Todd and Cathy share the upcoming changes to their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, which will be renamed Zen POP Parenting starting June 1st! Cathy and Todd share the story behind Zen Parenting Radio’s evolution into Zen Pop Parenting—a podcast where mindful living, emotional awareness, and Gen X pop culture come together. From the music, movies, and moments that shaped them to the real-life experiences of parenting kids (young or grown), they explore how connection and communication help people better understand themselves and each other.

For longtime listeners of Zen Parenting Radio, there’s no need to worry, they’re still the same Cathy and Todd. They’ve kept a strong focus on parenting and self-awareness, continuing to explore how to stay connected to their kids and true to themselves. This is simply an update—a way to build on what’s always worked and view it through a fresh lens.

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Outliving Cancer with Tears, Wit, and Grace

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10 Mistakes I Made as a Wife (And Why I’m Better For it)

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Zen Pop Parenting Podcast Launch
Todd and Kathy introduce their new podcast format, Zen Pop Parenting, which will blend pop culture discussions with their existing focus on self-awareness, mindfulness, and parenting. They reflect on their 15-year journey with Zen Parenting Radio, sharing statistics on listenership and international reach. The hosts express excitement about the new direction, emphasizing that it will maintain their core values while incorporating more fun, nostalgia, and pop culture references to better connect with their audience and their children’s experiences.
Reflecting on Podcast Themes
Todd and Kathy reminisce about various podcast episodes they’ve recorded over the years. They recall a story about a young ballet dancer named Soren, whose father was inspired by their “Zen parenting” approach. They also discuss episodes on understanding women, emotional labor, loneliness in men, and the importance of connection in relationships. The conversation touches on personal experiences, including dealing with perimenopause and losing parents, as well as their discussions on death and analyzing song lyrics.
Understanding Emotional Neglect in Relationships
Todd discusses several relationship and psychological concepts. He mentions the “Four Horsemen” in relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, with contempt being the most detrimental. Todd also talks about emotional neglect, explaining how it can affect children’s development when their feelings are ignored or dismissed by parents. He references the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) test, which includes questions about various forms of childhood trauma, including emotional neglect. Todd emphasizes the importance of recognizing and naming these experiences to understand personal struggles, particularly for Generation X who may have experienced emotional neglect in their upbringing.
Zen Parenting Podcast Evolution
Todd and Cathy discuss their previous podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, and their new podcast, Zen Pop Parenting. They reminisce about past episodes, including discussions on the Enneagram, Buddhism’s eightfold path, and interviews with various guests. The couple explains that their new podcast, Zen Pop Parenting, has a more structured format with specific categories, but still maintains their conversational style. They also mention Team Zen, a subscription-based community where they continue to engage with listeners through discussions and Q&A sessions on parenting topics.
Zen Pop Parenting Podcast Structure
Todd and Kathy discuss the structure of their new podcast series called “Zen Pop Parenting.” They outline various categories for each episode, including “Set the Scene,” “Remember When,” “Random Fact,” “WTF,” and several Zen parenting-related segments. The podcast will explore how pop culture has shaped their generation and parenting, using sound effects and music clips to introduce each category. They plan to cover topics such as MTV’s influence, iconic movies, and 90s music. The hosts also mention upcoming episodes and their daughters’ future participation in a Hunger Games-themed episode.

Todd and Cathy share the upcoming changes to their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, which will be renamed Zen POP Parenting starting June 1st!  Cathy and Todd discuss what brings you both peace and fire and why your somatic experience (what you feel in your body) is a more authentic guide than overthinking. They unpack what the word miracle really means, challenge narrow ideas of productivity, and share a single word that can help you enjoy life instead of staying stuck.

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0:00 What adds peace and fire?

28:22 A Word for When It’s All Too Much

30:42- Boundaries *

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Pop Culture Meets Mindful Parenting
Todd announced a shift in the focus of Zen Parenting Radio, emphasizing a new direction that integrates pop culture as a primary lens to explore themes of mindfulness, parenting, compassion, and self-awareness. He explained that the show will delve into how pop culture reflects societal values, connects families, and offers insights into personal growth. Starting June 1st, the show will feature updated content, a new title, and a renewed enthusiasm while maintaining its core message about the importance of a parent’s self-understanding for a child’s well-being.

Somatic Awareness and Peaceful Choices
Todd and Sweet discussed two pieces of writing, focusing on the concept of “what adds peace and fire” and the somatic experience of feeling versus thinking. They explored how somatic awareness can guide personal choices, bypassing intellectual considerations to connect with bodily sensations. Todd shared personal examples of peace-inducing activities, including rabbits, walks, and reading, while emphasizing the importance of balancing thinking and feeling in decision-making.

Finding Peace and Productivity
Todd and his partner discuss various ways they find peace and relaxation. Todd mentions driving his Jeep with the top down and a good sound system, which he also uses to help regulate his daughters’ moods. They talk about enjoying nature, such as lilac trees in their backyard and a cardinal that sings daily. The couple also discusses different perspectives on productivity, with Todd’s partner encouraging a broader definition that includes activities like reading or yard work. They reflect on how their different approaches to relaxation and productivity affect each other.

Music’s Personal and Social Impact
The group discussed personal connections to songs, with Todd sharing how “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor evokes memories of his father, while Tracy highlighted the significance of Tracy Chapman’s music in her life, particularly regarding social justice issues. The conversation then centered on Milt Hold’s song “Quiet,” which was written after experiencing sexual assault and became widely known during the 2016 Women’s March. The song’s powerful performance at a conference left a lasting impact on the group, with its message resonating deeply with themes of personal empowerment and social awareness.

Active Listening and Personal Boundaries
Todd discussed the importance of active listening, emphasizing the need to balance empathy with personal boundaries. He shared his personal journey of developing “full body listening” and the challenges of maintaining boundaries while being present for others. Todd also introduced the concept of “liberosis,” a term from John Koenig’s Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, which describes the desire to care a little less and loosen one’s grip on concerns.

Embracing Freedom in Life’s Flow
Todd discussed the concept of liberosis, which he described as allowing oneself to move freely from one thing to the next with less expectation and more freedom of expression. He explained that this way of being is connected to liberation and can help people enjoy life more by trusting that what comes next might be useful or helpful. Todd also noted that while goals are not inherently bad, they can become a source of heaviness if one believes that life’s enjoyment or success depends solely on achieving planned outcomes.

Transforming Perception for Fulfillment
Todd discussed the concept of shifting perceptions and how changing one’s understanding of words like “miracle” or “productivity” can lead to a transformed experience of the world. He referenced Marianne Williamson’s book “Return to Love,” which defines a miracle as a shift in perception, and shared insights from Wayne Dyer’s book “When You Change the Way You Look at Things, the Things You Look at Change.” Todd emphasized that altering one’s perspective on concepts like beauty or productivity can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life, highlighting the importance of aligning personal values with these perceptions.

Human Connection Over AI
Todd discussed the fundamental human need for connection, contrasting survival with the deeper purpose of being interconnected in various aspects of life. He emphasized the value of human interaction over AI, highlighting that while AI can be a useful tool, especially for those who cannot afford therapy, real change often requires human connection. Todd also announced the upcoming launch of “Zen Pop Parenting” and encouraged listeners to join Team Zen for parenting support, subscribe to his Substack for articles, and follow Men Living for resources and events aimed at personal growth and connection for men.

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Todd and Cathy share the upcoming changes to their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, which will be renamed Zen POP Parenting starting June 1st!  Empathy drives connection, but some claim it’s dangerous because it disrupts the status quo they want to maintain. We explore why empathy is being framed as a flaw, and how history, research, and pop culture remind us that caring about others isn’t weakness—it’s what keeps us human. Plus, a deep dive into the greatest villains and protagonists in film and what they teach us about staying grounded in what we know to be true.

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Summary
Podcast Shifts to Pop Culture Focus
Todd and Cathy announced a shift in their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, to focus more on pop culture and its reflection of societal values, parenting, and self-awareness. They plan to explore how pop culture has shaped their beliefs and parenting styles, and how it can provide deeper insight into who they are and how they want to show up in the world. The new direction is set to start on June 1st, with the first two episodes already recorded.

