Clarity on Fire

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

This month we answered questions from:

• Murphy's Law, who's been having a string of bad luck that's making her feel as if the whole world is conspiring against her! She's asking the important questions: WTF?! And, how do I get myself out of it?
• A Gal with Mama Trauma, who (as you could probably guess) has a not-so-great relationship with her codependent mom. She's tired of avoiding confrontation and being flimsy with her boundaries. How can she stand up to a parent who gaslights, manipulates, denies, and guilt trips?
• Rory, who's been dating for a while and trying to overcome her fear of sharing her needs … until a friend told her she was overdoing it, and she started second-guessing herself. She wants to know when it's appropriate to ask someone to meet your needs, and when is it not OK?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our May episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Blog: Stop going to the hardware store for milk (November 2018)

Blog: Stop torturing yourself with other people's potential (December 2019)

Side Chat: When your feelings are ignored, scorned, and gaslit (January 2020)

Dear Krachel: How do I detach from negative people? (February 2021)

Side Chat: How to spot a red, green, or yellow flag (February 2021)

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In the best of times, it's hard to tune into your intuition and receive guidance. Fear and uncertainty, whether it's created by world events or the particulars of your life experience, create a LOT of noise, both internally and externally. And, ironically, it's exactly when we're most afraid and unsure that we most need to be able to receive wisdom and inspiration.

Last year we started doing "Message from the Universe" episodes to help get us through the pandemic. Though we stopped doing them regularly, we promised they'd be back at random, probably when you most needed a little encouragement — and when do we not need that?

So, if you're having a hard time getting calm, quieting your mind, and tuning in (understandable, if so!), we hope this message will give you an extra boost of guidance today.

We pulled 3 cards from The Enchanted Map deck by Colette Baron-Reid. One or all has a message for you — come find out what it is!

Click here to see the cards, as well as read the description of each!

After you listen, come leave a comment to share how the message landed with you.

JOIN THE CLARITY ON FIRE COMMUNITY!

We're now on Patreon! And it's pretty lit in there (don't come at us for that lingo), if we do say so ourselves.

Join the $3/month tier (The Spark) for access to occasional bonus episodes and other special content. Think of this like our virtual "tip jar." If you're not interested in the community aspect, but appreciate our work and want to send a little love our way every month, plus get access to bonus content, this is for you!

Join the $6/month tier (The Flame) for occasional bonus content and access to monthly patron-only Zoom meetups (hosted by our Community Ambassador, Madison) and quarterly Zoom hangs with Krachel.

For those of you who join "The Flame" tier, there's still time to join before the first community Zoom this Sunday, March 28 at 1pm EST!

This inaugural hangout is going to be book-club style! Choose between discussing Untamed by Glennon Doyle or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. And if you haven't read either, no worries, you're still welcome.

Become a patron, here. And then introduce yourself, so you can start making friends with other COF people!

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Most of us are pretty good at certain kinds of commitments: We'll be true to our partners, loving and supportive parents to all types of children (furry or human), dedicated family members, and diligent co-workers and leaders.

Buuut then we'll completely drop the ball when it comes to commitments to ourselves.

We get asked a lot, "How can I stay consistent when I commit to something?? It drives me nuts that I say I want to do something, and then can't make myself keep doing it!"

So, in today's brand-new Side Chat, we're diving into an easy adjustment you can make that will help you stay a little truer to yourself. We got into…

• How your efforts to stay consistent are, ironically, probably making it even harder to follow through.
• How to create a "menu of options" for getting things done that allows you more freedom and flexibility without throwing structure out the window.
• A few examples of how we've been using this new system, personally and with clients, and the positive results we're seeing!

And, completely unrelated, we had a 10-minute conversation at the beginning of this episode about an elephant in the room that, after three years of podcasting, we'd never actually talked about.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how this landed with you, and what adjustments you might be making to your routine!

JOIN THE CLARITY ON FIRE COMMUNITY!

We're now on Patreon! And it's pretty lit in there (don't come at us for that lingo), if we do say so ourselves. We just published a bonus episode about depression and anxiety, which has kicked off quite the group convo, if that tickles your fancy.

• Join the $3/month tier (The Spark) for access to occasional bonus episodes and other special content. Think of this like our virtual "tip jar." If you're not interested in the community aspect, but appreciate our work and want to send a little love our way every month, plus get access to bonus content, this is for you!
• Join the $6/month tier (The Flame) for occasional bonus content and access to monthly patron-only Zoom meetups (hosted by our Community Ambassador, Madison) and quarterly Zoom hangs with Krachel.

For those of you who join "The Flame" tier, mark your calendars! The first community Zoom is happening on Sunday, March 28 at 1pm EST. This inaugural hangout is going to be book-club style! Choose between reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

Become a patron, here. And then introduce yourself, so you can start making friends with other COF people!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Magic 8-Ball: Masculine vs. Feminine Energy (March 2020)

Side Chat: The trick to overcoming your deepest, most secret blocks (May 2019)

Change your bad habits (& get over your fear of failure) with Jessica Binder (March 2019)

Side Chat: How to stop procrastinating (January 2019)

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Some of the most interesting people I know are the ones who've had a winding, twisting, irregular career path — starting out doing one thing, then dabbling in something else, and then taking a massive left turn into a whole new arena.

These people have unique perspectives and loads of fascinating stories that never seem to run out. They also tend to have very few regrets because they've played out many of their "what if" daydreams in real life.

And yet, most people are also terrified to take an unconventional career path that doesn't follow on the linear "perfect resume" format we've all been taught is correct.

So what gives? Why are we so attracted to people with the most interesting (read: nonlinear) paths in life, and yet we feel so resistant to becoming one of them?

It all comes down to fear: fear of failure, fear of what people will think, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment, and on and on.

That's why I'm excited to have Emily Florence on the podcast today. She felt all of those fears at every twist in her unconventional career path, but she followed her intuition and acted anyway.

Listen in as Kristen asks Emily about...

• Her experience taking a break from college and traveling alone overseas for 4 months.
• The story of when she dropped out of law school … after 4 days.
• What led her to ultimately run her own business.
• What advice she has for anyone who feels ready for a career change, but is paralyzed by their fear about taking the leap.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to share how Emily's story resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT EMILY FLORENCE

Emily Florence is the founder of Savvy Miss, which is honored to be named a Forbes Top 100 Website for Women. She's also the host of the EveryDay Happy Show podcast, a certified life, life purpose and business coach, a writer, and a former entertainment publicist and journalist. Emily's a puppy mama to a silly lab named Harper, a lover of green tea, a travel enthusiast and a grateful optimist. She has a Master of Arts in Broadcast Journalism from Emerson College in Boston, a BA in Cultural Anthropology from the University of California at Santa Barbara and a Life Coaching Certificate from the Life Purpose Institute. Prior to becoming an entrepreneur, she was an entertainment publicist representing award-winning clients including American Idol, Gilmore Girls, So You Think You Can Dance, Malcolm in the Middle, Bernie Mac and more. Emily loves inspiring and supporting people to create happier, more fulfilled, easygoing lives – and to be kinder to the amazing person staring back at them in the mirror. Find her on Instagram @savvymiss.

JOIN THE CLARITY ON FIRE COMMUNITY!

Big news: We're now on Patreon!

• Join the $3/month tier (The Spark) for access to occasional bonus episodes and other special content. Think of this like our virtual "tip jar." If you're not interested in the community aspect, but appreciate our work and want to send a little love our way every month, plus get access to bonus content, this is for you!
• Join the $6/month tier (The Flame) for occasional bonus content and access to monthly patron-only Zoom meetups (hosted by our Community Ambassador, Madison) and quarterly Zoom hangs with Krachel.

