Life is super busy.

We get that.

Rather than focusing on the hopelessness of the ‘busy’ problem, why not take the time you do have and make the most of it?

Here are 10 sure-fire ways to make time for each other in a crazy busy marriage. These are not things that will ADD to your busyness, but allow you to connect WITHIN the context you’re already in.

It would be wrong for us not to challenge you at this point though, to look at your busyness objectively and ask yourself if there aren’t some things you can eliminate. You need to be really careful that you’re not using busyness to take you away from what you need to be attending to, which is your relationship with each other.

Not every busy couple is guilty of this, but it’s worthwhile asking yourself if you find meaning in busyness. If so, why? Is your busyness a coping mechanism for something else that’s going on?

Is your busyness functional or is your busyness dysfunctional? Don’t use your busyness as an excuse to not connect with your spouse.

Some Surprising Statistics About Modern Day Couple Leisure Time

How has couple leisure time changed over the decades? The answer may surprise you!

A study from 2010 analyzed time budget diaries from 1965, 1975 and 2003. In these diaries, married couples recorded how they spent each hour of their time each day, enabling the researchers to see how leisure time has varied over the years.

They expected to see that the percentage of leisure time with a spouse decreased but actually found the opposite.

In 1965, the percentage of leisure time spent in the presence of a spouse was 59%. This increased to 62% in 1975 and 66% in 2003. The researchers stated that “the increase in the percentage of time spent in the presence of a spouse over the past four decades was particularly evident for social activities, such as going out to a restaurant, café, bar, party or reception. In addition, joint leisure time spent on in-home social activities increased, such as visiting and receiving friends and playing games.”[i]

They concluded that the evidence contradicts the popular idea that people are increasingly busy nowadays and have less time for their families, and suggest that over the years, couples have managed to find more time to spend with one another.[ii]

We have a couple of issues with this conclusion. One thing is that they’re talking about the percentage of leisure time – not the quantity of time the couple spends together. So we have no way of knowing if they have more or less leisure time, just that they spend a higher portion of that time together.

Another issue is that they don’t actually describe whether that lovely couple spending leisure time at a sidewalk café are engaged at an emotional level or if they’re both on their phones or watching the traffic go by.

But, it is still good news that more of the available leisure time is going to spousal time!

Making the Most of Your Limited Time Together

We’re still really busy people. One point to consider in all your busyness is that you can dwell on how little time you have together instead of the quality of that time. Rather than obsessing over the quantity of time you’re not getting, how about focussing on making the most of the time you do have?

Studies suggest that when it comes to couple time together, the quantity of time together is not the most important factor. The most important factor is how satisfied couples report feeling with the leisure time they spend together.[iii]

Many studies have shown a correlation between couple leisure time and marital satisfaction, but a particular study in 2014 looked at this correlation more specifically. It looked at 1200 couples and how satisfied they were with their marriages and their leisure time together. It turns out what really matters is how satisfied you feel with leisure time. That matters more than the amount of leisure time when looking at marital satisfaction.[iv]