Clarity on Fire

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Catherine, who's having some difficulty with a "jackhammer"-type boss. How do you work with someone who inadvertently makes you feel judged or less-than?
• Isabelle, who doesn't want a spouse, kids, or a corporate career … which everyone insists she'll regret not having. Are they right? Is there something she just isn't seeing?
• Jasmine, whose boyfriend of 4 years says he wants to get married, but clams up whenever she tries to talk about the timeline. What should she do if she wants to trust his words, but his actions just aren't lining up?

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our December episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

LET'S GET 2019 OFF TO THE RIGHT START

The new year is right around the corner. Cue wide eyes and mild panic!

…Or not. Because hey, not every year needs to be a repeat of the last! You'd be amazed by how much can shift in just a few months with a little consistency, accountability, and a willingness to make change.

So if you'd like 2019 to be vastly different than 2018 (or 2017, or 2016…), then we're happy to talk to about the prospect of 1-on-1 coaching.

Reach out to us here and we'll talk it out together.

THINGS WE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

On the subject of jackhammers and hummingbirds: Rachel's blog about jackhammers and hummingbirds and our side chat about how to figure out what to do with your life.

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Rachel's blog about not taking responsibility for everything that sucks

Side Chat: How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)

On the subject of masculine and feminine energy: Alison Armstrong and David Deida

Joanna Platt's pre-marital coaching course, Engaged

MORE LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

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I think it's safe to say that I don't know a single person who hasn't been through a period of burnout.

Some temporary burnout is normal, especially after you've expended a big surge of energy. I remember feeling exhausted and lethargic for a couple of days after finals in college or after completing a big project at work.

Temporary burnout is bound to happen from time to time, and as long as you give yourself some recovery time after a particularly busy or stressful period, you'll recalibrate pretty quickly.

Long-term burnout, however, is becoming more and more common, and it's extremely hard on the body and mind. It comes from having too many expectations and putting forth a huge effort over a long span of time.

I had never experienced long-term burnout until I started a business, which is a huge effort and takes years of intense commitment. I love what I do and I'm grateful for this business every day, but that doesn't negate the fact that building a business from the ground up is a massive undertaking and has the potential to lead to serious burnout.

A while back, I told Rachel, "I feel like we burnt ourselves out during the first few years of getting a business off the ground, and I never fully recovered."

My clients tell me a version of the same thing. Whether they've been raising kids for years, putting in long hours to get that promotion, having the life drained out of them at a job they hate, or feeling lost and confused for longer than they care to remember … the threat of burnout is real. And far too many of us are being weighed down by the pressure.

In this updated blog from 2016, I'm sharing the most valuable, restorative thing you can do to relieve burnout.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Rachel's previous blog about Rules for Sane Living

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Raise your hand if you've ever been a couch potato who decided the best way to motivate yourself was to go all out: signing up for a marathon, weightlifting every day, or going to yoga 6 times a week.

Or maybe you decided it was time to clean up your diet, so you cut all sugar AND dairy AND wheat AND meat.

Or perhaps you wanted to get clear on your career direction, so you bought ten self-help books and signed up for four courses in the space of a month.

The obsession with "all or nothing" is REAL. And a lot of us are caught in a never-ending cycle of swinging from one end of the pendulum to the next, without feeling like we're making any real progress (and driving ourselves crazy, to boot).

In this month's interview with an expert, we had a conversation with our friend and fellow coach Amy Everhart, who has lifelong experience with this pattern and is still a work in progress herself. We talked about:

• Where the "all or nothing" mentality comes from (we have multiple theories!).
• When it's actually OK — and when it isn't — to be an extremist in your behavior.
• Why living in the grey area between "all or nothing" is usually FAR more productive and likely to get you where you want to go.
• How Amy is breaking free of this pattern, and her insights for you about how to do the same.

After you've listened leave a comment to let us know how this conversation resonated with you!

DO YOU HAVE "ALL OR NOTHING" WHIPLASH?

If you've been swinging from one end of the "all or nothing" pendulum to the other and aren't getting anywhere, it's likely because it's very difficult to modulate your own behavior. How do you know when you're doing enough, or too much, or not enough? And how do you know if you're even taking the right action in the first place?

That's the point of 1-on-1 coaching: You don't have to figure any of that out for yourself. Instead, you get to work with someone who understands how to lead you through the process of getting clear on who you are and what you want in the right time, in the right away. It's a huge relief.

It's a great time to chat with us about coaching, so reach out here if you're ready!

MORE ABOUT AMY

Amy Everhart is a women's leadership coach, business midwife, and feminist troublemaker. Basically, she works with creative, passionate women in the start-up phase of their businesses to lay a strong strategic and energetic foundation for success. She's the author of the Creative Business Plan Workbook, a free tutorial in her inspiring and no-nonsense resource library. When she's not talking about business and consciousness, she's plotting to overthrow the patriarchy and dancing (badly) to Rupaul songs.

Find her online at Amy Everhart Coaching, and follow her on Instagram @amyecoaching.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)

Rachel's blog about 'all' not being a remedy for 'nothing'

Kristen's blog about why you need to stop fighting life and just go with it

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

One of my clients has a passion and expertise for parrots (yet another reason I love coaching—you meet people with incredibly diverse interests).

The other day we were talking about her desire to educate people with pet parrots about how to properly care for them, when she started dropping some facts that made me go, "Wait, hold up. Say that again."

Here's what she told me:

"Parrots are highly sociable animals programmed to live in a group. They're also meant to fly dozens of miles a day (some species, like Macaws, fly up to 100 miles a day). They spend an enormous amount of physical energy doing this, as well as emotional energy in search of food, foraging, finding appropriate nest sites, and building and carving out those nests, as well as the energy it takes to raise young. They have voices meant to be heard up to 3 miles away so they can keep in constant contact with their flock.

Then humans put them in a cage, left alone and fed an inappropriate diet. They're devoid of those things they are meant to do and eat, and oftentimes they suffer psychological and physical issues—like obsessively walking in circles, self-harming, and obesity—because of it."

It's obvious to us that birds aren't meant to live in cages. And I bet as you read that, it made sense to you why a creature that's meant to fly free might suffer when forced into a life that isn't natural.

I'm guessing you weren't like, "What's wrong with you?! Suck it up, you dumb bird! You're being overly dramatic. Your life is fine. This is just how it is." Like me, you probably felt a pang of sadness and empathy for them.

But clearly our empathy doesn't extend to ourselves. Because the thing that fascinates me most about these facts is how much they remind me of the human experience.

In this week's blog I'm getting into our messed-up tendency to blame ourselves for everything that feels "wrong" in our lives, and why we shouldn't be doing that.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU'LL ALSO LOVE…

What to do when you can't focus and feel constantly distracted

How to make your own Rules for Sane Living

Breaking your phone addiction with Kristen Kalp

How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Have you ever heard something that felt so true that it resonated in your very bones? Even if you couldn't explain why you knew it was true? You just knew.

That's how I felt when I read this passage from the end of Elizabeth Gilbert's mega-bestselling book Eat, Pray, Love:

"The Zen Buddhists say that an oak tree is brought into creation by two forces at the same time. Obviously, there is the acorn from which it all begins, the seed which holds all the promise and potential, which grows into the tree. Everybody can see that.

But only a few can recognize that there is another force operating here as well—the future tree itself, which wants so badly to exist that it pulls the acorn into being, drawing the seedling forth with longing out of the void, guiding the evolution from nothingness to maturity. In this respect, say the Zens, it is the oak tree that creates the very acorn from which it was born."

I mean, damn, right?

In this brand new clarity-on-fire-side-chat (…get it?) Kristen and I are putting on our philosopher's hats (debatable whether we ever took them off in the first place) and diving into this whole acorn/oak tree thing. We're talking about:

• What is the point of desire? Why do we crave certain things, and not others? And what does it mean for you to want something?
• Why we believe desire isn't random (and why wanting something might just be proof that you're eventually going to get it—yes, you read that right).
• The relativity of time, and why the veil between the present, past, and future might be thinner than any of us realize (no big deal).
• Some mind-blowing facts about the Universe that put our itsy-bitsy problems into perspective.
• A fun exercise to help you communicate with your past and future selves (sounds creepy, but isn't).

If you like deep conversations, there's nothing better than this one! Enjoy, and come leave a comment after you've listened to share your own deep thoughts.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

As many of you know, Rachel and I went on a 10-day Euro-trip this past August, and it was absolutely amazing. We explored ancient castles, ate incredible food, and went on so many walking tours that I'm now in need of new sneakers (including a Harry-Potter-themed tour of Edinburgh because, obviously).

Traveling back home, though, was … less than amazing.

After waking up before 6am and sitting through an 8-hour flight, we got in the longest customs line I've ever seen.

For nearly 3 hours, I lugged my heavy bags through endless weaving lines of people, feeling like I might get stuck in that warehouse-sized, fluorescent-lit beige room for the rest of my days.

Not anticipating this long of a wait, I hadn't eaten much on the plane or stopped for a bathroom break (despite the several cups of orange juice I'd accepted from the flight attendant), so I was ill prepared for the marathon I'd unwillingly joined. Plus, because of the time difference, my body thought it was 10pm, even though it was only 5pm back in the States.

On top of the physical discomforts, I'm also a Highly Sensitive Person, which means that I tend to get overstimulated easily by masses of people. So standing in line with thousands of people — including crying children having temper tantrums (and who could blame them?) — felt like the sensitive person's equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for hours on end.

The whole time I stood in that line, I remembered two mantras I've used to get me through challenging times in my life and played them on repeat in my mind.

LINKS

• Leave us a comment on this episode
• Interested in 1-on-1 coaching with us? Check out all the details and sign up to talk to one of us here
• Check out our e-book: Am I doing 'life' right? Wisdom, relief, and tough love for getting through difficult times
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Terece Hahn had it all — the job she'd always dreamed of, a 6-figure income, a loving husband, the ability to travel and buy a home and do all the things she loved.

And yet, she was miserable.

Her job was making her burnt out, anxious, depressed, and totally unsure of herself. Her confidence took a nosedive, and she started questioning everything in her life.

So what do you do when your dream job turns into a nightmare?

Terece used that experience as a catalyst to go on a deep inner journey of figuring out who she is, what really matters to her, and what she wants most out of life. And now, two years later, she feels like a completely different — and much happier — person.

She's sharing her journey with us in this week's interview with a normal person. Listen in to hear us talk about:

• Her story about feeling lost and directionless after leaving school and getting a "real job."
• How she built back up her confidence after it hit an all-time low.
• The huge perspective shift that helped her quiet her inner critic voice and start liking herself more than she ever thought was possible.
• How people-pleasing used to run her life, and how she's finally starting to let it go.
• Ways in which she's started speaking up for herself and being her own best advocate.
• The challenges of setting (and actually sticking to) boundaries when you're a people pleaser … as well as the freedom that exists on the other side.
• Why people pleasers flock to helping professions and quickly get burnt out.
• How changing your life can be simpler than you think if you start small.

After you've listened, leave a comment to let us know how Terece's story resonates with you!

MORE ABOUT TERECE

My name is Terece Hahn. Professionally, I am an Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner, and I hold a Doctor of Nurse Practice (DNP) diploma. I am at the highest level of my education in my profession, and I achieved this about as early as a person can achieve this level of education. Making 6 figures as a new graduate, married to an amazing man, being able to travel, and afford things that I have always wanted should've meant happiness and success. Emphasis on SHOULD. I was the person that had it all and was miserable. I knew there was more to life than this, but did not know how to get there. I had been banking that once I started my new career, making the money I did, that I would be happy. Jump to the desperate Google search of "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Which lead me to the Passion Profile Quiz, then to Clarity on Fire 1:1 coaching with Kristen Walker, where I rediscovered who I was, what my values are, and why the HELL I was so miserable.

I am a normal person who, without the help from Kristen and Rachel's business and podcasts, would have had to dredge for many years to accomplish the self confidence, love, and belief in myself that I didn't even know existed. My journey is in the beginning stages of its existence, but you can't unlearn what you have learned; there is no going back. It is like a small fire was lit, and with each day that I cultivate it, with self-care, naps, being kind to myself, and understanding my values, I am able to slowly stoke that fire to burn more brightly every day.

LINKS

• Leave us a comment on this episode
• Previous podcast episode: Curing your people-pleasing disease
• The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

There was a time when Kristen and I thought we wanted to be corporate coaches. In a way, this made perfect sense. Both of us had intimate experience with the mind-numbing bureaucracy of corporate America. We knew what the cube-people were secretly feeling — trapped, suffocated, bored, purposeless — because we had so recently been cube-people.

We had a vision of being "corporate ninjas" … we'd go in to stuffy offices and quietly, stealthily, and methodically shift entire cultures. We'd inspire people; we'd make it so that work was actually invigorating, purposeful, and fun. Leadership would be left a bit dazed and blinking by the overnight change, but they'd get used to a new and improved way of operating.

This is a story about how none of that happened, and how I got publicly insulted to boot.

In this week's blog, I'm sharing something I originally wrote 3 years ago, and exploring why getting painfully rejected can be the best thing that ever happened to you.

ARE YOU A TRAPPED CUBE-PERSON?

If you were nodding along and relating a little too much to being trapped in a mind-numbing corporate environment, then it might be time to consider doing something about that.

Instead of doing what most people do when they're unhappy—jumping to something else, hoping it will be better—you could spend some time becoming clear and certain that your next steps are not only going to make sense, but lead you to a fulfilled, inspired, and satisfying outcome.

That's the whole point if 1-on-1 coaching! So if you're tired of the status quo and don't want to waste any more time, let's talk.

Get clear on the details and reach out to talk about coaching here.

LINKS

Leave us a comment on this episode

Take the Passion Profile Quiz

Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we're answering questions from:

• Cath, who wants some advice about how to let things unfold naturally when dating someone new, instead of forcing and pushing. How do you not give in to the need for instant answers?
• Jess, a Side Hustler in her twenties who lives with her parents and works as a freelancer. Should she get a part-time job to satisfy her parents, even though that would take time away from pursuing her passions?
• Heather, who's about to turn 30 and is struggling with the fact that all of her friends are married with kids. What do you do when you can't help but ask, "Why not me?"

We got into a LOT of good stuff in this one, including our personal feelings about being unmarried at 30, too.

After you've listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too.

Want to submit a question for our November episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE E-BOOKS!

At the beginning of this episode you'll hear us mention our free e-books series. Each one is a collection of about 7 of our most popular blogs centered around one main theme. We've got one called, "What am I meant to do with my life?" and another about how to be happy in a world where that sometimes feels impossible.

Check out all 4 of our free e-book collections here.

LINKS

• Leave us a comment on this episode
• Rachel's blog about why the path of least resistance is so productive
• Rachel's blog about active vs. passive waiting
• Side Chat: How to work like a woman (in a world that doesn't want you to)
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel

For most of my life, I suffered from pretty extreme FOMO (fear of missing out).

My parents will tell you that up until the time I was 7 or 8, I would never admit to being tired — and not just out of normal childlike stubbornness, but because I was terrified that if I took a nap or went to bed early, I'd miss out on something fun.

The FOMO didn't go away as I got older; it just evolved to focus more on my friendships and school. I hated taking a sick day from school because I was afraid I'd miss out on some inside joke with my friends or miss a crucial lesson in one of my classes and fall behind.

I said "yes" to pretty much every social invitation I got while I was in school and through most of college, even though I'm more of an introvert and it often totally exhausted me.

Once I got out of school and into the "real world," my FOMO evolved again, this time into anxiety around whether I was in the right career. Since I had no direction for a while and a serious "grass-is-greener" complex, I was always exploring other options and feeling jealous of other people's careers. It's no surprise that I applied to grad school 4 separate times and ended up in 3 different full-time jobs, all within in my first 3 years out of college.

In this week's blog, I'm sharing how I cured my FOMO for good, as well as one simple way you start making more confident decisions.

THE PPVE IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT

Our twice-yearly online group coaching program, the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, is open for enrollment NOW through October 3rd (or when we hit 50 people, whichever comes first).

It's a 6-ish week course (with a mix of pre-recorded videos, workbook assignments, and live Google hangouts with the two of us) that helps you figure out what to do with your life. Think of it as the "AP Life" class you should have taken in high school, but never got the chance!

We're only taking 50 people in this round and there are only a few spots left. If you want in, you definitely don't want to dally.

Get more info and sign up here.

LINKS

• Leave us a comment on this episode
• Take the Passion Profile Quiz
• Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel