EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kids

what happens when you're parenting autistic kids while also figuring out your own neurotype, capacity, and what actually works for your family?

dr. tay welcomes back katherine l'etang, known as @theneurodiversitymom, to celebrate her new book, Actually, I'm Autistic: Relatable Advice from a Late-Diagnosed Woman Who Couldn't Mask Forever.

together, they explore autistic burnout, masking, and the pressure to do everything "right" as a parent. katherine shares how her family's journey has evolved, why small moments of restoration matter, and how experiences that once felt impossible can change over time.

it's a conversation about embracing your own needs, honoring your child's, and recognizing that there isn't one right way to navigate autism or parenting.

• why katherine wanted to write a book that combines lived experience, research, and practical guidance
• the importance of intersectionality and recognizing that no single autistic experience is universal
• how small moments of joy and restoration can support parents navigating burnout
• when researching and trying to find the "right" answers can become another source of overwhelm
• how katherine's son's school journey evolved from burnout and school withdrawal to thriving in a classroom
• why respecting your own capacity and leaving room for nuance matters in neurodiversity-affirming parenting

00:00 introducing katherine’s book and her return to the show

04:22 why intersectionality belongs in autism conversations

06:00 a chapter-a-month writing process amid parenting and a move

09:30 burnout, cathartic writing, and the chapter that was hardest

12:19 small glimmers and realistic restoration for parents

16:20 survival, research overload, and noticing the present

20:33 how katherine's son's school journey changed over time

23:14 writing about family, vulnerability, and masking

27:28 what katherine is proud of and why the book is a handbook

32:04 parent capacity, a gradual school return, and the need for nuance

37:08 making room for complexity beyond social media

38:21 closing reflections and sharing the book

⚡️ Actually, I'm Autistic: Relatable Advice from a Late-Diagnosed Woman Who Couldn't Mask Forever by Katherine L'Etang — explore and preorder Katherine's new book (out on Nov 3, 2026), which combines lived experience with practical information about autism, masking, self-discovery, diagnosis, and parenting

⚡️ follow Katherine on Instagram @theneurodiversitymom for her lived experience and reflections on being autistic and raising neurodivergent kids

⚡️ return to Katherine's previous episode (#95) as well as the three-part burnout series (episodes #234-236)

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay's clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on Instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

this episode wraps up our three-part series on autistic burnout.

dr. tay is joined by amanda diekman, author of The Parent's Handbook for Kids in Burnout, to talk about what burnout recovery can actually look like over time and why healing is rarely linear.

amanda breaks down the phases of burnout, how support needs change across each phase, what “deep rest” can look like for kids, and why parents may need to continually recalibrate between accommodation, capacity-building, safety, and trust.

• why burnout is often a long-term healing process rather than something to “fix”
• the phases of burnout and how to recognize where your child may be
• why curiosity can return before actual nervous system capacity
• how accommodation needs can shift throughout recovery
• the role of school, medication, therapy, safety planning, and basic needs
• what deep rest can actually look like for autistic kids
• why parents often need support for their own nervous systems, too

00:00 introduction to burnout and amanda diekman's background

02:15 the long journey of writing the burnout book

03:16 shifting mindset from fixing to living well in burnout

04:24 understanding burnout as a long-term process

06:34 defining burnout

08:08 the impact of school and environment on burnout

16:22 the butterfly metaphor: from chrysalis to emergence

19:58 phase one: the child as "a pile of goo"

21:01 phase two: curious but no capacity

23:27 learning to communicate and trust building

24:17 phase three: re-emergence and thriving

39:53 deep rest and recognizing signs of exhaustion

⚡️ The Parent's Handbook for Kids in Burnout by amanda diekman — a low-demand guide to understanding burnout, supporting recovery, navigating the different phases, and helping your child heal and thrive

⚡️ other episodes to listen to include amanda's previous episode (113), episode 204, and parts 1 and 2 of this series (234 & 235)

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

this episode is part 2 of our autistic burnout series.

dr. tay is joined by patrick casale, a neurodivergent therapist, podcaster, entrepreneur, and group practice owner, for a conversation about what autistic burnout can feel like .

patrick shares his lived experience with burnout, the overlap between autistic burnout and chronic illness, the impact of societal demands, and why recovery is rarely as simple as “just reduce demands” or “take a break.”

this conversation offers both validation and practical insight for parents who are trying to better understand their child’s burnout, support recovery, and recognize early warning signs before the nervous system fully crashes.

