Hotter Than Ever

Melissa Febos has always had a penchant for operating outside of convention. Whether it was her eagerness to try all of the drugs she was warned about in her school’s D.A.R.E program or deciding to self-homeschool herself at 16, she knew she was different from her peers. Now as a bestselling author and associate professor, Melissa joins us to explore the complexities of desire, empowerment, and self-discovery, drawing from her experiences as a professional dominatrix and her recovery from heroin addiction.

In this conversation Erin and Melissa have no limits when it comes to talking about sexuality and the power of embracing your true self, including:

1. Working outside of conventional norms and institutions, while being driven and intellectually curious
2. Living with addiction and working in the sex industry
3. Writing about your life experience and how it can be used to make sense of yourself and your past
4. Exploring sexual empowerment, and the desire to be desired over 40
5. Talking about sex with your kids, from expectations and pornography to the language of consent
6. Why not telling yourself the whole truth can be a survival mechanism
7. Embracing change and recognizing that personal and sexual evolution are constant
8. The value of open and communicative relationships to sustain personal development

OUR GUEST: Melissa Febos is the bestselling author of four books, most recently, Girlhood, winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in criticism, and Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts, MacDowell, LAMBDA Literary and others. She is an associate professor at the University of Iowa.

Want more Melissa? Find her online at https://www.melissafebos.com/ and follow her on:

1. Instagram: @melissafebos
2. Twitter: @melissafebos
3. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissafebos

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list! Follow us on:

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Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram and write us a review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

What are the things that make a romantic relationship Hotter Than Ever? Sure there's chemistry and physical attraction (that's a given!) but there are so many other factors that make for a healthy, sexy, open connection between two conscious adults. Erin shares her opinion on how to turn up the heat by cultivating aspects like:

1. Self-reliance
2. Affection
3. Honesty
4. Vulnerability
5. Reliability
6. Confidence
7. Asking for What You Want
8. Boundaries
9. Time Alone
10. Positivity
11. Listening
12. and of course, as Aretha sang...Respect

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us and sign up for our email list online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com

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Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. Head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

What is the fabric of your spirit? Podcaster and brand strategist and Sybil Amuti not only answers questions like these, but inspires us to ask them of ourselves. In this episode, we’re investigating how we show up for the world and what it takes to embrace our truest, most colorful selves. Sybil’s infectious charm, inspiring wisdom and expansive podcast community are proof of the miracles that happen when we harness the power of voice–whether that’s our own, the voices of others, or even the voice of God. This episode is packed with revelations and Sybil is taking us to church (although church might not be where you think it is):

1. The power of community that comes from storytelling
2. Understanding that we are not alone–and that asking for help is a powerful tool (even if you’re yelling at God or the universe…we won’t judge)
3. Learning how to put your spirit on display. How can we identify ourselves through things like clothing, passions, even candy (are you a Starburst or a Dove Bar?).
4. Overcoming chronic people pleasing, and knowing that the effort you put into helping others should also go towards helping yourself
5. Not dwelling on the bad stuff, because of how much evidence we have of the good stuff
6. Exploring the difference between the structure of religion and a personal relationship with God, and leaning into that connection when it calls to us
7. Finding evidence of the divine in nature (why is corn so organized? What is a pine cone and why does it look like that? You can’t make this stuff up!)
8. Embracing that we are just shadows and dust. Let’s all just enjoy the magical things that are available to us, like human connection, community, and dressing up
9. Claiming your voice sometimes requires the silencing of everyone else’s, and working on suspending the judgment of others (and yes, we mean the voices in your head, too)

Make sure to listen to Sybil on the Great Girlfriends Show podcast using this link, or find it wherever you get your podcasts. The Great Girlfriends Show connects women with daily tips and solutions for living a passionate life and building a thriving business, and we couldn’t recommend it enough.

OUR GUEST: Sybil Clark Amuti is an executive brand strategist, podcast producer and host, philanthropist, wife, and mother. For over 15 years, Sybil has delivered world-class strategy and brand direction to some of the world's most renowned personal, corporate, and philanthropic brands, such as Scholastic, Nike, Sony Entertainment, Conde Nast, Tony Robbins, Red Table Talk and more. Her company, Legacy Row, is focused on legacy brand building and creating an alliance of like missioned brands who seek to create an impact on a local to global level.

