AA Recovery Interviews with Howard L.

It was 1996 when Brent first attempted to get sober. But like so many others, it took him several attempts to fully embrace AA and do the work necessary to achieve solid and contented sobriety. Those earlier attempts at sobriety included significant stints in AA over the years, during which time he went to meetings and actually got to know members of the fellowship. But his half-hearted efforts, and a belief that he could still smoke pot, thwarted his efforts at sustained or meaningful sobriety. He slipped time and time again. Though his marriage and job remained largely intact through the years, his slow descent into hopelessness and despair were marked indicators that he indeed needed help. It took two interventions, three treatment centers, multiple forays in AA, and a threatened divorce before Brent’s desire to stay sober finally surfaced from within. It was at that point that he experienced the spiritual impetus to get sober for good and all. And that meant no more marijuana, prescription drugs, or alcohol.

In the three years of Brent’s current sobriety, he has worked the Program as suggested while staying in the middle of the herd. He goes to daily meetings, studies the Big Book, works the 12 Steps with his sponsor and sponsees, prays, and does service work for his AA groups. And, unlike earlier periods of faint sobriety, he ignores marijuana’s beguilement as a harmless threat to his sobriety. It’s an approach that has worked successfully for many people with whom Brent surrounds himself. I found significant similarities in Brent’s story with my own, especially those pertaining to marijuana’s persistent, baffling and insidious allure. You may find such similarities as well. So clear your schedule for the next hour of AA Recovery Interviews with my friend and AA Brother, Brent F.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Marijuana was Vicki’s primary addiction along with alcoholism. Like a lot of us, she smoked pot much more frequently than she drank, but ended up in AA just the same. The hauntings of a painful childhood in a dysfunctional family, fractured by her parents’ divorce when she was young, created self-loathing, shame, and a sense of not belonging. Fortunately, she found marijuana at 13. That, plus whatever alcohol she was able to get at the time, provided Vicki with that longed-for relief and comfort that was missing in her life. She was soon getting high every day, yet even when she added booze to the mix, her ability to function under the influence remained sharp. She was able to stay employed, eventually becoming a mother of two in her mid-thirties. But, her desire to get high 24/7 soon prevailed over her ability to function as a responsible parent. She finally hit the tipping point and found herself in a 12-Step program for her marijuana addiction. While there, she recognized the alcoholism that was also ruining her life, and made her way into Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA, she found a sponsor, worked the steps, went to meetings, and helped others. She was able to address both of her addictions with a solid program of recovery.

For those listeners who have also struggled with marijuana addiction, Vicki’s story should hit some responsive chords. Especially salient are her experiences in AA during her early involvement with another 12-Step program and the difficulties of trying to justify continuing to drink in the midst of quitting marijuana. And vice versa. The rest of Vicki’s story is most engaging and applicable to anyone seeking help from multiple 12-Step Programs.

So please enjoy the next hour of AA Recovery Interviews with my friend and AA sister, Vicki A.

[This is an encore of Episode 60 originally released January 12, 2022.]

If you’ve enjoyed my AA Recovery Interviews series, have a listen to “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How More Than One Hundred Men Have Recovered From Alcoholism”. This is the word-for-word, cover-to-cover reading of the First Edition of the Big Book, published in 1939. It’s a comfortable, meaningful, and engaging way to listen to the Big Book anytime, anyplace. Have a free listen at Audible, Apple Books, or Amazon.

 I also invite you to check out my latest audio book, Lost Stories of the Big Book, 30 Original Stories Missing from the 3rd and 4th Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s an engaging audiobook I narrated to bring these stories to life for AA members who’ve never seen them. These timeless testimonials were originally cut to make room for newer stories in the 3rd and 4th Editions. But their vitally important messages of hope are as meaningful today as when they were first published. Many listeners will hear these stories for the first time. Lost Stories of the Big Book is available on Audible, Amazon, and Apple Books. It’s also available as a Kindle book and in Paperback from Amazon if you’d like to read along with the audio.

[Disclaimer: AA Recovery Interviews podcast strictly adheres to AA’s 12 Traditions and all General Service Office guidelines for safe-guarding anonymity on-line. I pay all podcast production costs. AA Recovery Interviews and my guests do not speak for or represent AA at-large. This podcast is simply my way of giving back to AA that which has been so freely given to me. – Howard L.]

Raised in a middle-class family, with its share of alcoholism among its descendants, Jeff’s drinking took off in his late teens and early 20’s, in a self-made world of isolation from others. His sense of purposelessness and lack of direction fed feelings of low self-esteem. He found himself drinking alone and more than ever. His alcoholism soon teamed up with work addiction in a field that has little respect for such addictions, and would ultimately drain every hour he was willing to work. As things got worse, Jeff’s first marriage was falling apart. A final ultimatum from his wife and advice from a psychotherapist, convinced him of the severity of his alcoholism. He finally stopped drinking to try and save his marriage and went to AA.

Though the marriage ultimately collapsed, Jeff continued with AA’s suggested program of action and did what was recommended to build a successful life of recovery. He became a man of service to the AA community and eventually married a sober woman he met in the Fellowship. He has enjoyed a long-term marriage, along with its many gifts, including the opportunity to help raise his now teenaged grandson. I see Jeff in AA meetings all the time. He is a regular meeting-maker and has prioritized his sobriety above all. As a result, he continues to model the success of a good man in active sobriety.

As you listen to Jeff’s story, you’ll find the details not dissimilar to others told in this podcast series. But then, a strong, well-worked Program does include many of the same essential elements, that is, the basics of getting and staying sober that we learn from day one. As you listen to this episode of AA Recovery Interviews, I believe you’ll be greatly inspired by Jeff’s words and come away with yet more evidence that the Program really does work, if we work it. So lend us your ears for the next hour and please enjoy my fine old friend and AA brother, Jeff A.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Paula squeezed an amazing amount of alcoholic destruction into the years between her first drink at 14 and the day she ultimately got sober at 17. Some 42 years later, she recounts the story of her dysfunctional family with a violent father, alcoholic mother, and siblings, all of whom struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. Her own nasty behavior surfaced early as she became the class bully and was always in trouble. Of course, she was drinking all the time. At 14, she was up in front of the juvenile court who sentenced her to AA meetings, none of which had any effect upon her. Though her mother got sober in AA, and frequently had fellowship friends over to attempt multiple interventions on Paula, her drinking and drug use escalated. So did the consequences. She was in and out of countless juvenile detention centers and group homes. After she tried to kill her mother, her custody was finally turned over to the state. She was facing serious adult prison time as she approached her 18th birthday. Fortunately, the concentrated misery she had crammed into 3 years culminated into a moment of clarity and she finally got sober in AA in 1979.

As similar as Paula’s story is to others in the AA Recovery Interviews podcast series, it still contains elements that few people ever survive, much less speak about in an AA meeting. As such, much of her service work, in addition to sponsoring many women over the years, includes speaking at AA conferences and other gatherings. She has also modeled incredible bravery and courage to other AA women by blowing the whistle on inappropriate, predatory, and misogynistic behavior from men to other women at some AA meetings she attended. Though it was a bone of contention for some members, her work still centers on Illuminating this somewhat rare, but real, dark side of the Program. It became her personal mission to help keep AA a safe and secure place for women to gather and recover. As you tune into Paula’s story, I think you’ll find much to relate to. It’s a stark, yet reassuring, tale of the continuing power of the program to change people’s lives. Though she’s been sober many years, her story resonates both fresh and vital in the continuing narrative of Alcoholics Anonymous. So, I invite you to become enraptured in the next hour or so with my friend and AA sister, Paula P.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

John started using alcohol and drugs when he was just 13. He drank alcoholically from the start, but his constant nemesis was marijuana, amphetamines, LSD, prescription opioids, and ultimately heroin. His parents, who divorced when he was five, desperately tried to help him. Nothing seemed to work. Every treatment failure and non-successful attempt to get John sober, including half-hearted stints in AA, only validated the label “unlucky” his mother had pinned on him at an earlier age. It seems that John was the one always getting caught using or drinking while everyone else was getting away with it. Even the realization that he was using in situations where he knew he’d get caught did little to abate the tumultuous whirlwind his life had become. By 19, he was living on the streets of L.A., as a daily heroin user. Traumatized by the bleak environment, John was sick and malnourished, floundering around death’s door with seemingly no way out. Though his well-meaning, albeit enabling, parents did what they could, none of the turning points John experienced were effective until in his mid-20’s, when he finally came all the way in and sat all the way down in AA. Getting a sponsor and working the steps in earnest for the first time pulled him from the mire of self-destruction a little over 4 years ago.

After much work, John now resides in the middle of the Program, practicing a true spiritual connection to his higher power and the fellowship. He sponsors many men and stays centered in the Big Book. He’s also careful in the way he shares his experience with drugs while he’s in an AA meeting, highly respecting AA’s singleness of purpose. He has re-established a close connection with his family, based upon the mutual understanding and love that we in the Program cherish. As you listen to John’s story on today’s AA Recovery Interviews podcast, you’ll hear the kind of humility that only a life like his could encapsulate. I’m grateful he survived to be of service to God and his fellows. I’m thankful to share with you the love I have had for him since he was a baby. So, for the next 72 minutes, please enjoy my 57th interview in this podcast series with my friend and AA brother, John F.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Wes’ love of writing songs as a kid grew into a hectic, alcohol-infused career in the music business. Whether it was writing, performing, or producing, daily drinking was just part of the gig. For a while, alcohol was unobtrusive and often served his creative endeavors. However, by the time alcohol turned on him, its debilitating effects on his body, psyche, and spirit had pushed him to the brink. Short periods of abstinence, but without recovery (“so-dry-ety” Wes calls it), became miserable intervals in his alcohol addiction. With all hope seemingly lost, Wes found himself staring down the barrel of a cocked Derringer looking for a way out. But a moment of clarity moved his finger off the trigger and finally gave him the desperate desire to get help. With the aid of his wife and the man who later become his sponsor, he found AA and sincerely embraced its new way of life.

