In this episode, I talk about the complicated grief that surfaces once we begin setting boundaries and creating distance from toxic, narcissistic, or emotionally immature parents.

I share what it looked like in my own life— the emotional toll of being a parentified child, and why our healing journey often involves mourning the milestones we missed while we were just trying to survive.

This conversation is especially for those who feel behind in life, who struggle with guilt for being sad about the past, or who just need to hear that it’s okay to grieve what should have been. Because healing from a toxic parent doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt—it means being honest with our reality, making space for that pain, and still choosing to move forward.

If you're looking for support navigating your cycle breaking journey in real time, the Boundaries Helper GPT inside the Confident Boundaries Membership is now live and ready to help.

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

Big news! The Confident Boundaries App is officially live—now available for free on iPhone and Android. Inside, you’ll get instant access to a curated starter bundle of some of my favorite episodes and articles to support your healing from family dysfunction.

In today’s episode, we’re digging into a question I hear often from adult children of narcissistic parents or those with unmanaged BPD:
 “Why do I keep ending up in toxic relationships?”

When you grow up with emotionally immature or abusive parents, you're taught to dismiss your gut, minimize your needs, and tolerate mistreatment. That pattern doesn’t magically disappear in adulthood.

You’re not doomed to repeat these patterns forever. You can learn healthy love—and it starts with understanding what was never your fault to begin with.

📲 Download the Confident Boundaries app now to start healing with practical tools and community support. And if this episode hit home, tap 5 stars and leave a quick review to help others find the podcast.

Link to download on iPhone:

https://apps.apple.com/us/app/confident-boundaries/id6746057902

Link to download on Android:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kj2148582879.app&pcampaignid=web_share

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

If you’re breaking toxic cycles in a family marked by emotional immaturity, narcissism, or borderline traits, there’s something we don’t talk about enough: the profound loneliness that can come with healing.

You’re not just setting boundaries—you’re stepping out of the role your family expected you to play. Maybe you were the peacekeeper, the fixer, the golden child, or the scapegoat. But once you stop playing by the unspoken rules, the system fights to pull you back in. 

What hurts the most is realizing your family often wants access to the old version of you—not the healthier, more boundaried version you’ve worked so hard to become. That rejection can feel like losing your family all over again.

This episode is for the cycle breakers—the ones doing the heavy lifting, often in silence, wondering if anyone else truly gets it. 

You’ll learn:

• Why healing often feels lonelier before it feels better
• How to reframe your isolation as a sign of growth
• Where to find real, mutual support outside of dysfunctional systems

Ready to connect with other cycle breakers? Join me in the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

Healing isn’t linear—especially when you’re the cycle breaker. In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, I’m pulling back the curtain on what real, sustainable healing looks like when you grew up with emotionally immature, narcissistic, or borderline parents.

I share how becoming a therapist over a decade ago didn’t free me from my dysfunctional patterns—it magnified them. I was the classic parentified child turned overwhelmed helper: running myself into the ground trying to "fix" everything and help everyone. 

I talk about how I'm working on breaking toxic cycles right now and all the feelings and thoughts I have around my own healing journey.

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

Cycle breakers are often raised to believe that honesty = full disclosure and transparency… even when the other person has a history of weaponizing that honesty against them.

In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, we’re digging into the messy middle between brutal honesty and self-abandonment—especially when it comes to dealing with parents who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

So many of us value being open and real because we didn’t get that growing up. But when it comes to setting boundaries with toxic parents, that same desire to be transparent can backfire—leaving us feeling overexposed, manipulated, and unsafe.

In this episode, I’m sharing:

• The difference between honesty and over-disclosure
• How I decide what to share (and not share) on this podcast and in my own life
• Why you don’t owe anyone—not even your parent—access to your most vulnerable truths
• And the underrated boundary no one talks about: walking away when you're being mistreated

→Ready to learn why your boundaries haven’t been working—and what to do instead? Grab my free mini-course at confidentboundaries.com/course

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

If you’ve ever felt a pit in your stomach after setting a boundary… or a wave of guilt for saying no to your parent’s last-minute demand… this episode is for you.

Guilt has been weaponized in toxic families for generations—and if you grew up with a toxic parent or narcissistic parent, chances are you’ve been conditioned to confuse manipulative guilt with a healthy conscience. But here’s the truth: that guilt you feel? It’s not because you’ve done something wrong. It’s because your parent taught you that their comfort matters more than your well-being.

In this episode, we break down:

• The difference between healthy guilt and the kind that keeps you stuck in people-pleasing mode
• Why you don’t need to prove your parent is “trying” to manipulate you for the guilt to be real and harmful

This is a must-listen for any adult child of emotionally immature, narcissistic, or borderline parents who’s ready to break the cycle and stop abandoning themselves to keep the peace.

