I have heard way, way, wayyy too many people ask why the spark has disappeared from their relationships…and then blame their partner for lack of effort.

Here's the truth: the minute you let your relationship shift into autopilot, you will lose that level of connection you had at the start. Relationships don't run on their own, regardless of how long it's been; you always need to be putting effort into it to keep it alive.

The good news? Putting effort into your relationship actually doesn't take that much from you…sometimes, it's as simple as listening to them talk about how hot it is outside and agreeing that yes, it is in fact hot outside. Sometimes it means taking a look at the bird they pointed out in your tree. Sometimes it means saying "Me, too" when they say they're tired.

These little things are called "bids for connection," and trust me, while they don't seem that important…they stack up to something much bigger.

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