AA Recovery Interviews with Howard L.

Dow's revolving-door story of getting sober, slipping, and struggling to get sober again and again should be heard by AAs everywhere. It’s a cautionary tale that shines a bright light on the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of alcoholism. It's the disease that’s always lurking just outside the perimeter of AA ready to claim those who let up on this Program of action. In Dow’s case, his family history of alcoholism and drug addiction replicated early in his life when his loneliness and fear of disappointing others needed relief. Drinking, smoking marijuana, and later cocaine use were vital to his ability to cope with life. As a functional alcoholic and addict, he actually succeeded in his academic pursuits, including a law school degree, but his constant need to escape from himself was ever present. Finally, after run-ins with the law and other consequences of his disease, he ended up in rehab for the first time, during which he was introduced to AA. While he stayed sober for a period of time, his success with sobriety also fed his ego. Rather than gratefully embracing the Program, he reclaimed illusory management of his life and soon found himself actually planning his next relapse. During his subsequent 7-year slip diverging from any hope of recovery, he fed his addictions with reckless living fueled by brain-damaging crack cocaine and nefarious relationships. When he finally hit his bottom after three more treatment centers, Dow crawled back into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. But his erroneous belief that it would be easy to come back was crushed by the excruciating realization that he would have to give up and give in to the Program once and for all if he was to get sober and stay alive. But this time he embraced the Program, did the work, and is sober to this day.

Those listeners who have relapsed one or more times will identify immediately with Dow’s poignant story. Those who’ve ever considered relapse may think twice or be dissuaded to follow through with a slip. However you hear his story, I think you’ll find the next hour to be extremely valuable. By the way, I apologize for a rare technical glitch with the interviewer portion of this podcast that makes it sound like I’m conducting the interview from a phone booth, for those of you who remember what a phone booth is! But the quality of content is still excellent and should make up for any sub-par audio. So, without further ado, AA Recovery Interviews and I are pleased to welcome my long-time friend and AA brother, Dow H.

It's our 50th episode of AA Recovery Interviews! The podcast where AA members share their extraordinary personal stories of experience, strength, and hope!

To celebrate the success of this podcast in touching so many peoples’ lives around the world, I’m turning the microphone for this landmark episode over to my good friend, Adam M. As my very first interviewee for the AA Recovery Interviews podcast, Adam was one of several AA friends who suggested doing an interview with the creator, producer, writer, editor, director, and host of this podcast, namely me. Though I’ve sought to share meaningful parts of my story during conversations with my podcast guests, the purpose of this podcast has always been to hear the whole story. So in the spirit of that commitment to let listeners hear my AA story, I gratefully relinquish control of today’s show to our guest interviewer, Adam M.

Nicknamed “Happy Jackie” by her meeting mates, Jackie first came to Alcoholics Anonymous to grudgingly fulfill the once-a-week AA meeting requirement set by her 31st psychiatrist. It was the culmination of a life that began as a two-pound baby who’d spent the first six months of her life in an incubator. Raised with the instilled belief that, even as a teenager, she was still too weak to accomplish anything, Jackie was spurred on to making herself strong and self-sufficient. But it took alcohol to ease the pain, doubt, and shame long enough for her to accomplish it. With each success was further validation that she couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic, though by that time it was apparent to everyone but Jackie. By the time she had been through several abusive marriages and raising two children, her drinking was worse than ever. Her 80-hour work weeks and admirable production as vice president of a bank shielded her from the stark self-realization that she was a serious alcoholic. But even as a functional drunk, ruinous living eventually caught up to Jackie’s rapidly deteriorating life. In emotional and spiritual desperation, Jackie finally admitted her powerlessness and reached out to her higher power for help. By 1994 she found her way into AA and was she was on the road to recovery. However, in 1997, Jackie abused Valium for one day. The following day, she was back in an AA meeting. Though she could have easily sloughed off the one-day slip, she was inspired by what she had learned in the Program about telling the truth and, thus, reset her sobriety date. She’s been sober ever since.

Jackie’s experience in AA speaks to the very tenets of the Program. Since getting sober, she’s stayed close to AA through regular meetings, service work, and sponsoring other women. Her sobriety and relationships with many AA’s have helped her navigate through the darkest of times, while bolstering her belief that a life energy beyond understanding will continue guide her journey every step of the way.

I think you’ll find Jackie’s story too be both uplifting and meaningful. She’s got the kind of vigor and energy that enrich the meetings she attends and the people she touches. So relax for the next 60 minutes and enjoy this episode of AA Recovery Interviews with my guest and AA sister, Jackie B.

Patty’s erratic, wild, and reckless behavior began when she first started black-out drinking at age 11. By the time she was 16, that behavior brought her into Alcoholics Anonymous, where she has stayed sober for more than 40 years. Back in 1981, there were few treatment options available for teenage alcoholics and drug addicts. Though neither of her parents were alcoholic, they struggled to help Patty as her use of alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs spiraled out of control, She found herself in a variety of groups and psychotherapy intended to arrest her addictions, including early exposure to AA, but none seemed to work. The fact that she blacked out virtually every time she drank made it exceedingly difficult for her to recognize the connection between her drinking and the dangerous, sordid, and often illegal activities she engaged in while drunk. Even her arrest at 15 following a car crash did little to convince her of the need to get sober. But the slippery slope got ever steeper and the accelerating consequences of her blackouts became ever more severe. By the time she got sober, at an age when most people haven’t even started drinking, Patty’s brief, but concentrated experience as an alcoholic and drug addict, were finally enough to guide her into Alcoholics Anonymous, where she found a sponsor and the Twelve Steps. She literally grew up in the fellowship, gaining a spiritual awakening along the way and the willingness to help others.

Of course the story doesn’t end there. Patty is quick to acknowledge that 40 years in AA is really 40 years of one-day-at-a time and that her life has constantly changed and evolved. She has experienced everything life has offered, both good and bad, while remaining ever-grateful that she found the Program so young and with so many promising years ahead of her. I both admire and respect Patty D. and believe you’ll glean much from her story, whether you got sober when young or old, recently, or many years ago. So, sit back for the next hour and enjoy this calming yet captivating interview with my friend and AA sister, Patty D.

Alcoholic, drug addict, and crazy are three of the self-proclaimed monikers Preston D. wore as a teenager. I first met him when he got sober seven years ago. Since then, we’ve attended many of the same men’s meetings, both in person and on Zoom. Though he moved from Houston to New York City to expand his career as successful artist two years ago, we’ve stayed connected through on-line meetings and during his visits back home. As one of my younger guests, Preston has spent his 20’s in recovery after a turbulent childhood marred by suicidal ideations and teenage years riddled with alcohol and drug addiction. The marijuana, booze, opioids, and cocaine coalesced into a fast-lane lifestyle and early entrepreneurial success with clothing and sneaker design. But his addictions soon torpedoed his achievements and ultimately took him down in a very short time. By age 19, Preston’s rapid descent to the bottom was arrested by an intervention orchestrated by his long-time therapist. That lead him to IOP treatment for his many addictions punctuated by fits and starts, and lots of doubts about sobriety. When he finally got to AA in 2014, he was totally beaten by alcohol and drugs, and ready to admit of defeat. He started attending meetings and got a sponsor to help him thoroughly work the steps. As AA became a more regular part of his life, it allowed Preston to pursue his dreams of being a working artist and lead to his move to New York. Tragically, over the past year, serious health issues punctuated by debilitating and chronic pain have pushed him to the limits of sanity and sobriety. Thankfully, the lifelines he tied to the higher-powered center of his AA program have allowed him to hang on without slipping.

Today, Preston’s recuperation from chronic pain has been eased by his steady involvement in AA, including service work, sponsorship, and prayer. With a lot to look forward to, he continually demonstrates how a solid commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous can enrich the quality of life. At an age when many of us alcoholics were still deep  in our cups, Preston’s experience in AA is a fine example of what is possible for other young people who are struggling with getting and staying sober. It’s an awesome and inspiring story, and one which I think you’ll enjoy listening to. So here he is from Brooklyn, New York, my fine friend and AA Brother, Preston D.

Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

At age 13, Amanda was challenged by her parents to drink half a bottle of Crown Royal. It left her sick and passed out on the bathroom floor in a pool of vomit. Yet she couldn’t wait to do it again, with any liquor but Crown Royal!

From there, Amanda rapidly progressed in her drinking and drug use. By 15, she had escaped her childhood home and went to live with drug-dealing boyfriend. When that didn’t work out, she moved in with her grandparents, but drugs and alcohol barged back into her life and she found herself on a downward trend into heavy drinking. She went to work in a bar, which allowed her to drink with little consequence, save the occasional firing. She somehow managed to live on her own in an apartment across the street from the bar, to cut the risk of DWI. But the darkness of the disease descended into her life and by her late 20’s, she had lost about everything and had to live with her sister, the first person to ever call her an alcoholic. A DWI lead her into the legal system, replete with court-ordered IOP treatment and twice-weekly AA meetings. It was in Alcoholics Anonymous that she finally faced her alcoholism and drug addiction, though she didn’t get sober immediately. But that belly full of booze and headful of AA was sufficient to trigger her moment of truth. She had a sudden spiritual experience of the kind Bill W. talks about in the Big Book.

That was 3½ years ago, when Amanda went “all in” the Program of AA. She got a sponsor, worked all 12 steps multiple times, attended regular meetings, engaged in service work, and sponsored other women. Today she lives a full and rich life from the center of the Program and can be seen after meetings arranging informal get-togethers at local restaurants and other fellowship. I’ve known her since the earliest days of her sobriety and am grateful to have had a front-row seat watching this fellow alcoholic really get what AA is all about.

Amanda’s story at three years sober will inspire those with less time to stay regularly engaged in AA. For those with more time, her story may trigger reminiscence of early years of sobriety. So for newcomers, old-timers, and everyone in between, settle back for a comfortable listen to the 46th interview in this podcast series with my good friend and AA sister, Amanda B.

Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Jason's moment of clarity materialized with the barrel of a cocked revolver resting against his head. That he didn’t pull the trigger, and managed to un-cock the hammer of the pistol while still drunk, gave him a singular pause to ask his higher power for help. That he’s still sober some 27 years later is proof positive that a good sober life can be built and sustained by active participation in AA. Jason’s journey to the doors of AA is similar to other alcoholics I’ve interviewed: Drinking in early adolescence, followed by marijuana and beer through high school, lead to his often drunken participation in a college fraternity. His problem became so evident and acute that his fraternity brothers actually tried to stage an intervention to get him help. When that didn’t happen, Jason continued the all too common metamorphosis into a functional alcoholic. He finished school, got a good job, and got married, only to find his drunken blackouts getting worse and literally dissembling every aspect of his life. By the time his second wife told him she was leaving, his alcoholism had progressed to the point of a gun aimed at his own head. Fortunately, the resulting wake up call became a call for help which AA answered immediately. As you listen to Jason’s story, you’ll also hear about a malady both he and I share in our otherwise solid AA-driven lives, clinical depression. Perhaps you’ll identify with our experience of the fighting the mental illness of depression while trying to maintain sobriety. Fortunately, for Jason and me, outside medical intervention was sought and applied. Today, while living enriched sober lives, we both are unhesitant to discuss our experience with depression inside the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Though I’ve known Jason for about a year-and-a-half through a weekly Zoom meeting we both attend, I feel as if I’ve known him for years. His calm wisdom and the quiet confidence expressed in his sobriety is that of a man who found AA right at just the right time, thanks to a power greater than himself and his earnest work in the program one day at a time.

So, without further delay, please enjoy the next 55 minutes with my friend and AA brother, Jason G.

Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

To contact Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, visit aa.org.

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Sarah’s journey from the bleakness of active alcoholism to the hopefulness of sobriety has been fraught with challenges that lots of alcoholics frankly don’t survive. When she started drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana during her early teenage years, she easily fit in with those around her who were similarly engaged. She excelled in both high school and college while drinking and using, rapidly becoming a functional alcoholic who drank and blacked out often. But as her motivation for drinking morphed from social enjoyment to isolated self-medication, Sarah’s trip to the depths of alcoholism was gaining speed. Getting pregnant during her senior year in college yielded a baby and a short-lived marriage, both of which got in the way of her drinking and drug use. Though ashamed of her somewhat neglectful care of her baby, in deference to getting drunk, Sarah found herself facing a divorce decree that threatened her entitlement of raising her child. With her ex getting primary custody of their child, Sarah did not stop drinking or using during her split-custody time with her son. Nor did she quit when the court ordered her to do so. Family pleas also landed on Sarah’s deaf ears. Finally, by the time her son was 8 years old, Sarah had had enough and her moment of clarity came amidst a disheartening outlook for her future. She entered AA in 2014 and has been sober since.

The rest of Sarah’s story is one of hard work in AA, lead by a good sponsor who guided her through the steps and helped her position herself in the middle of the Program. Sponsorship of other women and a variety of service work, combined with a strong spiritual connection allowed her to build a healthy relationship with her son. It also sustained a good working relationship with her ex-husband who, incidentally, is also in the Program. As you listen to Sarah’s story, I think you’ll find similarities with which to identify. So whether you’re driving, walking the dog, exercising, or multi-tasking in any sober endeavor, please enjoy the next hour with my good friend and AA sister, Sarah B.   

 

 Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

To contact Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, visit aa.org.

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Born and raised in London, Leigh's love affair with alcohol began in neighborhood public houses, or pubs. These establishments were and still are the centers of gathering in the town where Leigh grew up. Despite the fact that he was underage, having a pint or two of beer at the local pub was an unremarkable occurrence largely ignored by those around him. But, as he came of age, Leigh’s drinking in and outside of pubs escalated above and beyond the realm of normal drinking. He quickly found himself drinking much more than his mates. Like many budding problem drinkers, he became a functional alcoholic, achieving scholastic success by day, while drinking and often blacking out during the evenings and on weekend binges. By the time he was well into his first job after college, Leigh’s drinking had become problematic and obvious to everyone but him. After moving to Texas early in his career in the oil industry, his daily alcohol consumption and blackouts were mostly managed, though his first marriage succumbed to the ruinous effects of alcoholism. But the moniker of “functional alcoholic” faded quickly as his drinking spiraled out of control. Finally, after a two-week blackout, he awoke strapped down to a psychiatric hospital bed and realized he was finished. A visit shortly thereafter by a responsible fellow of AA coincided with a brief interval of clarity for Leigh. He soon found his way into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. He started doing the work and the results followed. In many ways, Leigh’s story is cut from the same cloth as many recovering alcoholics, and his 26 years of sobriety reflect the very fundamentals of AA. Whether his service work was taking AA into prisons or working with sponsees, Leigh combined those commitments with regular attendance at AA meetings to create a Program centered in the “middle of the bed”, as many of my British friends like to call it.

As you take in Leigh’s simple, yet practical, wisdom for working the Program, I think you’ll sense his quiet confidence that his Higher Power is indubitably running the show. Though it’s the product of 26 years in AA, Leigh’s story may likely inspire and invigorate your experience in the Program no matter how long you’ve been sober. With that, I give you today’s AA Recovery Interview for the next 65 minutes with my friend and AA brother, Leigh P.

 Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

To contact Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, visit aa.org.

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Rosemary started drinking at age 6 with a sip of beer. But unlike other children, whose experience with beer was an occasional sip, Rosemary's beer drinking became an everyday occurrence. Her parents, distracted by their own severe alcoholism, allowed her to continue drinking daily from age 6 until she got sober in her 20’s. As the oldest of five children in a very dysfunctional family, Rosemary also became the chief caregiver for her younger siblings, essentially raising them while her parents’ disease made them oblivious to the needs of their own children. When she finally escaped the alcoholic madness of her childhood home, Rosemary’s daily drinking, bolstered by a variety of drugs, left her on the streets of New York City where her alcoholism and drug addiction flourished. But an early marriage to an alcoholic led to a pregnancy that was the turning point in her life. Scared by the prospects of having a baby with medical problems, Rosemary quit the alcohol and drugs cold turkey. Ironically, the DTs she suffered were mistaken for symptoms of morning sickness and neither she nor any of her doctors connected the dots. Fortunately, the baby was born healthy and Rosemary was sober for the first time in her life. A brief stint in Al-Anon re-directed her to the doors of AA, where she became a compliant and active member of the Program.

Rosemary’s story has quite a few twists and turns, including a period of sobriety during which she attended few meetings. But she never strayed too far. Years of intensive trauma therapy helped realign her ability and willingness to both share in meetings and work with others. Her experience in therapy combined with a strong AA program, is one that many of us sober alcoholics have in our sobriety stories. In Rosemary’s life, that experience has been indispensable. Interestingly, she directly credits her success in business to what she learned at the hand of alcoholic parents, as well as what she experienced on the streets of New York. As you listen to Rosemary’s story, her soft-spoken words convey the importance of coming to terms with past demons. The sobriety she’s crafted over the past 40 years reflects both hard work in the program and a heart-felt desire to help others. So sit back and enjoy the next 60 minutes with my friend and AA sister, Rosemary B.

Visit the AA Recovery Interviews website for more information and to contact me, Howard L.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

To contact Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, visit aa.org.

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]