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Breaking free from narcissistic abuse requires recognizing patterns most of us never knew had names. Laura spent 33 years married to someone everyone thought was "such a nice guy" while enduring emotional manipulation, constant boundary violations, and the slow erosion of her self-worth behind closed doors.

On this raw and illuminating episode, Laura shares how she finally found the courage to leave after experiencing what she now recognizes as a "reverse discard" – a manipulative tactic where narcissists orchestrate situations to make victims appear responsible for ending relationships. This allows them to control the narrative and play victim while avoiding accountability for their actions.

The conversation explores the painful reality of trauma bonding, where victims become psychologically attached to their abusers through cycles of intermittent reinforcement. Laura describes how gaslighting left her questioning her own perceptions for decades, only to have memories surface after divorce when her brain finally felt safe enough to process them. This delayed recognition is common among survivors who often don't realize they were in abusive relationships until they've escaped them.

Beyond the trauma, this episode offers profound hope for healing and reinvention. Laura transformed her experience into purpose by becoming a coach, author, and podcast host helping other midlife women recover from narcissistic relationships. She discusses how writing her book "Married to a Nice Guy" became part of her healing journey, allowing her to document her growth while helping others recognize similar patterns in their lives.

For anyone who has ever minimized their dreams, walked on eggshells to keep the peace, or felt the confusion of loving someone who treats them poorly, this conversation offers validation, understanding, and a roadmap to reclaiming your life. As Laura powerfully demonstrates, midlife after narcissistic abuse isn't the end of your story – it's potentially the beginning of your most authentic and joyful chapter yet.

Ready to heal from betrayal trauma or toxic relationships? Follow @happilyevenaftercoach on Instagram and visit lifecoachjenwithn.com to learn more about recovery coaching and resources.

Laura Richards

Podcaster • Speaker • Author • Coach

•Author of  Married To A "Nice" Guy: Getting Over Narcissistic Abuse get the book here

•"You're Not Crazy" ebook: get it here

•Follow the podcast: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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That gut-wrenching moment when you discover your spouse has betrayed you doesn't come with a clear roadmap forward. The decision to stay or leave after infidelity isn't as simple as others might suggest, especially when well-meaning friends confidently declare what they "would do" without ever having faced such devastation themselves.

As a trauma-informed life coach who navigated my own marriage after betrayal, I've identified ten major obstacles that complicate this critical life decision. Fear of regret often paralyzes us – what if leaving is a mistake? What if staying means wasting more precious years? For parents, concern about children's wellbeing weighs heavily, though we must consider whether modeling an unhealthy relationship truly benefits them in the long run.

The complex emotional landscape after betrayal includes lingering love for your spouse despite their actions, grief over shared history and identity loss, and shame about either staying or leaving. Financial fears intensify the stakes, especially for those who've been financially dependent. Uncertainty looms large – can your spouse truly change? Will you need to uproot your entire life? And the self-blame your unfaithful partner likely encouraged keeps you questioning your own worth and responsibility.

Most importantly, betrayal trauma throws your body into survival mode – fight, flight, or freeze – making clear decisions nearly impossible until you've begun healing. Before deciding your marriage's future, focus on regaining your emotional footing. Connect with resources that understand betrayal's unique challenges, whether therapy, coaching, or selective confidants who won't simply project their own perspectives onto your situation.

Remember: there's no universal "right answer" about staying or leaving after infidelity. What matters is making the choice that aligns with your values, needs, and vision for your future. You deserve thoughtful support as you navigate this crossroads and create your own version of "happily even after" – with or without your current partner. Wherever your path leads, healing is possible.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Have you ever put someone on a pedestal only to feel devastated when they tumbled down? Pedestals seem harmless—even positive—but they create dangerous dynamics that fuel betrayal, secrets, and delayed healing.

As a trauma-informed life coach who survived betrayal myself, I've seen firsthand how the "perfect spouse" or "golden child" syndrome sets everyone up for failure. The person elevated feels immense pressure to hide their flaws, while those doing the elevating face earth-shattering disorientation when the inevitable fall occurs.

I share ten powerful reasons why pedestals harm relationships, including how they prevent accountability, create toxic family secrets, and complicate the healing process after betrayal. The stories from my own journey—from calling my ex-husband "church dad" to discovering his double life—illuminate the real damage these perfection illusions cause, especially to children who sense something is wrong but can't name it.

This episode offers a refreshing alternative to perfectionism: embracing our shared humanity where mistakes don't define us. I explain how being the "world's okayest mom" creates space for authentic relationships and genuine healing. You'll learn practical approaches to navigate difficult truths with loved ones, set appropriate boundaries without punishment, and build connections based on honesty rather than illusions.

Whether you're recovering from betrayal or simply want more authentic relationships, this conversation will help you recognize harmful pedestals in your life and take steps toward deeper connections built on truth. Ready to exchange impossible expectations for genuine relationships? This episode shows you how.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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The devastating words "just move on" after betrayal often cause more harm than the infidelity itself. Like an elephant stubbornly refusing to leave the room, unaddressed betrayal trauma grows larger the more we attempt to ignore it. This raw, honest conversation delves into why rushing the healing process sabotages genuine recovery and creates deeper wounds for both partners.

When betrayal shatters your reality, hearing that you should "get over it" feels like being betrayed all over again. This dismissal creates a secondary trauma—silencing your pain, invalidating your emotions, and blocking the accountability necessary for true healing. Through exploring ten reasons why "just move on" fails, we uncover how avoidance tactics like sweeping affairs "under the rug" create emotional distance that becomes impossible to bridge without confronting uncomfortable truths.

For those struggling with a partner unwilling to engage in repair, this episode offers validation and practical guidance. Healing is possible even when your spouse refuses to help, but it shouldn't be done alone. By choosing courage over comfort and facing pain rather than avoiding it, betrayed partners can reclaim their power and create lasting healing—whether the relationship survives or not. Your future self deserves the gift of complete healing, not the false promise of moving on before you've had the chance to process what happened.

Ready to transform your post-betrayal journey? Sign up for our newsletter or follow us on social media to continue the conversation. Share your experience in the comments—what healing approach has helped you move forward after betrayal?

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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The words "you're just too sensitive" ring in our ears long after they're spoken—especially when they're used to cover up betrayal. As a trauma-informed coach who survived my own journey through infidelity, I've discovered that most troubled relationships follow a pattern: one partner acts as the "bomb maker" while the other becomes "the bomb." This powerful metaphor, borrowed from relationship expert Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, perfectly captures the dynamic where one person creates chaos while the other absorbs negativity until eventually exploding.

When someone lives a double life through affairs or addiction, they manufacture stress through lies and deception. Their partner feels this constant undercurrent of negative emotion but can't quite identify its source—until discovery happens. Then the explosion occurs. The aftermath leaves both people wondering how to navigate this emotional minefield. Do you recognize signs of a bomb maker? They create emotional outbursts, start arguments with contradictory statements, engage in gaslighting, blame-shift, emotionally manipulate, and place unrealistic expectations on their partner. These behaviors destroy trust, drain energy, and erode self-esteem in devastating ways.

Healing starts with acknowledging what's happening. Set clear boundaries and communicate consequences when they're violated. Instead of trying to control your partner's behavior, focus on what actions you'll take to protect yourself when tensions rise. Create emotional safety within yourself rather than relying on someone else to provide it. Most importantly, get support. While betrayal magnifies these destructive dynamics, with awareness and proper guidance, both partners can learn to recognize these patterns and create healthier relationship dynamics. If you're struggling to navigate betrayal's aftermath, know that healing is possible—and you don't have to do it alone. I've been there, and now I help others find their path to living happily, even after betrayal.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Have you ever felt crazy when your intuition was screaming that something was wrong in your relationship? Jeni Brockbank's story will validate those feelings and show you there's a path forward through betrayal trauma.

Jeni, Executive Director of Her Wings Unfold, joins me to share her journey through a 25-year marriage marked by betrayal, and how she transformed her pain into purpose. After discovering her husband's double life just nine months into their marriage, Jeni spent years trying to hold everything together while raising six children and maintaining the appearance of a perfect family. Her powerful awakening came when she realized she wasn't the one breaking covenants or destroying their relationship.

What makes this conversation particularly valuable is Jeni's insight into the unique challenges of leaving an abusive relationship when religious beliefs emphasize eternal marriage. She candidly discusses how abuse often escalates after separation, sharing her own experience of temporary homelessness when her ex-husband convinced a court to place all their home sale proceeds into escrow.

The heart of our discussion focuses on Her Wings Unfold's revolutionary approach to healing through trauma-sensitive 12-steps. Traditional recovery models often pathologize natural responses to betrayal as "codependency," inadvertently blaming victims. Jeni's program instead validates survivors' experiences, emphasizing safety, self-compassion, and community healing to address what she calls the Four A's: abuse, addiction, adultery, and abandonment.

Whether you're navigating betrayal yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers a compassionate framework for understanding the complex trauma of broken trust and the possibility of healing beyond it. As Jeni puts it, "I wasn't the one who broke the covenants" – a powerful reminder that taking back your life isn't breaking your promises.

To get in contact with Jeni:

Here are a few links:

Find a Trauma-Sensitive 12-Step meeting

H.E.R. Wings Unfold

Relational Trauma SOS

Also, something that I didn't mention is that I did author a betrayal trauma book for members of the Church.  Feel free to not use the link but here it is in case: Healing In Christ's Light From Patterns of Sexual Betrayal

I'd love to keep in touch!  You are doing amazing and brave things.  <3

Warmly,

-- 

Jeni Brockbank
Executive Director
H.E.R. Wings Unfold
435-339-3561
herwingsunfold.org / ts12anon.org

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Grief comes in many forms, but society often ranks and responds to them differently. Research suggests that divorce—particularly after betrayal—can be more painful than losing a spouse to death, though making this claim often raises eyebrows. The key difference lies not in the intensity of pain, but in how we process these losses and how others respond to our suffering.

When someone dies, you're permitted to keep loving them. Your memories remain untainted, and their absence, while devastating, doesn't force you to question if anything was ever real. With divorce after betrayal, every memory becomes suspect. That anniversary trip? Was your spouse texting their affair partner throughout? That family Christmas? Was it all a performance? This questioning of your entire shared history creates a unique form of trauma.

Society's response amplifies this pain. Widows receive casseroles, company at church, and flowers on anniversaries. Divorcees often face silence and isolation. As one client repeatedly expressed, feeling "rejected" compounds the abandonment. Co-parenting requires regularly facing the source of your pain—like voluntarily stepping into fire multiple times weekly. The healing journey demands moving from love to temporary hatred before reaching neutrality, a complex emotional path not required when grieving death.

This isn't about comparing tragedies or diminishing the profound grief of losing a spouse to death. Rather, it's a call for equal compassion and understanding for different forms of loss. Both experiences require deep healing, support, and time. If someone you know is going through divorce, especially after betrayal, consider showing up for them with the same care you'd offer a widow. They're grieving too, just in a different way. Sometimes the person who needs a meal delivered or company on a hard day isn't who we traditionally think needs support—but they're hurting just the same.

Ready to transform your post-betrayal journey? Follow me on social media @happilyevenaftercoach or email [email protected] to learn how we can work together toward your own "happily even after."

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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Shame creeps in silently after betrayal, whispering that we're somehow responsible for our partner's choices. It tells us we should have known better, seen the signs earlier, or somehow prevented the pain that's now consuming us. 

As someone who carried the weight of both my own shame and my unfaithful partner's for years, I understand how paralyzing this emotion can be. That's why I love the acronym that perfectly captures this destructive feeling: Shame = Should Have Already Mastered Everything. This episode dives deep into how shame operates after betrayal, keeping us isolated and questioning our worth when we most need connection and confidence.

We explore the crucial difference between guilt ("I did something wrong") and shame ("I am wrong"), and how this distinction affects healing. You'll learn about the physical and emotional manifestations of shame after betrayal - from feeling undesirable to mistrusting your own judgment. Most importantly, we break down the "shame-blame trap" that keeps couples stuck in cycles of defensiveness instead of healing.

Whether you're trying to rebuild your marriage after infidelity or create a new life beyond betrayal, freedom from shame is essential. This episode provides practical guidance on finding the right support, practicing radical honesty, and reclaiming your sense of worthiness. You didn't cause the betrayal, and you don't need to carry shame that doesn't belong to you. Your journey toward living "happily even after" begins with setting down this burden.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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What happens when maintaining a relationship with a parent becomes too emotionally costly? Why are more adult children choosing distance from their families? These questions don't have simple answers, but they deserve honest exploration.

In this vulnerable conversation, I'm joined by my daughter Megan who shares her personal journey of going no-contact with her father nearly two years ago. Recording on Father's Day, we acknowledge the complicated emotions these celebrations can trigger when family relationships are strained or broken.

We dive into how modern technology has fundamentally changed family dynamics—constant connectivity means parents can reach adult children anytime, creating unprecedented boundary challenges. As Megan explains, "Sometimes those precautions like blocking have to be taken because if you have a difficult family member, it's hard knowing they have access to you pretty much at all times."

Speaking with remarkable wisdom, Megan dispels common misconceptions about estrangement. It rarely comes "out of nowhere" but typically follows prolonged attempts to establish healthier patterns. It's not usually born of hatred but arises from a place of self-protection and grief. Most profoundly, she shares: "I love my dad, but it came to a point where I had to love me more."

For parents experiencing estrangement, this episode offers valuable insight: reconciliation requires more than apologies—it demands genuine self-reflection and consistent behavioral change. For adult children navigating complex family relationships, Megan's story validates the difficult choices many face in establishing boundaries that protect their emotional wellbeing.

Whether you're personally affected by family estrangement or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers compassionate perspective on one of life's most painful relational challenges. Connect with me on Instagram and Facebook @HappilyEvenAfterCoach to continue this important dialogue.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

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The journey through betrayal trauma often feels like navigating a minefield of uncomfortable emotions. Many of us instinctively avoid these feelings, creating a pattern of emotional suppression that prevents true healing. As someone who rode this emotional roller coaster myself for years, I'm passionate about helping others break through this barrier.

Emotional discomfort isn't something to fear or avoid—it's a necessary pathway to recovery. When betrayal leaves you emotionally numb, the first challenge becomes simply reconnecting with your feelings. Your body will tell you when you're suppressing emotions through sleep disturbances, weight fluctuations, emotional outbursts, or displacing anger onto others (like snapping at your kids or the drive-thru attendant when your real issue is with your spouse).

These uncomfortable conversations with your partner might feel terrifying—like walking into a lion's den—but they're essential for rebuilding trust and connection. Start by noticing how discomfort feels in your body. Is it tight, heavy, or restless? By becoming familiar with these sensations, you develop the ability to tolerate discomfort rather than immediately trying to escape it. If verbal conversations feel overwhelming, try writing letters, recording voice messages, or sending thoughtful texts to express yourself.

Remember that emotions themselves aren't good or bad; they simply are. Both you and your partner will experience different feelings simultaneously, and creating space for this emotional complexity is crucial for healing. Physical movement helps release emotional energy, which is why walking during difficult conversations can make them more manageable.

If navigating this emotional landscape feels consistently overwhelming, coaching can provide the support and structure you need—consider it a gym membership for your emotional wellbeing. The willingness to walk through discomfort rather than around it ultimately leads to deeper connections, stronger relationships, and the happily even after you deserve.

Past episode I did on being uncomfortable: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1772565/episodes/11425430-becoming-uncomfortable

Ready to transform your post-betrayal experience? Follow me on Instagram and Facebook @happilyevenaftercoach or email [email protected] to learn how we can work together on your healing journey.

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [email protected] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com