For those of you who join "The Flame" tier, mark your calendars! The first community Zoom is happening on Sunday, March 28 at 1pm EST. This inaugural hangout is going to be book-club style! Choose between reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

And when you sign up for either tier by the end of the day TODAY, March 12, we'll enter you into a drawing! Two lucky patrons will win a free single coaching session with one of us.

Become a patron, here. And then introduce yourself, so you can start making friends with other COF people!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

The secret to mastering informational interviews with Elise Austen (July 2020)

Burn This: 8 career beliefs to leave in the 2010s (January 2020)

When life screws up your plans with MaryBeth Bailar-Heath (January 2020)

There's no such thing as a career soulmate (May 2019)

LINKS

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Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Join our community on Patreon

Check out our YouTube channel

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, our monthly advice segment where we answer listener questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

This month we answered questions from:

• Unsure Entrepreneur, who started a business last year after dreaming of entrepreneurship for ages … but is now feeling a bit hollow and unfulfilled. They can't imagine going back to work for someone else, but now this doesn't feel quite right, either. How can they pinpoint what's off, and fix it?
• Sam, a dance teacher with a toxic boss. She desperately wants to quit her job before her contract is up in a few months (and has the panic attacks to prove it), but feels guilty about abandoning her students before the big performance. Should she stick it out, or is it OK to walk away?
• Ashley, who's in a happy, healthy, loving relationship … but can't stop thinking about a toxic ex. What's up when you know it was right to end a relationship, but your brain keeps coming back to the person anyway?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how our advice for these listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our April episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

JOIN THE CLARITY ON FIRE COMMUNITY!

Big news–we're now on Patreon!

• Join the $3/month tier (The Spark) for access to occasional bonus episodes and other special content. Think of this like our virtual "tip jar." If you're not interested in the community aspect, but appreciate our work and want to send a little love our way every month, plus get access to bonus content, this is for you!
• Join the $6/month tier (The Flame) for occasional bonus content and access to monthly patron-only Zoom meetups (hosted by our Community Ambassador, Madison) and quarterly Zoom hangs with Krachel.

For those of you who join "The Flame" tier, mark your calendars! The first community Zoom is happening on Sunday, March 28 at 1pm EST. This inaugural hangout is going to be book-club style! Choose between reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

And when you sign up for either tier by next Friday, March 12, we'll enter you into a drawing! Two lucky patrons will win a free single coaching session with one of us.

Become a patron, here. And then introduce yourself, so you can start making friends with other COF people!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Side Chat: The 4 Passion Profiles (December 2018)

How to work less, live more, and make great money with Katie Mongelli (July 2018)

Side Chat: Does life purpose even exist? (January 2021)

Burn This: Sacrificing your health for a job (May 2020)

Navigating a toxic workplace with Stacy Campesi (February 2021)

Bonus Side Chat: How to create light at the end of the tunnel (February 2021)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Check out our YouTube channel

Join our Patreon

Since we became coaches almost nine years ago, we can't tell you how many times we've heard from clients, "I feel lonely. It's hard to make friends. I wish there was a way to connect with other people who are interested in personal development and deep conversations."

And so often, we wished we could play platonic matchmaker and gather all of these individuals together and let them make friends with each other. It's been a bucket list idea for ages!

Until now, that is. Drumroll please 🥁🥁🥁 …

We're finally starting a Clarity on Fire Community!

Big thanks and kudos to Madison, one of Kristen's former clients and our new Community Ambassador. Like the Firestarter she is, she took initiative and asked if she could lead the way, to which we said a fervent YES! Without her, this wouldn't be happening right now.

Read on for details about how to join, what you can expect, and how to win a single coaching session with us! Or, listen to the announcement episode on the podcast!

JOIN THE CLARITY ON FIRE COMMUNITY!

