Send us a text

Exams discussions. 

How to parent through the pressure:

•  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/

How exams fail everyone: An interesting interview with Sammy Wright on the impact of grades and why we need to rethink them.

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/

Bowling:

https://lane7.com/venue/london-victoria/

Facebook Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/teenagersuntangled

The Big Hug membership group:

https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Most teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up? 

When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said.

I would like you to advise on though and maybe your daughters can help?  My 13 year old has been heavily influenced in the last year or two by social media posts on skin care. She has now changed from being content with a simple cleanse and moisturise before bed to having a morning and evening skincare ritual lasting more than an hour.  She is getting up at 5.30 every morning to start the ritual!  The most concerning thing is the use of products and preparations that I would normally associate with more mature ladies ( things I would use!) and these often include hyaluronic acid,  retinol, collagen etc.  she spends all her pocket money, birthday and Xmas money on these products and is constantly asking for extra jobs to earn more money to support to this expensive obsession. I am hoping it’s just a short lived phase and thinking that I should treat it a bit like ‘bad fashion’ and keep cool and non judgemental about it, rather than expressing my concerns, which would probably make things worse!  Do you have any advice? 

In this episode I talk at length with my girls about the trend, how her daughter might be feeling, and what Clare can do to support her without shutting down communication and connection. 

PRODUCT MENTIONED (NO AFFILIATE OR SPONSORSHIP INVOLVED) 

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is. 

Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about how the stages unfold and what it really feels like for us. 

What do you think? Send me a message on [email protected]

Ellen Galinsky's six stages of parenting:

Nurturer - Birth to one year

Your baby learns that they are safe and the more they find their needs met the more confident they'll become as a youth. 

Boundaries - Ages one to five

Children start to test boundaries. They need to be clear and consistent. When you set a boundary it needs to be the same every time, and the consequences need to be applied consistently. 

Training the Heart -Ages six to twelve

You begin answering questions about boundaries and consequences, and putting them in context with the way society works. It's important to listen to your child, and respect their opinions.

Coaching - Ages thirteen to eighteen

Give advice but allow the child to make the ultimate decision. We also have to allow our children to suffer the consequences of bad decisions. Nagging, or constant correction, will just cause our kids to tune our voice out. 

Mentoring - Ages eighteen to job or marriage

Refrain from telling them what they should do and from judging the decisions they make. Understand - and treat them - as if that they are capable of solving their own problems. Our job is to offer advice when asked and not to judge. Be curious. 

Friendship - Job or marriage and beyond

Now our kids are established as adults it's time to tone down the parenting and allow them to be our equal. The one key thing to remember is that they will always  crave our unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of how old they become. 

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Sponsored by JENZA

Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life.

Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an ideal way of giving them the skills they need with an added boost to their 'explorer' mindset.  

I’ve already made an episode talking in general about gap years, but I'm still getting a lot of enquiries about specific opportunities, so when JENZA - the earn as you explore youth travel group - offered to sponsor an episode it was an obvious way to get lots of useful tips for us parents.

In this discussion with JENZA’s head of Global Operations, Adam Janaway, he shares:

• The benefits of working abroad, emphasizing skills like responsibility, adaptability, and problem-solving. 
• The career advantages of cultural exposure and work experience in foreign settings. 
• Three types of work abroad experiences: short-term structured programs, longer-term flexible working holidays, and professional internships. 
• His own experiences, including working at a US summer camp and in Canada, and stresses the importance of asking for help and building emotional intelligence. 
• Advice for us parents to encourage independence and planning for our children's working holidays.

JENZA: www.jenza.com

GAP YEAR EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/gap-years-what-is-a-gap-year-and-should-our-teens-take-one/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another.

Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it.

Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as 'A rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful.' I knew we all needed to hear about what Matilda had found.

THE BOOK
Teenagers: The Evidence Base, weaves together insights from fields including social and experimental psychology, neuroscience, family systems and adolescent development.

CONTACTING MATILDA:
https://www.matildagosling.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/matilda-gosling-11a95521/?originalSubdomain=uk
https://matildagosling.substack.com/

In the interview we cover:

1. Navigating the ups and downs of the teenage years - The book discusses how the teenage years are not just constant "storms and stress" but have complex weather patterns with both positive and negative aspects.
2. Supporting teenagers' identity exploration - The book advises letting teenagers experiment with different identities and not labeling them, to allow them room to continue developing.
3. Facilitating healthy friendships and relationships - The discussion covers how parents can support their teenager's friendships, even if they don't approve of all their friends, and have conversations about healthy romantic relationships.
4. Talking to teens about sex and sexuality - The book emphasizes the importance of parents proactively discussing sex, sexuality, and porn with teenagers, rather than leaving it to schools or the media.
5. Maintaining self-care as a parent - The book stresses that parents taking care of their own needs and well-being is crucial for supporting their teenager's well-being.

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

This is Community Catch-Up: Your bonus episode

BOOKS MENTIONED:

Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves

10-25: The Science of Motivating Younge People - David Yeager

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more - Elaine Taylor-Klaus

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/

Ken Rabow on Failure to Launch:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/

Manners:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/

The Disengaged Teen - Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to: 

✅Avoid burnout.
✅Have a happier home life.
✅Help our kids to be successful in life.
✅Avoid nagging.
✅Break the old stereotypes cycle.

I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the mental load with the whole family and increase our kid's chances of having a happy life at the same time.

She summed up what I've been struggling with my entire adult life: the fact that if we don't learn household skills at home it's way harder to develop them as adults when we have busy lives, careers, and our own family.

Some of Sam's key suggestions are:

• Teach kids the "big three" daily tasks to build cleaning skills.
• Guide kids on how to "notice" what needs to be done around the house.
• Have "cycle breaking conversations" with kids about gender equity and mental load.
• Try the "notice and grab" approach when grocery shopping with kids.

You can find Sam on Instagram at:
https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world/

And her own website at:
https://hellosamkelly.com/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did.

A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Some take a lacklustre approach, doing the bare minimum, some work hard but never really think about the path they're on, others simply check out by disrupting the class or refusing to turn up.

The result is a high boredom high stress environment, but in this amazing book Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson explain that we parents have a immense power to influence our kids' engagement.

Drawing on sciencific studies, and research with thousands of parents and educators, they have come up with an easy to understand framwork and language for us to use with our own kids both in and beyond the classroom.
 
LEARNING MODES:

Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.

Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.

Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.

Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.

THE BOOK:
The Disengaged Teen by Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson

Dr Rebecca Winthrop
https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617/

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other.

Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die.

When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it came at the same time as another, Helen, who said she'd noticed lots of her female friends are struggling in their relationships with their sisters.

In this episode I talk with Susie about the factors in our own family setups that affect sibling relationships long term and whether there's a secret to making sure your kids don’t hate each other some day. We also try to help Helen with some ideas about how she can ameliorate her own situation with her sister.

BOOK:
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343433834_Sibling_Relationships_in_Adulthood_Research_Findings_and_New_Frontiers
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7399693/Findings
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04983-006

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/

PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue

TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/

NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/

10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/

Sexism and Sensibility  by Jo Ann Finkelstein
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/

When Girls Fall Out by Andrew Hampton
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/

Hold on to Your Kids by Dr Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate

Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

Failing our Future by Joshua Eyler
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-how-grades-harm-students-and-what-we-parents-can-do-about-it/

Exam Nation by Sammy Wright
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/

Of Boys and Men by Richard V Reeves
Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax.

MOST DOWNLOADED EPISODES OF 2024:
80: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/79-taking-things-personally-coping-with-adversity-teen-love-and-changing-our-minds-when-we-get-ne/

110: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/

77: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/

88

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support.

If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks:

• A regular community catch up
• Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics
• A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you
• Access to all past interviews
• Links to downloadable PDF documents

Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk