When there's substance use disorder and mental health diagnoses, what do you do? Can you use CRAFT? Yes, most of the time you can, unless the mental health issues make you or them unsafe. Co-host Bridget offers a central point: with this difficult combo, think of what is, not "what if."

How do you deal with having hard feelings around your loved one's substance use? Kayla, Carolyn, Bridget, Elizabeth, and Kenny discuss their experiences and feelings of anxiety, frustration, and fear and their tools for handling the situation.

The Allies in Recovery program (alliesinrecovery.net) and the CRAFT Method for families seeking to help a loved one with addiction, teach concrete skills to shift the dynamics between you and your loved one. Paying closer attention to your own feelings, and taking a bit of distance from them in order to not add unnecessary weight to them, is part of our eLearning program.

It's easy to feel like you have to be perfect with CRAFT, perfect with your loved one to be successful. But perfectionism gets in the way of connection. It can blind us, keep us from seeing our loved one fully. Acknowledging things not going the way you wanted, taking responsibility for behavior that doesn’t work--that’s part of the connection, and the healing part of the process. If your loved one feels connection and love, that’s the beginning of treatment.

If we're doing too much for our loved ones with substance use disorder, we'll never truly know how capable they are. We need to step back to see their capability and witness their choices, realizing that they have their own motivations and values. CRAFT is about creating a strong connection without necessarily doing things for them. This is a process, one which respects the other person. Do the things that feel right, but not if you're stepping over a line. You may try and fail, or need to apologize and take resposibility. You can change your actions, do things and also, importantly, not do things.

Kayla and Isabel discuss the complications of rewarding your loved one with addiction, in the context of a partner relationship. How does it affect time with children? How about intimacy?

Kayla and Isabel discuss the challenges of early recovery. What are realistic expectations to have of our loved ones in this period? What can we do as a family member to support them and, importantly, to keep ourselves in check? It's helpful to know what "early recovery" means -- there's a spectrum that goes from complete abstinence to harm reduction (using less). Recovery in the largest sense is engaging in a process to heal.

Oy, the holidays. It can be a time full of triggers, for our loved one with substance use disorder, but also for the family member. It's also a time where we can get disconcerting questions about our how our loved ones have been doing.

Three family members join Kayla to share wisdom and experiences around the holidays, from answering questions about how loved ones are doing to creating new traditions in lieu of old ones. Maintaining connections—with boundaries and without enmeshment—is an important part of the work. When ties are blurry, it's harmful to your loved one. It can make them feel guilt and shame about what they're doing to you.

One of the first aspects of CRAFT work is addressing separation and connection.

Learn the CRAFT method with AlliesinRecovery.net's learning modules. Affordable plans for families. Some US States sponsor your membership. A membership gives you access to hundreds of blog posts written on specific family situations. Access to support and skills groups. A community of other family members who are learning to shift their situations and help their Loved Ones with a proven method. More info on https://alliesinrecovery.net/

Recovery is progress, not perfection, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. As the family of a loved one with substance use disorder (SUD), it can be tempting to impose our own expectations onto our loved one. But as we ease up on expectations, we're taking pressure off our loved one, allowing them space to try things and see how it goes. Sometimes mistakes can become the best learning moments. The Allies in Recovery stance we teach families is an invitation to: shift our expectations, question our own perceptions of what we're observing, pay more attention to what's positive, and acknowledge it, while becoming more keenly aware of our own feelings. In so doing, we give our loved ones space to grow and we become more curious about what growth looks like from their perspective. Changing ourself makes room for our loved one to change as well.

It’s incredibly hard to have a loved one who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their loved ones and offer hard-won advice. They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have boundaries. If you’re not giving advice or intervening in ways your loved one is not asking for, they get the life experience of their choices, but they also have loving connections available. When they’re ready, you’re ready to help them with a list of resources.

What you don’t do – like get caught up in being a superhero, or telling our loved ones what they “should do” – can help your relationships emerge as partnerships. If we develop good relationships, we have power. If we have the capacity to change, we have power. If we have awareness, we can make choices, and that gives us power, too. By accepting the invitation to change ourselves, we will have the greatest impact on those around us.

The Allies in Recovery program and the CRAFT Method teach the precious skills of pausing, reflecting and considering next moves. This in itself will greatly shift the dynamics between you and your loved one struggling with addiction.