Cognitive dissonance seems like it would be a “bad” thing, right? It can actually be a very good thing, and vital to our growth! Take a deep breath - it’s okay if you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. 

In this episode, I break down what cognitive dissonance really is, why women in emotionally abusive marriages may experience a lot of cognitive dissonance, how cognitive dissonance can help us create better, healthier thoughts, and I also share three fun illustrations of cognitive dissonance for all you listeners who love a good word picture. Ready? Let’s dive in. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Three definitions of cognitive dissonance.
• Three reasons why we may not want to change what we believe or what we do. “Fear of pain” is the key phase here. 
• Some examples of cognitive dissonance that I see every day in the women within my private membership program, Flying Free. 
• Why changing our thinking can be so, so good. 
• Three illustrations of cognitive dissonance and how we can choose the thoughts we want to believe. 
• Why I delete the hate mail I get immediately, sometimes without even reading it. That was a fun rabbit trail. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Let’s answer some more listener questions today! These questions include, “How do I respond to my husband who says that ‘Your body belongs to me, and you don't have any biblical grounds to say no when I want sex’?” “How can we continue to do the work of unraveling purity culture's effects if we're not in a healthy marriage?” and “What type of counselor should I be looking for?” 

If you’re looking for some Biblical truth, a *few* snarky comments, and some very practical advice, you’re looking in the right place. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Some wise responses to an abusive husband who mistakenly believes that you owe him sex whenever he wants. 
• A plethora of verses to combat the lie that “your body belongs to your husband.” 
• How to unravel purity culture’s long-lasting effects on us while still in an abusive marriage. 
• How to find a *good* counselor. 
• Why it’s not your responsibility to find your abusive husband a counselor.
• Why people who are NOT in abusive marriages NEVER wonder, “Am I in an abusive marriage?” 
• How to “break up” with your counselor. Spoiler alert: no sappy break-up letters necessary. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Let’s get practical today. In this episode, I answer four listener questions by directing you to the best resources I can offer from the Flying Free Podcast. These questions range from “At what point do you refuse to have sex with your husband if he is emotionally abusive?” to “Any recommendations or resources as I go into divorce court?” 

After you listen to the episode, be sure to go down to the “Related Resources” section of the show notes to grab all the links to the podcast episodes that are recommended. They are absolute gems!

Key Points From This Episode:

• How the Flying Free Sisterhood can help change your whole life.  
• Every episode we’ve done with abuse survivors who are thriving on the other side of divorce.
• What “in-house” separation can look like.
• Why the Bible can’t possibly share EVERY practical answer we have ever looked for. 
• Our best episodes on sex and abuse within marriage.
• Our key episodes on divorce and the whole hairy process. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

When twelve women come together to write a book about rising above narcissistic abuse, you know they are a force to be reckoned with. Today’s episode is a sneak-peak into their stories and how they escaped their abusers, what their healing journey has been like since then, and more.

Join Ina Johnson Meyers, her co-authors, and yours truly as we discuss red flags, how religion can keep you in bondage, and how these women gained the courage to leave their abusive situations. Spoiler alert: God is at the center of all of these women’s stories, and He wants to give you the courage to rise above narcissistic abuse, too. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why writing “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse” was easy or difficult for each individual author. 
• A conversation about red flags in relationships. 
• Why listening to your body is so important. 
• Setting boundaries with a narcissistic. 
• What the breaking point was for some of these women when it came to leaving their abusive, narcissistic partner.  
• Why relationship over religion is key. 
• How the church can re-abuse victims. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Connect with Ina over email and check out her training course, books, and boutique, all at her convenient Linktree link. 
• Check out their book “Rising Above Narcissistic Abuse.” 
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Last week we explored the Myers-Briggs personality typology, and today we have a special guest, Stacey Wynn, talking with us about another personality typology: the Enneagram. Not only will the Enneagram inform you about who you are as a person and what motivates you, but it will also help point you toward where you can grow and develop.

No matter what you’ve heard about the Enneagram in the past, come along for an authentic conversation about the history of the Enneagram, its benefits, and how it can help you heal after abuse.

Key Points From This Episode:

• The history of the Enneagram and why we don’t need to fear it. 
• Why the Enneagram is anything but a box for our personalities (and how we can grow within our Enneagram type!)
• How the Enneagram helped Stacey in her healing journey after her divorce. 
• Why no one Enneagram type is more prone to finding themselves in an abusive situation than another type. 
• How you can apply the Enneagram to your whole life — personal, professional, and spiritual.
• What your next steps could be if you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Listen to Part One of this two-part series.
• Check out Stacey’s website, workbook, Facebook group, and Instagram all in one convenient place! 
• Receive 10% off of Stacey’s iEQ9 Couples Report or Individual Report by using the code FLYFREE at checkout.
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Stacey Wynn is an ICF Certified Coach (PCC) who works in both corporate and private practice. As a survivor of a destructive marriage, Stacey understands that one major hurdle we must jump over is re-engaging with who we are— with authenticity. The iEQ9 (Enneagram framework) assessment helps us build the vocabulary around our personal development, which starts with self-awareness. The iEQ9 provides a growth path for development that is helpful as each of us builds our unique path forward.

Stacey brings 25 years of experience with Fortune 500 business operations leadership and 10+ years of private coaching expertise. As a coach and consultant, Stacey is known for bringing clarity to complex situations. She asks thought-provoking questions, maintains a calming presence, builds trust, and encourages authenticity and reflection. Stacey uses knowledge-based coaching techniques and is an expert resource for faith deconstruction work. Her published workbook, Deconstruction: Your Journey in Faith, is available on Amazon.

Certifications include: Hogan Assessments, iEQ9/Enneagram, MBTI® (Myers-Briggs), Change Style Indicator® (CSI)

Who are you, really? And how do the different parts of you work together to create the whole you? What makes you tick? What makes you un-tick? (That’s not a word, but you know what I mean, right?)

Our resident Myers-Briggs expert, Rebecca Ferris, is here to talk about how understanding your personality can help you unhook from abuse. This episode is jam-packed full of golden nuggets about what each letter in the Myers-Briggs system actually means, what those letters mean about you and how you function, and of course, how the topics of abuse and personality types meet and mingle. 

Even if you have never taken the Myers-Briggs test, you will absolutely fall in love with Becky and this whole “secret code” once the episode is over. If you would like to take the test either before or after the episode, we highly recommend taking it through Personality Hacker (for free!)

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why the Myers-Briggs test is actually hard science as opposed to soft science.
• An explanation of what the terms “extroverted” and “introverted” actually mean.
• How Myers-Briggs helped Becky heal after years of abuse from her husband and church.
• Why certain personality types may be more prone to staying in an abusive environment for longer than they have to. 
• A “fun” Myers-Briggs personality type and abuse study that will blow your mind with incredible stats. 
• How to escape the box that your programming may have created for you. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Have you ever been sitting in a women’s Bible study when all of a sudden the Bible study curriculum asks a leading question, taking the verses you just read completely out of context, and now you feel confused and upset but like you need to nod your head “yes” to the rubbish you just heard?

Or have you ever wanted to leave your abusive marriage, but you find yourself continuously coming back to your abuser because 1. You feel bad for him 2. Your biblical counselor told you that you can’t leave and/or 3. You’re afraid God will punish you if you leave? 

You’re not alone in this battle. Come sit down and listen while I answer some listener questions in an episode that will teach you all about how to NOT twist the Bible, how to NOT take responsibility for your abuser’s emotions, and how to NOT resist change and pain. Because change and pain can be really, really good things. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why certain Bible study curriculum can be extremely harmful instead of helpful. 
• A healthy interpretation of Psalm 15.
• Why our programming and beliefs dictate our feelings and actions.
• A red flag to look out for in a counselor.  
• Why change and pain can be good things.
• The many reasons why God won’t “punish” you if you get a divorce.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Covert abuse sneaks up on you. You may not recognize certain behaviors in your spouse as being abusive for days, weeks, months, or years, and even then, they can be hard to identify. That’s what makes covert abuse so incredibly painful, confusing, and hard to see, especially from the outside. 

Is your husband emotionally abusive, or does he just not know what it takes to be a good husband in a marriage? When does abuse become abuse — the first time, or after it is repeated many times over? If it’s just covert abuse and not overt, “obvious” abuse, does that even count as abuse, and should you just be patient with your husband? Let’s talk through each of these listener questions and more together. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The difference between a healthy, good man, and an emotionally abusive man. 
• Why abuse is still abuse, even the first time. 
• The different masks that abusers put on to trick us and distract us from what is really going on. 
• What emotional abandonment can look like and why it is abusive. 
• Why the Flying Free Sisterhood may be able to help you if you are suffering from emotional abuse.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

You deserve better. Your daughters deserve better. The women around you deserve better. She deserves better. This is a sentiment Sheila Wray Gregoire strongly believes in, and she is here today not only to introduce you to her new book, She Deserves Better, but to tell you exactly why you deserve better and how you can heal from the lies you grew up believing about purity culture, sex, modesty, men, and more.

Join Natalie and Sheila as they discuss the harmful lies you were taught to believe, how you can heal, and how you can help raise the next generation to have a better chance at believing and living in the truth.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why She Deserves Better was written and the stats to back up the book. 
• How purity culture was born (and why it’s a big bunch of lies squashed together because of fear and then fed to us and our children). 
• How to help our children have high self-esteem. 
• Why Christian women struggle with vaginismus at twice the rate of the general population. 
• How She Deserves Better can help you reparent yourself. 
• Why telling the truth to our children about sex is vital to their physical, mental, and emotional health. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Read She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire not only to reparent yourself, but to help your daughters learn how to resist the toxic teachings surrounding sex, self, and speaking up. 
• Connect with Sheila on her website, Bare Marriage. 
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Sheila Wray Gregoire is an author, podcaster, and researcher into evangelicalism and sex. The founder of baremarriage.com, together with her team she has surveyed over 32,000 people for her books The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Her goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex to be healthy, evidence-based, and rooted in Christ. A graduate of Queen’s University, she’s married to her husband Keith, a pediatrician, who writes and speaks with her.

Does your cluttered house ever make you feel crazy? And does it help to have a cluttered home on top of your cluttered brain from dealing with emotional abuse from your spouse all day? Probably not. Cue Dawn Madsen, The Minimal Mom. She is a declutterer extraordinaire, and if you want to learn a tip or two about how to keep your home tidy (and keep your brain tidy), you won’t want to miss listening to this episode.

Let’s discuss the intersection between a destructive marriage and simplifying/decluttering (if you think it’s a far stretch, you might find that you are mistaken), some strategies to help you clean house, and so much more. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• What decluttering and emotional abuse have in common. 
• Why there’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle to keep up with your house and the things in it. 
• Strategies for how to lower the inventory in your home. 
• What a “Time Will Tell Bin” is and how it will help you declutter. 
• Why body-doubling can be so helpful as you clean and get things done around the home. 
• Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage. 

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Go explore Dawn’s YouTube channel, The Minimal Mom, for some free decluttering content. 
• While you’re at it, take a look at her website, as well as her workbook, How to Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day (only 15 minutes?!) and her devotional, Decluttering by Faith. 
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com