For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever been in a calm conversation that suddenly turns tense before you even realise what happened? In this powerful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores why defensiveness shows up so fast, how it quietly wrecks conversations and what you can do to stop it before conflict takes over.

Through a practical, real-world deep dive with AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah, you’ll learn how defensiveness isn’t a character flaw. It’s a reflex. And more importantly, how small, intentional shifts can transform arguments into moments of connection.

Key Takeaways:

1. Defensiveness is a reflex, not a flaw — it’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
2. Awareness is the first breakthrough: noticing physical cues like a tight jaw, racing thoughts, or chest tension gives you a chance to interrupt the reaction.
3. A three-second internal pause can stop conversations from collapsing into blame and escalation.
4. Partial responsibility — acknowledging even one valid point — helps the other person feel heard and instantly lowers conflict.
5. Empathy changes everything: most arguments aren’t about dishes, money, or timing — they’re about unmet emotional needs.
6. Long-term change happens when couples address communication patterns together, outside the heat of the moment.

If defensiveness has been sabotaging your conversations, especially with the people you care about most, this episode gives you practical tools you can start using immediately.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever said, “You made me angry” , and felt completely justified in the moment… only to be left with distance, regret and the sense that your anger is running your life?

In this powerful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs is joined by Jake and Sarah for a deep dive into one of the most important skills in anger management: taking responsibility.

You’ll learn why blaming others for your anger quietly gives away your power, why responsibility can feel so uncomfortable (and even frightening), and how owning your reactions is not weakness, but the single most empowering step you can take to change your relationships.

This episode doesn’t just explain why responsibility matters. It gives you a clear, practical three-step process you can start using immediately to regain control and break long-standing anger patterns.

Key Takeaways:

1. Blaming others for your anger feels natural — but it silently hands away your control.
2. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean excusing others or beating yourself up; it means owning your response.
3. Many people resist responsibility because of fear, family conditioning, entitlement, or shame — not because they’re “bad.”
4. Healthy guilt leads to change; shame keeps you stuck.
5. Real change happens through a clear three-step process:
6. Acknowledge your actions
7. Accept the consequences
8. Create a concrete plan for future change
9. Promises don’t change behaviour — plans and accountability do.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever realised your anger isn’t just affecting your relationship, but shaping the kind of parent you’re becoming?

In this powerful case-study episode, anger management expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Katie, a mother who recognised that long-standing anger patterns were beginning to impact her relationship and her child.

Despite trying therapy and in-person anger management, Katie still felt stuck, until she learned the right tools to manage anger in the moment it actually shows up.

Katie shares her journey of breaking generational anger patterns, rebuilding trust at home and making real change within weeks. Not through perfection, but through awareness, practical skills and consistent practice.

Key Takeaways:

1. Talking about anger isn’t the same as managing it. Real change comes from learning what to do in the moment when anger starts to rise.
2. Awareness is the turning point. Noticing early warning signs and using tools like the Tension Scale creates space to respond instead of react.
3. Breaking generational cycles is possible. Recognising how anger is passed down can become a powerful motivation for lasting change.
4. Progress isn’t linear — and that’s normal. Setbacks don’t mean failure; they’re part of building a new pattern.
5. Practical tools beat theory. Techniques like positive self-talk, early disengagement, and the Anger Diary helped Katie make measurable progress quickly.

Katie’s story is a reminder that you don’t need to eliminate anger — you need to learn how to work with it, early and effectively, before it causes damage.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever won an argument, only to walk away feeling tense, disconnected and strangely empty?

In this insightful episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger management expert Alastair Duhs explores one surprisingly common habit that quietly destroys relationships: the need to be right.

Joined by AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah, this deep-dive conversation reveals how the urge to win arguments fuels anger, escalates conflict and slowly erodes trust and emotional safety, even in otherwise loving relationships.

Through real-world examples and practical strategies, this episode shows why being “right” often comes at a far higher cost than we realise.

Rather than focusing on blame or suppression, the discussion highlights a powerful alternative: choosing understanding over ego and calm over correctness.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeating arguments, defensive reactions or lingering resentment, this episode offers simple, practical shifts that can dramatically change how your conversations, and relationships, feel.

Key Takeaways:

1. The need to be right is one of the biggest hidden drivers of anger and relationship breakdown.
2. Winning an argument often makes the other person feel wrong. And that feeling damages trust.
3. Many arguments shift from problem-solving to ego defence without us realising it.
4. Catching the moment you start defending your ego is a crucial early warning sign.
5. Letting go of being right doesn’t mean giving up your values — it means choosing understanding.
6. Asking curious, open-ended questions lowers defensiveness and improves communication.
7. Prioritising calm over correctness reduces stress and creates safer, healthier relationships.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Do you ever feel like you’re having the same argument over and over again?

In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger management expert Alastair Duhs is joined by AI co-hosts Jake and Sarah to explore three essential relationship skills most people are never taught, yet desperately need.

