Conversations from the Heart

Picture this: you're engaged in a heated argument with a loved one, words are flying around, and suddenly, you find yourself saying, "I feel attacked!" But is it really an attack? Does this word accurately convey what you're feeling? This episode will take you on a fascinating exploration of true feelings versus faux feelings. We discuss how often our words fail to truly represent our emotions and delve into why words like 'attacked' or 'betrayed' may not adequately express our feelings. We also go into how mastering the accurate expression of our feelings can aid in fostering deeper connections. We share with you the best strategies for defending your boundaries without resorting to aggression and how to stay attuned to your emotions and needs. Moreover, we illuminate the importance of conversations that promote mutual understanding and connection, emphasizing the significance of recognizing and respecting our feelings, needs, thoughts, and perceptions. Listen in as we offer practical insights to help you navigate your relationships with newfound clarity and depth.

Show notes:
[0:00] Intro
[1:24] What is the impact of accusatory language
[8:31] How do you communicate clearly without triggering defensiveness?
[13:30] How to flip the  mindset and meet boundaries
[15:15] Non-violent listening and fostering connection in conversations
[19:56] Exploring systems and dynamics of self-protection
[29:52]  What two key things distort our perceptions?
[32:30] How do you stay non-violent when listening?
[35:12] How to choose growth vs. acceptance in relationships
[38:23] The reason we often stay too long in miserable relationships
[40:15] Switching therapists for different perspectives
[41:36] How do you disengage from someone being aggressive?
[46:06] How to know if a feeling is real
[48:11] How do you achieve a connection with another person? 
[51:29] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
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In this episode, we break down how to identify and understand your actual needs and feelings. We also demystify the power dynamics within the family system and how they can distort our perspective in relationships.  It's not about right or wrong; instead, it's about understanding and healthily managing our feelings and needs. In a society dominated by a culture of suppression, we often learn to hide our feelings and needs. We focus on obtaining favorable judgments from others; in the process, we lose touch with our inner selves. Developing literacy of feelings and needs can be transformative. It helps shift your attention from external influences to your body and mind. By tuning into our feelings and needs, we can identify what is truly important to us before we hit the "red alarm" zone. This proactive approach to personal growth helps us make informed choices about our well-being. Through our discussion, we aim to help you reclaim your sense of self and navigate conflicting narratives within your relationships.

Show notes:
[1:11] What are faux feelings and needs, and what are their differences from actual feelings and needs? 
[20:22] How do you receive someone when you sense faux feelings and then add real feelings in communication?
[27:54] How do we recognize and respond to harmful situations?
[30:31] What would a healthy culture or family system look like?
[36:03] How do you let go of resentment?
[37:11] How do you recognize if you are developing narcissistic traits?
[52:32] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

In our latest podcast episode, we explore the intricate dance between coerced and natural giving. I talk briefly about the spiritual underpinnings of my work and my deep commitment to helping you trust your inner authority. We dive into some real-life situations, including someone who finds it difficult to nurture herself in front of her mother and the delicate balance of giving and receiving in our relationships. We also cover resentment and how to acknowledge our needs without judging them. These conversations are as raw and real as they get! Let's journey together towards more compassion, understanding, and nonviolent communication.

Show notes:
[1:10] The difference between coerced and natural giving
[7:36] What does natural giving sound like in practice? 
[12:54] How to say no when a yes represents self-sacrifice, without harming your connection
[14:43] Scripts for saying yes or no to requests from others 
[19:15] Someone shares that they did what bothers them to another person
[22:14] How to honor your feelings and needs when you've learned to suppress them around certain people
[33:50] Where to get help with healing family systems 
[36:03] How to handle bullies
[44:43] How to have clarity on what you can and cannot change, and conflict avoidance
[46:54] How to address shame and rebuild relationships
[53:48] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Navigating relationships can feel like walking a tightrope. It's a delicate balance between understanding and respecting our own emotional needs while also being mindful of those of our counterparts. In this week’s episode, we talk about the nuances of setting boundaries and the impact of unresolved trauma on relationships. We also talked about the delicate dance between self-connection and self-responsibility amidst the intricacies of emotional needs. Join us as we highlight the significance of self-care, exploring how to manage our behavior without imposing our expectations on others and how to remain open-hearted and motivated in our relationships.

Show notes:  
[1:10] How do you navigate through a rekindled, yet somehow very different, relationship?
[19:32] How to deal with the conflict of finding out the level of relationship you want to commit to?
[24:39] How do you find balance in relationship dynamics while also putting focus on self-mattering and self-advocacy?
[32:30] Are you allowed to say no to people?
[33:33] Is it time to quit a job? And do you have authority issues? 
[42:38] How to communicate boundaries gently and respectfully?
[47:57] What is the difference between setting healthy boundaries and having a controlling behavior?
[55:18] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Have you ever wondered how to navigate family conversations while skillfully maintaining your dignity and compassion? Are we responsible for someone’s trigger? Or how do we defend ourselves from the judgment of others? In today’s episode, we will talk about those and more. We talk about the power of empathy and understanding in conversations that could quickly escalate into conflict. We also encourage you to voice your truth, set your boundaries, and stand firm in your beliefs, no matter what. So buckle up; this is going to be a powerful episode.

