Honeydew Me

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. 

The Question: "Okay, so I’m really trying to work on my sex shame, and one thing I cannot get past is fantasizing. Like… every time I start, my brain is either like ‘this is unrealistic,’ ‘you should be embarrassed,’ or ‘lol you don’t even have a partner.’ How do I shut all that down so I can actually enjoy it and then, once I do have a fantasy, how do I make it real?"

What We Cover in This Episode:

⁠Join our Patreon and access the "Hot Girl Fantasy Guide" (+ so much more bonus content) HERE!

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Being single isn’t a waiting room and it’s definitely not a personal failure. This week, we’re diving into the archive and revisiting our episode with Shani Silver, writer, content creator, and author of A Single Revolution, to unpack the harmful narratives that keep single women stuck in shame, comparison, and “search mode.” Shani’s work challenges the idea that romantic partnership is the ultimate goal and offers a powerful reframe: your life is already worth celebrating right now.

We talk about how to stop centering dating apps, how to reclaim your time and joy, and why being single is not the problem... shame is.

We cover:

Connect with Shani:

On her website

Get her book "A Single Revolution"

On Instagram

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Curious about spanking, hair pulling, or a little consensual roughness... but not sure where to start? You're not alone. In this episode, we’re joined by Luna Matatas, a renowned Sex and Pleasure Educator known for her playful, trauma-informed approach to kink and impact play. With over 15 years of experience in the field, Luna walks us through how to explore rough sex in ways that feel hot, empowering, and safe.

We talk about how to build trust, use communication as foreplay, and find the confidence to go after what you really want in bed, without shame or second-guessing.

We cover:

Connect with Luna:

⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content, downloadables, extended episodes and more HERE!

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Your imagination might be the most powerful tool in your sex life and this episode will show you EXACTLY how to use it. We’re talking all things sexual fantasies—what they are, how to discover your desires, and creative ways to bring them to life. Whether you’re looking for fantasy roleplay ideas, inspiration for solo play, or ways to spice things up with a partner, this episode gives you the tools to confidently explore your turn-ons without shame.

We cover:

What a sexual fantasy really is (and why it doesn’t need to be a full-blown movie plot to be hot)

Emma’s and Cass’s personal experiences with fantasy—lifelong imagination vs. learning how to start

How to find your sexual fantasies: journaling prompts, reflection questions, and mindset shifts to help you explore your desires

Sources of inspiration: audio erotica, porn, roleplay scenarios, movies, books, and revisiting your earliest turn-on moments

Fun discovery tools for the bedroom: “Would You Rather,” Fantasy Mad Libs, and a fantasy-only Want/Will/Won’t list

Fantasy mood boards: how to create visual inspiration to spark new ideas and spot your desire themes

Most popular fantasies—from threesomes to public play—and why almost anything you can dream up already exists

Fantasy roleplay ideas with and without power dynamics to help you experiment safely and creatively

Fantasy Mapping: choosing your setting, characters, vibe, turn-ons, and optional “why” behind your hottest scenarios

How to use fantasies in the bedroom: during solo play, partnered play, public encounters, date nights, or sexting

Join our Patreon and access the "Hot Girl Fantasy Guide" HERE!

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What if sexual confidence had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with trusting yourself? With a background in sexual health research and a passion for pleasure-first education, Caitlin V Neal breaks down what sexual confidence really means and how to build it (even if you’re starting from zero). From quieting your inner critic to getting out of performance mode, Caitlin shares actionable, empowering ways to feel grounded, connected, and fully in your body.

What We Cover in This Episode:

Connect with Caitlin:

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If your sex drive tanked after starting antidepressants, you’re not alone and you’re definitely not broken. This week we’re dipping into the Honey Aerchive and revisiting our episode with Dr. Jordan Rullo, a Clinical Health Psychologist and Sex Therapist who specializes in sexual function.

Dr. Rullo explains how antidepressants impact desire, arousal, and orgasm, and what you can actually do to bring the spark (and your confidence) back.

What We Cover in This Episode:

The science behind antidepressants and sexual function. We break down how these medications affect brain chemistry and why they often lower desire.

Why your libido isn’t “broken.” Dr. Rullo explains how changes in sex drive are a common side effect, not a personal failing.

The difference between desire and arousal (and why it matters). Understanding these two states can help you better navigate sexual changes on medication.

How to talk to your partner when your sex drive shifts. Real scripts and strategies to keep communication open and shame-free.

Tips for getting in the mood (without forcing it). From sensory play to scheduling intimacy, we share tools that actually work.

What to ask your doctor about antidepressant side effects. Learn how to advocate for yourself if your medication is impacting your sexual wellness.

The emotional side of sexual changes. We explore how antidepressants can affect confidence, connection, and self-image, and what to do about it.

Simple ways to reconnect with your body and pleasure. Dr. Rullo shares techniques to help you stay present and rebuild sexual confidence.

Connect with Dr. Jordan Rullo HERE!

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Why do relationships feel so DAMN complicated these days? Modern love comes with sky-high expectations—partners are expected to be our best friend, therapist, co-parent, and soulmate all rolled into one. In this episode, Nicholas Velotta, Ph.D. student and Head of Research at Arya, shares why relationships feel harder today, what the science of intimacy has to tell us, and how building community (and redefining partnership) can take the pressure off and bring the spark back.

What We Cover in This Episode:

Sign up for Arya HERE *affiliate*

Connect with Nicholas HERE!

Follow Nicholas on Instagram HERE!

Follow Nicholas on TikTok HERE!

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠

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In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. 

The Question: “Hi there! Been a looooong time listener of the pod and have a question/need for advice. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 4 years, we’re in a super healthy relationship, and I feel very happy with him. The last few months or so, our sex life has been a little less than normal and less than what I hoped for. We still have satisfying sex, but not as frequently, and it’s pretty formulaic—we go to what we know works. I feel like I’m initiating more (probably 80% me, 20% him), and because of that, I get told no more, which never feels good. I’ve been wanting to get out of this lull to make our sex life fantastic again.

Then a few days ago, I woke up and saw him looking at sexual reels of Instagram models, saving and screenshotting them. He didn’t know I could see his screen, and I haven’t said anything. We both watch porn and have talked about boundaries—this doesn’t cross any, but I still feel so bad/jealous/insecure. I think it’s because when we talk about porn abstractly, it’s easier to process, but actually seeing it hurt my feelings.

My brain keeps telling me the story that he has sexual feelings about these women that he doesn’t seem to have about me, and I hate that thought. I’m upset with him, which isn’t fair because he didn’t break my trust, but it really sucked to see. I’m feeling like I don’t want to be affectionate right now. I wish I could be more evolved about this, and I’d love your perspective/advice on how to move past this and not be so hurt by something very normal.”

What We Cover in This Episode:

How to get out of a sex lull. Whether things have gotten routine or you're not having sex as often as you'd like, we share ways to shift the energy and reignite desire.

Rethinking what it means to initiate sex. Initiation doesn’t always have to be physical or as blunt as "want to have sex?" We walk through ways to initiate that feel natural, playful, and pressure-free.

How to figure out what your partner needs (without guessing). Questions to ask, things to notice, and ways to open up honest convo about how he experiences intimacy and desire.

Tools to navigate rejection without resentment. We share strategies to help both partners handle “not tonight” moments with care, like setting expectations, creating opt-in moments, and building connection even when sex isn’t on the table.

When he’s looking at Instagram models...what does it mean and what should you do? We unpack the feelings that come up when your partner engages with sexual content online, how to rework boundaries around it, and what to say if it hurts, even if it technically doesn’t “break a rule.”

Specific phrases to help you start and steer the conversation. We give you language you can borrow or tweak, including a mini role-play of how we’d personally approach this chat.

Tools to spice things up and try something new. From foreplay ideas to spicy games, we suggest ways to add novelty, connection, and fun back into your routine.

A big heaping dose of validation, because this is hard. If you’re the one initiating most of the time, feeling rejected, or wondering if it’s even okay to bring this up, you’re not alone, and you’re not asking for too much.

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If you’ve ever had sex you didn’t really want to have— to avoid awkwardness, not hurt your partner's feelings or just get it over with—this episode is for you. We’re joined by Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in the Bay Area who specializes in working with queer, poly, and kink communities.

Claire breaks down what it really means to “push through” during sex, why so many of us do it (even when we know we don’t want to), and how to start honoring your boundaries without guilt, shutdown, or shame.

We cover:

Connect with Claire:

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon HERE to watch this episode and access exclusive content!

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In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience. 

The Question: "I’m in my mid-20s now, but I still feel like my breakup from high school is affecting the way I show up in relationships. Like… my attachment style, my trust issues, the way I react when someone pulls away. It all kind of traces back to that first heartbreak. Shouldn’t I be over it by now? It feels silly sometimes, but it also feels so real. Am I broken or is this just… a thing?"

What We Cover in This Episode:

The breakup that still haunts you (yes, that one). We revisit the heartbreaks that shaped us and why your pain from that relationship is still valid.

Why your younger self didn’t need to “know better." A compassionate reframe for those moments when you look back and think, “Why didn’t I know better?” (Spoiler: it wasn’t your job to know. It was your job to do the best you could with what you had.)

Validation is not weakness—it’s healing. We talk about why needing to feel seen in your pain isn’t dramatic, it’s human.

Unpacking what breakups really bring up (hint: it’s not just about your ex). From attachment wounds to trust issues, we explore how heartbreak echoes in other areas of life.

How to offer yourself the compassion you never got. Step-by-step reflections on how to talk to yourself like someone you deeply care about.

Letting go with grace and a little bit of rage. We normalize the complexity of closure and what it actually takes to move forward.

Creating rituals that honor your healing. Whether it’s a playlist, a letter, or a literal ceremony, we explore ways to mark the end of a chapter.

Why your sadness makes sense. A gentle reminder that you don’t have to defend or downplay your grief—especially when no one else understood it at the time.

Resources:

⁠⁠Get The Hot Girl Closure Ceremony Downloadable HERE!⁠

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