When I speak to parents about staying calm, they often say things like “I would stay calm if only my child would stop acting that way!” Of course we are more calm when our kids (or spouse or anyone else) are doing what we want them to do. But do we want to ONLY be able to stay in control of our emotions when other people are doing what we want them to do? In this episode, you’ll learn a tool -- that doesn’t require anyone else to behave a certain way -- that will allow you to stay calm, no matter what is happening around you.

If you have a school-aged child, you’ve probably experienced more than one argument or power struggle over schoolwork. In our defense, it is incredibly frustrating when kids take way longer to start (and finish) assignments than they need to. And it’s hard to see them put in the least amount of effort possible, refusing to do anything more than they have to. So we try to motivate them by using external motivators like yelling, nagging, and, more often than not, punishments. But punishments don’t tend to lead to long-term results because they don’t teach kids HOW to stay focused on their schoolwork (especially when it’s a topic they don’t care about). In this episode, you’ll learn how to foster internal motivation by teaching kids the tools they need to be successful when it comes to doing their schoolwork -- even when it doesn’t interest them.

We know that we need to teach our kids how to act responsible and respectful. But how do we respond when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do? Most of us rely on “traditional” discipline strategies like yelling, nagging, or taking away things that they care about with the hope that that will motivate them to act better in the future. However, many parents find that these strategies don’t actually lead to long-term positive behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn the three reasons that punishment (and other external motivators) don’t tend to lead to the results we want… and what you can do instead. 

Plus, receive a free downloadable resource that reviews the difference between “band aid parenting” and “long game parenting” and what you can do to shift from punishment to a strategy that works: http://rachel-bailey.com/34.

Listen in to a real coaching / problem-solving session as Rachel offers suggestions to mom Sara, whose daughter worries frequently -- even at events that might normally be cause for celebration. 

Not only are the solutions meant to support Sara’s daughter, but they’re also meant to support Sara too. Raising a child with worries, fears, and big emotions can be difficult… and  how we think about kids’ worries affects both us and them.

One of the most frustrating things about being a parent is when we KNOW our kids and teens know how to do the things we ask them to do -- clean their room, put their dishes away, get dressed, do their homework -- yet they don’t do those things. Often we’ve tried multiple strategies to motivate better behavior, but they don’t lead to long-term results... so we’re constantly nagging, threatening punishments, or engaging in power struggles. And it doesn’t feel good for anyone. 

So let’s try a new strategy -- one that actually addresses the REASON that they are not doing what they’re supposed to do, and helps both us and our kids have a plan for exactly how to handle it if they don’t. In this episode, you’ll learn this step-by-step strategy that will address the obstacles that lead to kids not acting responsible… so that they know how to do the things they’re supposed to do, even when they don’t feel like it.

Being home all the time means that there is MORE to do in certain areas. Kids need more help and support. There is more cleaning and cooking to be done. It even takes more time and energy to put away groceries! If you’re doing more of the work but don’t have more help, you may feel (understandably) resentful.

And if we’re being honest, even before the current situation, many of us felt resentful in many areas of our lives. While it may feel like we need other people -- or situations -- to change before we feel less resentful, there are actually things that are in our control to change the dynamic. In this episode, we’ll talk about how resentment affects both you and your relationships… and what specific actions you can do to reduce resentment and its impact.

Even before the global pandemic, many children struggled with fears and worries. Unfortunately, many of the strategies we used then and continue to use now -- logic, reassurance, and sometimes good ol’ frustration (because we’re human, after all!) -- don’t tend to be effective at addressing their concerns in the long run. In this episode, we’ll discuss why those strategies don’t work for kids (and why they wouldn’t work for us either). We’ll also consider different tools for supporting our kids when they express their fears and worries so that we see results that help now… and into the future.

Whether we’re aware of them or not, our expectations have a tremendous impact on how we feel.

When we expect that we can get 10 things done in a day and we only complete 6 things, we may feel unproductive or ineffective. When we want to spend more time with our kids but when we aren’t able to, we may feel guilty or overwhelmed. 

But none of us want to lower our expectations; we fear that if we do, we’ll never get enough done, or we’ll let our kids down, or other bad things might happen. The solution, then, is to revise your expectations -- making sure that your expectations are working for you rather than against you.

Welcome to the first on-air coaching episode! (There will be many more to come.) In this episode, I coach mom Audrey, whose daughter, when she gets upset, tends to take out her Yuck  on Audrey. In this episode, we focus on how Audrey can help her daughter cope differently. Just as importantly, we also discuss strategies for how Audrey can help reduce her daughter’s Yuck to begin with, and she creates a plan for how she can respond to her daughter in the moment.

(Note: This episode is not COVID-19 specific. If you’d like more time-sensitive support related to your kids’ or your own behavior and emotions, feel free to join us in the “Your Parenting Long Game’ Podcast Community” where I’m offering more live, interactive events and other tips and support.)

You may already know that it’s important for kids to express their feelings. But what do you do when they express their feelings in a way that seems unhealthy -- if they become aggressive when they don’t get their way, become disrespectful when you set a boundary, or become fearful when they’re faced with change? The good news is that even though coping in a healthy way does not come naturally to most people, we can teach our kids to recognize their feelings and respond to them in a more mature, productive way.