This episode is for everyone whose now-estranged adult child used to be their best friend. Moms and dads whose children appeared to thrive on friendship with the parent, now find themselves rejected by those very children.
What happened to that delightful bond? Those long talks about everything and anything? The sharing, the connection, the enjoyment of each other… Where did it go?
Friendships that begin when children are still at home sometimes don’t survive when the child grows up. She finds friends her own age, and begins to prefer their company, leaving the parent behind.
When the friendship ends and estrangement sets in, it’s a double-whammy. The parent feels as though he’s lost both a child and a friend. If the parent and child went through a divorce together, the parent may feel more alone than ever now.
At this point, the parent has two choices: Keep trying to re-establish that friendship, or step out of the role of (replaceable) friend, and into the role of “Parent with a capital P,” the ideal parent. Tina argues that Parents are more valuable than friends.
But of course, companionship shouldn’t be lost to those whose children grow up and away. It’s necessary to have or create connections with peers that feel supportive and fun. Not as a consolation prize, but as a healthy alternative to relying on a child who’s pulling away.
Don’t go through estrangement alone. If you’re not already a Reconnection Club member, join our mailing list and get our checklist of the “Top 7 Things to Avoid When Trying to Reconnect with an Adult Child.” (Members can find that document in our library inside the Club.)