Show notes:  
[1:20] How to respond empathically to a painful text from my father? 
[10:57] What is a boundary, and how do I set it?  
[17:31] How do I defend myself from others’ judgments in empathic ways?  
[20:35] How do you field someone judging you, and how do you advocate for yourself when you’re being falsely accused? 
[29:14] How to make peace with the tension that arises between a misinterpretation and the truth of a situation
[32:31] How to interrupt someone going on and on and on
[34:34] How do I apologize for a mistake I made?
[36:30] Are we responsible for not triggering other people? 
[45:44] My marriage feels lonely - what are my options? 
[57:16] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

In this episode we explore the balance between setting self-care boundaries, while staying in connection with and empathizing with others.  Ever struggled with the fine line between remaining empathic, but not enabling abuse?  This episode is a heartfelt exploration of empathy, boundaries, and self-protection. Don't miss out.

Show notes:  
[1:36] When do we empathize vs setting a boundary? Some principles. 
[5:50]  What to do when money from parents comes with strings attached 
[21:30] How clarity relaxes our nervous system
[26:38] What would be an empathic response when you're being accused of gaslighting? 
[35:07] How can I get others to be less jarring to my nervous system? 
[41:34] How do you respond empathetically to demands and urgency?
[48:02] Why is self-empathy so hard for me, and what could I do about it? 
[57:23] Conclusion

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Ever wondered how to navigate the landscapes of empathy, self-reflection, and interpersonal communication, with grace and compassion? Prepare to be enlightened. Together, we'll explore the importance of understanding our how to separate out the external stimulus from the our internal reactions, especially irritation, and lovingly accepting them without judgment. We dive into how to trust your intuition, listen with a wider lens and absorb what feels right for you.  We talk about the importance of making the implicit, explicit and how attuning to present moment needs lead to wisdom.

Show notes:
Separating Stimulus vs. Response (2:30)
Learn the art of listening and understanding the difference between stimulus and response in conversations.

Asking Someone to "Share the Air" (5:41)
Explore effective techniques for encouraging active participation in group discussions.

"Screaming in Giraffe" (12:30)
Delve into the concept of advocating for yourself nonviolently and improving communication.

Inviting Others to Care (17:41)
Discover ways to invite empathy and support from others without making demands.

Giving Advice Mindfully (20:20)
Find out when and how to provide advice by attuning to needs and self-soothing techniques.

Seeking an Empathic Response (36:15)
Learn how to respond empathically when faced with criticism or an attack.

Dealing with Siblings and Limited Resources (49:00):
Explore strategies for managing challenging family situations when resources are limited.

Conclusion (56:12) Key ideas and insights 

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Are you ready to unlock the delicate dynamics of your relationships? In this episode we talk about the importance of making implicit information explicit, and explore how compassion, proactivity, and understanding can transform your interactions. You'll get practical tools for creating more understanding and awareness, essential for effective communication and fulfilling relationships. Join us in today’s episode to learn how awareness and self-compassion practices can help you respond differently to triggers, giving you greater control and understanding. In a fun twist, we incorporate a listening quiz to evaluate our listening habits and discover how nonviolent communication can enhance these skills. 

Show notes:
[1:10] Addressing communication and relationship needs
[14:35] Navigating relational dynamics and boundaries
[21:31] Difficult conversations and self-care in relationships
[29:43] Self-care in challenging relationships
[36:42] Setting boundaries, seeking help for others
[44:16] Training to increase awareness and choices
[55:08] Check out my website for a fun listening quiz about Listening Archetypes

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Are your friendships and familial relationships causing you to lose sleep? Do you feel as though you're walking in a minefield when trying to communicate your feelings and needs? In this episode, we unravel the complexity of these emotional dynamics, offering practical strategies to help you navigate and cultivate healthier relationships. We talked about trauma, violence, and emotional healing. We underscore the need for openness, respect for consent, and mindful communication when seeking help. We discuss strategies to prevent the cycle of violence and ways to work towards healing consciously. The power of conscious anger, its role in expressing our human rights, and how it can be harnessed in a healthy, life-affirming manner is also mirrored in the conversation. So, tune in and equip yourself with valuable insights to navigate your emotional challenges and relationships.


Show notes:
[3:57] What do you do when your friend stops communicating with you?
[22:08] Communicating with an increasingly aggressive elder parent—how to approach this authentically
[34:43] Diving deeper into taking your problems in a professional, private setting
[49:53] Separating the difference between an expression of intensity and intense emotion expressed in a self-responsible way
[52:55] The wisdom behind anger
[57:21] Let’s talk about competition and awakening the feelings long buried
[60:16] Outro

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube

Are your family ties feeling like chokeholds? Is it difficult to draw a clear line in the sand with relatives without sparking a feud? This episode is your lifeline.

Join us as we venture into the labyrinth of family dynamics, charting a path towards healthier boundaries and building stronger connections. We emphasize that it's never too late to seek professional help and to redefine ourselves beyond our behavioral patterns. Whether you're grappling with the aftermath of a heated dispute or simply seeking to improve your communication skills, this episode will equip you with the insights and strategies to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Trigger Warning: In this episode, a returning caller discusses an argument that escalated into domestic violence within a relationship. While the focus is on applying principles of nonviolent communication, connection, and compassion, sensitive topics are addressed; the episode delves into nuanced discussions about the acceptability of violence, trauma, and healing, including future explorations of different forms of force. Listener discretion is advised as descriptions of domestic violence are included, alongside conversations about setting boundaries within family and workplace contexts.  Click here for the transcript.


Show notes:
[3:02] How do you create and navigate boundaries with family 
[11:03] Setting boundaries
[14:25] On seeking reassurance 
[23:48] Healing and repair in relationships
[32:46] Healing discharge and breaking cycles
[47:15] What is violence?
[49:18] On effectively saying “no” 
[59:07] Conclusion

Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Join the School of Human Connection
• Hop on my free Wednesday live call
• Follow me on YouTube