Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

June 02, 2023239: Mio A. revisits
🔸 "I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad for rejecting my mother." Another exile?
🔹 Parts:
E: Guilt for rejecting mother. Obscured by something dark and wooly. Below the naval.

P: Run away from that feeling! Run away, and also run towards Dad

P: Judging this exile, the cocreators of the guilt, necessary to keep the rage from getting destructive. Afraid she might hurt herself.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
It's been about a month since we talked, so I think our rhythm was a little off. I could have jumped in and been more directive with targeting. But I think we did a good job *not* going to the wrong parts, the ones we met before.
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1 hr 14 min
May 31, 2023238: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 "Nothing will make anything right." The biggest scariest exile and the stressed-out captain.
🔹 Parts:
E: 9yo. Anxiety, dread. "Can't handle anything", "Nothing is worth whatever pain I'm in".

P: Fear if this part overwhelms, Olivia becomes suicidal. "Dont get too close" "Nobody else can help", "You have no idea", "If you could help, you already would have"

This protector has a big shift in finally recognizing Olivia and speaking to her like this for the first time. Wants evidence she can help. How? "Just listen."

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
This convo felt like a re-run at first, but I don't see that as a failure. Like I said to Olivia, we're getting much more efficient, and getting to know these parts this way is great, especially with such a scary exile. They are concerned she won't/can't show up, and this is evidence to the contrary.

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56 min
May 29, 2023237: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 "You will not receive love, just give up" on romance.
🔹 Parts:
P: "Just give up" is persistent but not dramatic. In the head, arms crossed, cold, afraid of wasting time and the disappointment from:

E: Wants more love than she gets, feels dismissed, outside, an inconvenience. Too little, too boring, has to do everything herself. Was this the 4yo?

E: 7 Year old, similar.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Theresa's making this easy for me. I could push back on some of the analyzing, but it doesn't seem to be interfering much with the work. And my own analyzing parts like the company.
I didn't ask the age of first exile, and stayed confused about who was who when another entered. I was wanting to stay open to it also being a protector.
I wonder if we bypassed a protector that would be fighting the "give up" protector.
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"
59 min
May 27, 2023236: Rosie A. revisits
🔸 Direct access of the Reacher.
After listening back to this (about 3 months and sessions later) Rosie followed up:
"...noticed this reaching part coming up as I was sitting in an audience starting to anticipate my cameo appearance, and was able to turn towards, right there in the audience, and relax it. The performance had other technical issues, but I was much more grounded in myself. ‘Twas good 😊"
🔹 Parts:
The Reacher, constricting, pushing Self out, to reach others. To get what infant needs.

The Infant, needs what infants need.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I know how to help people talk to their parts, and I know how to talk to my parts, but how to talk to others' parts? I used to feel like direct access required a big shift, a different approach. And there are far fewer examples to learn from.
It sounds obvious now, but, I realized I don't need a third language; I just make them mine, invite them to stay at my place for a while.
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54 min
May 25, 2023235: Scott A. - first call
🔸 “I’m a mess”
The feral 7-year-old in me says: no describe.
🔹 Parts:
Avoidant 7yo on the edge of the forest (two parts?). "Just move on". Wants us to avoid the:

The Depressor (23-24 yo, drugs, in hospital). “You left me here”

Avoidant's communication gets blocked by the people pleaser, nice guy.

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1 hr 23 min
May 24, 2023234: Justine A. revisits
🔸 IFS is hard! Full body fear and anxiety. Who is it?
🔹 Parts:
Fear and anxiety, a monster, "my inner fire, power", yellow. Not allowed, must contain fullness, bigness. Has to stay small. "I don't matter, not worthy, not important". Bound.

Age 4? But showed a picture of 7-9 yo.

Protectors fear what she might say, and fear the backlash.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I didn't say it during the call, I had already done enough theorizing, but I wonder if Justine finds the work so hard because of her facility with it: she catches the interferences, stays grounded, doesn't get thrown off when my questions miss the mark, respects the voice that says "you're supposed to do it this way" while holding true to what she observes, pre-empts and prompts me when she's looking for direction...
I can imagine that making the project more daunting. Someone who only catches a glimpse might be more eager to put another toe in the water, while one who so quickly accesses Hubble-vision is dizzied by the depth.
Another speculation I didn't voice: are any of these parts related to what she previously described as the "good girl" part? Is that part anxious, still afraid of wasting my time (having not done her homework?), or in opposition to this inner power? Is it "the good girl, getting it right" fearing the implications of Self-leadership, taking ownership of the practice? I'll have to check my notes, but wasn't she also 4 years old?
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1 hr 21 min
May 21, 2023233: Mio A. revisits
🔸 "Cursed, untouchable, incredibly lonely, and desperate... she rejected her mother because of the way she was touching her."
🔹 Parts:
The exile from last call, on a knife point, longing to let go but terrified of what would happen if she did.

