Healers Get Vulnerable

How do you create an incredible, deep and effective retreat? How do you bring that magic to an online retreat?

Those are the questions we're tackling today.

Retreats provide a special opportunity for real time transformation. As a participant of a silent retreat at spirit rock a couple of years ago, I had a transformative experience. This retreat was about renewal and rest. Setting aside those days in a sacred space, learning from the teachers, and immersing myself in the process gave me what I needed. On the third day, I felt a shift. I was no longer bored. I started to be able to observe my thoughts in a new way. I got something on a gut level that I hadn't gotten before.

If you're considering creating and running a retreat, it might be partly because you've experienced the magic of a retreat as a participant.

But how do you create that magic for your participants?

And now in 2020, how do you bring that magic online?

I invited a master of retreats, Michelle Boyd, to help us answer these questions.

Michelle is an award-winning writer, a former tenured professor, and the founder of InkWell Academic Writing Retreats. She helps scholars who dread writing free themselves from fear and build a satisfying, sustainable writing practice they can actually be proud of.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• Helping scholars with the emotional component of writing
• Decreasing terror, overwhelm and fear while increasing pleasure and joy in writing
• Why being in a retreat, in community changes your relationship to writing
• Discovering that running writing retreats is a big part of her path
• The ingredients of a successful retreat: separate space, trust in the facilitator, and trust in each other
• Starting her retreats with dinner to set the tone and create the container
• Finding and setting up the space to encourage writing and inner transformation
• Setting the schedule for the participants and for herself
• Changes she's made to her retreats since she started, including leaning into the value of the community
• Adjusting her work and her role so she's holding the entire community
• Moving her retreat online because of the shit show of the pandemic
• Being surprised by the ability of participants to get value from an online retreat and detach from their regular lives
• Setting the frame to help people get the most value from the experience
• Creating a pilot version of a follow up program
• A behind the scenes look at her own writing practices
• Why retreats should not be seen as an add on, but rather a place where certain kinds of transformation can happen

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/135

You don't have to create your business based on what's already been done. In this moment, there's no excuse to create your business by default.

How do you create a new vision for what your business will look like?

That's the question I'm tackling today. Our guest, Michelle Auerbach, is an author and consultant for entrepreneurs and organizations. She suggests mining science fiction for some of that vision.

In my own business and the whole rest of my life, I've been on a journey of reading the work of Octavia E Butler to help me gather inspiration and a new vision.

In Parable Of The Sower and Parable Of The Talents, through the main character, Lauren, she introduces a new way of looking at the world and a new model of leadership. I highly recommend these books and also the podcast Octavia's Parables. They're incredible sources of inspiration and ideas.

We're co-creating a new world. Our businesses are part of that new world.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• How she uses a 3-part story strategy to help her clients communicate
• Helping businesses and organizations become more kind and just
• Choosing to do a portion of her work for no fee
• Working with privilege and with difference
• How she works justice and equity into her practices
• Working to change the consulting world into one that is more collaborative and less competitive
• Using science fiction to see a possible world and then create that world
• Mining Becky Chambers books to help create a vision to communicate through the pandemic
• Finding wisdom from people who come from different fields
• Identify your superpowers through naming your science fiction role model
• Using her vision to say no to opportunities that aren't a fit.
• Why she says no to working with the financial services industry and said yes to working with McDonald's
• Writing a book in 40 days during the pandemic and using it to amplify voices that wouldn't usually be published within traditional publishing

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/134

How do you create healthy and effective financial practices for your small business?

That's the question we're tackling today.

Exploring that question for myself has been complicated.

I've been tracking every penny in my personal finances since 1997.

I've always tracked my income and expenses in my businesses.

But all that tracking didn't mean I was doing well with my money. My bookkeeping practices had a stressful and tight energy to them. Several years ago, my wife found a red plastic button that looked like it was from an old fashioned computer, with the word "panic" on it. She suggested I glue it to my desk and press it when I was doing my bookkeeping.

Although that was (sort of) funny, it kind of freaked me out. I didn't realize how stressed out I seemed when I was dealing with money. I just thought that was how that worked.

Years later, I went through Bari Tessler's program The Art of Money, and also read her book. Her work helped me start to slow down my nervous system when relating to my money.

Then I started using the Profit First system created by Mike Michalowicz. Two times a month, I walk through a process to distribute my income into different bank accounts within my business.

That process gives me a clear look at what's happening in my finances and evens out the ups and downs.

Then I hired a fee only financial advisor to help me create a long term plan.

And all of these things have helped me change the feeling I'm bringing to my money practices. I still feel myself going into reactive mode sometimes, and I still get that gripped, stressed feeling sometimes. It's just that now I've got some better thoughts and practices to lean into.

I want to introduce you to someone who has helped lots of my clients find peace and empowerment with their money practices. Let me introduce Andi Smiles, a financial consultant and educator for small business owners.

She was willing to share her own financial journey with us.

Five years ago, she was a self-described "hot mess" when it came to her own money. It wasn't that she needed more information. She knew what to do. She was a money expert helping small business owners, but her money wounds were holding her back from creating her own peaceful relationship with money.

In this conversation, Andi shares the daily money practices she follows now. Then she takes us back to the journey she went through to heal those money wounds and create a more profitable business.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• Her daily money practices
• How she uses her profit and loss report to make decisions
• How her clients find her
• Not believing she was worthy of money in the past
• Healing her money wounds & scars
• Going to coaching school and learning tools to use on herself
• Her success with Pinterest
• Creating her podcast, Ask Andi

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/133

How do you do feminism in your business?

How do you run a thriving, profitable business while living your feminist anti-oppression values?

That's the question we're tackling today.

I'll give one small example of how feminism has played out in my business: the progression of images of myself I have put out over the last 10 years.

I've had my photos done 4 times, 5 if you include the time my wife took a bunch of photos of me because I just really needed some new photos.

For the first couple of photo shoots, I was focused on getting "good" photos taken.

That meant kind of trying to look "pretty" and also relatable.

without realizing it, I was asking my photographer to package me the way I'd seen other successful coaches being packaged: feminine, smiling, and in pink.

The last time I got my photos taken, I asked my photographer, Sarah Deragon to co-create something more interesting and less expected. I asked her to help me bring out some more masculine energy, to NOT focus on making me look "pretty" and to play with the images in a more powerful way.

We got out boxing gloves. We had me in a flight suit, then in blazers, in fedoras, with no attempt to make me look younger than I look.

Images are just one place where my feminist values come up, and it's where we start with my guest Kelly Diels, a writer and feminist marketing consultant who works with culture makers.

YOU are a culture maker, and I'm so excited to share this conversation with you.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• Why "The Female Empowerment Lifestyle Brand" upholds oppression
• Using photos of herself that support intersectional feminist values and move a new narrative forward
• Leading (and loving) her "We Are Culture Makers" Community of entrepreneurs
• Teaching Feminist Copywriting
• Tripling her income while using non-exploitive and feminist marketing methods
• The exhaustion she experienced when she used traditional marketing tactics
• The problem with leveraging pain and suffering in your copywriting
• The platforms she uses for her business (see resources)
• Mistakes she made that you can skip
• How she manages her time and why she gets up super early
• Following the natural rhythms of your body, your family and the world
• Her excitement about her upcoming book!

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/132

When is it time to take a brave step in your business? My guest is Jelisha Gatling. She helps therapists make the brave move of leaving their jobs and jumping all the way into private practice.

I help therapists, healers and entrepreneurs take the brave step of creating a business beyond a traditional private practice.

So we discovered that we have a lot in common. We both help people get ready enough to do scary things, and then we hold their hands while they leap.

One thing we both know through personal experience is that you can't wait until you're ready to take a brave step. You can only be ready enough.

In this conversation, Jelisha shares how it's been for her to take the brave step of creating a business for therapists.

Topics Discussed In This Episode:

• Working with therapists around money and money mindset
• Creating a 1:1 package for therapists to help them leave their full jobs
• Feeling scared at the edge of a scary business move
• Writing a book proposal and facing a painful and deeply helpful moment
• Making her marketing simple and authentic
• Redefining "professional" and being herself everywhere (and Annie literally clapping)
• Time management and goal setting rituals that help her move forward
• Hiring a V.A. and outsourcing personal and professional tasks
• Some of her morning rituals, including using her yoga trapeze swing and painting

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/131

Having a list of subscribers who are into what you're doing is a HUGE game changer in your business.

If you're selling a course or membership or workshop series or really ANY kind of scaled offer, you want an email list.

I know my own email list needed to hit 600 people before I was making a significant income in my business. I still have a relatively small list, of just over 2000 people as I'm recording this. I say that to say that you don't need a HUGE list to make a good living, but you do need a list of people who want your stuff.

If you're working on getting your first 1000 subscribers or your next thousand, you're going to want to hear this.

My guest is Anya Manes, an educator and coach who helps parents have open communication with their kids so they can talk about sex and relationships.

She's grown an email list of 8000 people.

If you google how to grow an email list, you might find some helpful resources, but you'll also find some icky tactics there that don't really resonate.

An email list that was grown with those kinds of tactics is NOT the kind of email list you want. You want an email list you grew by offering value.

That's exactly what Anya Manes has done.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• Why and how she helps parents get out of a rut of shaming around sex and sexuality
• Being called to do this work as a classroom teacher
• How she started building her email list 50 people at a time
• Using workshops and public speaking to build her list
• Creating an interview series about talking to kids about sex (and bringing 3000 people to her list)
• Bad summits vs. valuable summits
• How she nurtures her email list over time with valuable weekly content
• How she manages her time with parenting, business and the rest of her life
• Learning through discovery calls what she should create for her clients
• Why high pressure sales are never part of consent

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/130

How would you do things differently the second time around?

I've talked a lot about the stages of a rebel business, meaning a business beyond the treatment room. In episodes 118 and 119 in February, I walked us through the things you might go through as a business owner during those stages.

This week I'm talking to a business owner who's already got one thriving business, and one business that's just starting out.

I wanted to delve into what she's experiencing differently and what she's doing differently with the benefit of knowing so much more the second time around.

I'm talking to Karen Wolfe, a therapist who specializes in working with parents and children, and with a newer focus that we're going to delve into right.....NOW.

It's called embodiment and sexual polarity.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• How she came to this work in a personal way
• Her own exploration and discoveries in her sexual relationship
• Why this work is sometimes triggering, especially to therapists
• Her fear around creating this new work and putting herself on the line
• Keeping her 2 businesses separate
• How she markets with webinars, articles, and email marketing
• Feeling nourished by both businesses in different ways
• How she manages time in her 2 businesses
• How people find her for this work
• Daily rituals that help her feel effective and grounded

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/129

As an entrepreneur creating a business beyond the treatment room, you're gonna have legal questions. I certainly can't answer them. I'm bringing you a podcast episode with someone who can: my own lawyer, Elizabeth Potts Weinstein.

Before we dived into her thoughts on your legal needs, I asked her about how she runs her own business: the systems she uses, the way she structures her time, and how she works with her team.

Then she shared some helpful and nuanced thoughts on what you need to take care of on the legal side.

Here's some of what we talked about:

• How she helps micro business owners like you
• Why she avoids working by the hour
• The tech systems she uses (some of which you might want to try)
• How she manages her time and sets priorities
• What legal stuff you should work on first (contracts and agreements!)
• What a trademark is and when you might want or need one
• Some legal issues to keep in mind as you enter into work beyond your therapy license

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/128

I don't talk a lot about being a mom and an entrepreneur, and I've resisted identifying myself as a "mamapreneur." I've always worked with tons of business owners who are NOT parents, and I didn't want to pigeon hole myself in that particular way or to alienate folks who are not parents.

