Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the second half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.   

Links in show:

Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the first half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference from earlier this year in Portland, Oregon. In it, he discusses what Betrayal Trauma is, how it affects the brain, and what is needed for healing.

Links in show:

Betrayed partners are usually so traumatized by the discovery of their partners' addiction or betrayal that they are trying to just put together the reality of what life is and has truly been. The first phase of healing from betrayal trauma is safety and stabilization. One of the first things that needs to happen is to find out what the betrayed partner needs to feel safe, and that usually means involving the betrayer. But what happens if the ones who did the betraying discard their partners' safety needs, as well as what it takes to live a life of integrity?   

Links mentioned in the show:

Divorce might seem like the obvious answer when betrayal occurs, but there are ways to save a marriage or relationship if the betrayer and partner are willing to step into healing. In this conversation between Dr. Jake and APSATS Certified Partner Coach Kim Hansen Petroni, they discuss the topic of divorce after the betrayal from several angles.   

Links from the show:

One of the trickiest scenarios recovering addicts and betrayed partners must navigate involves disclosure to children. How much do you tell? When do you share? Who should do it? While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to answer these questions, some principles are generally helpful to those who are facing this reality. In this episode, APSATS-trained Carley Pool, LPC Associate discusses these matters with Dr. Jake.

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(This is the second part of a two-part series on core values. If you've not yet heard part one, go listen to that first!)

Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most.  

Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake Porter!  

Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most. Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake Porter!  

http://apsats.org

In this conversation on the needs of couples after the discovery of sexual addiction, Dr. Jake is joined by Carol the Coach discuss her ERCEM model, the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. Jake and Carol talk about the three phases of healing for betrayal trauma, and how the betraying partner can help to heal the relationship, despite being the cause of pain. They discuss what true empathy is, and how it can transform the dynamic of the relationship and open the way to true healing.

http://www.apsats.org

http://go.drjakeporter.com

http://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com

In Julie's interview, she will discuss why attunement is important, how it can be developed, the three C's of Non-Verbal Communication: context, cluster, congruency.

Albert Mehrabian's 55%, 38%, 7% Rule states that only 7% of what we communicate is with words, and yet we focus so many tools on this aspect. The rest of what we say is through signals, micro-expressions, facial reflexes, breathing patterns, and noises. Developing attunement to your partner's distress signals prior to the need for tools may help co-regulation prior to a conflict erupting. This can change the energy between partners and create safety in the relationship.

Show links:

http://apsats.org

http://www.newenglandcoachingservices.com

http://daringventures.com/windell

https://go.chooseconnectionsummit.com/

Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency and commitment in their relationships. This often includes participating in a facilitated disclosure and emotional restitution process. Join APSATS trained coach Kathy Reynolds and APSATS founding president, Dr. Barbara Steffens, for this powerful conversation.