New Pope’s Chicago Connection Discussed
The new Pope, Leo, hails from the south side of Chicago and is a White Sox fan, which has sparked excitement and a sense of connection among Chicagoans. Todd discusses how people are finding ways to relate to the Pope through personal anecdotes and shared experiences. The conversation touches on the Pope’s potential focus on ministry and caring for others, drawing comparisons to Pope Francis’s approach. Todd also mentions a women’s group meeting on Zoom with Kathy scheduled for the following day.

Empathy’s Importance in Business and Parenting
Todd discussed the importance of empathy and its demonization in various contexts, including religious doctrine and business. He emphasized the need for clarity on the concept of empathy and its benefits, using his college class as an example. Todd also introduced Team Zen, a platform for deep parenting discussions and workshops, and encouraged attendees to join. He concluded by highlighting the need for empathy in parenting and society, despite its potential misinterpretation.

Todd’s Movie Quote Guessing Game
Todd plays a movie quote guessing game, sharing various quotes and discussing the films they come from. He correctly identifies quotes from “Before Sunrise,” “Winnie the Pooh,” “The Fall of the Roman Empire,” and “Bee Movie.” Todd expresses his family’s fondness for “Bee Movie,” describing it as a “sick movie” they watched frequently when the children were ill. He concludes with a quote from “The Greatest,” featuring Muhammad Ali.

Empathy: Balancing Compassion and Moral Clarity
Todd discussed the concept of empathy, addressing concerns that it can be seen as negative. He clarified that empathy is not about feeling and taking on another person’s emotions, but rather understanding their feelings by relating to them through personal experiences. Todd emphasized the importance of maintaining stability and moral clarity while empathizing with others, and not being overwhelmed by their emotions. He also touched on the theological concerns surrounding empathy, stating that it should not compromise one’s moral judgment or lead to sinful behavior under the guise of compassion.

Empathy and Interconnectedness in Theology
Todd discussed the importance of spiritual practices in fostering empathy and connection among individuals. He questioned the notion of empathy being labeled a sin, suggesting that it might be a means to protect a doctrine rather than people. Todd emphasized the interconnectedness of theology and the need for understanding and empathy in relationships. He also shared his personal interests in psychology, cultural studies, and theology, highlighting the importance of education in fostering empathy and understanding.

Men as Heroes and Villains
Todd discussed the perception of men as heroes and the need to recognize the system that has been conditioned to prioritize women’s safety. He used the example of a lost child being more likely to find help from a mother with a stroller than a father without one. Todd also referenced a controversy about a man-bear hybrid and the prevalence of male villains in popular culture, using the example of the top 20 movie villains of all time. He concluded by highlighting the scarcity of female villains in this list, with only a few notable exceptions.

Villains in Horror Movies: Psychological Motivations
Todd discussed the concept of villains in horror movies, specifically Michael Myers and Jason. He argued that Michael Myers should have been portrayed as an energy or force that could be passed on, rather than being killed and resurrected repeatedly. Todd also compared the villains of various horror movies, including Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Lord of the Rings, and discussed the psychological motivations behind their actions.

Method Actor Supports Michelle Williams
Todd discusses various topics in the entertainment industry, including Jeremy Strong’s support for Michelle Williams after Heath Ledger’s death and a list of top movie protagonists. He mentions that Jeremy Strong, despite his reputation as a method actor, helped Williams and her daughter during a difficult time. Todd then shares a list of top movie protagonists, which includes mostly male characters from classic films, with Ellen Ripley from Alien being one of the few female characters mentioned. The conversation concludes with a discussion about other notable female protagonists who were not included in the list.

Empathy vs Sympathy in Connection Building
Todd discussed the importance of empathy in building connections and taking care of others. He differentiated empathy from sympathy, emphasizing that empathy involves feeling with someone, while sympathy is more external and can make people feel more alone. Todd also highlighted the potential dangers of discouraging empathy, as it can lead to policing behavior and silencing dissent. He concluded by emphasizing the role of empathy in fostering connection and its contrast with sympathy, which drives disconnection.

Parenting Through Connection and Change
Todd discussed the importance of connection and reconnection in parenting, using Richard Rohr’s concept of order, disorder, and reorder as a framework. He emphasized the need to adapt to changes in family dynamics and maintain empathy while supporting loved ones. Todd also highlighted the significance of maintaining a sense of self amidst these changes.

Todd and Cathy share the upcoming changes to their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, which will be renamed Zen POP Parenting starting June 1st! They also discuss the normal shifts in kids’ friendships, highlighting the importance of loyalty, boundaries, and the reality that friendships evolve. As parents, we can feel more overwhelmed than our kids when these changes happen, but it’s important to normalize the ups and downs of friendships and offer support without letting our own fear or discomfort take over.

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Renaming Podcast to Zen Pop Parenting

In the meeting, Todd and Cathy discussed the upcoming changes to their podcast, Zen Parenting Radio, which will be renamed Zen Pop Parenting. The new format will focus on pop culture and its influence on parenting, with a more humorous and light-hearted approach. The podcast will continue to be available on the same platform, and existing subscribers will not need to take any action. The first episode under the new format is scheduled for June 3rd.

Friendships and Self-Identification in Children

Todd and Kathy discussed the normalcy of changing friendships among children. They highlighted that friendships are not meant to last forever and that it’s a natural part of growing up for children to explore different social circles. They also touched on the importance of self-identification and the need for children to experience different social situations to understand what they truly want. The conversation also emphasized the need for parents to be aware of their own biases and not assume that their children are always being excluded or left out.

Fictional Friendships: Longevity and Speculation

Todd discussed the longevity of fictional friendships in movies, questioning whether they would still be friends in a generation. He used examples from movies like Shawshank, Thelma and Louise, Forrest and Bubba, Harry Ron and Hermione, Buzz and Woody, Wayne and Garth, Bonnie and Clyde, and others. Todd also humorously speculated on the potential outcomes of these friendships if the characters had made different choices or lived in different times.

Meaningful Conversations With Children

Todd discussed the importance of having meaningful conversations with children, emphasizing the need to start with basic topics and gradually move to more intimate subjects. He used the example of discussing baseball to illustrate how non-intense topics can lead to deeper conversations. Todd also highlighted the significance of sharing personal experiences and being curious about others’ lives to foster connections and understanding.

Fire Alarm Incident and Leadership

Todd discussed an incident at his club where a fire alarm went off, and while the women were outside following the rules, the men continued weightlifting. Todd and his partner had a conversation about entitlement, gender, and leadership, connecting the dots between the incident and the political landscape. They also discussed the importance of adhering to protocols and considering the safety of others.

Todd’s Reflections on Friendship and Loyalty

Todd discussed the importance of loyalty and boundaries in friendships, using Aristotle’s quote “a friend to all is a friend to none” as an example. He shared his personal experience of being a people pleaser and losing his sense of self in the process. Todd also mentioned a song by Taylor Swift, “Cardigan,” which he believes is about loyalty and the challenges of maintaining friendships. He ended the discussion by reminiscing about his high school days and the mixtape his pledge mom made for him, which included the song “Hello, Goodbye” by Phil Collins.

Friendships: Challenges and Prioritization

In the meeting, Todd discussed the challenges of maintaining friendships, particularly those that require effort and choice. He shared his personal experiences with friendships that have shifted or ended, and emphasized the importance of choosing which friendships to prioritize. Todd also highlighted the difficulty of discussing these issues openly, and the need to recognize that friendships can change over time. The conversation ended with a discussion on the complexities of school dynamics and the potential consequences of ending friendships in a school setting.

Todd Discusses Breakup Songs and Events

Todd discussed the relevance of breakup songs in relationships, rating songs like “Back to December” and “Silver Springs” for their commentary. He also introduced a game called “The Music Game” where participants choose songs representing a topic. Todd mentioned upcoming events on their parenting community, including a talk with John Duffy about restoring girls and rescuing sons, and a discussion on college. He encouraged listeners to subscribe to their podcast and join their parenting community.

We dig into the gender differences in why we show up the way we do, how we’re conditioned, why women so often carry the weight of everyone’s well-being, and why emotional presence is still seen as optional for a lot of men. We talk about why these conversations are essential in our own homes, and what sometimes keeps us from having them. We also explore how all of this shows up not just in families and relationships, but in leadership, corporate culture, and the bigger cultural conversation around change and staying connected.

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20:51 What Do You Think About When You Wake Up?

