Coming Up for Air

 There are things I did during my breakup that I would be absolutely mortified to admit now. So naturally, I've decided to discuss them on a podcast. 

After my 14-year relationship ended, I entered an era of questionable decisions, complete delusion and behaviour that I genuinely thought was perfectly reasonable at the time.

In this episode, I'm confessing some of my most embarrassing breakup moments, from the things I convinced myself of to the things my poor friends had to endure, alongside five truly unhinged breakup confessions from other people.

A slightly different episode of Coming Up For Air, because sometimes healing means being able to look back and think... darling, what on EARTH were you doing? ❤️ 

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Sometimes the hardest part of a breakup isn't just what happened between the two of you. It's dealing with everybody else's version of what happened afterwards.

The unwanted updates about your ex. Friends telling you what you should do. People comparing how you're both getting on. The gossip, the opinions and that horrible feeling that because you were the one who openly struggled, everybody assumes you're the one who's doing worse.

I know this feeling particularly well.

I was incredibly open about how much the end of my fourteen-year relationship broke me, and in this episode, I want to talk about something I've learnt since: being honest about your heartbreak doesn't mean you owe everybody an explanation of how you're recovering from it.

I talk about how to handle hearing things about your ex without reacting, why other people's advice isn't always right for you, how to stop participating in comparisons you never agreed to, and why you don't need to prove you're happy just because people witnessed you being devastated.

A conversation about protecting your own experience of a breakup from becoming everybody else's business.

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 Sometimes the relationship ends, but the consequences of being in it don't.

The job opportunities you turned down, the money you invested, the places you never moved to and the decisions you made because you thought you were building a future with somebody.

In this episode, I'm talking about the less discussed consequences of a breakup. The practical, financial and personal sacrifices that can continue affecting your life long after you've stopped wanting the relationship back.

We'll explore how to deal with the regret of decisions that made sense at the time, the frustration of having to rebuild things you thought you'd already established and how to stop making choices around a life that no longer exists.

Because you can be completely over somebody and still be paying for the decisions you made when you loved them.

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Join Us on Patreon - ⁠patreon.com/ComingUpForAir⁠ 

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No Contact Guide - https://v2.stan.store/Loula/p/30-day-no-contact-gui

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You haven’t texted them. You haven’t called them. You might even be months into no contact. But you still know where they went last weekend, who they followed, whether they’re seeing someone new and what their friends are posting.

So… are you actually disconnected from them?

In this episode, we’re talking about why we research our exes after a breakup, what we’re really hoping to find when we check, and why the hardest part of moving on might not be stopping yourself from looking, it might be learning to live with not knowing.

Because eventually, healing means allowing their life to happen somewhere you can’t see it. 

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My Instagram - @move.with.lou

Join Us on Patreon - ⁠patreon.com/ComingUpForAir⁠ 

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@loula.comingupforair 

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 What if you never fully get over your ex?

Maybe it's been months or years since the breakup. You're doing better, you've rebuilt parts of your life, but you still think about them, still miss them sometimes and wonder whether you'll ever completely move on.

In this episode, I'm talking about why we can carry an ex with us long after a relationship ends, the fear of never loving someone the same way again and whether getting over someone really has to mean forgetting them.

Because maybe moving on after heartbreak isn't making someone who once meant everything mean nothing. Maybe it's being able to remember them without needing to go backwards. 🤍 

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 Will my ex come back? It’s one of the hardest questions to stop asking after a breakup especially when you were the one who was left.

But there’s another stage of heartbreak nobody really prepares you for: the moment you realise they might actually never come back.

In this episode I talk about why losing hope can feel like a second breakup, why you can still want your ex to come back even when you know the relationship wasn’t right, and what happens when 'they haven’t come back yet' slowly becomes 'maybe this really is over.'

We’ll get into waiting for an ex to change their mind, struggling to let go, dealing with rejection, wondering whether they regret leaving, and how to move forward without forcing yourself to believe you’ll never hear from them again.

Because healing after a breakup isn’t about knowing for certain that your ex will never come back. It’s reaching the point where your life no longer depends on finding out whether they will. 

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You've stopped speaking to them, so why are you still having entire conversations with them in your head?

In this episode, I talk about why we mentally talk to an ex after a breakup, replay conversations, imagine telling them things and wonder what they'd think of the life we're building without them.

We get into wanting recognition rather than reconciliation, missing being witnessed by someone who knew your whole life, and what these imaginary conversations might actually be doing for you.

If you're struggling to stop thinking about your ex and wondering whether you'll ever fully move on, this one's for you. 

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If you’re single and scared you’ll never find love, I want you to imagine something: your future relationship is already secured.

You don’t know who they are. You don’t know when you’ll meet. You just know you cannot miss them.

How would you live differently if you weren’t constantly wondering when love was going to happen?

In this episode, I am talking about being single in your 30s, dating anxiety, the fear of being alone, finding love later in life and the experiences we sometimes postpone until we have a partner.

Then I’m changing the hypothetical completely: what if I told you that you wouldn’t meet them for another five years?

Because this isn’t really an episode about how to find a relationship. It’s about what you might do with your life if you stopped requiring certainty about your romantic future before allowing yourself to fully live your present.

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If you’re single and quietly wondering whether you’re doing this stage of life 'right,' this episode is for you.

There’s so much pressure to make single life look incredible the travelling, the career, the solo dates, the full social calendar, the constant proof that you’re thriving. But maybe your life doesn’t need to impress anyone. Maybe it just needs to feel like yours.

In this episode, we talk about feeling behind while other people get married and have children, the fear of being single forever, loneliness, changing friendships, creating your own milestones and the ways we accidentally put life on hold while waiting to meet someone.

This isn’t about convincing yourself that you don’t want love. You’re allowed to want a relationship and still build a life that feels meaningful now.

Because your single years aren’t the waiting room for your real life. 

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Being single in your 30s can feel completely fine… until suddenly it doesn't.

Your friends are married, having children and building lives with their partners. You're not on dating apps, you don't have many single friends and you find yourself wondering: where am I actually supposed to meet someone?

And underneath that is the question that's much harder to admit: what if I never do?

In this episode, I'm talking about the pressure of the timeline we thought our lives would follow, the fear of running out of time, comparison, being surrounded by couples and how easily 'I don't know when I'll meet someone' can become 'maybe I never will.'

This isn't an episode telling you to get a hobby, download a dating app or learn to love being single so much that you stop wanting a relationship.

You are allowed to want love. You are allowed to find this chapter difficult sometimes.

This is about learning how to live fully in the uncertainty without treating your life right now as evidence of what your future will look like.

If you feel like everyone else is moving forward while you're still waiting for your life to begin, this episode is for you. 🤍

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Join Us on Patreon - ⁠patreon.com/ComingUpForAir⁠ 

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Support the show