Do you question whether your parent actually is as toxic as they feel sometimes? Then this episode is for you.

Today, I’m diving into why so many adult children of narcissistic or borderline parents minimize their trauma, second-guess themselves, and stay stuck in relationships that continue to harm them.

We’ll talk about how those temporary “good moments” with your toxic parent aren’t proof that they’re safe—they’re part of the abuse cycle. Those calm stretches after explosive fights are what keep so many of us hooked, waiting for the parent we wish we had to finally show up for good.

I also share a personal story from a full-on family meltdown in a hospital waiting room (spoiler alert: security got involved 🤦🏻‍♀️). 

If you’re stuck in self-doubt and wondering whether your parent is really toxic enough to need boundaries… make sure to go take my free workshop: confidentboundaries.com/workshop. You’ll walk away with clarity, language, and tools that might just change everything for you.

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
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Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

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Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Surviving (not thriving) Mother's Day weekend is what we're celebrating this week. Breaking cycles isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your commitment to healing, despite few healthy examples, is powerful. Be gentle with yourself; your journey of growth deserves compassion, not criticism.

Next we’re calling out the toxic phrases that gaslight, invalidate, and harm adult children of parents with BPD or NPD. You've probably heard, "But they're your parents, you should forgive them," or "When they die, you'll miss them." Unsurprisingly, I share how much I hate these comments and try to give you a chuckle along the way.

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Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
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Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Stuck between staying in a painful relationship with your toxic parent or going full no-contact? There is another option—low contact. In this episode, I break down what low contact actually looks like with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder: surface-level conversations, strong boundaries, and emotional distance that protects your peace. I’ll share why this gray area can be the most sustainable choice for many adult children of emotionally immature or toxic parents—and how to know if it’s right for you.

Links from this week's episode:

Bonus episodes of You're Not Crazy: confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Waitlist for the Boundaries Workshop:
confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Join the Confident Boundaries Membership before prices go up:
confidentboundaries.com/join

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Have you ever wondered why your "healthier" parent never stepped in to protect you? In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on the complex role of the enabling parent—one who may seem less toxic than the other but still plays a significant part in family dysfunction. Through their silence, excuse-making, and avoidance of conflict, the enabling parent often allows harmful patterns to persist. It’s easy to grow up seeing one parent as “the bad one” and the other as “the good one,” but the reality is far more painful and complicated.

In this episode, I also share personal examples from my own relationship with my enabling parent to illustrate how enabling parents can remain disconnected from the reality of the abuse right in front of them. This disconnection isn’t always about a lack of empathy—it’s often rooted in their own unresolved trauma and lack of healthy coping mechanisms. 

Understanding this gray area is vital to your healing process, even though it can mean letting go of the fantasy that at least one parent could have been your protector.

Subscribe to bonus episodes of You're Not Crazy: confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Follow me on Substack:
toriewiksell.substack.com

Take my free workshop to learn how to set boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent: confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, codependency can sneak into your adult relationships without you even realizing it. What started as a necessary survival strategy—keeping the peace, reading the room, making yourself “easy”—turns into a lifelong pattern of people-pleasing, over-explaining, and walking on eggshells.

In this episode, we unpack the everyday signs of codependent behavior: perfectionism to avoid criticism, guilt when setting boundaries, and the urge to fix other people’s emotions so you don’t have to feel the discomfort of their disappointment or anger.

These aren’t character flaws. They’re protective coping skills from childhood—responses you had to develop in a home where your emotional needs were often dismissed, minimized, or manipulated.

We’ll talk about what it really means to work on codependency, including:

• Letting go of the need to manage other people’s emotions
• Asking for support without apologizing for your needs
• Learning to tolerate discomfort without over-functioning
• Reclaiming trust in your own voice, boundaries, and resilience

→ Want to go deeper? Grab the Before Boundaries Mini-Course, available now on a pay-what-you-can basis at confidentboundaries.com. 

→ Subscribe to Bonus Episodes of You're Not Crazy at confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Ever been told to "sit with your emotions" but had no idea what that really means? If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you’re not alone. In this episode, I break down this common advice into three practical steps that you can use, no matter how clueless you feel right now.

