Going Terribly

CONGRATULATIONS TO US ON 100 INANE, EDIFYING, SCATOLOGICAL, SESQUIPEDALIAN EPISODES OF GOING TERRIBLY!

To celebrate, we invited our first virtual guest! Doug's old friend and Actual Famous Person™, Jonathan Pretus, of the podcast Ranking the Beatles, the cover band Big in the 90s, and co-composer of "The Girls are Back in Town" performed by Chapel Hart on America's Got Talent!

Get ready for some fun Beatles-themed games and top-notch Bri-ish accents.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Just how comfortable is your favorite rock star's lap?

- How to borrow a friend's organ to make mouth music

- The remix to the ignition of the east coast/west coast rap wars

- Jonathan Lipnicki

- When is it okay to impersonate a member of Hoobastank? And why?

This is the episode in which we talk about grooming. Whichever kind you're thinking of, it's probably that.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Real fantasy lands and the imaginary authors who wrote about them

- Is it ever okay to throw your virility in someone's face? So to speak.

- The word "nefarious" is used a lot. Perhaps a nefarious amount. So if you like the word "nefarious" you should be happy about how often you hear "nefarious" in this episode

- Precocious children and vulgar grandmothers

- What makes a pirate want to kill a boy? And, really, could it just be the boy's fault?

Doug has never taken to the skies, so he thought that the way Baggage Claims are depicted in media was just abbreviated versions of a meticulous real-life process of matching each individual passenger's claim check with their rightful bags. But no. It's all a lawless free-for-all, and any sociopath can just walk in and take a bag off the carousel just because they could.

Other discussion topics may include:

- A failed modern day comparison to Les Miserables

- Stephen King's most underrated novel about a haunted shopping receptacle

- Air guitar injuries

- Vanilla Carlton and the Thousand Mile Poop

- A quick walrus joke that was made before Freya's murder (like most people with even an iota of compassion, we're pretty ticked at Norway right now)

Everyone knows peanuts aren't nuts, but did you know that strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries are not berries? Get ready to learn so much in this episode, y'all.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Nobody has ever seen George W. Bush and Jimmy Stewart in the same place at the same time. Coincidence?

- Sneaking zucchinis and tangenting off to nuts (relax, neither is dirty...this time)

- How professor Winkerbottom has scammed his way into a lifetime of sciencing

- All about unicorns, both fictional and more fictional

- Lipids. Whatever that means.

We’ve got a Sam’s Club-sized It Went Terribly this week! Here are some Member's Mark alternative titles:

Two Juicy Fingers in a Hot Brown

Two Two-Tailed Mermaids in a Deep-Diving Treasure Hunt for Meat

Two Bird Humans in a Sweet Little Lie

Two Different Colored Eyes in a Coroner

Two Stirrups, Anvils, and Hammers in a Box of French-Canadian Toast Crunch

Two Vertical Gestures in a Follicular Calendar

Two Amish Wedding Rings in a Futuristic Past

Two Elaborate Mustaches in an Old, Brown Starbucks Logo

Two Pork Chop Dinners in a $3000 Refrigerator That'll Monitor Your Baby and Preheat Your Oven

Other discussion topics may include: 

- Who was the missing member of N*SYNC, and just how much better than him was Joey Fatone? 

- The damaging misinformation regarding this supposed "super sweet corn" 

- Enjoying Magic the Gathering for the art and Lady Godiva for the chocolate 

- Just what *will* kids with chicken pox eat? The answer may surprise you. And come in a jingle. 

- Warning: Spoilers for 1989's The Little Mermaid and 1995's Toy Story enclosed

What important life skills did you learn as a kid? How to tie your shoes? Wipe your ass? Actually call a store on the telephone to dispute their return policy? Gracious, how soft we've become...

Other discussion topics may include:

- Practical joking (and possibly inappropriate) priests

- Learning Jason Statham life facts, but not knowing any of his movies

- An accidental exploration of the great Kris Kristofferson. Or at least his name.

- Celebrations of Nick at Nite, boy bands, and, believe it or not...shoehorns

- People who felt like they were in Harry Potter but were not in Harry Potter

Take your codeine and oxycontin, and rev up your entrepreneurial spirit cuz there are some new coffee brands and old, YA-inspired bands that need representation!

Other discussion topics may include:

- The heroic, caffeine-charged sea tales of Ishmael Starbuck

- Do you have a problem heating cute things in the microwave?

- The story of Snape, the first simp

- Which Beatle would *you* dip in chocolate?

- Why a bridge is the hardest place to lip sync

It's almost time for Nation Alice Cream Day! So warm up your tongues and spoons and say, "Not today, lactose intolerance!" cuz we're doing our annual 10-stop ice cream crawl this Sunday, and WE'LL PROBABLY SEE YOU AROUND.

Other discussion topics may include:

- A thoughtful examination of childhood stereotypes, from the skinny kid to the fat kid to the kid who lives dangerously by "climbing on rocks"

- From milk bread to suicide forests, the briefest Japanese history lesson of all-time

- Has your gynecologist's sense of humor gone too far? 

- In addition to ice cream, other products that come from cows...like French toast

- Bad ways to die, such as a head-eating lion, a cinnamon eating contest, and consuming too much knockoff knockoff knockoff meat

It's Christmas in July, and we have a 1776-sized It Went Terribly for ya that answers those deep, hard-hitting questions like, "Why are there so many names for White Elephant gift exchanges?" and "Who the hell is still naming a baby, Dick?"

Other discussion topics may include:

- A recap of last week's episode of "How to Get Away with Your Mother"

- Are refrigerators the cell phones of tomorrow? Possibly

- Dry rubs, but not the dirty kind

- Calendar umbrellas, umbrella calendars, and all the dumb stuff in between

- Are cell phones the refrigerators of yesterday? No, probably not.

Have you been playing Redactle? It's a totally addictive, eye-crossing, headache-inducing, time-consuming, word-nerd-centric daily game in the style of Wordle. It'll ruin your life. And you'll like it.

Other discussion topics may include:

- How do the "bases" in romantic relationships work? 

- A proposal for a possible Going Terribly at-home board game

- Would you ride a rollercoaster if it would save your mother's life?

- Surgical fanny packs

- The misuse of childhood toys and games (don't be gross, audience)