Marni welcomes body language and presence expert, Rachel Coosar into the Den to learn more about what men are thinking by reading their body language and non-verbal expressions. Rachel is responsible for the Choreography for Business program helping business leaders with performance in extremely high-pressure contexts. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

• What non-verbal cues are you leaking
• Better dates through body language
• Aligning your body with how you feel 
• Recognizing a player 
• Dating after COVID
  
  

Non-verbal Cues and Leaking  [2:07]

Rachel shares how she uses her superpower of being a body language expert by taking people watching to the next level. She describes the process she uses to know more about the couples she sees in the wild. 

She says many people hyperfocus on the face and eye contact but when you can see someone's full body other cues are happening that provide more information. 

There are 7 Universal Expressions: 

• Happiness
• Sadness
• Anger
• Shock
• Disgust
• Contempt 
• Surprise 

While people-watching, look for these cues to practice the art of reading a person’s body language. Do people lean in toward each other? Are the people relaxed, or are they over-exaggerating their body language trying to make their interest known? Rachel says women tend to use their upper body while men look deep into the woman’s eyes. 

Are the non-verbal cues you are exhibiting congruent with how you feel?

 

How to Align Your Body Language with How You Feel [9:45]

Marni’s leaking theory turns out to be a wider practice done by experts. Unconscious beliefs about ourselves or other people do leak into our conscious life. If we are insecure our insecurities can show up in our non-verbal expressions. and being guarded. 

If you are on a date and you are nervous, figure out where it is showing in your body. Are you fiddling with your jewelry, picking your nails, playing with a napkin or glass? Rachel says self-touch is something we can do to soothe ourselves. If you notice yourself fidgeting, express the energy you want by giving yourself some reassurance. Try stroking your arm while mentally noting that all is well. 

Myths about reading body language: 

1. You can tell exactly what people are thinking.
2. You can not adopt gestures or actions that send a specific message.

If it's not authentic, subconsciously people will notice something is off. 

 

Body Orientation for Better Dating [43:07]

Sitting directly across from the person you are dating is taking an adversarial position. Rachel says if that person is potentially a partner try sitting at the bar so you both are shoulder to shoulder facing inward. Or, if you are at a table, orient your body a little sideways, angled toward the other person.  If your intuition makes you angle away from them it could be a red flag. 

 

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Rachel Cossar's Links:

Website 

Programs 

Free Communication Power Hour workshops

Amazon book page