Ask the Unfaithful

Despite being well into a couple's recovery journey, the Unfaithful can drain the Betrayed's energy in a myriad of ways - from asking the betrayed to affirm, encourage, buoy, support and, in many ways, be responsible for the unfaithful's recovery. This approach ends up draining the Betrayed of most if not all of their energy, resilience and overall life force. It's likely this 'draining' has been going on since well before discovery, and possibly even before the Unfaithful's acting out even began.

Today we'll discuss not only why this happens but also it's implications for recovery and for your relationship. Most importantly, we'll show you how to stop it, create new possibilities in the recovery journey for all parties and provide hope to create a new pathway to energy and rejuvenation. Join us today as we endeavor to get to one of the fundamental and least understood problems in recovery from betrayal: how the unfaithful drain the betrayed's energy.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

In this episode, Sam and I talk about Perfectionism as it applies in every day life as one of the top reasons for relapse. Where does it come from and why is it so common and dangerous in the life of a recovering Unfaithful? What can the Unfaithful do to change the negative power of this unattainable value that leaves us feeling like we aren't good enough at anything and drives us into anxiety, shame and pain where we are in danger of heading down the road to relapse and acting out?

How do we strive toward our recovery and becoming a person of true integrity while at the same time addressing one of the most destructive and dangerous traits we can have: Perfectionism. We also discuss another issue that is related to perfectionism and can leave our recovery mired in stagnation: Procrastination. In this video, we share unexpected solutions to both. Please join us as we discuss this very important topic!

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

The Unfaithful can live in such a way that our life is an amends for the damage we've done. Every day, we can say things and do things that continue to trigger and hurt our Betrayed and those need to be handled immediately to reduce the hurt and pain they cause. This is done by making amends. And there is a process for that. While this video is not about how to make amends for the life changing trauma that we caused our partners (which is called Emotional Restitution - a topic for another Podcast as there is a very specific, professionally guided way to do that), it is about changing the way we act and acknowledging when we hurt our partners, offering empathy, a chance for discussion and a course of action that helps stop the triggering and hurtful actions as our relational recovery progresses.

Today James and I discuss the Amends Process: a practical and powerful way the unfaithful can make amends they can follow through on that will also help them to learn empathy and to build new trust with the Betrayed. While there are not sure things or quick fixes, there are significant decisions that can be made by the unfaithful to engage their betrayed in both an authentic and remorseful way. If we want to restore the most important relationship in our lives, and if we are safe and if we are serious, implementing amends can be life giving to partners, our families and ourselves.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

"What are the red flags I should be looking for?" is a question James and I receive quite often. It's not only a common question but it's a necessary and understandable question. What are the biggest red flags in the unfaithful's early relational recovery? Today James and I will share some of the most pertinent red flags that both the unfaithful and the betrayed can be aware of. After all, the unfaithful has to manage their own recovery work but if these red flags are present, it's vital that action is taken to address them. Yet, equally vital is an understanding of these red flags in order for the betrayed to determine the overall present safety of the unfaithful and their actions.

If there are questions about the safety of the unfaithful mentally, emotionally or psychologically, today's podcast is a timely episode for both partners. While every situation is different and no two situations dealing with infidelity or addiction are identical we do hope these red flags can support both you and your partner in recovery and provide a light at the end of a very dark and seemingly hopeless tunnel. If you have breath in your lungs and you're able to be reading this right now, rest assured there is hope for you and there is hope for your partner. We truly don't know about your relationship but all recovery work starts with one small step to get help. If James or I can help you can reach us below through any of the links below.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

If there was a word that was both polarizing as well as unsettling for both sides of infidelity, it would be the word trust. How does one win back trust when they have shattered their wedding vows? Is it even possible to restore trust after infidelity or addiction? If so, what could it look like and is it even worth it? "It feels impossible Sam" is what I hear quite often from clients trying to heal.

Today James and I discuss practical yet far reaching ways the unfaithful can begin to rebuild trust early on in recovery. The key words are 'early on.' What the betrayed needs five years into recovery will probably look a little different than 5 weeks in, but the principles are still the same and while the freshness of the wound may have faded, the desire for new trust will not. Reliability, predictability and consistency are just a few variables the betrayed both needs and wants if they will ever extend any form of trust again relationally. Regardless of what side of the infidelity you're on you'll find practical but effective ways to win back trust while also hearing about the heart that the unfaithful has to bring to the process for it to work.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

What does it mean to be Intimacy Avoidant? What even is intimacy avoidance and am I that? Or, is my partner that? If so, what do we do and how do we heal from it? Can we even heal from it? Today James and I tackle not only these questions but a whole host of questions that surround the idea of an unfaithful partner being intimacy avoidant. The good news is, even if you or your partner are intimacy avoidant, it's not a death sentence and there is great hope that you or your partner can develop true, gritty, engaging intimacy and find new life for your relationship.

The bad news is, it won't just happen and it won't come by mere osmosis. Without a plan and an expert driven protocol this level of intimacy will remain elusive, if not impossible. The cry of the betrayed often times is, if my partner is truly intimacy avoidant, why were they able to be intimate with their affair partner? Why were they seemingly able to be intimate and give what I have asked for time and time again from them to someone else?

Today you're in luck as James and I share practical insight from almost 40 years of combined experience helping both the unfaithful and betrayed partner heal from what feels impossible at times, but certainly isn't.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

If there was a question I've heard both partners ask time and time again out of desperation, it would be this such question. How do we manage our recovery? How do we know if we're doing enough? How do I know if I'm doing enough and what is actually true progress? Today you're not just in luck but you're in the presence of true expert insight as I pepper James Annear with questions about how we can measure the progress of the unfaithful. For many, the idea of measuring progress is not only elusive but confusing, shaming and out of a performance based approach.

Today you'll hear James and I share both compassionate and palatable answers that both partners can embrace, follow and utilize in the recovery work of the unfaithful. Despite what our feelings may make us feel, there is hope and there are tangible metrics we can use to see if we're doing the heavy lifting of recovery work for ourselves. The cold hard truth is, no one can do the work for us. They can support us, cheer us on, encourage us and even admire and notice our work, but no one can do the actual work for us.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Resentment in the life of an Unfaithful is not only toxic but can also be paralyzing. Trying to heal themselves as well as their relationship is hard enough without the roadblock of resentment and bitterness. In order for the Unfaithful to gain traction with both their betrayed spouse as well as their own healing, recovery work has to focus on identifying, uprooting and healing all forms of resentment in their life. As former Unfaithfuls, both James and I can attest to deep seated resentment before, during and even in early recovery after our betrayal.

Having walked free of resentment for almost two decades, we're able to identify just how much resistance we both encountered early on in our journey. Maybe you too are dealing with resentment as an Unfaithful? Perhaps the resentment is not at your partner or spouse but at yourself? If that's the case, can you really heal and find freedom from resentment? The answer is a resounding yes! However, without a plan we're doomed to repeat our failures and stay stuck in cycles of trauma reenactment, relapse and even addiction.

Today James and I invite you to listen with an open heart and open hands. A heart to receive and hands to do actual repair and recovery work that can yield results in both your life and even your betrayed's.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

It's a normal question for the Betrayed as well as the Unfaithful: Is relapse a part of recovery? If so, why would that ever be necessary and why would the Betrayed ever have to live through that type of horror ever again? If the answer is no, well then, what are those who relapse supposed to think about themselves and their own recovery? What is the Betrayed supposed to then think about their partner/spouse as well?

These questions and more require both compassion and expertise. When we find practical and expert insight into concepts like relapse and recovery work, we can not only mitigate our anxiety but find answers to questions like "what if they do relapse" or "how can I keep myself as far away as possible from relapse?"

We hope today brings you clarity, direction and ultimately hope for your own particular situation and for your spouse or partner.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

"Are you 'all in' in your recovery work Sam?" I'll never forget the day my therapist asked me that question so point blank while on his couch. It was a day that changed my outlook on repair work entirely. Until that moment, no one had asked me that question with such great authority and confidence. Now, (graciously I might add) let James and I ask you, the Unfaithful: Are you "all in" in your own recovery work?" Definitions vary and opinions vary even more on what being "all in" actually looks like. Yet, today James and I share both practical and clinical insight into what an Unfaithful (male or female) can do to be "all in" in their own repair work and relationship. Without being all in were doomed to fail. Why you might ask?

Well, if you're just doing the bare minimum, or checking boxes, or simply existing, how are you really doing real work of humility, loving self-confrontation and remorse? If you're not all in how can you actually find out the reason for your affair or addiction? If you're playing games in recovery work, how can you expect to find healing and prevent relapse?

Today, James and I will go in depth into sharing insight and practical markers into what it means to be 'all in' in recovery work for both yourself and your relationship.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery