Loving someone who drinks too much or suffers from substance abuse can be really difficult. No one prepares you for how to handle the lying, the denial, or the feelings of of hopelessness.

What you think should work, doesn't. So you’re left not really knowing what to do.

Your best doesn't seem to be helping him or her get sober.

That’s why you need some direction. A clear path that will teach you exactly what to do and what not to.

You might be thinking you’re helping, but you could actually be hurting your partner. What feels like a loving thing to do might actually be enabling.

How do you know if you’re helping or hurting the person you love?

You start your own program.

If you loved a man or woman with cancer, you would go to an expert who would teach you how to care for them.

But what experts sometimes forget to tell us that it’s equally important for us to care for ourselves while living with someone who is sick.

And that’s the mistake that we’re going to talk about today.

So often we get completely wrapped up in our loved one's illness that we neglect ourselves, our healing, and our recovery.

We put off taking care of ourselves and feeding our souls because we’re constantly worried that if we take the focus off of our partner, they won’t get better.

But can I tell you that’s just your attempt to control?

And you don’t have any control over this disease. The only thing you can control is how you choose to react to his or her illness.

When you make the same mistakes over and over it can make you feel crazy. Because you’re making the same mistakes over and over and expecting different results.

For example: let’s say your loved one promises they're not going to drink this weekend, but you suspect they are.

So what do you do?

You go looking through the house or garage trying to find empty bottles. You’re trying to prove that he or she is lying to you. You want to bust them and catch their dishonestly.

But why?

You don’t need to prove it to them or yourself. Let it go. Don’t make a big deal about it and don’t go looking through the house on a hunt to discover the “evidence."

Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you’re not crazy. He or she probably is drinking or up to no good.

But you’re not going to keep making the same mistake of trying to find proof that he’s been drinking again.

You’re done with that behavior.

Your time is valuable and you already know you're probably right.

You’re a smart woman. You know when your partner has been drinking or using drugs. You can usually tell from the way they say “hello” when they answers your call. Trust your instincts.

I know you can do this. I believe in you.

If you found this helpful and want to learn more, the Love Over Mistakes program will answer questions like:

“Can I ever talk to my partner about his or her bad habits?”

“What do I tell my children about their father or mother's drinking?”

“How can I start to feel better?”

And if you’re a mother of a child who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, this program is for you too (so please pass this resource on to all the wonderful and loving moms who are in pain because their child suffers from addiction).

I hope to meet you in the Love Over Mistakes program. Click here for more details.