You've known for months exactly what boundary you need to set. And every time you sit down to do it, something in your body says absolutely not, and you tell yourself you'll deal with it later.

If you grew up with a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder or narcissistic traits, you learned early on that reading the room kept you safe and while expressing your emotions was a problem. It's one of the many reasons cycle breakers often grow up to be great intellectualizers who find themselves struggling to make the changes they desperately want to make.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why you know what you "should" do but can't bring yourself to actually do it 
• The difference between knowing what to do and having the skill set to tolerate how distressing change can be
• Why the hardest part of a boundary is almost never the logistics, it's the guilt and anxiety that come after
• The story your brain tells about laziness and lack of motivation, and what's actually happening
• Why being too close to the fire makes your own family the hardest one to see clearly

If you've spent years trying to understand your dysfunctional family system and still can't bring yourself to make the changes you need to, this episode is for you.

Grab Surviving Interactions With a Narcissistic, Emotionally Immature, or Otherwise Toxic Parent:

A 12-page step-by-step plan to walk you through the before, during, and after, so you can finally go into your next interaction with clarity and confidence in your approach: confidentboundaries.com/the-guide

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is my self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. Inside, we untangle dysfunctional family systems, boundaries with toxic parents, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Access two new bonus episodes every month plus the full archive of older episodes when you join You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed

Follow me on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow me on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

A quick update first- I'm shifting into a more sustainable rhythm for the podcast this fall, then I get into part two of my story. I talk about growing up with a Jekyll and Hyde mom, what that taught me, and how my understanding of what was actually going on with her has changed over the years.

I talk about how if I could stumble through my own healing as clumsily as I have and still end up with the skills and support I have now, I firmly believe anyone who is invested in breaking the cycle is capable of learning how to do so too. 

>>>Grab my new guide, Surviving Interactions With a Narcissistic, Emotionally Immature, or Otherwise Toxic Parent: confidentboundaries.com/the-guide

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is my self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers breaking the cycle: navigating dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Want bonus episodes and the full archive? Join You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed

Follow Torie on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

A quick update on the podcast and when the next episode will drop.

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

>>>Grab my new guide, Surviving Interactions With a Narcissistic, Emotionally Immature, or Otherwise Toxic Parent: confidentboundaries.com/the-guide

This week I'm sharing more about me: who I am, why I do the work that I do, and what led me to start this podcast.

In this episode you'll learn:

• About my clinical background and how that led to me working almost entirely with adults who have parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders
• About my attempts to fill the gap so many cycle breakers face when searching for support
• How to work together and the various ways I can help

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is my self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Want bonus episodes and the full archive? Join You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed

Follow me on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow me on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Grab my new guide: Surviving Interactions With a Narcissistic, Emotionally Immature, or Otherwise Toxic Parent

A 12-page step-by-step plan for navigating these dynamics with more of your sanity intact: confidentboundaries.com/the-guide

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, apologies often function as a way to end the conversation, avoid accountability, or label you as the problem.

And like many aspects of these types of family dynamics, apologies can be confusing and leave you replaying the conversation, wondering if you're being unreasonable by not fully accepting them.

In this episode you'll learn:

• What a healthy apology actually looks like
• Why "I'm sorry" can be a completely reasonable apology in one relationship and feel hollow in another
• The reason your gut flags an apology as insincere, and what your brain is actually tracking
• How the gap between what you experienced and what you're told to feel about it erodes self-trust over time
• Why not accepting an apology, or accepting it cautiously, can be a reasonable response

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is Torie's self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Want ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and the full archive? Join the private feed: confidentboundaries.com/private

Follow Torie on Instagram: instagram.com/cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: tiktok.com/@cyclebreakertherapist

Free guide: 10 Boundary Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

If your boundaries keep blowing up or leaving you drowning in guilt, it's usually not you. Learn what problems actually get in the way of setting successful boundaries with toxic parents by downloading my free guide: confidentboundaries.com/opt-in

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Coping skills and even CBT are getting demonized as shallow fixes that ignore trauma. But they play an important part in healing from the trauma of growing up with a parent who has narcissistic personality disorder or unmanaged borderline personality disorder.

And it's why so many cycle breakers end up skipping the tools that would actually help them get through hard moments of their healing, like setting a boundary or facing a triggering conversation with their parent.