Wes’ story of recovery will resonate deeply with listeners, as will his inspiring way of working the Program. His deep dive into a sponsor-driven and spiritually-based approach for working all 12 steps on a daily basis, drew him to the very center of the Program. From there, he has imparted the collective wisdom of AA to the men he sponsors and other AA members he helps. For anyone who is new to sobriety or is struggling to stay sober, Wes’ hard-earned experience provides an extraordinary blueprint for working the Program with maximum results. I think you’ll find Wes’ story to be both captivating and enlightening. It’s as easy to listen to as a well-written song and as memorable as a melody from a humble heart.

I first met Wes on a California Zoom meeting in early 2020. Sober for 30 years, he is one of those members of the fellowship whom I feel like I’ve known forever. Perhaps it’s because of our similarities growing up in physically and verbally abusive families. Or maybe it’s the language of the heart we share on the road of happy destiny. Whatever it is, it’s a fascinating tale of sobriety with which I identify. So, I invite you to relax for the next hour or so and enjoy this episode of AA Recovery Interviews with my friend and AA brother, Wes H.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Ever wonder what staying "dry" for years without AA would feel like? My guest on today’s show is Julie H., a woman whom I’ve known for many years through a variety of meetings we’ve attended. As is often the case in many AA friendships, my knowledge of Julie’s story was limited to her brief shares and a little chit-chat after the meetings. For better or worse, I assumed that her 38+ years of sobriety were indicative of consistent participation in the Program. However, when I interviewed her, I was surprised to find out that, after getting sober , she'd spent more than 22 of those 38 years only marginally involved in AA or sometimes not at all. Her infrequent interaction with the Program, plus self-will were enough to keep her dry, "so-dry-ety" a friend of mine calls it. But the happiness and enrichment of contented sobriety through AA eluded her. Dreadfully unhappy, yet dry, Julie finally came to the higher-powered realization that she needed AA on a regular basis if she was ever going to be able to really enjoy her life. As a result, she re-engaged with the Program through regular meeting attendance, sponsorship, book studies, and daily service work. Her renewed commitment to AA and the fellowship have helped Julie build a life of contented sobriety.

Julie’s story is especially important for anyone who has contemplated getting sober in AA and then dis-engaging after a period of time to just stay dry. The Big Book is chock-full of stories of people who left the Program and stayed dry. Their dry-a-logues are tails of eventually getting drunk, or living dry, desperate lives of discontentment and loneliness. But for many of them, like Julie, returning to the rooms and the Program restored the key to many doors of contentment in sobriety and enjoyment of every day life. I’m beholden to Julie for bringing us her unique story. It’s one that both active and non-active AA members need to hear and share with others. It shows what life can be like if we let up on AA’s vigorous Program of action. So, please invite a friend to join you for the next hour as you listen to the vital words of my friend and AA sister, Julie H.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Ray’s difficult road to sobriety was paved with many failed attempts to get sober over the years. Each attempt was thwarted by the belief that his situation was somehow different than the people he met in 6 different treatment centers and sporadic AA meetings. The similarities of his loneliness and wanting to fit in were eclipsed by the differences he saw in his social standing and material advantages he enjoyed via his family of wealth and privilege. Each alcoholic debacle he encountered over the years, such as totaling 3 new BMWs and facing multiple DUI charges, was met by his parents’ earnest, yet enabling, efforts to bail him out of trouble. After each extrication, Ray’s half-hearted commitments to sobriety were accompanied by fabulous business opportunities that were viewed by all as some kind of antidote to his worsening alcoholism. Though he did quit drinking, he continued to use marijuana and his behavior didn’t change at all. The resulting downward slide, unaided by family help in the end, brought Ray both business ruin and ruptures in all of his relationships. He finally came back to AA. Though he encountered a few more slips along the way, he got a sponsor, worked the steps, and was ultimately able to claim his last sobriety date in 2009.

