Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

By The Language of Love

Language of Love is a podcast about love and intimacy in all its forms and the relationships that shape our lives. Hosted by renowned relationship therapist and bestselling author Dr. Laura Berman, th... more

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The podcast currently has 400 episodes available.

Best of Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

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Number 1: How Long Do You Keep Trying When Your Partner Won’t Change? Laura Berman
What do you do when your partner keeps telling you they love you and want the relationship to work… but you’re the only one actually doing anything to make it better? You’re the one bringing up what isn’t working. You suggest therapy. You initiate the hard conversations. You try to repair after a fight. You read the books, listen to the podcasts, work on yourself and keep giving them another chance. And they say they hear you. They may even agree with you. But then nothing really changes. That’s the situation Sarah brings to me in this episode, and it raises a question I hear all the time in my practice: How long are you supposed to keep trying when someone says they want the relationship, but their actions tell a different story? Because love does matter. But love alone doesn’t make a relationship work. At some point, your partner has to be willing to help create the relationship they say they want. We talk about how to tell the difference between someone who genuinely wants to grow but is struggling, and someone who has gotten comfortable letting you carry the emotional weight of the relationship. And then there’s the harder question: If you already know this isn’t enough for you, what are you actually afraid will happen if you leave? For a lot of people, that’s where things get really interesting. We stay because we’ve invested years. Because we’re afraid of starting over. Because we hear a clock ticking. Because some part of us believes an unsatisfying relationship is still safer than the possibility of having no relationship at all. In this episode, I talk about: Why “I love you” has to be backed up by behavior How to know whether your partner is actually willing to work on the relationship Why you can’t do enough emotional work for two people The role fear plays in keeping us in relationships long after we know something has to change Why a clear boundary or ultimatum isn’t necessarily manipulation What to say when you need your partner to understand that things cannot continue as they are How to decide when you’ve tried enough If you’ve been carrying your relationship and wondering how much longer you’re supposed to keep trying, I want you to hear this: You don’t have to decide today whether you’re leaving forever. But you do have to stop confusing someone’s intention to change with actual change. At some point, you have to pay attention to what they’re doing, not just what they keep promising you they’re going to do. If you’d like to ask a question or get some advice [email protected] or leave a voicemail at languageoflovepod.com to have your own question answered in a future session. And if you want to go even deeper, check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, because you deserve a love that shows up, not one that just talks a big game. And if grief or loss is part of your story, come find me on my other podcast, Crying Out Loud. I talk with leading experts, healers and people who have lived through profound loss about what grief does to our brains, bodies, relationships and sense of self, and what actually helps us find our way through it. You can find Crying Out Loud wherever you’re listening to The Language of Love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September 02, 20267min
Number 2: What Women Were Never Told About Sex, Hormones & Menopause with Maria Sophocles
What if some of what you’ve been told about your sexual body, especially as you get older, is wrong? For decades, women have gone to doctors with questions about disappearing desire, painful sex, orgasm, hormones, and changes they barely recognize in their own bodies. And too often, they’ve left without real answers. Part of the problem is startling: many of their doctors were never adequately trained in female sexual health either. My guest on this episode of Language of Love, Dr. Maria Sophocles, is a board-certified gynecologist, menopause specialist, sexual medicine expert, TED speaker, and author of The Bedroom Gap. She has spent more than 30 years caring for women and challenging a medical system that has historically treated female pleasure as an afterthought. And there is a LOT we need to talk about. Maria takes us inside the medical blind spots that have shaped women’s sex lives for generations, from the anatomy lessons that barely acknowledged the clitoris to the flawed hormone study that frightened millions of women away from treatment. We talk about why Viagra may have inadvertently widened the “bedroom gap,” what women should understand about testosterone, and why painful sex and loss of desire should never simply be dismissed as the price of getting older. We also get into something I wish more women heard: your sexual life does not come with an expiration date. Maria shares why some women are having the best sex of their lives in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, and tells the remarkable story of an 82-year-old patient who finally revealed a desire she had kept secret for six decades. If you’ve ever wondered, What happened to my desire? Why does sex feel different now? Is this just aging? Why didn’t my doctor tell me any of this? This conversation is for you. In this episode, we get into: What “The Bedroom Gap” really is and why it affects far more than libido Why so many doctors receive surprisingly little training in female sexual pleasure How one deeply flawed study changed the conversation about hormone therapy for a generation The unexpected way Viagra widened the sexual divide between men and women What happens to estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone as women age What women need to know about testosterone and why access remains so complicated Why painful sex, low desire, and changes in orgasm deserve medical attention Why so many women fake orgasms and what that can do to their relationships and sexual satisfaction The surgery Maria refuses to perform and the pressure women feel to “fix” perfectly normal bodies Why masturbation can be an important part of sexual health and self-care How to talk to your doctor when you aren’t getting the answers you need Why your best sex may still be ahead of you The unforgettable 82-year-old patient who finally permitted herself to ask for what she wanted This conversation is a reminder that women deserve more than being told to tolerate the changes in their bodies. We deserve information, options, pleasure, and the freedom to keep discovering our sexuality at every age. To learn more about Dr. Sophocles and her work, visit her website and pick up a copy of The Bedroom Gap. She's also available on Audible, and she recommends buying an extra copy, one for yourself, and one for your doctor. If something in this conversation sparked something in you, don't stop here. My website offers more content, tools, and upcoming events to keep the conversation alive. And if a reflection comes up, or you simply want to reach out, I'd love to hear from you. Find me at [email protected]. This episode is for anyone who's ever wondered if it's too late to rediscover themselves and discovered the answer is no. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 26, 202650min
Number 3: The Secret to Turning Her On (It's Not What You Think) with Laura Berman
For generations, we've been told that women simply have lower desire than men. It's one of the most common assumptions about relationships, and it's one of the most misleading. The truth is that women often experience desire differently. Understanding those differences can completely change the way you approach intimacy, attraction, and emotional connection. In this episode, I unpack what actually helps women feel open to desire, why so many couples end up misunderstanding each other, and how small shifts in the way you relate can create profound changes inside and outside the bedroom. I also share one simple sentence you can use tonight that has the power to help your partner feel more emotionally connected and receptive. Whether you're a man who wants a more passionate relationship, a woman who wishes her partner better understood what helps you feel desire, or you're simply curious about the science behind attraction, this conversation will change the way you think about intimacy. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why so many people misunderstand female desire • How women's desire differs from men's and why that matters • The role stress, hormones, emotions, and relationship dynamics play in attraction • What creates the emotional safety that allows desire to flourish • Why context has such a powerful influence on female arousal • The subtle moments that build attraction long before anyone enters the bedroom • The psychological and emotional experiences that many women find deeply arousing • How to cultivate desire that feels lasting, connected, and authentic • The needs many women long for but rarely know how to express • One simple sentence that can help your partner feel more emotionally connected and open to intimacy If you're ready to deepen the connection in your relationship, I invite you to explore my book Sex Magic and my Quantum Sex course. Together, they expand on the ideas we discussed today and offer practical ways to create more passion, intimacy, and emotional closeness. You'll find links to both in the show notes.you can always visit healwithlaura.com. And if this episode sparked a question, a reflection, or simply reminded you that you're not alone, I'd love to hear from you. Email me at [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
August 03, 20266min
Number 4: The Love Blocks Keeping You Stuck in the Same painful Relationship Patterns with Sanaiyah Gurnamal
Why do so many of us keep ending up in the same relationship with a different person? You tell yourself this time will be different. You've grown. You've healed. And yet somehow you find yourself having the same arguments, chasing the same unavailable partner, or feeling the same familiar heartbreak. The truth is, it's usually not about the relationship you're in. It's about the relationship patterns your nervous system learned long before you ever started dating. In this episode of Language of Love Sessions, I sit down with relationship reinvention coach, two-time TEDx speaker, and host of the Project Loving Myself podcast, Sanaiyah Gurnamal. She says that shes helped more than 5,000 women uncover the unconscious patterns she calls "Love Blocks," and shares why we repeat the same relationship dynamics over and over and, more importantly, how to break free from them. Together we explore why chemistry isn't always a sign of compatibility, how childhood experiences quietly shape the partners we're drawn to, why emotionally unavailable people can feel so irresistible, and what it actually takes to create healthier, more secure love. If you've ever wondered why love keeps following the same script, this conversation may help you understand the story you've been living and show you how to begin writing a different one. The five most common relationship patterns and how to recognize yours Why familiarity is often mistaken for chemistry How childhood experiences shape your adult relationships Why emotionally unavailable partners can feel so compelling How to identify your unmet needs and begin healing them The difference between managing relationship problems and healing the patterns beneath them If this conversation helped you recognize patterns you've been carrying into your relationships, you don't have to figure them out on your own. Understanding where those patterns come from is the first step toward creating healthier, more secure, and more connected relationships. To explore your own relationship patterns, take Sanaiyah's free Love Blocks Quiz. You can also learn more through her book Project Loving Myself podcast, coaching resources, and additional tools at her website. If you'd like to continue exploring the science of secure attachment, emotional intimacy, and lasting love, check out Quantum Love. And if you have a relationship question you'd like me to answer in a future Language of Love Session, email [email protected] or leave a voice note here. We explore:Ready to understand your relationship patterns? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 29, 202643min
Number 5: Why Being "Low-Maintenance" May Be Ruining Your Relationship with Laura Berman
Are you the "chill one"? The one who says yes to keep the peace? The one who goes along to get along... until you can't anymore? You pride yourself on being easygoing. Low-maintenance. The one who never makes a fuss. Until the resentment builds. Until your body is screaming inside. Until you finally explode over something small, and suddenly you're the bad guy. Sound familiar? You're not broken. You're not "too much." And you're definitely not alone. In this session, I answer Kayla's question about what happens when being the "pleasant one" backfires. She's stuck in the classic people-pleaser cycle: say yes to keep the peace, feel used, then blow up in passive-aggressive frustration. Sound like anyone you know? We unpack why so many of us- especially those who grew up in homes where love was conditional on being agreeable- learn to disconnect from ourselves just to stay connected to others. And why that strategy always backfires. In this episode, you’ll learn: The win-win mindset that saved my marriage (and can save yours too)- showing you how to stop resenting your partner and start actually getting your needs met The massive difference between being easygoing and being highly accommodating (and why one is a superpower and the other is a ticking time bomb) Why your body knows the truth before you do- and how to catch the early signals before you're emotionally flooded The "Full Body Yes" practice that completely changed my own life (and why saying no can actually feel like expansion, not contraction) How to set boundaries calmly and early- without the over-explaining, over-apologizing, or guilt that usually follows Why people who benefit from your lack of boundaries will push back... and why that means you're finally doing something right If you've ever felt like you're abandoning yourself just to keep everyone else comfortable- if you're tired of the resentment, the explosions, and the silent internal screaming- this episode will give you the language, the tools, and the permission to start setting boundaries without feeling like a monster. If this hits home, you can email me at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at languageoflovepod.com to have your own question answered in a future session. And if you want to go even deeper, check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
July 16, 202616min