In this episode you'll learn:

• The honest limits of coping skills, including what they can't do
• Accessible options for real-life stressful moments
• What conversations about healing from trauma often get wrong
• How coping skills support you through the harder parts

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is Torie's self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Follow Torie on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Want the more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Join The Private Feed for access to bonus and ad-free episodes plus the full archive: confidentboundaries.com/private

Free guide: 10 Boundary Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

If your boundaries keep blowing up or leaving you drowning in guilt, it's usually not you. Learn what problems actually get in the way of setting successful boundaries with toxic parents by downloading my free guide: confidentboundaries.com/opt-in

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Growing up with a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder or strong narcissistic traits means growing up in chaos. Gaslighting makes you question your reality, walking on eggshells keeps your nervous system on high alert, leaving you feeling crazy in a family that insists everything is fine.

In this episode you'll learn:

• How clarity about what's really happening in your family lets you make intentional decisions instead of throwing things at the wall
• Why making choices based on what someone else says is right for you replicates the exact dynamic you grew up in
• The difference between what's actually right for you and what just makes you feel less guilty
• How replicable skills, not one-size-fits-all rules, build the confidence that quiets self-doubt and self-gaslighting

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is Torie's self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Follow Torie on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Want the more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Join The Private Feed for access to bonus and ad-free episodes plus the full archive: confidentboundaries.com/private

Free guide: 10 Boundary Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

If your boundaries keep blowing up or leaving you drowning in guilt, it's usually not you. Learn what problems actually get in the way of setting successful boundaries with toxic parents by downloading my free guide: confidentboundaries.com/opt-in

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

When you were raised by a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn early on that keeping the peace and managing your parent's moods is the "kind" thing to do.

Your family conflates kindness with you taking on the job of regulating your parent's emotions, and now every boundary you try to set can feel like a moral failure instead of the basic self-care it actually is.

In this episode you'll learn:

• The real difference between kindness and the emotional caretaking you were trained to call kindness
• Why appeasing your parent got framed as "the right thing to do" 
• The one question to ask yourself when a boundary feels mean
• What genuinely unkind behavior looks like, and why setting a boundary doesn't come anywhere close
• Why your body might still feel uncomfortable and unsafe setting a boundary even once you know you've done nothing wrong

If you've spent your whole life worrying that taking care of yourself makes you the mean one, this episode is for you.

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is Torie's self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Follow Torie on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Want the more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Join The Private Feed for access to bonus and ad-free episodes plus the full archive: confidentboundaries.com/private

Free guide: 10 Boundary Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

If your boundaries keep blowing up or leaving you drowning in guilt, it's usually not you. Learn what problems actually get in the way of setting successful boundaries with toxic parents by downloading my free guide: confidentboundaries.com/opt-in

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

You've told yourself that this time you won't let it get to you, and somehow you still leave the conversation feeling defeated and distraught, wondering why you can't just let things go.

When you grow up with a narcissistic parent or a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, you learn to brace for the mean comments, the cruelty, the digs that come out of nowhere. 

And you work hard to get to a place of radical acceptance- acknowledging who your parent is and what you're likely to experience in your relationship with them. So shouldn't those realistic expectations of your parent come with less emotional distress when they do the toxic thing you're expecting them to do?

Not exactly.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why a negative emotional reaction to your parent's behavior is healthy and important
• The two things that tend to happen when you successfully lower your reactivity (and why neither is where you want to be)
• Your emotional reaction reframed as data that can inform your boundaries
• The nuanced, gray-area questions to ask yourself to create a reality that leaves you feeling less defeated and depleted

If you're desperate to feel less emotionally consumed by the interactions with your parent, this episode is for you.

Ready to go deeper?

The Cycle Breaker's Vault is Torie's self-guided course for the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic traits. It covers dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, manipulation, grief, and reconnecting with yourself.

Learn more and get started: confidentboundaries.com/vault

Follow Torie on Instagram: @cyclebreakertherapist

Follow Torie on TikTok: @cyclebreakertherapist

Want the more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Join The Private Feed for access to bonus and ad-free episodes plus the full archive: confidentboundaries.com/private

Free guide: 10 Boundary Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

If your boundaries keep blowing up or leaving you drowning in guilt, it's usually not you. Learn what problems actually get in the way of setting successful boundaries with toxic parents by downloading my free guide: confidentboundaries.com/opt-in

Support the show

A huge thank you to our podcast sponsors!

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you’re in crisis, please call the 988 Crisis Lifeline.

You're Not Crazy is owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.