26:58 Difference b/w men and women 

43:36 Poop talk *

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Parenting Strategies and Acts of Service
Todd and Kathy discussed their parenting experiences and strategies. Todd shared a story about his daughter asking him to pick up Chipotle for her, which he gladly did as an act of service. Kathy pointed out that this aligns with Todd’s love language of acts of service. They also discussed the importance of connecting with their children, even if it means doing favors for them. Additionally, they touched on the topic of not allowing their children to use DoorDash, as it costs money and they prefer to do things for them.

Reframing Parenting and Building Relationships
Todd discussed the importance of reframing the narrative around children’s involvement in their lives. He shared a personal experience where he initially hesitated to help his daughter with a task, but ultimately decided to support her. The conversation then shifted to the need for parents to strike a balance between supporting their children and teaching them independence. The group also discussed the challenges of parenting teenagers and the need to adapt to their changing needs. Todd introduced a new subscription called “Pebbling” on his Substack platform, which aims to provide small gestures of connection and affection to build relationships.

Cultural Conditioning and Gender Roles
Todd discussed the cultural conditioning and expectations that influence their daily routines and interactions. He highlighted how these expectations are deeply ingrained in their upbringing and gender roles, affecting their behavior and decision-making. Todd emphasized the importance of understanding these factors to improve communication and balance in their relationships. He also touched on the potential for defensiveness in men when confronted with perceived inadequacies, suggesting that this is a result of cultural conditioning rather than personal failure.

Questioning Patriarchy and Systemic Change
Todd discussed the cultural belief that white men should not be questioned, using the Brett Kavanaugh hearings as an example. He emphasized the need to question the system rather than individual men, and how this can lead to a better understanding and conversation. Todd also highlighted the difference between freedom and permission, using the example of a banker who felt liberated after the recent president’s election. He stressed that patriarchy is a system, not a personal issue, and that men should not take it personally when it is discussed. Todd also pointed out the importance of recognizing the contributions of others, regardless of gender, in achieving success.

Todd’s Gratitude and Financial Discussions
Todd and his partner discussed the importance of gratitude and understanding in their relationship. They talked about how they used to focus on gratitude to strengthen their bond and how this foundation helped them navigate conversations about money and other issues. Todd also shared his experiences with a coach who suggested having regular meetings to discuss their finances, which helped alleviate his money-related worries. They also discussed the need to shift from a mindset of individual strength to a collective approach, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s needs and working together.

Shared Responsibilities and Unpaid Emotional Labor
Todd discussed the importance of shared responsibilities and understanding each other’s perspectives. He highlighted the need for men to be more aware of the unpaid emotional labor women do, such as caring for children and elderly people. Todd also mentioned his upcoming event on Zoom about menopause and the benefits of his team, Zen. He encouraged everyone to give his book a 5-star review if they found it helpful.

We talk about our oddly soothing obsession with rug-cleaning and lawn care TikToks—and what they reveal about care, restoration, and using your energy to make things better. We also get into the difference between seeking positive vs. negative attention, and why people sometimes act out when what they really want is to be seen and to belong. From ASMR satisfaction to deeper reflections on generosity vs. harm, we discuss showing up with intention and leaving things better than we found them.

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Efficiency and Leadership Metaphors
Todd discussed the satisfaction of watching a rug cleaner and lawn care professional efficiently and effectively complete their tasks. He used these examples as metaphors to emphasize the importance of leaving things better than they were found, and to critique leaders who cause chaos. Todd suggested that such behavior may stem from an inability to get needs met or be seen, drawing parallels to children seeking attention.

Leadership, Fear, and Positive Impact
Todd discussed the importance of leadership and the impact of fear and anger on individuals. He used the movie Gladiator as an example, comparing the characters of Marcus Aurelius and his son, played by Joaquin Phoenix. Todd emphasized the need for real-life experiences and the consequences of using power and fear to control others. He also touched on the theme of doing good in the world and the positive effects it can have on both the individual and others.

Understanding Human Behavior Through Pop Culture
Todd discussed the importance of connection and respect, using the Grinch and Miranda Priestly as examples. He explained that the Grinch’s desire to steal Christmas stemmed from his unmet need for love and support, while Miranda Priestly’s cold demeanor was a result of her position. Todd emphasized the use of pop culture references to illustrate human behavior and emotions, and encouraged the use of these examples to better understand others.

