In this episode, I’m diving into the complex and painful role of the scapegoat child in families with borderline or narcissistic parents. If you were always the one blamed for everything—while somehow also being expected to keep the peace—you’re not alone. I’m the scapegoat in my own family, and I know how exhausting and confusing it is.

Families like this often use your emotional reactions to reinforce the idea that you’re the problem—giving them a convenient excuse to avoid their own accountability. This toxic pattern runs deep, but there are ways to step out of the scapegoat role and start healing.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• What it really means to be the scapegoat in a family with BPD or NPD dynamics
• Why your emotional responses are often used against you
• How staying emotionally regulated helps you reclaim control
• What happens when you stop playing the role—and how it forces the family system to shift

Want more tools for setting strong boundaries with a high-conflict parent? Check out my on-demand boundaries workshop at confidentboundaries.com/boundaries-workshop, and come join our supportive online community with weekly live coaching calls at confidentboundaries.com/join. 

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Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.