The gifts of sobriety have been many for Ray over the years and, most importantly, they’ve been gifts of similarity shared with his fellows in the Program. Instructive, too, have been the severe challenges he has faced, including his battle with a form of lymphoma that many people don’t survive. Through it all, Ray has developed a deep love for the Program and an unwavering commitment to service work. Especially during the Covid pandemic, when his co-morbidities made it impossible for live meetings, he has been instrumental in setting up and managing a number of Zoom AA meetings around the country. Thankfully, his is the first face of recovery that many new AA members encounter when they log onto Zoom for their first meeting.

I’m grateful to have Ray in my life and appreciate all he does for our AA community. I think you’ll find his story to be both encouraging and illustrative. So settle in for the next hour or so while you enjoy the inspiring words of my good friend and AA brother, Ray O.

Check out Howard’s Big Book Podcast, the complete unabridged audio version of the First and Second Editions of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book Podcast is an engaging cover-to-cover, word-for-word reading of all 11 chapters and Personal Stories, many of which were left out of the Third and Fourth Editions. Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen on https://bigbookpodcast.com

[Disclaimer: In strict adherence to A.A.’s traditions, my anonymous guests and I speak for ourselves only, not for Alcoholics Anonymous at large. We share only our personal experiences with A.A. recovery. We acknowledge that AA’s sole concern is the recovery and continued sobriety of those alcoholics who turn to the Fellowship for help. As members of AA, our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. – Howard L.]

Marty's rapid journey to the bottom included multiple relapses and a suicide attempt. The illusion that self-will could keep him sober dogged his every step as he suffered the ravages of worsening alcoholism. That he even got sober at all was an amazement to those of us who got to know him along the way.

As one of the more colorful people I know in Alcoholics Anonymous, Marty and I attend many of the same meetings each week, so we’ve gotten to know each other quite well over the past nine years.  Unfortunately, those years included a relapse after 10 months, then another relapse after 14 months of sobriety. It was after his last slip, however, which landed him in a New York City hospital after a failed suicide attempt, that Marty finally embraced the Program and honestly got to work on sobriety. That was over six years ago and he’s been sober since. Frankly, Marty’s first couple of forays in AA were noticed by many of us as well-intentioned but half-hearted attempts to subserve the Program with his own intellect and self-will for staying sober. It obviously didn’t work. We were all familiar with his well-worn approach of just showing up at meetings, but not doing the actual work. So, with no real investment in his own recovery or spiritual condition, but still trying to run the show, it’s not surprising he slipped early on. But the damage he’d done to his family, friendships, and career along the way finally caught up with him. So did the notion of checking out. By God’s grace, Marty was given a second, or should I say, last chance to build a sober life.

Today, Marty is firmly anchored in the center of AA by virtue of his continual meeting attendance, close relationship with his sponsor, daily meditation and prayer, and lots of service work with sponsees. His commitment to long-term sobriety is reflected in his Program, as is the ready acknowledgement that one drink could end it all. And while his story on today’s AA Recovery Interviews podcast is as entertaining as ever, it’s underlying message of hope for those who may be struggling is both immediate and vital for all to hear.

This is the 53rd episode of the AA Recovery Interviews series with many, many more to come. But for now, tune into the next hour and enjoy my interview with my good friend and AA brother, Marty S.

Kristy's exceptional story is one of early addiction evolving into a 5-year struggle with alcoholism in her 30’s. Though she spent only  a couple of years in that quagmire before she found AA, her descent to the bottom was both swift and severe. Trying to justify, then hide her alcoholism from her husband, kids, and employer only revealed to them how much worse Kristy’s drinking had actually become. By the time she finally ran out of excuses and began a vigorous AA program in 2018, she was physically and mentally depleted. Getting a sponsor, working the steps, and attending daily meetings drew her towards the center of the Program That early work portended two crises in her early sobriety that pulled her from the center to the outskirts of AA. First, her husband suffered a major stroke and she became his primary caregiver. Fortunately, the time she invested in meeting and getting to know others in the Program was clearly realized when  her newfound AA friends gathered around to help pull her through.

Then in early 2020, Kristy was diagnosed with a rare form of spinal cancer which left her without use of her legs. Complicating the already horrendous situation was a pandemic that prevented Kristy from being able to have visitors during the four months she was in the hospital undergoing intensive cancer treatment. Fortunately, she was able to connect with her home groups via Zoom. All of her fellow AAs were able to support her on a daily basis with our own experience, strength, and hope. Today, with 3½ years of sobriety, Kristy is on the mend, learning how to live life without the use of her legs. To be sure, her tragedies during early sobriety, and staying sober through them are informative, valuable, and inspirational to those she touches.

Zoom had a bad day during my interview with Kristy, so her audio is less than stellar. But her message of hope, perseverance, and commitment comes through loud and clear. So pull up a seat for the next 60 minutes and listen to inspirational words of my AA sister on today’s AA Recovery Interviews podcast, Kristy M.