Ask the Unfaithful

Did you know there are actual stages of change we as human beings go through before we arrive at true change? Did you also know there are stages we unfaithful partners go through both before, during and after our affair or problematic sexual behaviors? As both an unfaithful and a betrayed, it's imperative we have a knowledge of and understand these stages of change if either we or our partner are going to change and set ourselves free from addictions or behaviors that are reducing our lives to heaps of regret, shame and upheaval. Maybe like we were at one time, you too are struggling to understand how to find freedom, healing or breakthrough? Maybe you've tried to change, only to arrive at frustration, anger and even more self doubt? Or perhaps like us, you tried to change, found some momentum then seemingly out of nowhere, you lost that momentum and all you worked for came crashing down around you?

Alternatively, maybe you were finding yourself wanting to let your guard down at your partner's apparent growth, only to find that shortly after their newfound momentum, they relapsed. After our own hard fought battles, the last people to shame any unfaithful partner would be us. However, the truth is, there is a better way and there is a proven way to change ourselves and yes, there is a way to set ourselves free from what feels like massive humiliation and hopelessness. We don't have to live in constant up's and down's, constant promises to change only to never truly gain momentum.

Today you'll hear a breakdown of five stages of change for the unfaithful partner in an attempt to help both sides of infidelity or addiction find a playbook to utilize for healing and long term transformation.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Any couple trying to heal from the devastation of infidelity or addiction will attest to the difficulty they have had trying to communicate with their partner. From misunderstanding, to defensiveness, to outright anger and rage, this journey of communicating is not for the faint of heart. It's enough pain to make a betrayed partner feel like they are absolutely alone in their wounding from the unfaithful's communication blunders.

Let's face the facts: we unfaithful are often times communicative messes, blame shifting, deflecting and even lying we many times make the mistake of believing our own B.S. and it just doesn't have to be this way. We can actually find better ways of communicating and we can definitely do better.

Today we do serious heavy lifting, identifying not only five communication mistakes we unfaithful make, but also offer practical and applicable antidotes for these mistakes. It's a message of hope yet also relief for both parties trying to heal and avoid the common communication pitfalls that spiral even the most insignificant conversations into a vortex of upheaval and resentment. There is hope for both the unfaithful and the betrayed to not only communicate better but also gain ground in repair work.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Have you ever wondered, as an unfaithful, "Why do I keep doing this?" "Why do I keep getting in my own way?" "Why is it that no matter what I do, I eventually just make decisions that sabotage my life?" If you've ever struggled with these thoughts and more just like it, you're in luck as today we dive deep into why we unfaithful self-sabotage. Maybe you're a betrayed and you've been left wondering to yourself "Why does my unfaithful keep doing this?" "Why can't they see what they are in danger of losing and why can't they see how good they have it here, with me.....with us"

While not an easy topic, it's a riveting topic to discuss and understand both as hosts and as former unfaithful spouses who are on the other side of self-sabotage. But what does it actually look like to self-sabotage? What are the symptoms and what are the signs? And.....can the unfaithful actually stop self-sabotaging and find a sense of safety and consistency in life and repair work?

If they can in fact stop, how can they actually find new life, new hope and new momentum in both their own life and their relationship? Today we'll provide answers to these questions and more.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Has your partner ever accused you of being in denial about your choices or the impact of your affair? Maybe your mate continues to communicate to you in a way that makes you feel they are in absolute denial about the impact of their choices or that they have hurt you at all? It can seem as though their use of denial is conscious and even weaponized as a form of coping with their choices internally, without any regard for how it affects their loved ones. The truth is, it can be both conscious as well as subconscious.

As you'll hear today, denial while very common, is a complex, powerful and very destructive psychological self-protective defense mechanism. It's a muddled kind of thinking and reasoning that involves the unconscious or conscious refusal, or avoidance, to acknowledge or accept the reality, and consequences of one's thoughts, actions and behaviors. Especially when we act out or our acting out is of a compulsive or addictive nature, denial is an attempt to manage and understand the chaos caused by our acting out behaviors.

Today we'll not only discuss what denial looks and sounds like but we'll categorically identify the symptoms and signs of it, including the negative impact and how to actually overcome denial in the life of the unfaithful. Rest assured, there is a way out of denial and there is a pathway to healing for both the unfaithful and for the betrayed.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Often times a betrayed partner will wonder if the unfaithful actually suffers any consequences due to their choice(s) to go outside the marriage. Betrayeds will ask us "Are the unfaithful, actually suffering at all? Do you think they've become aware of what they've done to me, to us, to our family?" Our answer is "We're not sure yet....it depends on the work they're doing and who they are doing it with. They may not be aware of just how much they've lost....... yet."

As the unfaithful get healthier and healthier, more and more 'sober' if you will, the unfaithful will become progressively more aware of just how much they've lost and how much they've hurt their loved ones and themselves. Consequences frequently will roll in as they start to do the work to find empathy, compassion and safety. From support groups, to expert help, to intensives, to doing their own work behind the scenes, if an unfaithful is 'getting it' empathy and remorse will follow.

Join us today as we have an in-depth discussion of the massive consequences of the unfaithful both known and unknown.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Have you ever heard of 'Parental Enmeshment?' Adult parental enmeshment is a psychological and relational condition where an adult has an excessively close and dependent relationship with their parent, to the extent that it interferes with their ability to develop a separate and autonomous identity. This 'enmeshment' involves blurred boundaries, where the parent's needs, emotions, and opinions heavily influence or dominate the adult child's decisions, actions, and overall life choices.

