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Today on the podcast I have the honour to dive deep into loss and trauma with Rachelle Spencer, who I’ve known since 2016. She has experienced multiple miscarriages and an abusive, toxic relationship. Rachelle is proud of who she has become not because but despite of her grief and trauma. 

Rachelle found the support of a therapist instrumental in her healing and in making healthy decisions:

‘I know you mentioned therapist, but that was hugely instrumental for me to have a safe place, a sounding board. I don’t want to underestimate how big that was because I was figuring things out and learning to make decisions on my own. There was one person that completely supported whatever decision I made and trusted me to figure it out.’ 

About this week’s guest 

Rachelle Spencer is an entrepreneur and mom in Baltimore, Maryland (USA). She started her handmade jewellery business after she lost 4 children to early miscarriage. She now has a son, daughter, and another little one on the way. She spends most of her time doing photography, reading children's books, or trying her hand out at a new creative outlet.

Rachelle’s links:

Website: www.rachelle-isms.com
Instagram: @rachelle.isms 

Topics discussed in this episode

• Multiple miscarriages 
• Toxic relationship leading to divorce
• Educating children, helping them understand how to deal with emotions, consent, trauma etc
• Co-parenting and parenting as a blended family 
• The value of therapeutic support
• Secondary losses

Resources mentioned in this episode

• May We All Heal peer support group

Links

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Today on the podcast I’m speaking with Brooke whose story could be one that movies are made of. She has experienced loss after loss culminating in a series of devastating and traumatic losses within the past 12 months. 

Listening to Brooke telling her life story is both devastating and shocking, at the same time as hope-inspiring in the way she’s living her life after loss with fierce resilience at the same time as grieving. 

She speaks candidly about the dark places she went through while grieving and how she got help when she was suicidal. 

The truth is that there are people like Brooke who have no choice but to live with multiple traumatic losses. The question is: how do we meet them? How do we enable ourselves to hold space for someone and their situation? 

Regarding the people who helped Brooke the most, she says:

‘I want to be strong, and I want to keep going and find meaning in things. I'm just like a go-go-go person and the most helpful thing for me was people saying: ‘Slow down and breathe. You need to feel this and not rush through it, not ignore it, not medicate it.’ 

About this week’s guest 

Brooke Carlock has experienced more grief and loss in her lifetime than most...
Read Brooke's bio here.

Topics discussed in this episode

• Loss of her favourite grandfather when Brooke was 10-year-old 
• Loss of her sister leaving behind young children, and multiple losses in the close family
• Divorce
• Most recently her father (heart attack), closely followed by her stepmom (overdose) and dealing with both funeral arrangement
• News of the terminal illness of her mother
• Loss of her daughter Libby through a car accident
• Dealing with the dark places in early grief and suicidal thoughts

Resources mentioned in this episode

• Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), here is an example https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhRrXuBU8-Q

Links

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Today on the podcast I’m speaking with Sharna who I’ve come to appreciate as a force for change in regard to the support offered to women in dealing with their pregnancy loss, a passion we have in common. 

Talking about her missed miscarriage Sharna shares:

‘…never experienced contractions before so I didn’t know that's what I was experiencing until I got to the hospital until they told me then what was going on. They also told me that one in four pregnancies ends in loss and I was like: “Well, then why do I feel like I'm the only one? Why is there not enough information? Why does no one talk about this?” I felt like I was living under a rock, like where have I been my whole life to not know about this?’ 

About this week’s guest 

Sharna Southan is an ICF-certified coach, a mum to her rainbow baby, a business owner and a wife. She followed her heart and soul into business after her own pregnancy loss in 2017. Sharna firmly believes that our adversity gives us an opportunity to grow. 

She founded The Institute of Healing through Pregnancy Loss supporting loss parents with her transformative Pregnancy Loss recovery method and teaching her signature Pregnancy Loss Practitioner™️ Certification Program. 