Female Leadership and Personal Growth
The discussion covers various topics, including the portrayal of female leadership in media, personal growth through adversity, and the importance of intention in one’s actions. Todd and his co-host reflect on the character of Miranda Priestly from “The Devil Wears Prada” and Monica Lewinsky’s resilience in the face of public scrutiny. They emphasize the value of learning from mistakes and developing post-traumatic growth. The conversation concludes with mentions of Kathy’s upcoming substack subscription offering and a brief discussion about ASMR videos.

Cathy and Todd talk about the collective anxiety so many of us are carrying right now, whether it’s our daily responsibilities or the heaviness of what we’re witnessing on a national or global scale. They discuss Cathy’s three personal guideposts—integrity, humility, and compassion—how these words help her navigate parenting, conflict, relationships, and the uncertainty of this moment, along with the pop culture icons that represent each one. They also take time to talk about the male loneliness epidemic: why it matters, how it’s showing up in culture, and what it means for connection, emotional health, and community.

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Addressing Men’s Loneliness and Adaptation
Cathy and Todd discuss the loneliness epidemic among men, arguing that the phrase “men are lonely” should be reframed as “men are choosing to be lonely” to emphasize personal responsibility. He and his co-host explore ways men can adapt to changing cultural norms, including educational adjustments, vocational training, and redefining masculinity. They also promote their upcoming events, including a discussion on menopause for couples, emphasizing the importance of understanding and supporting partners through life changes.

Finding Personal Stability in Challenging Times
Cathy and Todd discussed the importance of personal words or symbols that can provide stability during challenging times. He shared his three words that he has used for years and believes they hold up under any circumstance. Cathy and Todd also encouraged others to find their own words that resonate with them, using the example of a Spanish word “trabahaba” as a personal preference. The discussion aimed to help individuals develop tools or mechanisms to maintain themselves during non-stable times.

Cathy and Todd’s Car Wash Metaphor
Cathy and Todd discussed his experience with the car wash, emphasizing the feeling of protection and relaxation it provides. He used the car wash as a metaphor to explain his three words: protect, chaos, and car. Cathy and Todd expressed his desire to stay focused and move forward despite the overwhelming negativity and chaos in the world. He encouraged others to find their own metaphorical “car” to help them navigate through life’s challenges.

Integrity and Wholeness in Pop Culture
Cathy and Todd discussed the importance of integrity, using examples from pop culture such as Atticus Finch and Forrest Gump. He emphasized the need to be true to oneself and to act with purpose and behavior. Cathy and Todd also mentioned the concept of wholeness, acknowledging all aspects of oneself and taking care of oneself. He used the character of Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation as an example of someone who embodies integrity despite their flaws. Cathy and Todd’s second word was humility, which he has previously discussed on the show.

Humility and Personal Opinions in Music
Cathy and Todd discussed the importance of humility, emphasizing that it allows individuals to be curious, listen to others, and learn new things. He also highlighted the need for humility in understanding the role one plays in the world and the importance of living in uncertainty. Cathy and Todd further discussed the influence of personal opinions on music and food, emphasizing that everyone has their own preferences. He concluded by expressing his love for pop music and its ability to evoke positive emotions and memories.

Cathy and Todd’s Pop Culture and Life Guide
Cathy and Todd discussed his perspective on pop culture, specifically referencing a YouTube clip where Tarantino talked about his favorite movies. He also shared his thoughts on the TV show Yellow Jackets, expressing his disappointment with the third season but appreciating the finale. Cathy and Todd emphasized the importance of having an educated opinion, like a rock critic, and understanding the tone of a show. He also shared his guideposts for navigating life’s chaos: integrity, humility, and compassion.

Cathy and Todd’s Compassionate Leadership and Home Improvement
Cathy and Todd discussed the importance of compassion and shared his admiration for Mr. Rogers and Dolly Parton as his icons. He also mentioned his favorite song, “What About Bob,” and its connection to the theme of compassion. Cathy and Todd encouraged the audience to choose their own words or systems to help them stay calm in chaos and remember their true selves. He also thanked Jeremy Kraft for his support of Zen parenting and encouraged anyone in need of home improvement services to contact him.