Every situation is different, yet it just may be part of why you or your partner or spouse acted out. Is it the sole reason you or they had an affair or developed an addiction? Probably not. But, did it play a part? The most palatable answer is, maybe. Today we discuss how parents often times overstep if not violate boundaries of the unfaithful partner and cause chaos in the life of both the unfaithful and betrayed. Also, we discuss why an unfaithful may have developed feelings of shame or inadequacy early on in life which can create not only havoc in the life of the unfaithful but confusion, pressure, shame and unwillingness to have and enforce boundaries with their parents.

We hope today's podcast not only encourages you but brings healing and clarity to all three recoveries: yours, your partner's and the relationship's.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Maybe you've said this before or had it said to you, but it's a common yet problematic statement for couples trying to heal from the devastation of infidelity or addiction: "I feel like I'm never heard OR that my feelings are always minimized or just plain invalidated." We unfaithful have this masterful ability to quite often minimize or completely invalidate our partner's feelings, leaving them feeling both hopeless and helpless for a better future or healed relationship. The truth is, sometimes we don't even know that we're doing it. If you grew up like myself, 'fighting was a form of communication' but I had to learn that not all families communicate the way mine did.

Perhaps you too grew up the same way? Or maybe you grew up in a family where no one talked about their feelings and just found a way to move forward, keeping their feelings and emotions to themselves, only to feel unseen and unheard wondering why now, their partners emotions and feelings are scary if not terrifying? Sometimes as unfaithful we just don't get it and quite honestly, some times we don't want to get it. Emotions, feelings, pain, anger and the like can be scary to us unfaithful and we have no clue how our actions not only alienate the betrayed but further traumatize them.

The good news is, today we share practical ways to identify not only when we are invalidating our betrayed's feelings but also just how we are doing this invalidating. We'll go a step further and actually translate some very statements we all have used as unfaithful and what they really mean to the betrayed.

Today's conversation is like always, a very direct, no nonsense yet compassionate discussion that's sure to help both the unfaithful and the betrayed.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Have you ever felt like your partner or spouse was consistently defensive and/or overly reactive every time their actions were called into question? It can feel like having a normal conversation with them is impossible as every time their actions are brought up, their reactions are over the top and somehow they find a way to blame everyone else but themselves. It's maddening as one spouse said to us recently. The good news is, there are explanations for this sort of behavior. Sometimes we unfaithful don't even know we are being defensive and fall prey to the fact that we very wrongly think we don't have any issues; it's our betrayed who really has issues. When we're unsafe, our reactions are unsafe and our ability to own our choices or accept our consequences is not only unsafe but alarming to everyone else but ourselves. When defensiveness is our go to, we're displaying evidence that we're not safe, not getting it and not in a place to do the heavy lifting of reconciliation or restoration. The better news is, once we humble ourselves and accept influence both from our partner and safe, trained experts, we can change, heal and ultimately find freedom. I wonder if you or your partner are struggling with defensiveness or unjustified reactivity? I wonder if you need help to understand why you or your partner are so defensive? We go deep today to share insight into these behaviors and provide insight into steps one can take to rid their lives of these toxic traits. Join us today for an in depth look at the mind, heart and actions of the unfaithful.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

Have you ever wondered why the unfaithful just isn't getting it? It's like they live in this bubble of self deception, seemingly impenetrable, almost as if it's self soothing mechanism. Eventually a betrayed partner will come to the necessary conclusion that many unfaithful have to be dishonest with themselves to justify their actions. Often times, it takes longer for the unfaithful to come to the realization that they in fact, have been lying to themselves to not only justify their actions but push away guilt and responsibility as well as the enormity of what their actions have cost them and their partner.

Today we'll take a deep dive into several reasons why the unfaithful are dishonest with themselves, while helping to make sense of these actions to both the unfaithful and the betrayed. Make no mistake, even if we've been lying to ourselves as unfaithful, there is hope and there is a way out AND there is the opportunity to change and heal. It takes work and it takes expert care and it most certainly takes grit. For those willing to do the work, healing is always possible for ourselves.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

In this week's episode James and Sam discuss 6 ways the unfaithful party continues to retraumatize the betrayed partner both knowingly and unknowingly. We'll also discuss how the unfaithful can become more aware of these mistakes as well as stop them and rework your recovery altogether. Contrary to what some days may feel like, It doesn't always have to be a one step forward, three steps back kind of recovery.

It's vital that the unfaithful work to totally remove approaches and behaviors that keep themselves stuck and increase the suffering and wounding of the betrayed. While identifying the mistakes we'll also help underscore how certain variables can in fact make the betrayed feel cared for, while providing hope for recreating safety in what feels like a perpetually unsafe situation. We're confident that with expert help and direction, unfaithfuls can learn to discern what is a strength in recovery and alternatively what erodes that very same strength.

Today you'll learn about the dangers of being unaware of your actions even though you think they are for the best. James and Sam give you an elevated and scalpel-like view on how to increase your understanding of what is happening as well as a ground level, practical understanding that can keep your individual and relational recovery both in tact and moving forward.

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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com

Contact us: [email protected]

Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com

Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp...

Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157

Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery