De-Escalating ConflictBy its very nature, divorce is ripe with conflict. It starts because of conflict, it’s full of conflict all the way through, and often – particularly in cases with children involved – there is still conflict on the other side. Is there an easier way to deal with it? How do you learn the fine art of control in this minefield of conflict?Joining us on the Toaster today is divorce coach and parent coordinator Cherie Morris. She’s behind DearDivorceCoach.com helping couples actively going through divorce learn to recognize signs of conflict so they can help de-escalate the situation and more easily resolve their problems. It’s a task for sure, but she’s game. And clearly, she knows her stuff.The conversation starts with looking at areas that are most ripe for conflict – stuff and children. No surprise really. From there, we talk about the challenges of needing control and how to instead survive by being nice, looking at your needs as requests instead of demands, and setting your expectations low.We look at dealing with the ex who’s a boat anchor and the need to pick your battles. And a big part is learning to free yourself from the need for context.The big question is who’s bringing the high conflict to the divorce and relationship. How do you know if it’s you? And if it is you, what can you do about it?It’s a fun and informative conversation with Cherie, so tune in and get ready to de-escalate.Links & Notes

• Dear Divorce Coach website
• Cherie’s one-pager on how to de-escalate co-parenting in high conflict situations
• Cherie on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, & YouTube
• Cherie’s Books

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:27) - Meet Cherie Morris
• (01:18) - Biggest Triggers
• (03:59) - Counseling Both Sides
• (06:08) - Power Dynamics & Agreements
• (09:56) - Tools for Life
• (11:24) - BIFF Method
• (13:59) - Learning to Communicate
• (17:32) - The Boat Anchor
• (19:58) - Picking Your Battles
• (21:57) - Freeing Yourself From the Need for Context
• (25:35) - Child-Centric
• (28:32) - Are You High Conflict?
• (31:00) - When Not to Counsel
• (33:08) - Wrapping Up