...But we are going there today in a big way. I'm talking to Narissa Harris, a therapist, writer, podcaster and cultural consultant. She and her husband Art cofounded Culture First, where they provide consultation and training around cultural awareness and sensitivity. Narissa and Art are the parents of a 1 year old. In this episode, we dive in and get real about what's working for her in building their company while also raising a tiny human together.

I've had my own experiences with parenting and running my company lately. As we're recording this, we're sheltering in place. I'm spending more time with my kids, and even when I'm not the one spending time with them, they're HERE.

This is reminding me of times when my kids were younger, and it was harder to get work done. I remember a particular moment with my youngest. He used to like to be held a lot and it was OK with him if I was talking on the phone for some of that time...then he hit a certain day and it was no longer OK. I was on the phone with the landlord of a potential therapy office. We were going to talk through a couple of details, and then my baby started yelling. He wasn't distressed. He was just yelling into the phone, like "I want to join in here!"

There was nothing I could do but excuse myself, and end the call.

That was the last time I talked on the phone while holding my baby. He was not having it.

Topics Discussed In This Episode:

• Her sometimes difficult and very meaningful journey to becoming a parent
• Running her training and consulting business to help people be more culturally aware in working with Black clients
• Combining her business with her husband Art's business
• What is working and what is challenging as a parent building a company
• Ignoring some advice from other experts and parents
• Planning her tasks flexibly throughout the day
• Building self-care into every day
• Figuring out sharing parenting responsibilities with her husband
• Dealing with her daughter's changing needs week by week
• Gaining clarity around what her focus is in her company
• Feeling more raw and unapologetic than ever
• Being clear about who she will spend her limited time with
• Becoming a CEU provider

Show notes at http://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/127

Hello Rebel listener. I've decided to not release a new episode this week. I stand in solidarity with Black listeners, podcasters, healers, therapists, entrepreneurs, friends and family.

I want to recommend something right now that's been so helpful to me as a white person who owns a business. Wherever you're listening to this right now, head to the podcast called That's Not How That Works. Hit play on their episode released on May 28th, 2020.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/thats-not-how-that-works/id1358150402

The podcast That's Not How That Works is always all about justice, equity, diversity and inclusion in the world of coaching and personal development. It's by two JEDI masters (meaning justice, equity, diversity and inclusion) who are also very close friends. This particular episode gives you a whole guide to some of their most important episodes.

This is an excellent time for me as a white person to look at how my business supports or stands against white supremacy, and to make long term commitments.

Now real quick, I'll recommend some podcasts by our Black colleagues. There are business coaches, healers, & other entrepreneurs in here. This list really barely scratches the surface. Check them out if you haven't already.

Authentic Wednesday with Bianca Hughes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/authentic-wednesday-podcast/id148096971 (A podcast about embracing your imperfections and being authentically you.)

Level Up Your Course with Janelle Allen https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/level-up-your-course-podcast-janelle-allen-create-online/id1045235303 (A podcast about course creation.)

Minding My Black Business with JaNaè Taylor https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/minding-my-black-business/id1276308195 (A podcast for Black entrepreneurs.)

The Money Sessions with Tiffany McLain https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-money-sessions/id1454957630 (A podcast for therapists who are leaning in to raise their fees and make bank.)

More Than Money with Jacquette Timmons https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/more-than-money-with-jacquette-timmons/id1463285733 (A podcast about money, psychology and choices.)

Racism Recovery Podcast with April Dawn Harter https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/racism-recovery-podcast/id1507043474 (A podcast to help white people prepare for racism recovery.)

Therapy For Black Girls with Joy Harden Bradford https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapy-for-black-girls/id1223803641. (A podcast about mental health and personal development.)

Walk A Day In My Culture with Narissa Harris https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/walk-a-day-in-my-culture/id1479616651 (A podcast that helps you keep your cultural antenna raised.)

Like I said , that just starts to scratch the surface.

If you like what you hear, or learn from what you hear, please subscribe to those podcasts, give them 5 star reviews, and share them with your colleagues and friends.

I'll be back with an episode of Rebel Therapist next time.