matt, and their insights into the experience of being a single man in a Christian community give us all something to think about. Turns out the guys in our pews are tired of the pressure and shame to do with dating too.

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You're not the only one who expected to marry the first person they dated. Lots of evangelical teens raised in Purity Culture did. There was no talk on how to break up. No advice on what to do after you got dumped by someone you loved. We start to undo that today by talking about the personal side of breakups - what to do when a relationship ends, how can "metabolizing your trauma" help, and what does a future after a break up look like.

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Joy Beth Smith is the author of Party of One and winner of the Evangelical Press Association's Higher Goals in Christian Journalism Award. She's been published in the New York Times, Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Christianity Today, and Christ and Pop Culture. After earning her MA degree in English Lit, JB had a brief stint as a teacher, but she now works in advertising and happily resides in the Chicagoland area. Follow her on Twitter @JBsTwoCents.

Do you despair when you look at the state of the world and the church today? Let our deep dive into the life of Josephine Butler give you courage. This extraordinary English woman was born into wealth and privilege in 1828 but spent decades of her life working to reform English society. She was a social worker, a government activist, and legal reformer. Josephine Butler campaigned for decades to give women in England a right to an education, work, vote. She worked to improve the rights of prostitutes and other women who were seen as "outcasts" in English society. As you re-imagine your life after purity culture, let Josephine Butler's life help you cast a new vision for what an effective faith can look like in our world today.

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Amanda Russell-Jones is a sessional lecturer at Regent College. She is a historian with an interest in how the Bible is interpreted and applied to issues of slavery, and women's relationship to the church both in different historical settings and in our contemporary world. Her recent PhD thesis from the University of Birmingham in the UK was entitled 'The Voice of the Outcast- Josephine Butler's Biblical Interpretation and Public Theology.'