Learn how to expand your emotional vocabulary, reconnect with your body’s responses, and process difficult emotions in compassionate ways. It’s never too late to develop emotional intelligence, even if you didn’t get these skills growing up.

I also mention the "Before Boundaries" mini-course, available for $29 at confidentboundaries.com, designed to help you understand what you need to know before setting boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent. Check out the free boundaries workshop and bonus episodes here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

In this episode, I’m diving into the complex and painful role of the scapegoat child in families with borderline or narcissistic parents. If you were always the one blamed for everything—while somehow also being expected to keep the peace—you’re not alone. I’m the scapegoat in my own family, and I know how exhausting and confusing it is.

Families like this often use your emotional reactions to reinforce the idea that you’re the problem—giving them a convenient excuse to avoid their own accountability. This toxic pattern runs deep, but there are ways to step out of the scapegoat role and start healing.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• What it really means to be the scapegoat in a family with BPD or NPD dynamics
• Why your emotional responses are often used against you
• How staying emotionally regulated helps you reclaim control
• What happens when you stop playing the role—and how it forces the family system to shift

Want more tools for setting strong boundaries with a high-conflict parent? Check out my on-demand boundaries workshop at confidentboundaries.com/boundaries-workshop, and come join our supportive online community with weekly live coaching calls at confidentboundaries.com/join. 

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

In this episode, we explore the difficult—but crucial—question: When is no-contact with a borderline or narcissistic parent necessary? This isn’t about pushing you toward cutting ties, but about helping you define the non-negotiable boundaries that protect both your emotional health and the relationship itself.

Key Takeaways:

✔️ Identifying deal breakers to clarify essential boundaries
✔️ Why thinking about no-contact isn’t giving up—it’s gaining clarity
✔️ How to set boundaries from a place of autonomy, not fear
✔️ Testing smaller boundaries before making drastic decisions
✔️ Avoiding emotional “mic drop” decisions that lead to regret
✔️ Healing is a process—not determined by whether your parent is in your life

💡 Want More Support? Access bonus podcast episodes without joining the full community → confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

📢 Live Boundaries Workshop! Learn how to set and hold boundaries with confidence → confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshop

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Trusting your own intuition can feel impossible when you grew up with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. Many of us were conditioned to override our gut feelings just to keep the peace—making it harder to make confident, healthy decisions as adults. But self-trust isn’t lost forever. With time, consistency, and the right tools, you can rebuild it and start making choices that truly align with your values.

In this episode, I’m diving into:

 ✔ How BPD/NPD parents train us to ignore our instincts to keep them happy
 ✔ Why we tolerate toxic behavior more than other people do—and how to break that cycle
 ✔ The power of cost-benefit analysis to weigh both action and inaction
✔ Why identifying your top 10 personal values is a game-changer for decision-making
✔ How self-trust is built over time (small, consistent steps really matter)
✔ The trap of black-and-white thinking—and why you don’t need 100% certainty to move forward

Do you love the podcast? Get more content by subscribing to our bonus episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.

Struggling to set boundaries with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder? In this episode of You're Not Crazy, I break down five key signs that you need stronger boundaries—and share practical strategies to help you establish them.

If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to rethink your boundaries:

 ✔️ You feel completely drained after interacting with your parent—or even just thinking about them.
✔️ You’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of triggering an emotional meltdown.
✔️ You keep getting sucked into their chaos and drama (even when you try to stay out of it).
✔️ You avoid setting boundaries because you’re scared of rejection or abandonment.
✔️ Your parent interferes with your relationship and disrupts your peace.

Want step-by-step guidance on how to set and enforce boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent? Join me for my live workshop, How to Set Boundaries with a BPD or NPD Parent! 

Register now at confidentboundaries.com/boundaries-workshop and get my Boundaries Cheatsheet—with 9 scripts for enforcing boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent just for showing up and hanging out! 

Can’t make it live? Sign up anyway, and I’ll send you the recording!

Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:
confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes

Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
confidentboundaries.com/workshop

Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership

Follow me on Instagram:
instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries

Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.

Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.