Ready to find out why your boundaries aren’t working with your toxic parent? Take my free mini-course at confidentboundaries.com/course

And for a limited time, join the Confident Boundaries membership for just $38 your first month with code BIRTHDAY

Grab my free guide, 5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

Download the Confident Boundaries App on iPhone:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/confident-boundaries/id6746057902

Download the Confident Boundaries App on Android:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kj2148582879.app&pcampaignid=web_share

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not ...

Let’s talk about the real work of breaking dysfunctional family cycles.

If you're the adult child of a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you probably know the drill: chaos explodes, you search frantically for tools to survive it… and then once things settle down, you convince yourself it's “not that bad.” Sound familiar?

This episode is your reminder that healing isn’t just something you do in a crisis. In fact, the most transformative progress happens between the chaos—when things are calm, quiet, and deceptively “fine.”

In this episode, I break down why that in-between time is exactly when you need to be doing the deeper work. Because this is your chance to reclaim your life without being stuck in reaction mode. We’ll talk about what real healing looks like, how to stop falling for the illusion of “it’s better now,” and why the work you do when things are calm is what actually sets you free.

Whether you’ve been the scapegoat, the peacekeeper, or the fixer—this is your sign to stop waiting for another meltdown to reach out for support. Let’s normalize choosing to heal—not just when you have to, but when you can.

Take my free boundaries course: confidentboundaries.com/workshop

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

Do you question whether your parent actually is as toxic as they feel sometimes? Then this episode is for you.

Today, I’m diving into why so many adult children of narcissistic or borderline parents minimize their trauma, second-guess themselves, and stay stuck in relationships that continue to harm them.

We’ll talk about how those temporary “good moments” with your toxic parent aren’t proof that they’re safe—they’re part of the abuse cycle. Those calm stretches after explosive fights are what keep so many of us hooked, waiting for the parent we wish we had to finally show up for good.

I also share a personal story from a full-on family meltdown in a hospital waiting room (spoiler alert: security got involved 🤦🏻‍♀️). 

If you’re stuck in self-doubt and wondering whether your parent is really toxic enough to need boundaries… make sure to go take my free workshop: confidentboundaries.com/workshop. You’ll walk away with clarity, language, and tools that might just change everything for you.

Grab my free guide, 5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

Download the Confident Boundaries App on iPhone:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/confident-boundaries/id6746057902

Download the Confident Boundaries App on Android:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kj2148582879.app&pcampaignid=web_share

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not ...

Surviving (not thriving) Mother's Day weekend is what we're celebrating this week. Breaking cycles isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your commitment to healing, despite few healthy examples, is powerful. Be gentle with yourself; your journey of growth deserves compassion, not criticism.

Next we’re calling out the toxic phrases that gaslight, invalidate, and harm adult children of parents with BPD or NPD. You've probably heard, "But they're your parents, you should forgive them," or "When they die, you'll miss them." Unsurprisingly, I share how much I hate these comments and try to give you a chuckle along the way.

One week left to join the Confident Boundaries Membership before prices go up!
Click here to join for $69/month
Click here to join for $189/quarter

My FREE Boundaries Workshop: confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

🎧 Ready for More?
Subscribe to You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed for ad-free episodes, bonus content, and archived episodes no longer available in the public feed:

📱 Download the Confident Boundaries App
Available on iOS and Android

🧭 Join the Confident Boundaries Membership
Get monthly coaching, community, and the tools to set boundaries that actually stick: confidentboundaries.com/membership

📄 Grab My Free Guide
5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

📸 Follow on Instagram
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in helping adult children of narcissistic and borderline parents break toxic cycles and reclaim their peace. She combines clinical experience with personal insight as a cycle breaker raised by a mother with suspected NPD and BPD traits. Torie provides online ther...

Stuck between staying in a painful relationship with your toxic parent or going full no-contact? There is another option—low contact. In this episode, I break down what low contact actually looks like with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder: surface-level conversations, strong boundaries, and emotional distance that protects your peace. I’ll share why this gray area can be the most sustainable choice for many adult children of emotionally immature or toxic parents—and how to know if it’s right for you.

Links from this week's episode:

Bonus episodes of You're Not Crazy: confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Waitlist for the Boundaries Workshop:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Join the Confident Boundaries Membership before prices go up:
confidentboundaries.com/join

Grab my free guide, 5 Guilt-Proof Boundaries That Actually Work (Even With a Toxic Parent):
confidentboundaries.com/guilt-proof-boundaries

Download the Confident Boundaries App on iPhone:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/confident-boundaries/id6746057902

Download the Confident Boundaries App on Android:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kj2148582879.app&pcampaignid=web_share

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not ...