It’s back-to-school time! 

What does this time of year look like for you & your family? Does your son dread back-to-school? Do you? Or, do you welcome that start of a new school year?

Rob Vaughn, a 5th grade teacher, is one of the (too) few male elementary school teachers in the United States.

Masculinity in 5th grade

When we asked Rob about his experiences in school when he was a boy, he told us, “I was a different kind of boy.” He says he wasn’t a “sporty jock,” but “quiet,” “introverted,” and “nerdy.” He remembers being shy and feeling overwhelmed.

The boys in his class exhibit a broad range of masculinity. There are the “dude” and “jocks,” Rob says, and at least as many boys how are “not stereotypical boys.” These guys like video games and stuffed animals, imaginative play, and art. They are sensitive — and so are the boys who like sports.

Kids today, he says, aren’t as strictly adhering to gender roles as kids were a generation ago.

“I’m finding that boys and girls are working together really well & openly, at least in my school,” Rob says. “Some of them are really great friends & some of the boys are really into ‘girl stuff.’ And they’re good at talking about their feelings!”

He is working to overcome lingering biases left over from his own childhood. Rob has noticed that his brain often thinks “tough kid” when he sees a boy in football gear, for instance. “I need to remember that they are still little kids and they are sensitive – even though they are acting like the celebrities they see,” he says.

He’s noticed boys emulating the behavior of online influencers and celebrities, including in less-than-desirable ways, such as arguing with referees or reacting with over-the-top rage when they lose a game. “It’s almost like there are little boys who are trying to be men, only the men they’re trying to be aren’t actualy men; they’re parodies of men that we’re seeing on social media.”

5th grade boys, Rob says, are grappling with “who am I? and who am I supposed to be?” at the same time they’re “dealing with hurt feelings and missing their mom.”

At the 5th grade level, boys tend to be less physically and emotionally mature than their female counterparts. At that age, boys are “not at a stage where they want to sit and discuss big ideas for as long” as the female students, Rob says. The boys, he says, “are operating at a level that’s a little sillier & younger.”

Teaching boys and girls together — and honestly talking about development and challenges — can enhance understanding and empathy.

Takeaways:

• Creating a sense of community in the classroom and giving students responsibilities can enhance their learning experience.
• Setting high expectations for students and empowering them to make choices can help build their independence.
• Fifth grade is a critical stage of development, with students experiencing the beginning stages of puberty and undergoing brain remodeling.
• Boys and girls in fifth grade are not always adhering to traditional gender roles, and they are grappling with societal expectations and their own identities.
• Social-emotional learning is an important aspect of the curriculum, focusing on skills such as empathy, communication, and self-awareness. Boys and girls may have different levels of maturity and focus in the classroom, with boys often being more active and playful.
• Societal expectations and media portrayals of masculinity can influence boys’ behavior and attitudes towards girls.
• Teaching boys about consent and respect for girls is crucial in creating a safe and inclusive environment.
• Parents and educators play a vital role in shaping boys’ behavior and attitudes towards girls.
• Building a strong foundation of respect and empathy in the early years can help boys navigate societal pressures and develop into confident and respectful men.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Where Are All the Male Teachers? — Good Men Project article

Lisa Damour on the Emotional Lives on Teens — ON BOYS episode

Male Role Models — BuildingBoys post about male Olympians in the 2024 Summer Olympics

Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS podcast featuring Richard V. Reeves (which coverrs redshirting boys in school)

Erin’s Law — more info on the law that mandates child sexual abuse prevention

Mark Rober — YouTuber Rob mentioned during our conversation

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