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69: Why Breakups Hurt So Much When You Have an Anxious Attachment Style (and your Avoidant Partner left you)
Why do breakups hurt SO much more when you have an anxious attachment style?
If you’ve been stuck in a breakup spiral, thinking about them 24/7, scrolling through old messages, checking their social media, and replaying every single moment in your head… you’re not alone.
But here’s the truth:
if you have an anxious attachment style, heartbreak isn’t just heartbreak. It feels like withdrawal. It feels like you’ve lost your safety net, your home, your EVERYTHING.
And there’s a reason for that. In this episode, I’m breaking down the 10 reasons why breakups hit so hard for someone with an anxious attachment style and it’s not because you’re weak or “too much.” It’s because your brain and your body are literally wired to react this way.
✨ Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
✅ Why your nervous system feels like it’s in survival mode after a breakup
✅ Why you keep replaying every text and conversation (and blaming yourself)
✅ Why it feels like you can’t breathe without their reassurance
✅ Why it’s not “just missing them” but an actual addictive loop your brain is stuck in
✅ The REAL reason you feel shattered when they don’t give you closure
If you’ve ever wondered:
“Why does it hurt THIS much?”
“Why can’t I just move on?”
“Why do I keep obsessing and overthinking months later?”
…then this episode is for YOU.
Because when you understand what’s REALLY going on inside you, you can finally stop blaming yourself-and start healing for real.
Listen now and tell me in the comments which one of these reasons hit the hardest for you.
listen now (or watch on youtube)
Because healing doesn’t start in the moment you spiral.
It starts in the micro-moments you live every day.
Love,
Jula – Your Anxious to Secure Coach 🖤
➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤
(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤
(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription
➞ SHOP:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
COURSES 👩🏻💻📓✍🏻(for little money)
➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
Grab more FREE resources:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
What you'll find:
and moooore
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Breakup Pain and Anxious Attachment
01:24 01
03:30 02
04:34 03
05:19 04
07:05 05
08:17 How to work with me
10:30 06
11:49 07
13:16 08
14:47 09
15:57 10
17:27 IN SHORT: Why breakups feel like life or death for anxious attachers
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
View all episodes
By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
3.5
22 ratings
Why do breakups hurt SO much more when you have an anxious attachment style?
If you’ve been stuck in a breakup spiral, thinking about them 24/7, scrolling through old messages, checking their social media, and replaying every single moment in your head… you’re not alone.
But here’s the truth:
if you have an anxious attachment style, heartbreak isn’t just heartbreak. It feels like withdrawal. It feels like you’ve lost your safety net, your home, your EVERYTHING.
And there’s a reason for that. In this episode, I’m breaking down the 10 reasons why breakups hit so hard for someone with an anxious attachment style and it’s not because you’re weak or “too much.” It’s because your brain and your body are literally wired to react this way.
✨ Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
✅ Why your nervous system feels like it’s in survival mode after a breakup
✅ Why you keep replaying every text and conversation (and blaming yourself)
✅ Why it feels like you can’t breathe without their reassurance
✅ Why it’s not “just missing them” but an actual addictive loop your brain is stuck in
✅ The REAL reason you feel shattered when they don’t give you closure
If you’ve ever wondered:
“Why does it hurt THIS much?”
“Why can’t I just move on?”
“Why do I keep obsessing and overthinking months later?”
…then this episode is for YOU.
Because when you understand what’s REALLY going on inside you, you can finally stop blaming yourself-and start healing for real.
Listen now and tell me in the comments which one of these reasons hit the hardest for you.
listen now (or watch on youtube)
Because healing doesn’t start in the moment you spiral.
It starts in the micro-moments you live every day.
Love,
Jula – Your Anxious to Secure Coach 🖤
➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤
(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤
(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription
➞ SHOP:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
COURSES 👩🏻💻📓✍🏻(for little money)
➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
Grab more FREE resources:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
What you'll find:
and moooore
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Breakup Pain and Anxious Attachment
01:24 01
03:30 02
04:34 03
05:19 04
07:05 05
08:17 How to work with me
10:30 06
11:49 07
13:16 08
14:47 09
15:57 10
17:27 IN SHORT: Why breakups feel like life or death for anxious attachers
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
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