Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

April 23, 2023219: Justine A. revisits
🔸 Can we alleviate this headache with IFS? And unkept promises; the thinking part has resentment.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
The headache. Not sure we ever figured out what it was protecting. I texted immediately after call to ask about headache. Response: "... less tight and constricted. A definite easing"

The big protectors:

Thinking part, is always around, unhappy Justine didn't spend time with her as promised.

Agenda part. Teenager, indifferent, grumpy, guarded. Stick to the agenda, don't waste James' time.

Longing for healing, or for it to be all done. (Same as agenda?)

E: striving to be a good girl, to be good enough, to not be outcast. Same as weary part?

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Forgot to ask about headache at end of call. I think I was a little too quiet too often in this convo. Making assumptions about Justine's level of self-energy. Thankfully she consistently noticed and mentioned it.

opportunity and
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46 min
April 22, 2023 ⚠️ Feed change! (ignore if you see new episodes after this)
About 5% of listeners will stop seeing updates after this. Resubscribe with one of the following links:
(In other podcast news, spotify seems to be the most unreliable. Sometimes episodes just dont publish there, or the audio gets messed up. I love overcast - ios only)
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2 min
April 21, 2023218: Mio A. revisits
🔸 "You're ugly, you're nothing." Pretty/ugly, anorexia, and parts with secrets.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
E: The <5yo with the eye patch

E: 7-8yo with glasses, "everyone else is pretty"

E: 14-17yo Anorexic, mom screaming (to keep up appearances). Dark. Desperate.

P: By labeling me as ugly it helped push down the unbearable feeling of being unloved. To believe I was pretty would be a contradiction.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Lots to celebrate! The unburdening stuck. And Mio is getting more comfortable "keeping secrets", getting the story teller to step back, and trusting Self to go inside. I missed the mark with some of my responses, but Mio was present to redirect.
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1 hr 2 min
April 19, 2023217: Aandraya A. revisits
🔸 Simple, but not easy. When parts try to do IFS.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Task master. Angry, intimidating. Tired.

Adrenaline, vibrating through body, jumping out of skin

Afraid of getting in trouble, moral judgement, thinks she's 8. Demanding mother, parent separating, chaos.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I could sense it, but didn't put words to it. I picture Derek Scott identifying "story teller", and finding other routes in, but I didn't have confidence in doing that. Maybe doubting my ability do that skillfully, maybe an intuition that Aandraya was just having one of those days.
I'll get more firm/direct with task part if needed in future.
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"
1 hr 1 min
April 17, 2023216: Theresa A. - first call
🔸 Yearning for romance vs Stop trying. Eyerolling wants patience. We glimpse multiple exiles?
*Theresa has ADHD, is into body-work and has listened to lots of LiveIFS

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
We had to stop listening to music, become an adult. No space or time for those emotions

Despair

Dramatic, hard to manage, enthusiasm is inconvenient

Inconvenient child = too much
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Reminiscent of my convo with Bill Tierney. Isn't this "falling in love" vs "playing it cool"? I think I was down 30% from parts identifying with Theresa so much.
"I just get like this" sentiment around emotionality is a new one to me. Tried to respect that while also staying curious, looking for parts driving that.
I'm not certain that the yearning is a protector and not an exile. Could be both/either? Also reminds me of conversations I had with Molly (in which I was also unsure). In her case we identified very young exiles, and while I believe "parts know what they need to heal" I have trouble accepting the idea that a 5yo needs a boyfriend.
I just need to stay curious. Worst case scenario I will never "figure out" how IFS works in external relationships. But I'm confident that helping the internal family is how we heal the "brokenness".
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1 hr 10 min
April 15, 2023215: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 "You can't handle what I have to say... Who are you to even do this?" The cringe, the doubt, the exile.
Round 2.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
It didn't realize the 24/7 stuff was unfair

"Can never do anything right"

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
The "do that with your therapist" comment is a reference to an unpublished part of the call, she mentioned doing some goal planning with her therapist.
I was shaky, feeling that cringe detector standing too close, anticipating its backlash. My energy shifts once we get to exile. I think I was concerned/anxious that I wouldn't be able to help Olivia unblend, and feeling like my prompts around that were weak.
And how much unblending is enough? Do we need "full" permission from every protector? Or can we build trust by demonstrating safe handling of exile?
Was it a bad move to bring up the comments re: mom from last call? Felt like it might derail or distract, but I didn't want to let that lead go cold.
Olivia has been reporting parts work to me daily for weeks, so that feels like the ultimate safety net, and helps me feel comfortable speculating and joking with her. A part of me wants to laugh off these parts that think she could fail IFS, because I feel so confident in her and her progress, but... it is only our second time getting so close to exiles.
I talked a lot. I think Olivia reminds me of myself. That's usually a flag for me, I start feeling *too* comfortable. In parts-language: maybe some of our protectors enable each other. But I discussed it with her; my commitment is to doing the work, not making friends.

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"
1 hr 41 min
April 13, 2023214: Jo A. revisits
🔸 “You’re too broken to live in this world” gets between Jo and her work with an exile.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Wizard of oz

Dad gave him this job

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Sick again today! Brain not work good. I promise I’ll figure it out. (Update: March '23 - I figured it out!)

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48 min
April 13, 2023213: Jo A. revisits
🔸 Jo forgot what part to check in with, I think that's new. An indication that we are onto something very important? We learn about the stepdad.
🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):
Buzz lightyear and the teen who fights him.

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1 hr 7 min
April 13, 2023 212: Jo A. revisits
🔸 The part that plays dad!

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I don’t know why we didn’t find this sooner… Maybe we're missing something in the unblending process?
I think finding this part is a big deal, and suspect it touches a lot of the others. Getting to know and healing it should have a big impact.
However, the conversation is kind of rough. I am quite sick today and I need a nap. I think we are both having connection problems which is quite frustrating and hampers our ability to communicate.
And I'm driving. That's not in alignment with my intentions for this project. I'll stop doing that.
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"
54 min
April 13, 2023 211: Jo A. revisits
🔸 The comic-book villian, the wicked witch, the judge's judge, and a 3 year old gets a name. Jo had a list of parts, but we went to some new places instead. No bad parts.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was determined to try new things today, spent an extra 20 mins prepping for this call. New things worked well. I need to listen back to this one.
Also testing out a new way to make/retrieve notes. I want to have: 1. Notes about last call 2. ideas to try with specific caller 3. ideas to try in general. Multiply each times "on paper or digital?" and now you know how I spend my free time!
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55 min