Dr. Reedy discusses the challenges and keys to creating intimacy. He explores how, when we don’t own our feelings, our histories, or our issues, we see problems "out there" – specifically in our partners. He explains how sharing your feelings are only one part of intimacy. Listening, with compassion and non-judgment is often the real challenge that prevents intimacy in couples.

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Dr. Reedy discusses goals and how our goals change as we change. He discussed the difference between first order change (behavior, skills, tools) vs. second order change (a fundamentally different way of seeing the world and relating to it). He suggests that we ask different questions, bigger questions, to get unstuck from old patterns. The great task is to look critically into our programming and challenge the answers to the largest questions in life.

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Dr. Reedy reviews Alice Miller’s, "The Drama of the Gifted Child." He touts this book as the most important book written on the subject of the parent-child dynamic. Miller explains how a child will give up who they are to meet the parent’s needs. The call is to do the deep work necessary to “cut the tragic link between admiration and love.”

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Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the audience on setting boundaries in relationships where that hasn’t been the practice. He explains that we will get better as we go. He explains that the ability to listen to a feeling or a boundary says more about the receiver than it does about the person sharing.

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Dr. Reedy discusses boundaries and self-care and how guilt, shame, and fear must be dealt with in order to love yourself. He explains how boundaries are beyond right and wrong. He explains how love of self is the foundation for loving everyone else.

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Dr. Reedy discusses regression and what triggers it. He explains that old contexts, old relationships, old energies, roles, or rules can trigger us in ways that we revert back to a less evolved way of functioning. He encourages observing this dynamic and developing compassion for ourselves when we experience this inevitability.

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Dr. Reedy talks about the characteristics of an authentic apology. He explains the difference between an apology and an amends. He explains that forgiveness is not a future but something we can do when we can do it - we do it when we can so that we can feel better.

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Dr. Reedy explores the pressures and dilemmas that many people grapple with over the holidays. He talks about why we feel obligated to show up to our old context is certain ways. He talks about observing ourselves when we visit family and how to develop a practice of self-compassion for our regression.

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Dr. Reedy discusses the risk of practicing gratitude and proposes that a more effective route might be by learning to feel all our feelings. He explains toxic positivity, gaslighting and spiritual bypass. He talks about Thanksgiving and the pressure to feel a certain way and what to do about that.

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Family of Origin Through Lens of Family Systems Theory - Ep 633 by Dr. Brad Reedy

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