Sybil also serves as the creator and co-host of The Great Girlfriends Show, a podcast conversation series created to connect women with daily tips and solutions for living a passionate everyday life and building a thriving business. Under her direction, The Great Girlfriends has served over 700,00 women with content and experiences that support their growth journey.

Want more Sybil? Learn more about her here. While you’re at it, find her online:

Podcast Website: https://thegreatgirlfriends.com/category/podcast/

Instagram: @sybil_amuti

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sybilclarkamuti/

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-clark-amuti/

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hotterthaneverpod/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hotterthaneverpod

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram and head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

Romance has gone through a big operating system update recently. Now that Erin’s been released from captivity (aka her long marriage), she’s giving us a highly subjective, hopefully handy survival guide to this new, evolved ecosystem of love. But in order to redefine our beliefs around love, romance and dating, we’ll first have to define some terms. It’s easy to get tangled in the wires of all this new-age romance, especially when there’s all this new, at times nerdy terminology that goes with it (WTF is a polycule?). Open your notebooks, everyone, because today we’ll be giving you lessons such as:

1. The 411 on dating apps: which ones are right for you, depending on your wants and needs
2. What it means that people are questioning monogamy–now that partnerships are lasting longer than ever
3. What it’s like to begin that process of unlearning implicit biases around relationship structures and opening your belief system to consider options other than monogamy
4. How people in unconventional relationships may be using layers of language to intellectualize something that’s likely to be very challenging emotionally
5. There’s not just one way of being, anyone can re-assess and re-define what they think about love and monogamy at any time–and you can do that too!
6. When it comes to love and desire, all bets are off. It’s a choose your own adventure life now, and it’s time to make the most of yours

Here’s an index of terms we discuss in this episode, for reference:

GGG: “Good Giving and Game.” Someone who is good in bed, committed to giving equal pleasure, and is up for anything

ENM/CNM: Ethical/Consensual Non-Monogamy. People who want to be/sleep with multiple people at a time, but don’t want to be dishonest about it.

Polyamory: The practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

Primary/nesting Partner: The partner you are most committed/attached to in a polyamorous relationship. If they are your “nesting partner,” that means you live with them.

NRE: “New Relationship Energy.” That feeling in a new relationship when you’re deeply infatuated with someone and it’s borderline obsessive

Compersion: Experiencing or feeling joy for your partner when they are excited about a new relationship or turned on by a new sexual thing they’re experiencing with someone other than you

Polycule: A group of three or more people in a relationship together

Unicorn: A third party sexual partner that you and your partner bring in to your sexual and/or romantic relationship

Relationship escalator: A relationship that builds upwards towards linear goals (ie. moving in together, having children, etc)

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list!

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram @hotterthaneverpod and head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

Calling Kellye Howard resilient doesn’t quite capture her ability to triumph in the face of relentless challenges. The stand up comic/actor/speaker turns even the darkest of tragedies into stories that will leave you hanging on every word. Her journey of healing through laughter–and lots of therapists–is epic, and her willingness to try anything once (except beef, pork and scorpions) will inspire you to do the same. In this episode, we’re unpacking what it takes to find yourself–and follow your passion–no matter what challenges life throws your way. Kellye takes us through the many different lives she’s lived, and we uncover truths such as:

1. The pain we carry from trauma doesn’t go away until we face it head on– it will keep showing up in other places until we do
2. It’s vital to remember your successes in life just as much–if not more–than the failures
3. Doing what you’re passionate about is a powerful medicine. In many cases, it can be lifesaving
4. When you’re passionate about something–keep at it, no matter what you’ve been through or how long you’ve taken a break from it. This next try could be your best yet
5. Don’t let your past dictate who you could become
6. Sometimes, it’s helpful to view adversity as an opportunity to grow closer to your authentic, best self
7. One form of healing is likely not going to be the one that fixes it all–healing is a cumulative process, and you are the result of every step you take towards that healing–whether that be trying out different therapists or going to see a witch–all of it adds to your growth
8. Seek lasting joy instead of fleeting happiness–it will ensure that your cup is half full even on your worst days

Make sure to follow Kellye’s socials for details about her upcoming one woman show, “Crazy Or Nah,” in theaters later this year, and listen to her podcast “Be Less Petty” using this link, or find it wherever you get your podcasts. You can also watch her in the TV series “Power Book IV: Force” on Starz, Amazon Prime, or Hulu.

