Working your way back to an adult child when they’ve cut off contact is a time-consuming process. This is maddening, when all you want to do is to reconcile and reconnect as quickly as possible.

But haste makes waste, because being in a hurry almost always means making mistakes. This is true for any important endeavor. Today we discuss 3 common mistakes parents make in reaction to their adult child’s distancing. These are drawn from the “Top 7 Mistakes to Avoid” checklist at reconnectionclub.com, which you can get when you sign up for our mailing list at reconnectionclub.com/mailing-list.

It’s natural to be in a hurry to reconcile, especially because of the mistaken belief that if this isn’t fixed right now, it won’t be fixed at all. It’s a myth that the best (or only) time to reconcile is as quickly as possible. There may be reasons why now is not the best time for you and your child to come back together. Review Episode 1: Time can be your friend. The other myth that sends parents into a tailspin is that estrangements get more entrenched over time. This is not necessarily true and definitely not helpful. The fact is, haste makes waste.

Ignoring a no-contact request, if you’ve received one, is another mistake that’s all too common. It may be difficult to honor that request, but think about how ignoring such a request might come across to your child: It’s as if you’re saying, “I don’t care how you feel or what you want. I want to contact you anyway.” If your child is unhappy with you, your position won’t go over well. In this episode I explain why honoring a no-contact request is not the same as doing nothing.

Acting from emotion is hard to avoid when something so important is at stake. But of course, the more important something is, the better it is to take your time and be intentional about how you handle it. Since emotions aren’t at all intentional, acting from a place of emotional need usually doesn’t serve the estranged parent. Especially when the parent’s needs conflict with those of the adult child. Being strategic doesn’t mean being cold; it just means thinking through your actions and their consequences before taking any steps.

Get the “Top 7 Mistakes to Avoid when Reconnecting with Your Child” checklist at reconnecectionclub.com/mailing-list.