Topics discussed in this episode

• Dealing with the loss of her father at the age of nineteen, led to depression, anxiety, panic attacks
• Missed miscarriage and the trauma of miscarrying 
• Feeling isolated in not knowing that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss
• Lack of information and support on what miscarriage means emotionally, and physically and what it may require in care
• Finding help through professional support

Resources mentioned in this episode

• Grieving Parents Support Network
• May We All Heal peer support group

Links

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Today on the podcast I have the pleasure to delve deeper with Katja Faber, who has been a guest on the Podcast in Season 1. If you haven’t already, go check out her episode which has been one of most downloaded and listener showed a clear interest to know more. 
Among other things, today Katja and I speak about the important topic of victim blaming and defamation, the changes in personality due to dealing with such a traumatic loss and the loss of innocence. 

Katja shares:

‘I cannot image that however much I have come to accept the reality, that I’m a loss mother I will ever accept that Alex is dead. These are just two things that I can know for myself that this is something I am now. That my son does not live anymore, I still struggle with. And I always will.’

About this week’s guest 

Katja Faber is the mother of three children. Following her 23-year-old son's murder in Switzerland, she used her legal training to work closely with lawyers and the State Prosecutor to secure justice for her dead son. Through her writing at Still Standing Magazine and other grief-related publications she hopes to break the taboo of homicide loss and child loss. She runs her own fruit farm and is an advocate of ecotherapy as a means of finding healing following traumatic loss. Katja is a certified Compassionate Bereavement Care® counselor through the Center for Loss and Trauma in partnership with the MISS Foundation and the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Family Trust.

Make sure to listen to the podcast to the very end as there are some gems to be found there. I am sure you will enjoy and learn from today’s episode.

Katja’s Links: 

• Website 
• Articles on Still Standing Magazine
• Facebook page
• Instagram

Topics discussed in this episode

• The challenges of being in court, both as a grieving mother and as a plaintiff
• The invaluable support of friends and family
• Victim blaming and defamation
• The changes in her personality
• The loss of innocence

Links

--> For more inform

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Today on the podcast I’m speaking with Joy, who I've known since 2015 as part of the May We All Heal community. This community was born out of a group of women from the Grieving Parents Support Network. They came together year after year during the month of May to focus on dealing with their grief using creativity. 

Joy has used a unique approach with her artwork, which can be seen on her Instagram channel. 

Joy describes how she moved from feeling ashamed for disassociating from her pain, which was her coping mechanism to understanding and appreciating it as her survival strategy at the time. 

Joy says:

‘You deal with it when you can. That is how you are surviving. That is how your brain is keeping you safe in a situation that is not safe so now it's like ‘oh yeah just disassociating, it's okay, I’ll deal with it later.’ I mean it doesn't mean it's easy to deal with but just knowing that yeah that's an ok thing to do for my brain to survive.’

About this week’s guest 

Joy Bornstein uses art as a way to process everyday emotions and the long-term scars left by trauma. She is the mother of 3 living children, the mother of a stillborn son, Bennet, and a former victim of domestic abuse. Joy uses colour, line, and shape to explore emotions in a way that can't be expressed in words in an attempt to turn pain into beauty.

Joy’s Instagram: @fire_fly_joy

Topics discussed in this episode

• Stillbirth and physical trauma
• Shame around the coping strategy of disassociating 
• Dissolving a marriage, domestic abuse, divorce, custody battles, and dealing with the children’s trauma
• May We All Heal – using art to cope with loss and trauma 

Resources mentioned in this episode

• May We All Heal: Creative Healing After Loss
• May We All Heal Book

Links

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Today I have the pleasure to speak with Miten who I’ve known for almost 20 years through his and Deva’s music. Miten shares the traumas he’s experienced throughout his life and how he’s found the healing power of music.