Cathy and Todd talk about the double standard of managing other people’s emotions—how it’s both expected and criticized—and why this kind of emotional regulation is often misunderstood and overlooked. They also discuss menopause and why emotions can shift or intensify, and how learning what’s really going on can help the whole family better understand and respond, rather than dismissing what can be a really difficult time. Plus, they talk about The White Lotus, Yellowjackets, and talk about their upcoming conversation on navigating friendships—with our kids and within ourselves—on Wednesday, April 9th at Deerfield High School.

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14:25 The problem with “let them”

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The Unseen Work of Regulating Others

An Oprah Winfrey Special: The Menopause Revolution

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Regulating Conversations in Social Situations

Cathy discusses the unseen work of regulating others in social situations, particularly within families. She explains how she often manages conversations to keep them harmonious, ensuring everyone feels included and tempering moods when necessary. This can involve subtle interventions like making eye contact, giving others a chance to speak, or even physically stopping someone from interrupting. While this work can be beneficial, Kathy acknowledges it can also be controlling and exhausting, leading to burnout. She notes that this behavior is both expected and criticized, creating a challenging dynamic for those who tend to regulate others.

Todd’s Perimenopause Experiences and Emotional Changes

Todd discussed his experiences with perimenopause, explaining that hormonal changes can lead to increased anger and emotional vulnerability. He shared that these feelings are temporary and can be managed with the right support. Todd also mentioned the importance of understanding and accepting these changes, rather than attributing them to societal stereotypes.

Supporting Partners Through Menopause

Todd discussed the challenges of supporting his wife during her menopause, emphasizing the need for understanding and empathy. He mentioned Oprah’s recent special on menopause and the importance of learning about the hormonal changes women experience. Todd also expressed frustration with the medical system, feeling he has to advocate for himself and do extensive research to get the right care. He highlighted the need for men to better understand and support their partners during this time.

Addressing Personal and Societal Issues

Todd discussed the challenges of dealing with personal and societal issues while maintaining a positive demeanor. He emphasized the importance of acknowledging and addressing these issues, even if they are uncomfortable or difficult to discuss. Todd also mentioned the need for emotional release and the impact of external factors on personal well-being. The team discussed the importance of open communication and the need to address topics that are often overlooked. Todd concluded by promoting the Team Zen parenting virtual community and the services of Jeremy Kraft.

Todd and Cathy discuss a recent episode of survivor, Cathy’s frustration at Todd’s double parking, as well as humility, masculinity, responsibility, and emotional support in relationships.

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Survivor 48 – Jeff Probst Gets Emotional as Eva Opens Up

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Zen Parenting Radio: Humility & Survivor

Todd and Cathy introduce episode 809 of Zen Parenting Radio, discussing potential topics including humility, masculinity, and responsibility. They promote Cathy’s new book “Restoring Our Girls” and mention upcoming virtual book club talks and in-person events. Todd also highlights their Zen Talk community and various micro-communities within Team Zen for parents seeking support. They then discuss a recent episode of Survivor, where a contestant named Eva had an intense emotional reaction during a competition, leading to Jeff Probst crying for the first time in 48 seasons.

Joe’s Empathetic Actions in Survivor

Todd discussed an emotional episode from the TV show Survivor where a contestant named Eva, who has autism, experienced a meltdown. Her teammate Joe, who was not on her team, helped calm her down by providing physical comfort and reassurance. Todd highlighted Joe’s actions as an example of masculinity, emphasizing that Joe’s caring and calm demeanor were more important than the game’s rules. Todd also suggested sharing this clip with children as a creative way to teach them about empathy and understanding.

Todd’s Emotional Support and Survivor

Todd expressed gratitude for the support he received from the team, emphasizing the importance of asking for and receiving help. He shared a personal experience of dealing with autism and the need for vulnerability. Todd also discussed the emotional impact of losing a pet and the importance of allowing oneself to feel and process emotions. He praised Jeff Probst’s ability to connect with the audience and share his own experiences as a parent. Todd concluded by highlighting the various aspects of the show Survivor, emphasizing its themes of teamwork, empathy, and human connection.

Demonstrating Family Values Through Pop Culture

Todd discussed the importance of demonstrating family values to children through pop culture examples and real-life experiences. He emphasized the need for parents to model humility and take responsibility for their actions, rather than blaming others. Todd also highlighted the need for children to understand that they have choices in life and should not blame others for their difficulties. The discussion also touched on the concept of humility and its importance in personal and professional life.

Vulnerability and Humility in Relationships

Todd discussed the importance of vulnerability and humility in personal and professional relationships. He emphasized that vulnerability is a sign of strength, as it allows for learning, taking responsibility, and seeking help. He also highlighted the negative impact of overpowering and win-at-all-costs mentality, which can lead to exhaustion and damaged connections. Todd encouraged the group to reflect on their own eulogies and consider qualities they want to be remembered for, rather than focusing solely on power and conquest. He defined humility as having a modest view of one’s own importance, recognizing the importance of learning from others, and acknowledging strengths and weaknesses without arrogance or insecurity.

Todd’s Double Parking Frustration

Todd expressed frustration about double parking outside Chipotle, which he felt was uncool and caused inconvenience to others. He also mentioned an incident where he was in a hurry to get food and blamed Chipotle for having a new dish that made him hungry. Kathy defended Todd’s actions, suggesting that he was just trying to get food quickly and that double parking was not a big deal. However, Todd insisted that double parking was not acceptable and that it was important to be mindful of others.

Emotional Support in Relationships

Todd discussed the importance of emotional support in relationships, using the example of Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s podcast interview. He emphasized the need for both partners to feel supported and loved, and how this can lead to a more successful relationship. Todd also shared his own experiences with his wife, highlighting the importance of active listening and empathy in maintaining a healthy relationship. He encouraged others to create the relationship they want, rather than simply accepting a passive or unequal dynamic.

Parenting and Partnership: Humility and Connection

Todd and Kathy discuss the complexities of parenting and partnership, focusing on the importance of supporting each other and repairing relationships after conflicts. They emphasize the value of humility and apologizing to children when mistakes are made, as it strengthens connections and prevents traumatic experiences. The conversation touches on the challenges of overcoming ingrained family patterns and the need for self-compassion in navigating these issues. They conclude by mentioning their financial advisor and a local painter, and reflect on the key themes discussed, including masculinity, humility, responsibility, and connection.

Todd and Cathy discussed the importance of raising kids who enjoy learning, emphasizing the need for a play-based learning environment and the importance of not overburdening children with academic tasks too early. They also highlighted the challenges faced by educators, including pressure from parents and curriculum requirements, and advocated for more creative and diverse teaching methods. The conversation also focused on parenting strategies, the role of teachers, and the need for parents to manage their children’s schoolwork, with a particular emphasis on understanding and supporting children’s identities and interests.

Some Ways to Support Us

Time Stamps

4:08 Atlantic Article
16:08 Education System
34:53 Breakfast Club

43:21 Be on your kids team **

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Other Ways to Support Us

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Raising Kids Who Enjoy Learning
In this episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Cathy discuss the importance of raising kids who enjoy learning. They explore the education system, focusing on the role of teachers and the impact of the system on children’s learning experiences. They also discuss parenting strategies and the need for parents to manage their children’s schoolwork. The conversation is based on an article from The Atlantic, which highlights the disengagement crisis among teenagers. The hosts emphasize the need for a play-based learning environment and the importance of not overburdening children with academic tasks too early. They also mention a book by Cathy Cassani Adams, “Restoring Our Girls,” which they encourage listeners to read.

Education and Parenting Approaches
The discussion focuses on education and parenting approaches. Todd and his partner emphasize the importance of allowing children to learn independently and fail, rather than constantly nagging or pressuring them. They argue that the purpose of education should be to develop critical thinking skills and a love for learning, not just to achieve high grades or get into prestigious schools. They criticize parents who intervene too much in their children’s education, suggesting that this can lead to disengagement and poor academic performance. The speakers also highlight the challenges faced by educators, including pressure from parents and curriculum requirements, and advocate for more creative and diverse teaching methods.

Supporting Children’s Identities and Interests
Todd discussed the importance of understanding and supporting children’s identities and interests, rather than pushing them towards predetermined paths. He emphasized the need for parents to be on their children’s teams, providing guidance and support rather than pressure. Todd also highlighted the importance of intrinsic motivation and allowing children to explore their passions, rather than solely focusing on academic success. He shared examples of how different children have found their own paths and encouraged parents to redefine what success means for their children.