Ask the Unfaithful

In healing from infidelity, the unfaithful can often times be hostile and reactive early on in the healing process. So much so, we can fall prey to what we've identified as 'The Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful.' From guilt and shame to anger and resentment to defensiveness and rage, we can resort to these emotions and more as we push our partners and spouses away, further wounding and even sabotaging the entire process. It's at this point that the betrayed will think to themselves, "But, they were the ones that went outside the marriage.....why are they being so reactive? Shouldn't WE be the ones who are allowed to be reactive?"

But why are we so reactive? Is it childhood? Is it just shame? Is it guilt turned inward?

Today on Ask the Unfaithful, we look deep into the heart and mind of the unfaithful in an attempt to understand why we can be so reactive and unsafe in our own recovery journey. We identify signs of the reaction cycle, how the cycle may have started and how to eventually break free and find a new, healing pathway of humility and ownership. Just because we've fallen prey to this cycle, doesn't mean we're doomed to repeat it for the entirety of relationship or marriage. However, without an intervention and new way of thinking and addressing the cycle, we're going to stay stuck, alienating our partners, spouses and even ourselves.

Today's podcast not only identifies the cycle but provides a framework for breaking free of it's power, creating emotional resilience and identifying the underlying emotions that started the cycle in the first place. For more help including coaching or information about working with James or Sam as well as attending an intensive please email us at [email protected]

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

As an Unfaithful, do you struggle to identify what you're feeling i the moment? When you react, what are reacting out of? What is the feeling and how do you regulate your feelings in a healthy way so that you are able to be responsive not reactive? This short video gives you some quick tips as to how to notice, recognize and regulate your feelings in the moment as well as be able to dig deeper into the root cause of your reactions so that you can process, understand, regulate and keep your relationship growing toward health.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

It's one of the most common questions asked by a betrayed partner: "How do I know if my unfaithful is really committed to the relationship? What should I be looking for?" Today we answer those questions and more. Today's podcast is not only filled with crucial examples of warning signs in the life of the unfaithful but it's also a litmus test for any unfaithful looking for a playbook on how their recovery should look and sound to the betrayed and yes, even themselves. It further provides examples of what the unfaithful's recovery should never look like and if it does, what to do about it and how to get healthy.

Each warning sign in today's podcast is accompanied by insight of how it makes the betrayed feel in hopes of reaching the unfaithful, rescuing them from themselves. If your recovery has any of today's warning signs, it's time for the unfaithful to have a significant moment of self-reflection and to search for help and support ASAP.

If you're a betrayed and your unfaithful is displaying any of these signs in their life and recovery, it's vital you seek help from an expert that can walk you through next steps. It's not as hopeless as it seems, but after today, it may be as clear as it seems and perhaps what you're doing is not working?

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Previously on Ask the Unfaithful, we discussed four harmful and toxic communication styles of the unfaithful. If you haven't watched or listened to last week's podcast on those particularly wounding communication styles, we'd like to highly encourage you to listen to that podcast asap. Whether a precursor or follow up to today's session, we're confident you and your partner will be able to find not only a better way of communicating after listening, but greater intimacy and respect overall for each other as human beings and as partners going through the recovery process.

Today we'll be sharing the #1 style of communication the betrayed need from the unfaithful, as well as what it sounds like, looks like and even feels like for the betrayed. Have you ever wondered what expert level communication looks like and sounds like from an unfaithful? Have you ever wanted a playbook to utilize when communicating with your betrayed partner? After hearing today's podcast we're confident you'll have a plan and playbook you can use on a daily basis, even during the toughest of times. As most of us know by now, great communication is an artform and it's learned through gritty practice, failure, misunderstanding, eventual success and an ever changing cycle of needs and wants from both our partners and ourselves.

Today's discussion can serve as a litmus test for every unfaithful partner wanting to develop a communication style rooted in compassion, respect and kindness while also taking into account the needs of a betrayed partner wrestling with betrayal trauma.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

If we unfaithful are honest with ourselves, we'll have to admit that we can not only be harmful in our communication styles but also selfish, egotistical and irrational at times. From narcissistic tendencies to blame shifting and deflecting, to shaming and yelling, we just miss the mark time and time again. We often times think we're not being that harmful and we're just communicating but a deeper dive reveals that we're actually making things worse not better, reverting to problematic communication styles we've learned from childhood or early adulthood.

What may feel normal or familiar to us is possibly devastating and wounding, fueled by ignorance and ego, reinforcing to our partner or spouse that we are indeed, not safe. For the unfaithful and betrayed alike, there can be confusion as to what is harmful and what is simply explanation, communication and emoting. Whether you're an unfaithful or a betrayed, today's podcast will go to great lengths to shed light on four harmful styles that we unfaithful use that are both harmful and problematic to both their partner and perhaps even their children and family members.

If you're using one or all of these styles, make no mistake about it, you're harming your partner and actually harming yourself. When we act out or when we regress, we harm ourselves and remain stuck in patterns that quite possible, may have created the infidelity and addiction in the first place. It doesn't have to be this way. There is a better way to communicate and we as unfaithful don't have to revert to these styles of communication which only delay the entire healing process and erode any efforts to rebuild trust.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time in recovery work, whether unfaithful or betrayed, will tell you that recovery work is simply put, "not for the faint of heart." There's something unique about talking to someone who has 'been there' if you will and lived through either their own self-betrayal or the betrayal of their partner or spouse. While there are several keys to recovery work in the life of the unfaithful, there are two which stand out as the most overlooked and underappreciated.