Miten says:

‘If there is one thing, I would say that's helped me, that is to sing. And as much as I can, I tell people, not just our community who are into singing anyway, but… church choirs. Find a choir, find a Gospel choir, you know - sing! Because when you are singing, your heart starts to lift, your burden lift, your spirit lifts. It's not a joke, it's real and it's important and it's a commitment.’

The mantras hold a special place in my heart and my personal healing so I can highly recommend checking out their music on their website, Spotify or wherever you listen to music. 

About this week’s guest 

Miten was born in London and grew up in the 60s. He later went on to establish a successful career for himself in the 70s as a noted singer/songwriter, releasing several albums including one for Ariola Records under the guidance of legendary American producer Bones Howe. He toured extensively, opening for Fleetwood Mac, Randy Newman, Hall and Oats, Lou Reed, Ry Cooder, Fairport Convention, and The Kinks, among others. This period of his life was exciting but left him spiritually unfulfilled.

After reading a book of the discourses on Zen from Osho (No Water No Moon), Miten had an epiphany and began an inner search. He left everything he had known before, even selling his guitars, and traveled to India, embracing life as a member of the community that had gathered around Osho.

It was there he met his life partner, Deva Premal, and they are now renowned worldwide for their fusion of western music with Sanskrit mantras. Together they have presented their music in as many as 45 countries while accumulating accolades from such diverse admirers as Cher and HH the Dalai Lama, with album sales in excess of one million copies. 

Website: Deva Premal and Miten

Topics discussed in this episode

• Childhood traumas
• Leaving behind his family, letting go of his life, his identity, and his career as a musician, and joining Osho’s ashram
• Healing through meditation, chan

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Michael started with loss very early in his life when his mother got killed in a car accident leaving behind two boys and their father. Michael was 8 weeks old at the time and magically recovered after having almost all the bones in his tiny body broken. 
It took Michael a big part of his life to figure out how to deal with grief, depression, and suicidal thoughts at the same time while creating a legacy by offering programs to create awareness in young people about drinking and driving. 
Michael shares how working with a therapist helped him look at the ways in which he had modeled avoiding his feelings of grief and what tools supported him in overcoming his suicidal thoughts.

Michael says:

‘She hit me pretty hard the very first day when I was going in there thinking I’m going to talk about my aunt and my father's death. Her first question was: hey let’s talk about your mother's death and how that impacted all your relationships. I was like… I was stunned. I was like there's a knockout punch. I didn't want to talk about that even at age 47 I still didn't want to really talk about that in-depth, but she was right, I had to.’

About this week’s guest 

Michael Gershe is a survivor of a drunk driving crash that killed his mother and nearly himself when he was 8 weeks old. Despite breaking almost all his bones in the crash, he went on to become a collegiate swimmer, comedian, speaker, author, college educator, and photographer. With over 25 years of experience on stage, Michael has presented his programs at schools, colleges, military bases, courts, and even a TEDx talk.  He uses humor, audience participation, and his story for an educational and inspirational message. In 2015 he founded The Magic of Life Foundation, a non-profit organization, that helps his mission of eliminating impaired driving making communities safer, and empowering people to make better choices in life. In 2019, he published his memoir, The Magic of Life: A Son’s Story After Tragedy, Grief and a Speedo. 

His website: The Magic of Life Foundation 

Topics discussed in this episode

• Loss of mom, father, and aunt led to the understanding of what had been modeled about dealing or

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Lisa Boehm heard a knock at the door just as she had gone to bed, and it was the police coming to let her know that her teenage daughter had died in a head-on collision. 
 Lisa tells us how she picked up the pieces of her shattered life and how she found ways to thrive and not just survive. From getting support from other moms in her community she now offers support to grieving moms.  

Lisa says:

‘I think I learned a lot from other grieving moms who were further down the path. Sometimes it was just little snippets that they would say or different things... They gave me hope and I think learning that everybody copes with grief differently, that little nugget right there was enough to carry us through.’

About this week’s guest 

Lisa K. Boehm’s life changed forever when her daughter died suddenly in a car accident. She quickly discovered that our society struggles with death, loss, and grieving and has made it her mission to change that. In her book Journey to HEALING: A Mother’s Guide to Navigating Child Loss, she shares her experience with grief and how it intensified her love for her daughter. Now she focuses on gratitude and living intentionally as a way to honor her daughter’s memory. Lisa is an author, speaker, and certified grief educator who helps bereaved moms move beyond the pain to find peace and purpose.

Website: www.griefsupportformoms.com

IG @griefsupportformoms

Topics discussed in this episode

• The loss of her teenage daughter Katie 
• Suicidal thoughts and anger
• Surrounding herself with other women in the community 
• Journaling as a resource to deal with grief
• Differences in grieving styles among family members
• Teenager’s grief/sibling’s grief

Resources mentioned in this episode

• Instrumental and intuitive grieving styles described in the book Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple
• Grief groups by the Compassionate Friends

Links

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Today I speak with Amie where she shares how her life started with the loss of connection to her father due to mental illness and the challenging relationship with her alcoholic mother. 

Amie then became pregnant for the first time, but her daughter Ruthie died after 33 days. 
 At 36 years, Amie was diagnosed with neck cancer which was successfully treated. She then shares how they moved across the States and their truck caught fire with many of their belongings including Ruthie’s memories gone. 

Dealing with all those extreme situations, Amie learned and practiced one thing:

‘I live in this moment. I try not to think too much ahead of what's to come next or what so many call future tripping. I don't put myself in what could happen and so I really truly live today. I have a calendar and plan ahead, but I really just try and be in this moment.’

About this week’s guest 

Amie Lands is the author of Navigating the Unknown, Our Only Time, Perfectly Imperfect Family, and the Tending to Your Heart series. She is a cancer survivor, founder of The Ruthie Lou Foundation, and a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®. Since her daughter’s brief life, Amie’s passion is offering hope and providing support to bereaved families. Amie lives in South Carolina, United States with her husband and their two sons.

Amie’s website: www.amielandsauthor.com

Instagram: @amielandsauthor

Topics discussed in this episode

• Early loss of her father through mental illness
• Early child loss and pregnancy after loss
• A neck cancer diagnosis at the age of 36
• Moving across the States and a fire that destroyed many personal belongings
• How to love somebody that isn’t part of your life
• Learning to ask for help

Resources mentioned in this episode

• The Me You Can’t See (show on mental illness, Apple TV)

Links

--> For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website. 

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Today Simone and I talk about losing the most significant men in her life. She dealt with the loss of her life partner through cancer, the sudden death of her father, and the dissolution of two marriages. After all these losses she investigated into the masculine, and she found an appreciation for the male aspect in her life and in herself.  

She describes the experience of grief’s intensity in the following way:

‘The pain and intensity of it has not lessened in those moments. Yes, there are fewer and further between, but … it's okay now because I know that it comes up like a huge wave and it feels so overwhelming in the moment, but I know that it's going to leave now so it doesn't topple me over. But I'm still always quite… It's almost like impressed with that level of grief does not abate when it comes up.’

About this week’s guest 

Simone Surgeoner is a therapist and mentor who has helped thousands of people find their own authentic path in life.  She enjoys nothing more than exploring the depths of what it means to be human. Using herself as her own guinea pig, Simone demonstrates beingness as arising from integrity with one’s essence. Helping people find their inner truth, through their own direct experience, is the core of Simone’s work. 

Simone’s website: www.saksana.com.au 

Topics discussed in this episode

• Loss of life partner
• Loss of her father 
• Loss of relationships, divorce
• Loss of a lifestyle, home, relationships, values, dreams, identity, religion
• Supporting children who lost their father
• Child’s experience of grief
• Giving herself a full year of grief

Resources mentioned in this episode

• The Journey

Links

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Thanks for listening to HOW TO DEAL WITH GRI

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