Life Uncut

Elizabeth Gilbert is one of the most brilliant authors of our time. She authored ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ which sold over 12 million copies and was then turned into a movie starring Julia Roberts. She’s also written books like ‘Committed’, ‘Big Magic’ and ‘City of Girls’. 

Elizabeth shares so many teachings around vulnerability, connectedness, living a life that is led by love,  and now  how to become ‘a relaxed woman, pushing back on the expectations of what society wants from you’. 

Today we spoke about:

• Being an award winning writer who wrote about men and was sympathetic to the male experience, until she wrote the number 1 ‘chick-lit’ book of our time. Funnily enough, the award nominations dried up.

• The shared experience of having everything that we are meant to ‘want’ and feeling so deeply unhappy. 

• How Liz used to drain herself by giving her everything to relationships, and how free she now feels being emotionally autonomous 

• The facts about how marriage affects women: married women don’t live as long as single women, they’re more likely to report being depressed and anxious, they are more likely to have autoimmune conditions, more likely to be addicted to substances etc. 

• How all of our lives could be titled ‘not exactly what I had in mind’

• The complexity of falling in love with someone knowing it will hurt other people that you care about

• Learning about loss through grief

You can find Liz’s Aus and NZ tour dates 
You can follow Liz on Instagram 

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Hey guys!
Britt and Keeshia have spent the entire weekend together and they're the friends that ask you if you can come to Africa tomorrow.
Laura shared a story about some of the early days of Marlie's life that aren't quite her best moments! Laura would love to know how many times your kid accidentally rolled off the bed? 

We unpack the goss from the Wicked premiere! 
We were interested in how they would approach the PR of the film given the reputational damage that Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater suffered after having a rumoured 'affair.' 
We wondered whether they would take a 'Don't Worry Darling" approach (Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde) where they kept space from each other in public, or if they would lean in to their romance!
There was one line in the movie that we are shocked they kept in!

Plus, what would bring you to 'loyalty test' your partner?
We speak about the 'how' and the 'why' you may get to a place where you consider conducting a loyalty test. Is the entrapment just as bad as the potential cheating?

If you'd like to have your say on the content we make, you can fill in our survey!

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Hey Lifers!
Happy Halloween!! Some of our team are more into it than others and you can come to us for all your budget, last minute Halloween costume needs!
Are you a Halloween person? Laura's kids are super excited and have been counting down the days, while Britt has outed herself as a bit of a grinch.

Vibes for the week:

Keeshia - A Man Called Otto film (on apple TV) 

Laura - Jailbreak. Love on the Run on Netflix

Britt - Dessert Little Moons Mochi Balls

WE'D LOVE IF YOU COULD TAKE THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR SAY ON OUR LIFE UNCUT SURVEY

Then we get into your questions!

DO I TELL HIM ABOUT MY PAST AS A SEX WORKER?

When I was 18, I had huge body insecurity and felt like I was unlovable unless I got my boobs done. I also could not find a job, and thought the way to pay for my boobs was to get into escorting. I was very young and naive, and had only had one sexual experience before getting into it, so it was quite unsettling and traumatic. I did it for three months, but couldn’t continue because of my mental health. I ended up going back when I was age 19 and saw a client a handful of times, before deciding I could never go back. I then entered a fairly toxic relationship. When that ended I got therapy because I was in a bad place, and it changed my life. I have now got a great career and finished my degree, and have met my now partner of one year. I am now 24. My question is, should I tell him about my past? Do I need to? If so, how should I do it? Unfortunately I feel like there is still so much stigma around the sex industry. While he is incredible, I have heard him make a comment about a stripper he once slept with, saying she was “just a stripper” as if it meant she was less than. Aside from that, he is so caring, thoughtful and emotionally intelligent. He is very secure and perhaps would struggle to understand what I was going through at 18/19. I really want to be with him forever, and I don’t want anything to risk coming between us, but I feel like he might look at me differently if he knows. I have come so far since I was a scared, insecure 18/19 year old and I don’t want the decisions I made to prevent me from being happy now. Would love for your advice on how I could bring it with him and if it is even worth doing, as it is not like I think about my past everyday! It is only when something triggers it.

MY BOYFRIEND IS MOVING IN WITH A WOMAN

I have been long distance with my partner of 5 years for a little over a year now (he moved for work). He is the most amazing partner and definitely my penguin. In the last 6 months he has made a good female friend at work. I have met her quite a few times. She is lovely and we get along very well. Recently both my partner and his female friend have had a change in living situations and he asked me if I would be comfortable with them becoming roommates. He does everything to try and make me comfortable and he won’t move in with her if I don’t want him to. I trust him and her completely, yet it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe jealousy?? But I trust both of them. Is me feeling weird about it ok or am I being unreasonable and I should just let him move in with one of his only friends he has been able to make (it is so hard for adults to make friends in new cities). Would love to know your thoughts?

CAUGHT BROTHER CHEATING

A few months ago I stumbled across my bro’s profile on a dating app. Profile stated “not looking for anything serious”. We aren’t close - don't have mutual interests, hobbies or compatible personalities, but still see each other at family events etc. Issue is, he has been in a long distance relationship for well over a year. She had returned back overseas less than a week before I saw his profile - it was definitely him, photos were 100% his, the hobbies, interests, age etc were all accurate. My brother is not someone I would have ever considered to be a player or open relationship-er - very conservative. The girlfriend is nice enough - very young, very sweet, very smart. Not someone I could imagine being open. I thought they might’ve split but I hadn’t yet found out. I found out recently he’s going overseas to see her soon -so are definitely together. Idk what to do/think! Help!

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Haven Shepherd was born in Vietnam. When she was 16 months old, her biological parents, who had had an affair, detonated a bomb that was intended to be a family suicide. It instantly killed her biological parents but Haven survived. Haven was thrown 10 metres from the family hut and driven for 2 hours on a motorbike to the local hospital where they amputated both of her legs.

She hasn’t had surgery since!
4 months later, she was adopted into an American family and gained 6 siblings! Haven is now an elite paralympic athlete who competed at Tokyo 2020. She also happens to be a laugh and a half with some of the most outrageous ‘double decker’ date stories we’ve ever heard!
In the chat we speak about:

• What Haven remembers about her early years

• Whether she holds resent for her biological parents

• How strangers ask inappropriate questions about how Haven lost her legs

• How Haven’s parents initially weren’t going to be her parents and the serendipitous way they found each other

• Why swimming was the best option for her

• How parents should teach their kids about disability

You can find more from Haven's Instagram!

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Hey Lifers!
Britt has potentially found a new life... as a trad wife! 
Either that or she's going off grid more often.
Laura has had a bit of a mishap spreading her beautiful grandparent's ashes.

How do you feel about sharing your kids online? Where is the line when it comes to kids being paid to create online content? 
You might remember the horrible story of the mum, Ruby Franke, who was charged with 4 counts of child abuse earlier this year. There is a brand new film called 'Mormon Mom Gone Wrong' that came out on Oct 26 that details the story of the Franke family and their youtube account that had 2 million subscribers.
Shari Franke is now 21 years old and has shared her testimony in court about her experiences of abuse and family vlogging. She states that there is no such thing as a moral and ethical family vlogger.
We unpack these questions:

• Should children have a say in family vlogging content?

• What are the ethical implications of involving kids in content?

• Can you get informed consent from kids?

• How should kids be ‘compensated’ if they are making content that makes money?

• Does it matter if they make money? Does it change when it becomes a significant income source?
  
  

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

On the show: 

• An honest conversation around the choice to have children 
• Laurs Law - Getting to the bottom of the fight between Britt and Mitch
• Unbelievable coincidences 
• How to build resilience in kids
• Bec Judd and her 8 year olds apple watch

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Hey Lifers

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions!

There is a lot of weird news in the world today... mostly the guy who chose to put 15 hard boiled eggs in his backside. Britt's partner Ben has had a hair makeover.
Did you 'plan' your hair look for your wedding in terms of colour/length etc? Did you opt for something that was your 'look' rather than going for a short term hair change?

Vibes for the week:

Keeshia: Sweet Bobby on Netflix
Britt: Instax camera
Laura: Fallen Angel Podcast

Then we jump into your questions!

DID WE DO THE RIGHT THING BY THE DRUNK HEN?
We just wrapped up a hen's night where the hen KO'd herself pretty early, before the festivities were finished - the MOH got her home safely (talking 7.30) and the rest of the party headed home. We'd already organised some entertainment, so instead of going out to where it'd been organised for, we made the call to stay in the hotel room and keep an eye on the hen, and enjoyed the entertainment (just the two of us). The groom found out and blew up - said we put the hen in danger, that it was unforgivable, and he doesn't want anything to do with either of us. Major drama! My question - Did we do the wrong thing? Is his blow up and subsequent major drama valid? Or were we fine to have a little fun while we still took care of our friend? It's created so much drama a week out from the wedding, is all the hatred warranted, or is he just being a complete dick?

I DON'T LIKE THEM CALLING HER GRANDMA
I have a new baby who is now 3 months old, and when I was pregnant my dad’s partner asked to be called Grandma which at the time I felt a bit put on the spot and was like ‘sure’. After thinking about it and chatting with my partner I am not sure how comfortable I am with her being “Grandma”. For context she has been with my dad since I was 18 which I think is relevant because I have never lived with her and she has had no hand in raising me and to be honest we have never had a great relationship. I feel like my mum and my partner's mum have done the hard yards to earn that title which she has not. I also don’t want to confuse my child for example if she is asking on Mother’s Day why “Grandma” doesn’t get a card or present and having to explain she is not actually her Grandma. So basically throughout the end of my pregnancy and having a new baby I never ended up having the convo and tbh I am a bit conflict avoidant. Over the weekend her and my dad met my partner’s parents who are visiting from Spain and she introduced herself as Grandma. So my question is… is it too late for me to have that conversation? I really don’t want her to be called Grandma or anything like that but have I let it go too long? Or how would you go about having the convo? Should I speak with my dad as he knows her better than me and would know the best way to address it? 

CAN I TELL HIM TO NOT GO?
My partner of 3 years has been invited on a family overseas holiday by his ex-wife and their 2 young kids. The ex-wife is paying for his expenses as one of the kids really wants Dad to be there. The ex wife’s new partner is also joining them. This has left me feeling really uncomfortable and ultimately left out. Is it fair to ask my partner to not go because of how I feel or should I tell him he should go despite it making me feel uncomfortable and anxious.

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Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. She is the author of ‘Boundary Boss’ and ‘Too Much’. This is the third time Terri has joined us on the podcast! The first time was to speak about cheating, the second was to speak about boundaries and today Terri is joining us to unpack codependence! But, not the standard idea of what codependency is.

Today we speak about what Terri refers to as ‘high functioning codependence’ and how we are able to recognise when we are doing ‘too much’ for other people, and need to prioritise ourselves more. Spoiler, none of us identified as being codependent… until we learnt what high functioning codependency looked like and the alarm bells RANG!

We speak about:

• High functioning codependency isn’t what we typically think of a a ‘codependent person’

• They’re highly capable, the person everyone depends on, the problem solver, the ‘fixer’

• Resentment inventories! We all need to identify where we are ‘over giving’ and ‘over functioning’

• Being hyper independent, “I got it” and not wanting to ask for help or owing other people anything 

• How it all contributes to burnout and cognitive overload
  
  Do you identify with any of these labels? They might be new to you!
  -approval seeking,
  -auto fixing/auto accommodator
  -self sacrificing
  -hyper helping

You can listen to Terri’s previous episodes with us here: People Pleasers Anonymous - Better Boundaries

and Once A Cheater, Are They Always A Cheater?

You can find everything from Terri:

Website 

Book website

Instagram

Podcast

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Hey Lifers!

Laura has had a weekend away with the friends that she hunted down on Linked in (it's hard to make friends as adults right??). Something that happened on the weekend raised the question for her of when to intervene to protect your kids from something vs when to let them work it out for themselves and build resilience. We're curious to know what you would have done in this situation.

Is a more inclusive rebrand enough to save Victoria's Secret? Last week we saw the first Victoria's Secret runway show since 2019. They've tried to be more inclusive with different body shapes and sizes. We speak about the past controversies that Victoria's Secret has been involved in and how the messaging of the company was so problematic.

Should companies with a history of exclusion or problematic practices be given the opportunity to evolve and change, or is it too late for brands like Victoria’s Secret?

Plus we speak about the friends of Dave Grohl's wife Jordyn Blum threatening to end their friendship if she goes back to him after he has fathered a kid outside of their marriage.

Have you ever had to cut off a friend because you were so sick of seeing them go back to a problematic partner?

Have you ever felt really exhausted from being the emotional support to a friend, kind of playing therapist, when they seemed to never take advice on board?

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Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

On the show: 

• Laurs Laws
• Can you ask and ex for Money
• Are we still peeing in pools? 

You can watch us on Youtube

Find us on Instagram

Join us on tiktok

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.