Want more Kellye? Learn more about her here. While you’re at it, find her online:

Website: https://www.kellyehoward.com/

Socials: @kellyehoward on every platform

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hotterthaneverpod/

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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram and head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

If you have even been convinced that you needed to lose weight before you went after that next relationship, promotion or achievement of any kind, you are not alone. In this episode, we’re renegotiating the qualifications it takes to have a “successful” body. The answer? Making peace with the body you’re in right now. Erin walks us through her journey of overcoming an unhealthy relationship with food and self-image, and after years of diets, weight fluctuation, 12 step programs, and searching for a higher power…she’s here to assure you that you are more than capable of finding success and love at any size. Your body is not deviant, incorrect, or unlovable. And neither are you.

Through this journey, we’ll be exploring subjects such as:

1. How our belief systems and the narratives we allow our subconscious to tell us limit what we think we’re capable of in life
2. Overcoming the judgment of a gorgeous family that finds chubbiness unacceptable
3. The reality behind trading your health and a normal functioning body to achieve what is ultimately a temporary ideal body shape
4. The dangers of internalizing the message “to be thin is to be lovable”
5. Unlearning the belief that it’s our job as women to control our weight and our bodies
6. Internalizing the truth that (shocker) men actually like women’s bodies, and not just one specific kind
7. Demystifying the dominance the scale has on the lives of many women, and realizing that those numbers mean absolutely nothing
8. Understanding that it’s important to live well and take care of your health, but that a large part of being well is not being so f*cking mean to yourself!

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list!

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Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

Dawn Porter was reluctant to call herself a Director, even after her movie premiered at Sundance and got picked up by HBO. Today her award-winning documentaries (John Lewis: Good Trouble, The Way I See It) are an invaluable addition to the historical record, but her humility keeps her from calling herself an activist. In this episode, we’re using Dawn's expertise – she was once a practicing attorney – to renegotiate the contracts that keep women from assuming titles we don’t think we’re qualified for, even when we have more than enough on our resumes. Dawn takes us through her incredible journey from comfortable DC lawyer to celebrated documentarian, covering topics such as:

1. The importance of advocating for yourself with as much passion as you advocate for others
2. How to free yourself from the traps of structure and comfort to take on your next, great adventure
3. How to use mistakes as stepping stones to your next success
4. Learning how to get comfortable with discomfort
5. Stepping into your power and your title as a woman in charge
6. Acknowledging the danger of “if it ain't broke, don’t fix it,” because sometimes breaking things is the first step to your next great adventure. In Dawn’s case, it led her to flying on with Oprah in her private jet to meet Harry (yes, that Harry)

OUR GUEST: Dawn Porter is an award-winning documentary filmmaker. Her latest film, The Lady Bird Diaries - about first lady Lady Bird Johnson, just premiered at SXSW. She has had a busy decade - she made a great ESPN documentary series 37 Words about Title IX, the civil rights legislation that gave women the equal opportunity to play sports, and her mental health series The Me You Can’t See, which she made with Oprah and Prince Harry, premiered on Apple TV. You may also have seen her films John Lewis: Good Trouble about the legendary Congressman and Civil Rights leader or The Way I See It, about photojournalist Pete Souza, who served as Chief Official White House photographer for President Barack Obama.

Make sure to watch Dawn’s latest film The Lady Bird Diaries, when it airs on Paramount Plus and Showtime this fall.

Want more Dawn? Learn more about her here. While you’re at it, find her online:

Website: https://www.trilogy-films.com/dawn-porter

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawn-porter-1286632a

Twitter: https://twitter.com/dawnporter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnporter

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dawnporterm

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list!

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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

You belong. You think you don’t, but you do. I promise. Despite being a successful actor, producer, activist and…firefighter(?!) Alysia Reiner still has to remind herself that she fits in. But she goes beyond just reminding herself–Reiner is on a mission to create belonging for others through her films, art and social justice endeavors. The definition of walking the walk, she’s all about taking action.

Why give money to environmental rights groups when you could learn to be a community firefighter instead? Why post about women getting equal pay when you can make a movie–by women for women–and make the female investors 110% back on their returns? Does this woman ever sleep? We’ll answer all this and more in this episode, with some pretty life changing takeaways, such as:

1. Life is all about playing the long game, especially now that we’re living longer than ever before
2. Take your creative career at your own pace: people reach success at different speeds
3. Don’t get a nose job. You do you.
4. Take the time before success to really get clear on what you want…once you figure that out, you’re more likely to become a magnet for it
5. Leaning into action-oriented service helps to heal you as much as it helps your community
6. Regardless of how many magazine covers, red carpets or runways one is on, belonging is elusive to all of us at times
7. To succeed in a long term partnership, work on conflicts before they even start. Get a couples therapist before you have problems, just to have someone on deck who knows your relationship. That is, if your partner’s open to it
8. Loving your partner is a choice that you have to make every day, and making intimacy a priority is essential
9. You can try your hardest and do your absolute best and still fail: it’s the getting back up that counts

If you’re feeling particularly inspired, find local volunteer firefighter opportunities at https://makemeafirefighter.org/

Want more Alysia? Learn more about her here. While you’re at it, find her online:

Her website: www.alysiareiner.com

Instagram: @alysiareiner

Facebook: Alysia Reiner

Twitter: @alysiareiner

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us and sign up for our email list online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hotterthaneverpod/ (DM us here!)

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hotterthaneverpod

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. Head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

There are many reasons we stay in long-term marriages/ partnerships/ relationships that aren't working. But what if staying, in the end, is not the right decision for you? How do you know when it's time to go?

Erin shares the kinds of relationship dynamics she's seen and admires; the reasons she stayed too long in her own marriage; why your friends are not going to tell you the truth, and how you can make a change without first having to go to the depths of suffering.

In this episode, we’ll be unpacking what it means to take the leap, asking ourselves...

1. What am I willing to accept as a baseline of happiness and wellbeing?
2. If my marriage has problems, are they the kind I want to work at solving?
3. How do I gain the courage to generate immense change in my life, even when it seems impossible?

You deserve a partnership filled with compassion and kindness that supports your every dream!

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online and join our mailing list at www.hotterthaneverpod.com

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Please rate and review Hotter Than Ever on Apple Podcasts and help other people to find the show!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.

We’re sitting down with Oprah dynasty legend, author, producer and transformation doula Sheri Salata to renegotiate what life looks like after you’ve achieved your wildest dreams (hint: it’s not over!). We’ll be unpacking what it means to focus on yourself beyond your work, and what happens when we choose to step out from behind the curtain and into the spotlight. Join us for a conversation about:

1. The price of amassing conventional success and achievements, and how that factors into our self worth
2. Learning how to steward your own wellbeing and ascend beyond people pleasing
3. Recovering from self betrayal–in the many forms it takes–and learning how to have your own back
4. What it means to choose discomfort in order to continue evolving, releasing, healing and upleveling, until our very last breath
5. Getting over the shame that comes with the desire to be front and center, and to have a public voice and presence
6. Overcoming chronic dissatisfaction and learning to appreciate the time you have left in this world (and start using it to its fullest)
7. Knowing that you can’t complain your way to the life of your dreams. Our actions are completely informed by the stories we tell ourselves, so start telling yourself an incredible story and get going!

“The only love that you must have, that’s like breath, is yours” - Sheri Salata

“I f*cking hate the way that everything’s an evolution, we’re never just fixed” - Erin Keating

Free for Hotter Than Ever listeners! Check out Sheri’s Change 10 Words Workbook using this link.

OUR GUEST: Sheri Salata is an author, world class producer and transformation doula. She is the founder + CEO of The Support System, a global membership group for women dedicated to creating real-life transformation. Sheri’s memoir, The Beautiful No: And Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence and Transformation is an Amazon Editor’s Choice Best Memoir and an Apple Must-Listen audio book.

Sheri spent 20 years in the land of Oprah finishing that glorious run as the final Executive Producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show, President of Harpo Studios and President of OWN as captured in the cable hit series Season 25: Oprah Behind The Scenes. Sheri lives in the Napa Valley with her bulldog babies Dolly and Buzz the Wonder Boy.

Learn more about “The Support System” through this link. Check out her incredible memoir, “The Beautiful No” here.

Want more Sheri? Learn more about her here. While you’re at it, find her online:

https://sherisalata.com/

https://www.instagram.com/sherisalata/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/sherisalatacommunity

Want more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com where you can sign up for our email list!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hotterthaneverpod/

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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453

Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode.

We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. Head over to Apple Podcasts to write your review!

Mentioned in this episode:

Broad Collective

Learn more about Broad Collective and our membership network for midlife women entrepreneurs at broadcollective.com.