This episode breaks down why conflict keeps repeating even in relationships where both people care, and why struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Instead it usually means no one ever taught you the right tools.

Drawing on over 30 years of real-world anger management experience, this conversation focuses on what actually helps couples reduce conflict, communicate more effectively and rebuild connection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of frustration, defensiveness or emotional distance, this episode gives you clear, practical strategies you can start using immediately.

Key Takeaways:

1. Conflict isn’t the problem — how you handle it is what determines whether a relationship grows or erodes.
2. Trying to “win” arguments quietly destroys trust, connection and emotional safety over time.
3. Active listening means understanding first, not preparing your defence — and it changes everything.
4. Asking open, non-judgmental questions lowers defensiveness and invites real connection.
5. Healthy relationships require intentional maintenance, not just crisis management.
6. Small, consistent habits like quality time and appreciation matter far more than grand gestures.
7. Struggling in relationships often reflects a skills gap — not a personal failure.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
2. angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
3. angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Do you ever feel like your anger explodes out of nowhere? In this transformative episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs dives deep into why anger often feels instant and uncontrollable.

Through powerful insights and practical tools, you'll learn how to spot hidden tension, unlearn old habits and stay calm even in the most stressful moments.

Key Takeaways:

-Your anger isn’t sudden—it’s the result of hidden tension building throughout the day.

-Simple body cues like tight jaws and shallow breathing can help you spot anger early.

-Anger is often a learned habit, not a fixed personality trait—and habits can be changed.

-Cognitive reframing lets you swap out explosive thoughts for calmer, more helpful ones.

-Even in a heated moment, your brain has time to choose a new response—if you train it to.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Ever feel like your anger takes over before you even realise it’s happening? In this practical and encouraging episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares six simple but powerful tips to help you stay calm in the heat of the moment.

From spotting early warning signs of anger to using empathy, these tools will help you break old patterns and respond with calmness, not conflict.

Key Takeaways:

-Your body gives early signs of anger, like tension and quickened breath, that you can learn to recognise and manage.

-The real cause of anger isn’t what happens. It’s your thoughts about what happens.

-Using the “Tension Scale” helps you catch anger before it spirals out of control.

-Deep breathing, positive self-talk and short breaks can help defuse intense emotions.

-Empathy and Time-Out strategies are essential tools for handling conflict in relationships.

-Taking ownership of your anger empowers you to choose healthier responses, and create stronger, more respectful connections.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

If you know your anger is hurting your relationships, but you keep putting off getting help, this episode is for you.

In this eye-opening conversation, anger expert Alastair Duhs unpacks the five most common objections that stop people from taking action on their anger. Whether it’s fear, pride, doubt or simply feeling “too busy,” you’ll learn how to overcome the internal resistance that keeps you stuck - and discover why change is simpler and closer than you think.

Key Takeaways:

-Avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s fear. But naming that fear can take away its power.

-Believing you should “fix it on your own” is a trap—real strength is knowing when to ask for help.

-You’re not uniquely broken—anger follows a predictable pattern that can be changed with the right tools.

-Lasting change doesn’t require years of therapy—it often starts with 10 minutes a day and consistent effort.

-The cost of doing nothing—damaged relationships, missed opportunities and emotional pain—is far higher than the cost of change.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

What happens when the people you love start to fear your anger? In this deeply personal episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares Paul’s story - a father and partner whose uncontrolled anger nearly cost him everything.

Through honest reflection and powerful insights, Paul reveals how one simple tool helped him break the cycle of anger, communicate with compassion and rebuild trust with the people who matter most.

Key Takeaways:

-Anger is rarely random-it's often a buildup of stress, hurt and old emotional habits that go unexamined.

-Recognising physical warning signs like a pounding heart or tight chest can help you pause before you react.

-Awareness is the foundation for change-it allows you to step back and make conscious choices rather than defaulting to old patterns.

-Expressing sadness or hurt with calm words like “that comment hurt” can create connection instead of conflict.

Real change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that starts with one decision and builds through daily effort.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever felt like your anger comes out of nowhere? Like one small moment flips a switch and suddenly you're shouting or shutting down without knowing why?

In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down the truth about anger triggers - what they are, why they matter and how learning to recognise them can put you back in control of your anger, your relationships and your life.

Key Takeaways:

-Anger doesn’t strike randomly. It follows patterns based on personal emotional triggers and learned responses.

-Your body gives you early warning signs of anger, like a racing heart, clenched jaw or rising tension. If you learn to spot them, you can stay ahead of an anger outburst.

-Triggers don’t cause anger. Your thoughts about those triggers do. Shift your thinking and you shift your reaction.

-Tracking your triggers helps you see which situations set you off, and gives you the power to plan and respond more effectively.

-Managing your anger isn't about avoiding tough situations. It's about building the skills to respond with awareness instead of reactivity.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Break The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System