We've decided to create our community on Patreon! For those who don't know, Patreon is a platform for content creators that allows them to receive very small, monthly contributions from fans — people who love their work and want to support them, and who also get special access to fan-only content.

There are two tiers you can choose to join:

• Join the $3/month tier (The Spark) for access to occasional bonus episodes and other special content. Think of this like our virtual "tip jar." If you're not interested in the community aspect, but appreciate our work and want to send a little love our way every month, plus get access to bonus content, this is for you!
• Join the $6/month tier (The Flame) for occasional bonus content and access to monthly patron-only Zoom meetups (hosted by our Community Ambassador, Madison) and quarterly Zoom hangs with Krachel.

For those of you who join "The Flame" tier, mark your calendars! The first community Zoom is happening on Sunday, March 28, at 1pm EST. This inaugural hangout is going to be book-club style! Choose between joining a breakout discussion of either Untamed by Glennon Doyle or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

And when you sign up for either tier by next Friday, March 12, we'll enter you into a drawing! Two lucky patrons will win a free single coaching session with one of us.

Become a patron, here. And then go introduce yourself on the first post, so you can start connecting with other COF people!

We're most excited to collaborate with our patrons on what this can become! (In-person meetups when COVID is over, we're looking at you.) As a patron, we'll be asking you to tell us what kind of bonus content you're craving, how the monthly meetups can be as fun and meaningful as possible, and what new things we can try together.

See you in there!

LINKS

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Take the Passion Profile Quiz

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We didn't need an excuse to interview our Internet-friend-we've-never-actually-met-in-real-life, Caroline Garnet McGraw.

BUT, she did sort of whisper the magic words that made it painstakingly obvious we HAD to talk to her: "I used to be in a cult. And I was good at it." Best elevator pitch ever.

Caroline's first book, You Don't Owe Anyone: Free Yourself From the Weight of Expectations is getting published in April, and we got to sit down with her to talk about her journey from INTENSE people-pleaser to free and self-expressed human.

This one goes out to all of you people-pleasers, perfectionists, high achievers and highly sensitives, as well as anyone who struggles to let go of guilt and prioritize your own needs.

We got into…

• How growing up in a religious cult trained Caroline to please everyone but herself.
• The physical and mental symptoms you can expect when you're suffering under the weight of other people's expectations.
• Why "not owing anyone" isn't selfish, and how to rid yourself of guilt for prioritizing your needs and wants.

This was such a deep, necessary conversation–the opposite of surface-level self-help! Share it far and wide, with anyone in your life who needs to hear it.

And leave a comment after you've listened to share what you've decided you don't owe anyone, anymore!

MORE ABOUT CAROLINE & PRE-ORDER THE BOOK

Caroline Garnet McGraw is an author, speaker, and coach for recovering perfectionists. She's the creator of A Wish Come Clear, a popular blog devoted to trading perfectionism for possibility, as well as several online interview series. She's a two-time TEDx speaker, and her essays have been featured on The Huffington Post, Momastery, and Women For One. Caroline lives in Florence, Alabama with her family.

Preorder the book today and claim $1294 worth of limited-time bonuses, including over 100 expert interviews and a coaching guidebook! Preorder and claim your exclusive bonuses here.

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A few weeks ago one of Rachel's clients shared a very interesting conundrum:

She's wading through the world of dating apps, which is a masterclass in practicing discernment and listening to your intuition, as many of you know!

She said, "I've gotten pretty good at identifying red flags right off the bat. And I'm also seeing some green flags—signs someone is respectful and shares the same values as me. But I'm struggling at identifying yellow flags. What do I do when I run into something that, in the moment, doesn't feel like a red flag, but in hindsight, maybe it was? Was I ignoring my intuition? Should I have known better?"

This deserves a whole episode, if you ask us! So, in this month's brand-new Side Chat we're diving into how to spot the differences between red, green, and yellow flags.

