August 14, 2025

73: Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Avoidant Person (Even When You Swear You’re DONE)

20 minutes

You thought you had finally learned the lesson.

You told your friends, “I’m DONE with emotionally unavailable people.”

You even went to therapy. Bought the book. Blocked the ex.

But somehow… here you are again…

alling for someone who:

➞ Pulls away when it gets deep

➞ Says “I’m just not ready right now”

➞ Makes you feel like you're “too much” just for wanting clarity 🩹🚪

It feels like you’re dating the same person in a different body

Like your heart knows better, but your nervous system didn’t get the memo 💣

This episode is your loving callout + step-by-step breakdown of WHY this keeps happening... and HOW to finally shift the pattern for good ✨

Here’s what we’ll cover:

✶ The hidden REASONS you’re drawn to avoidants (hint: it’s not just “low self-worth”)

✶ Why your nervous system gets addicted to the chase 🔗💥

✶ The unconscious ways you might be reinforcing the cycle (even while trying to heal)

✶ How to finally interrupt the pattern and become a MAGNET for emotional safety 🧲🤍

And no, the answer isn’t “just love yourself more.” 😒

This goes deeper — into your attachment system, childhood blueprint, and your identity around love.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Understanding the Attraction to Avoidant Partners

01:06 WHY are you attached to emotionally unavailable partners

02:48 Why leaving your current avoidant partner is NOT the solution

03:47 The role of CHILDHOOD in attraction

04:47 Why you're not attracted to Secure people

06:43 5 Steps to Break the Pattern and Addictive Chase

07:23 01 Meet the NEED behind the craving

08:03 02 Stop outsourcing your WORTH

08:59 03 Make PAIN your wake-up call, not your home

12:25 TWO WAYS TO WORK WITH ME RIGHT NOW ✨

14:29 04 Choose a secure ENVIRONMENT on purpose

17:36 05: Break the Fantasy + See the Reality

18:52 Final Reminder

Want more support?

➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤

(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk

➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤

(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription

➞ SHOP:

https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop

COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money)

➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse

➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)

https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety

Grab more FREE resources:

ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach

Like….

Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ

Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety

✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached

How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.

This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.

Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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By Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

3.5

22 ratings