• what autistic burnout can feel like
• why burnout can overlap with chronic illness, sleep disruption, and mental health
• how societal demands and sensory overwhelm contribute to depletion
• why reducing demands is important, but not always simple or realistic
• how joy, meaning, autonomy, and special interests can support recovery
• what parents can look for when burnout may be approaching

00:00 introduction to autistic burnout and guest

01:28 why conversations about burnout are increasing

02:44 overlap between chronic illness and autistic burnout

05:24 what autistic burnout looks like

07:12 complexity of supporting children in burnout

10:01 restructuring life to manage burnout

12:04 the impact of society and privilege

17:02 supporting children’s interests and joy

21:10 patrick’s journey to autism diagnosis

23:48 transitioning to a therapist and entrepreneur

26:16 running a neurodivergent-led practice

33:28 recognizing and responding to burnout signs

36:04 balancing demands and building capacity

37:19 final thoughts and glimmers of hope

⚡️ patrick casale’s linktree — connect with patrick, his podcasts, social media, and clinical/business resources

⚡️ Resilient Mind Counseling — Patrick’s neurodivergent-led therapy practice serving clients in North Carolina

⚡️ episode 183 — a related episode on co-occurring health conditions that can overlap with neurodivergence, including chronic illness patterns discussed in this conversation

⚡️ listen to part 1 of this series (episode 234) and stay tuned for part 3 with amanda diekman on how to support your autistic child through burnout

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

this episode kicks off a three-part series on autistic burnout.

dr. tay shares what she sees clinically when autistic kids are in burnout, why it can be so confusing for parents, and why traditional approaches to depression, behavior, or school refusal may not fully capture what is happening.

this is a primer episode to help you understand what autistic burnout can look like, what makes it different, and why recovery often requires time, nervous system repair, reduced demands, and support for the whole family.

• what autistic burnout can look like in kids
• the three core features of autistic burnout
• why burnout can overlap with anxiety, depression, PDA, and school refusal
• why “just getting out and doing things” may not help during burnout
• how recovery often happens slowly and incrementally
• why your child is not trying to be difficult

00:00 introducing the three-part autistic burnout series

03:25 what this series aims to offer parents

08:36 defining autistic burnout

10:20 skill regression, sensory overwhelm, and deep exhaustion

13:33 how autistic burnout can differ from depression

17:27 intro to burnout phases and what recovery can look like

21:47 recovery, lowering demands, and rebuilding capacity

26:05 closing reassurance and episode wrap-up

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

if your child is melting down, resisting, avoiding, running, crashing, or seeming impossible to support, sensory may be part of the story.

in this episode, dr. tay welcomes laura petix, occupational therapist and author of The Sensory Code, back to the podcast to talk about sensory regulation, sensory profiles, meltdowns, and how parents can start building sensory support into daily life in a way that actually fits their child.

• why sensory regulation can be so impactful for autistic children
• what parents may miss when they only focus on stopping the behavior
• laura’s personal experience as an OT mom navigating intense meltdowns
• why parent regulation matters, even when that advice feels frustrating
• the 8 sensory systems and how to think about sensory “cups”
• how The Sensory Code helps parents understand sensory profiles and daily supports

00:00 introduction to sensory regulation in autism

02:02 why sensory supports are crucial for children

04:56 laura's personal journey as an OT mom

09:56 understanding sensory profiles and thresholds

14:59 supporting regulation through simple strategies

20:01 the power of mindset shifts in parenting

24:57 using sensory profiles to tailor activities

29:56 overview of The Sensory Code book

34:59 case study: tactile defensiveness and behavior

40:00 building a sensory lifestyle for daily support

⚡️ The Sensory Code by laura petix — learn more about the book, sensory profiles, and pre-order bonuses

⚡️ connect with laura on Instagram @theotbutterfly and find resources on her website

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

this episode is for the moms who feel like some weeks they can do it all… and other weeks everything feels harder.

dr. tay shares a vulnerable, real-time reflection from the depths of her luteal phase and explains why cycle tracking can be such a powerful tool for understanding mood, energy, capacity, productivity, and parenting.

because your hormonal health is not separate from your autism parenting journey. your body, your nervous system, your capacity, and your regulation are all part of the ecosystem your child is living in.

• why the luteal phase can impact mood, energy, and capacity
• how cycle tracking can help reduce shame and increase self-understanding
• the connection between hormones, mental health, and neurodivergence
• why parenting often requires so much “output” energy
• how to adjust expectations, support, and routines around your cycle
• why your capacity matters in the whole-family support picture

00:00 why dr. tay is talking about her luteal phase on an autism podcast

04:16 what the luteal phase is and why cycle tracking matters

08:15 tracking mood and energy, and medication adjustments

16:46 what happens hormonally before your period

23:25 why the luteal phase is harder for some people

27:32 how this connects to parenting and capacity

31:32 adjusting expectations, support, and routines around your cycle

36:36 why this belongs in the autism parenting conversation

38:28 EVOLVE support and closing reflections

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

what does it mean for a child to be twice exceptional, or 2e?

in this episode, dr. tay is joined by dr. megan helmen, a pediatric neuropsychologist and founder of Developmental Discoveries, to talk about 2e profiles, giftedness, autism, and why these kids are so often misunderstood.

dr. megan explains how giftedness is not just “being smart,” but can involve a different way of thinking, processing, feeling, and moving through the world. when giftedness overlaps with autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, or other developmental differences, children may have areas of incredible strength alongside areas where they need significant support.

this conversation explores why 2e autistic children may be missed, how they use strengths to compensate, why school performance does not always tell the full story, and how parents can better understand and support their child’s unique brain.

• what 2e, or twice exceptional, means
• how giftedness and autism can overlap
• why 2e autistic children are often missed or misunderstood
• how high intelligence can mask support needs
• why overall IQ scores may not capture the full picture
• what “subtle but significant autism” can look like
• how 2e kids may use compensation strategies in social situations
• why hard things may feel easy and “easy” things may feel hard
• the importance of including children in the feedback and diagnostic process
• how to support 2e kids through strengths, accommodations, interests, and belonging
• why parents of 2e children deserve compassion and grace

00:00 introduction to 2e and guest background

01:47 dr. megan helmen's journey into neuropsychology

03:36 the shift towards neurodiversity affirming practices

07:12 what is 2e and how does it relate to autism

11:52 subtle presentations of autism in gifted children

16:09 compensation strategies in 2e autistic kids

22:32 IQ and the profile of 2e individuals

26:24 differentiating giftedness from autism

35:36 supporting 2e children in navigating the world

42:36 parenting tips and final thoughts

⚡️ Developmental Discoveries — learn more about dr. megan helmen’s neuropsychological assessment practice as well as resources for 2e kids. also follow on Instagram and Facebook

⚡️ Autism Traits Guide — a $7 parent-friendly resource that breaks down autism diagnostic criteria, including subtle profiles, and shares examples of how traits can show up across ages, support needs, and presentations

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — includes the “talking to your kid about their diagnosis” masterclass, along with monthly trainings, weekly Q+A episodes, and ongoing support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education and parenting insights

oday’s episode is a little different.

on her birthday, dr. tay shares a more personal, behind-the-scenes reflection on life, work, mental health, medication, neurodiversity, intuition, advocacy, and what it means to show up as a full human while doing meaningful work.

this episode is an honest look at why dr. tay values letting you see the human side of her life and work—not as a polished, curated version, but as a real person navigating growth, self-support, business, advocacy, and the emotions that come with being deeply invested in this work.

• why dr. tay chooses to share the human side of this work
• what happens when overthinking and perfectionism stop feeling helpful
• how medication, therapy, and other supports can create more capacity
• why understanding your own brain can change how you show up
• the connection between neurodiversity-affirming care, advocacy, and human rights
• what dr. tay is dreaming about next for her work and impact

00:00 birthday reflections and showing the human side

04:00 authenticity, emotional capacity, and self-support

08:47 medication, mental health, and understanding your brain

16:38 intuition, signs, and trusting the process

21:21 business growth, impact, and accessibility dreams

27:48 neurodiversity, advocacy, and misinformation

36:31 personal growth, life updates, and what’s next

40:19 closing reflections and birthday request

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ EVOLVE the membership — ongoing education, monthly masterclasses, and weekly Q+A support for parents of autistic kids

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, behind-the-scenes reflections, and parenting insights

your child’s teacher says they had a great day.

they followed directions. they were kind. they were helpful. maybe the teacher even says they wish they had a whole classroom full of kids like yours.

and then your child gets home… and completely falls apart.

in this episode, dr. tay explores the after-school rebound effect, especially for high-masking autistic kids who appear fine at school but struggle intensely at home. she explains why this contrast can feel so confusing for parents, how masking and people-pleasing can hide a child’s distress during the school day, and why meltdowns, shutdowns, withdrawal, or school refusal at home are meaningful data.

you’ll also hear practical ways to support your child after school, including lowering demands, creating predictable recovery rituals, offering sensory regulation, and communicating with the school when your child’s nervous system is clearly carrying too much.

• why some autistic kids look “fine” at school but fall apart at home
• how masking, anxiety, rigidity, and people-pleasing can show up in school settings
• why teacher reports may not tell the whole story
• what meltdowns, shutdowns, withdrawal, and morning refusal may be communicating
• how sensory overload, social demands, transitions, and executive functioning load can build throughout the day
• why after-school questions, activities, homework, and transitions can all become demands
• how to create a lower-demand after-school routine
• ways to support recovery through food, water, quiet, sensory tools, movement, and predictability
• when to communicate with the teacher or advocate for school-based accommodations
• why home and school should be viewed as one connected ecosystem

00:00 introduction to masking and its effects

02:08 common patterns in high-masking children

03:41 misdiagnosis and missed signs of masking

05:02 interpreting conflicting data from school and home

06:19 understanding the rebound effect and child's internal state

07:22 the role of anxiety, rigidity, and compliance

10:14 environmental overstimulation and sensory challenges

12:03 the significance of the child's emotional bucket

13:09 immediate strategies to support children at home

14:56 reducing demands and supporting regulation

17:29 building routines and sensory regulation tools

20:12 advocating for your child's needs in school

21:11 creating a holistic support system across environments

23:11 the importance of recognizing child's effort and regulation needs

24:06 considering mental health days and self-care

25:54 resources and support for back-to-school transition

⚡️ Small Things, Smooth School Year Masterclass — a back-to-school masterclass to help you prepare for the school year, communicate with your child’s teacher, and create proactive supports

⚡️ School Avoidance Masterclass — available inside EVOLVE the membership (sign up here) for parents navigating school avoidance, refusal, or difficulty accessing school. includes monthly masterclasses, weekly Q+A, and ongoing educational support for parents of autistic kids hosted on a private podcast feed

⚡️ episode 228: when should you push your autistic child… and when should you accommodate? — learn how to tell whether something is too hard, a little hard, or not hard enough, and how to balance accommodation with gentle challenge

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, parenting insights, and back-to-school support

this is one of the hardest questions for parents, especially during back-to-school season when routines are changing, anxiety may be higher, and your child’s capacity can shift quickly.

in this episode, dr. tay shares a practical framework she uses often with clinical families: is this a little hard or too hard?

you’ll learn how to recognize signs that something may be flooding your child’s nervous system, how to think about accommodations without over-accommodating, and why the goal is not to remove every challenge... but to help your child stay in that “little hard” zone where growth, confidence, and resilience can happen.

this framework applies to school transitions, anxiety, exposure work, leaving the house, after-school recovery, and everyday parenting decisions at home.

• how to tell the difference between “a little hard” and “too hard”
• why pushing too hard can flood your child’s nervous system
• what shutdown, withdrawal, meltdowns, and rebound effects may be communicating
• how accommodations can make something more accessible
• why over-accommodation can unintentionally limit skill-building
• how exposure work can be done in a neurodiversity-affirming way
• why autonomy, agency, and trust matter when supporting anxiety
• how to use small exposures to build confidence and capacity
• why back-to-school transitions may require more support at first
• how to introduce this language to your child over time

00:00 introduction to the capacity framework for supporting kids

03:10 the chaos of back-to-school and resource creation

06:02 understanding “a little hard” vs. “too hard” in child tasks

07:26 supporting autistic kids in school and alternative settings

08:57 the role of exposure therapy and gradual challenges

10:37 gradual exposure and building autonomy in kids

13:12 resources and masterclasses for school support

14:40 practical examples of exposure at home

17:07 balancing accommodation and challenge in support strategies

19:22 tapering accommodations and supporting capacity growth

20:51 using parental intuition to gauge hardness levels

21:52 encouraging communication and self-awareness in kids

22:48 summary and resources for back-to-school support

⚡️ Small Things, Smooth School Year Masterclass — a back-to-school masterclass to help you prepare for the school year, communicate with your child’s teacher, and create proactive supports

⚡️ School Avoidance Masterclass — available inside EVOLVE the membership (sign up here) for parents navigating school avoidance, refusal, or difficulty accessing school. includes monthly masterclasses, weekly Q+A, and ongoing educational support for parents of autistic kids hosted on a private podcast feed

⚡️ episode 196 and 204 are additional resources for this episode

⚡️ explore dr. tay’s clinical services, parent resources, and support at drtaylorday.com

⚡️ follow dr. tay on instagram @the.dr.tay for practical autism education, parenting insights, and back-to-school support