Where Do We Go From Here?

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together.

This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment

Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify.

You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind?

This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack:

✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset.

Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers.

This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom.

For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy.

After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions:

• What does celibacy really mean?

• How is celibacy different from abstinence?

• Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"?

• And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between?

Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests:

A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares:

• What vocational celibacy is (and isn't)

• How he discerned his call

• Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression

• How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family

• Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life

Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture:

• The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence

• How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness

• Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality

• The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence

• How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything

Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought.

You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture.

✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

• Equip Your Community – Peter Valk

• Nashville Family of Brothers

• Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry

• Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness

• Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz

• Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood

• Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex?

Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered:

• How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook?

• What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories?

• How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment?

• What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex?

…this episode is for you.

Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed.

You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope.

Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion.

✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner

• Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts

• MathiasRoberts.com

• Instagram: @mathiasroberts

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality.

Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal.

This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence.

In this episode:

• Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at"

• How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection

• The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure

• Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy

• What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love

Resources Mentioned:

• Lydia Adéla's website

• Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training

• The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

• Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch

Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard

In this month's Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what's been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about "saving sex for marriage" to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church.

The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women's bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J's interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods.

They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction.

And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question.

In this episode:

• Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex?

• Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy

• Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom

• Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love

• Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities

• A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting

Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women's leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast

• Angela J. Herrington — Website: angelajherrington.com angelajherrington.com+1

• Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Google Books

• Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: "Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?" Bare Marriage

• France legal reform on consent — Article: "France's Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law" (Le Monde) lemonde.fr+1

In this episode, EDJ talks with Angela Herrington, author of Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Decolonizing the Sacred Feminine and Reclaiming Your Power. Together, they explore what it means to reconnect with feminine wisdom in a world shaped by patriarchy and Christian purity culture.

Angela unpacks:

• The witch as a metaphor for women's ancestral wisdom and strength

• How patriarchy and colonialism vilified feminine power and indigenous knowledge

• Why rage and pleasure are essential parts of healing

• The truth about Christian teachings on submission and mutuality

• How epigenetics reveals generational trauma—and the science behind healing it

• The difference between equality and equity in feminist theology

This conversation dives deep into spirituality, sexuality, and self-trust, inviting listeners to rediscover the sacred feminine in themselves—no matter their gender.

📘 Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods is available wherever you buy books. Follow Angela Herrington on Instagram and visit angelaherrington.com.

🎧 Listen to Where Do We Go From Here? wherever you get your podcasts, and follow @where_do_we_go_pod for more.

In this month's No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen take a deep dive into one of purity culture's biggest promises — that saving sex for marriage leads to better, holier, and more satisfying sex. Spoiler: the data (and lived experience) tell a different story.

They explore:

• The "sexual prosperity gospel" and why it set so many up for shame and disappointment

• Sheila Wray Gregoire's landmark Great Sex Rescue study of 20,000 evangelical women

• The "flip-switch myth" and how lack of education and consent led to painful first experiences

• The 47% orgasm gap and how theology often reinforces it

• How purity culture erased queer people entirely — and the lasting impact of that

• What Christians can teach instead: consent, embodiment, mutuality, and choice

• A surprisingly wise bit of secular sex advice: "Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hand your unlocked phone to."

Whether you waited for marriage or not, this episode dismantles the shame, misinformation, and silence that shaped so many of our sexual stories — and offers a better, kinder path forward.

Referenced:

• The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

• Dr. Camden Morgante's "Flip Switch Myth"

• Santification and Sexual Satisfaction:
  • https://ematerials.ulethbridge.ca/server/api/core/bitstreams/51cab0e8-67d7-48c5-923d-543a9873ff0b/content
  • https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-19407-001

• Guys We F**ed* podcast

In this fun and thoughtful Where Do We Go From Here? conversation, Jessica and Devi revisit one of their favourite RomCom Recap episodes from Patreon — a deep dive into the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody.

They explore why this show hit such a cultural nerve, how it portrays the complexity of love between two people from different faiths, and what it teaches us about emotional honesty, boundaries, and belonging.

From the "hot rabbi" to the spiral-inducing unanswered text, Jessica and Devi unpack how Nobody Wants This manages to make relationships feel real — messy, beautiful, and worth fighting for.

If you've ever wondered what healthy love looks like after religious conditioning or purity culture, this one's for you.

In this episode:

• Why Nobody Wants This resonates so deeply with modern audiences

• How pop culture is reimagining "good men" through characters like Noah

• The parallels between religious devotion and emotional integrity

• Why our culture is hungry for models of honest, emotionally mature relationships

• The power of female introspection in romcom storytelling

Mentioned in this episode:

• Nobody Wants This (Netflix)

• Fleabag (Amazon Prime)

• The Faith Adjacent Podcast

In this reflective and wide-ranging Thoughts & Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ explore the intersection of politics, faith, and deconstruction — from the rise of Christian nationalism in the U.S. to the way purity culture still shapes dating and marriage expectations today.

Together, they talk about:

• How Christian nationalism differs between Australia and the U.S.

• What the Charlie Kirk controversy reveals about polarization and online discourse.

• Learning when to disengage from unproductive debates — and how that can be an act of wisdom, not defeat.

• Why waiting for "God's timing" in dating can keep women passive and disconnected from their own agency.

• Reflections on The Myth of Good Christian Parenting and the need to unlearn harmful discipline models.

• Jessica's bittersweet announcement about stepping back from Where Do We Go From Here? and what's next for the show.

• A closing prayer for peace, courage, and connection.

✨ Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, politics, or parenting, this episode offers grounded honesty, laughter, and a gentle invitation to keep growing.

Mentioned:

• The Myth of Good Christian Parenting by Marissa Franks-Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis

• April Ajoy interview episode

• Prayer by Dr Lisa Hancock