This is a fan fav episode. It’s so easy to get caught up trying to catch other people in lies. In your love life, working relationships, and even with family and friends, thoughts of, ‘what if this person is lying’ crosses your mind more than you’d like to admit. But, have you ever considered whether or not your own verbal and nonverbal cues were sending the wrong message and causing people to think maybe you’re the one not being honest?

Vanessa Van Edwards is joining us to break down how to better identify if you are being lied to, and ways you can ensure you’re not sending the wrong signals. Lack of confidence, anxiety and shame are just a few of the ‘honest’ behaviors Vanessa warns could manifest almost identical to the cues used for dishonesty. Here is what you need to know to not just spot a lie, but to be a better communicator and create better relationships in your life built around honesty and transparency. 

Preorder Vanessa Van Edwards’ new book, Cues: ⁠https://amzn.to/3leaa1j⁠ 

SHOW NOTES:

Science of Lying | Vanessa shares why mornings are better for honesty

Assume the Truth | Up your ability to detect lies by assuming the truth

Congruence | Vanessa breaks down looking for misaligned verbal and nonverbal cues

Mixed Messages | Why anxiety and lack of confidence has same cues as lying does

Step 1 Lie Detection | Establish a baseline of person when they tell truth

Step 2 Lie Detection | Establish their nervous baseline to know their nervous tells

Step 3 Lie Detection | Spot redflags and microexpressions incongruent with baseline

Ignoring Instinct | Vanessa shares importance of not ignoring instinct if you see truth

Step 4 Lie Detection | Look for redflag clusters, use the rule of 3 before moving to step 5

Step 5 Lie Detection | Circle back, ask questions, and give opportunity to to overcome the lie

Share The Cues | Why learning cues together improves relationships and conversations

Intentional Liars | Vanessa explains how to spot them and remove those toxic people

Modes of Communication | Why people are more likely to lie over phone than text

Kinds of Lies | When people are self-deceptive, ill-intentioned versus well-intentioned

Truth Rules | Vanessa shares how to establish truth rules for people in your life

Shame Cues | How to spot shames cues and respond for better relationships

Modes of Lying | Listening for audio cues and how to communicate truthfully in email 

Original air date: 8-4-2021

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