Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

By Ashleigh Butterss

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reve... more

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The podcast currently has 192 episodes available.

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Number 1: Ep 191. Why Nothing External Will Ever Fill The Internal Void, with Katrina Loewe
My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks. Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life. This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe 05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In 13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame 26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When" 30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life 33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed 36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling 38:04 When Drinking Crept In 40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks 46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything 51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today 57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology 01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Upcoming Retreats: The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027 A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email [email protected] for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
September 06, 20261h 17min
Number 2: Ep 190. Feeling Lost? The Daily Spiritual Practice That Brings You Back to Yourself, with Ash Butterss
Fresh from running her retreat in Bali, Ash is back with another solo episode exploring why so many of us feel disconnected from ourselves, and how a simple daily spiritual practice can help us step off the hamster wheel and come back to what truly matters. Inspired from the practices she was sharing on retreat, Ash shares what sadhana really means, the difference between filling your life with more things to do and creating practices that genuinely support you, and how meditation, pranayama, breathwork, yoga and stillness can become part of your everyday life. Ash also takes you behind the scenes of the retreat, from temple visits and Agni Hotra to kirtan, floating sound healing, sauna, cold plunges and the power of sisterhood. She reflects on how sobriety and recovery opened the door to a life she once could not have imagined, and why she now considers facilitating retreats her dream job. This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted from constantly doing, achieving or performing, yet still feels as though something is missing. You do not need to attend a retreat or completely overhaul your life to begin. Transformation can start with ten quiet minutes, one honest question or a single practice that brings you back to yourself each day. Ash also shares details of her upcoming retreats in Bali, Melbourne and the Gold Coast, including the newly announced A Sacred Return retreat in 2027. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
August 30, 202632min
Number 3: Ep 189. The Secret That’s Kept Sanjay Sober for 21 Years
My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes. In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow. But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves. Episode chapters: 00:08 Introducing Sanjay 04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London 07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells 10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging 13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It 17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess 19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up 23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am 26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory 29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy 31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 2005 36:50 What Happened Inside the Priory 38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service 52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down 56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise 59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years In Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
August 23, 20261h 6min
Number 4: Ep 188. The Unexpected Gift of Trauma and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth, with Dr. Edith Shiro
My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does. In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all. Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose. We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you. Episode chapters: 00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out Connect with Dr. Edith below: Instagram Website Linkedin The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
August 16, 202651min
Number 5: Ep 187. The Spiritual Thread Between Recovery and Yoga, with Mark Purser
My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering. In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Mark Purser 03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana 07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation 10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted 12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay 15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work 18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled 21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout 26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday 29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub 31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope 33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof 35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed 37:13 The Gift of Desperation 45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet 51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years 53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything 57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up 59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Mark below: www.bambooyogabyron.com Instagram Podcast: The Gentle Revolution Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
August 09, 20261h 7min