Believes it's her fault for rejecting her mother

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Thanks to Ivan's edits, you don't hear the dogs in my home barking every 10 minutes. You (and Mio) also don't hear me, in those moments, repeatedly hitting mute to tell them to shut up. There's one other call recorded while I was dog-sitting. What I will do differently: not say yes to that again. I love my friend, and I love dogs, but I can not abide such obstreperousness!
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1 hr 6 min
May 19, 2023232: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 "Don't do dumb stuff!" Don't give people false hopes. All seems straightforward, and exile-less. I suggest we keep searching.
🔹 Parts:
Eyerolling skeptic. Forceful, serious. The Not fun one

Embarrassment, integrity

Rather be at the beach

Needs Theresa to study thoroughly and well. By making time and space to do so.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Theresa was patient with me as I prodded, and very helpful in letting me know when she was "searching" for an answer but not finding one. Makes my job much easier!
Was my questioning too much? I felt like I was missing the right language to illuminate suspected exile(s) in first half of call. IIRC, this is not the first time we've heard the concern about hurting others. I'm looking for the part in her that is hurting.

Theresa followed up:
I think I might have tracked down the thread leading to possible exile . Or maybe a few leads that could be part of that protective part wanting to guard against “embarrassment”. I was trying to open to times when I myself felt embarrassed as a kid.... Couldn’t pick up on anything with a charge on it, but I DO remember my mom always kindof being paranoid about what other people thought, and I think it might be that as a kid I had to work hard to avoid doing anything that *she* might have found embarrassing in order to feel loved /belong. I think that’s why I couldn’t catch it, I was looking for times when I felt embarrassed, nothing was lighting up, but I can hear her voice in there when I dig around, all worried about what people think and a time or two when it seemed she was appalled /disgusted at me for not doing “dumb things”, (those aren’t her words, they were the parts words from tonight). I was really looking to neutralize the part about coaching tonight, it was making friction in my studies. And I think we did that, and it’s calmed down on that topic because that was just a small thing that triggered it’s embarrassment button. The underlying fear of embarrassment I think was too far away from the coaching piece to connect up without me doing some probing and just letting it marinate. Next time we can try to access that kid. Thanks for the work and the breadcrumbs.
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57 min
May 17, 2023231: Jo A. revisits
🔸 Picking up where we left off, hopelessness for itself and all the hurt children out there.
🔹 Parts:
Jobee, age 3

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I have been reluctant to "give the part a name", concerned about putting people on the spot to be "creative", or unfairly crystalizing something amorphous, or crossing a line with skeptical parts. Just like I wouldn't ask someone who is "spiritual" / "believes in a higher power" to name their god.
But I think it could be one of my biggest mistakes with Jo. She's very visual, and her parts had names from day one. I didn't lean into that. How much has that cost us?
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51 min
May 15, 2023230: Aandraya A. revisits
🔸 "I can't just be alone" an exile unburdened. Implicit direct access.
🔹 Parts:
P: Figure it out, get the secret information, and you'll feel fine.

P: Task master

P: Eager to move, do, explore

E: 10 year old with a broken leg. Lonely, wanting attention. Not trusting of parents. Mom so busy.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
This is me at the edge of my comfort/confidence, max directiveness. I considered the context: our work together in the past, and on how rarely Aandraya and I talk.
This is not a typical route! I'm making a lot of assumptions and just trusting my understanding of the model to filter the responses she gets. E.g.: I ask "stuck in time?" she quickly responds "no", and I proceed almost as if I heard yes.
Am I bypassing protectors, leading the witness? It's one of the reasons I was asking "is IFS a viable option?" Looking for openness to direct access. Aandraya has reported backlash after parts work. I think it will depend on her time spent with this 10 year old. I'll send her a text in a few days to see how it's going...

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1 hr 8 min