We got into…

• Why red and green flags have more in common than yellow flags, and why the approach when encountering a yellow flag is so different.
• How to define what counts as a red, green, or yellow flag—Some are universal, some might be very personal to you!
• Recognizing which pattern you default to: Are you someone who paints yellow flags green (aka Kristen)? Or do you default to painting yellow flags red (aka Rachel)?

Leave a comment after you've listened to share which kind of flags you've been struggling with, and how you tend to default when grappling with the tricky yellow ones!

LISTEN TO THESE EPISODES NEXT

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it's really fear) (June 2019)

Side Chat: Why dating & job searching are the same thing (March 2020)

Side Chat: What happens when your intuition is wrong? (July 2020)

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Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

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This is one of those conversations that's going to be applicable to 99.9% of you, because who hasn't experienced a toxic workplace at some point in their life??

Whether you're a college student folding clothes at the mall or a Senior VP at a large firm, toxicity ABOUNDS — in the form of cattiness, disengagement, resentment, and groupthink, to name a few culprits.

In this month's Magic 8-Ball episode we brought back this classic from two years ago, because if anything, the pandemic has made wading through the mire of a toxic workplace even more stressful and complicated than ever.

Listen in as Stacy Campesi, one of our very best friends, shares her well-earned wisdom about how to navigate a toxic work environment. We talked about:

• The relationship between toxic workplaces and "good-girl syndrome."
• Why "toxic" is a misused word, and why using it makes the problem worse.
• How we can identify an unhealthy environment ahead of time, before we ever make a commitment.
• When to stick it out, and when it's OK to bail.
• What steps YOU can take to improve your environment, based on what Stacy has seen work for herself and her clients.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Stacy's advice resonated with you!

MORE ABOUT STACY

Stacy Campesi is a certified professional coach and workshop facilitator. She is passionate about helping unfulfilled, overachieving professionals find career confidence and clarity. Stacy loves working with smart, ambitious women who lead with heart and are so used to giving to others that can't even recognize their own wants or needs without feeling selfish. By cutting through the uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear of disappointing others that holds them back, Stacy is able to help her clients make decisions that get them what they want, without compromising a thing! Stacy is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation. She is also certified as an MBTI & Emotional Intelligence practitioner. Find Stacy on her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, and listen to her nuggets of wisdom on Voxer @stacy_campesi.

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No matter how short the delayed gratification, there's always going to be time between realizing you want something and the moment you actually get it.

Sometimes, it's easy and nearly instantaneous. You realize you're hungry, and two minutes later you have a snack in hand.

Other times, you realize you want a specific career or a certain kind of relationship, and 2, 5, 8 years later … you're still waiting to get it.

We talk a lot about the nature of trust and timing and letting go of control around here. Usually in a way that, at least we hope, feels uplifting and optimistic. But to get to optimism and hope you sometimes have to do some dredging and detoxing—you have to confront your own less-than-flattering, shadowy tendencies.

So, in this month's brand-new interview with a normal person, Rachel and her client of many years, Catie Beth (aka, CB), dove into the muck! They got into…

• The things CB used to want, that she now has, as well as the things she wants that she hasn't gotten yet.
• The issues both Rachel & CB avoided dealing with, that may have made their journeys longer and harder than necessary.
• How to be honest with yourself about whether you're actually ready for the thing you want.

Leave a comment after you've listened to share how Rachel & CB's take on getting real with yourself landed with you!

MORE ABOUT CATIE BETH

Catie Beth (CB for short), 31, lives in Charlotte, NC with her two pups, Georgia and Charlotte. By day, she's a headhunter for a creative and marketing recruiting firm. By night she won't shut up about personal development, astrology, Harry Potter, books she's reading, her nieces and nephews, new recipes she's found and being witchy. She's a Side-Hustling, ENFJ, Slytherin, Enneagram 3w2 and a longtime fangirl of Clarity on Fire. She is stoked to be a part of the podcast as a normal person! Find her on Instagram @catiebeth19.

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