These two keys unlock hearts of both the unfaithful and the betrayed and have the power to change the entire trajectory of any relationship if implemented. While those are big words and seemingly big promises, the fact is, should you the unfaithful endeavor to utilize and make these two keys a priority in your own recovery work, your life and your healing will take on new momentum and new hope.

There's a popular saying amongst those in the industry of healing marriages from infidelity and addiction and it goes like this: "it takes what it takes."

Today you'll hear not all of what it takes but two key points that when utilized are both life changing and essential parts of anyone's healthy recovery.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

How emotionally intelligent are you? What about your partner or spouse, how emotionally intelligent are they? What even is emotional intelligence and why do we need it and how does it help us? Before we can assess either ourselves or our partner, we must have a reference point for what emotional intelligence is, what it looks like and even what it sounds like. A safe and usable definition is 'the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and to understand, and be compassionate about the emotions of people around you.' Easier said than done we know but it is possible to increase our emotional intelligence and develop the ability to respond to our partner in a more loving, empathetic and attuned way. In fact, if we're going to heal from infidelity or addiction and we're an unfaithful, we absolutely must increase our emotional intelligence.

Today we discuss 5 signs of this emotional intelligence while also providing blueprint for increasing, developing and even practicing our emotional intelligence as it relates to both ourselves and the betrayed partner and the overall recovery process. We're confident that if implemented with intentionality, diligence and compassion, your ability to be not only emotionally intelligent with your partner or spouse will improve but so will the your ability with your loved ones.

We invite you to listen carefully today with a heart and mind of self-reflection and humility, paying close attention to the insight and guidance we provide for improving your emotional intelligence as you heal from infidelity.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

"Was it actually an emotional affair?" "Was I really sharing too much with them?" "I didn't know I was crossing lines with them, how was I supposed to know....maybe you're just overreacting?" These statements and more continue to permeate session after session with therapists, infidelity coaches and even clergy members trying to help couples decide if the actions of an unfaithful was emotional infidelity or not. For some the jury is out and for others, the lines are crystal clear, black and white and undebatable. These definitions of emotional affairs vary among clinicians and 'helpers' but today on Ask the Unfaithful we do our best to point a way through the malaise of confusion, justification and despair.

We'll be discussing 6 different signs you are either in an emotional affair, were in an emotional affair or concerningly, may be heading towards one now. We know most of our audience members have already been through the devastation of infidelity and/or addiction and if you've found us, you've probably already experienced this life altering trauma. But today, with our heartfelt compassion and respect, we'll provide critical insight into both what constitutes an emotional affair, what can be seen as unsafe behavior by an unfaithful and how to stop it before it escalates even more.

If you're involved in a friendship that may not actually be crossing lines yet is your partner's radar, today's podcast sheds light on how to ascertain whether or not you or your partner are in emotional or relational danger and how to rescue yourself. As always, you can reach us at [email protected] or by leaving a comment here at Ask the Unfaithful.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

If you're an unfaithful, have you ever considered that perhaps your affair was about seeking attention, affirmation and/or escape? Maybe you're a betrayed and you can see how your unfaithful was seeking out nonstop validation and affirmation, not to mention looking for escape from pain filled or pressure filled reality? Unfortunately, we unfaithful are masters of seeking out attention from everyone around us. It's like we seem to constantly need reassurance from everyone but our partner or spouse and we appear to be massive ego-maniacs looking to have our ego stroked. Regrettably, we seek out attention but simultaneously damage not only our betrayed partner but our entire family and loved ones.

Today we discuss four primary ways we not only look for validation and attention, but also wound our partners in our quest for what appears to be nonstop approval, validation and acceptance. Having said that, we unfaithful can heal and begin to meet our legitimate needs in legitimate ways, if we'll have an honest, no nonsense conversation with ourselves and an objective, expert third party. If you're an unfaithful, today is your day to ask yourself a few hard hitting, life changing, character changing questions that can actually save your life, your marriage and your own integrity and character.

If you're a betrayed, you'll find today's discussion to not only be informative, but revealing of what may be going on in the heart and mind of your unfaithful partner. As always, we make every effort to be kind and compassionate while also being direct and to the point regarding the content of today's podcast. Join us as we discuss Four Damaging Ways the Unfaithful Seek Attention.

Have you ever considered the possibility that we, the unfaithful, massively deflect? If you're a betrayed partner, we're quite positive you've seen us utilize a smokescreen time and time again. You may have even laughed or rolled your eyes at the mere question. It's as though we launch smokescreens to deflect, diminish and even disrupt the conversation to alleviate any guilt or responsibility on our part. We also utilize smokescreens in an effort to manipulate and turn attention away from our actions and on to the things you, the betrayed, may have done in our opinion as unfaithful to justify our actions. Yes, we can be that unhealthy and that unsafe.

If you're an unfaithful, we hope today's podcast shares critical insight into what you may be subconsciously doing to deflect attention away from you and your own choices and place responsibility on your betrayed partner. We've both done it and we get it. We'd never resort to shaming you for something we've both done time and time again in the early stages of our own journey. However, it doesn't have to be this way. Your betrayed partner does not need to suffer anymore damage than they already have and you don't need to cause yourself anymore harm than you already have by acting out, lashing out and placing the blame on your partner for your choices. We have a choice on whether or not we utilize smokescreens or choose to be vulnerable, open and honest about our feelings, choices and actions.

We hope you'll make a better choice today to end your smokescreens and get radically honest with yourself and your partner.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery