Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

June 20, 2023249: Brandon A. revisits
🔸 Be competent or feel worthless.
🔹 Parts:
P: Competent critic. Fear of failure. Thinks Brandon is 7. Wants to defer to:

P: Distractor, daydreamer planner.

E: Not mattering, worthless.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
In the past I've gotten lost, carried away in our convos. Today I identified the repeated blendedness, and was able to see many fewer parts.
But I was steamrolling, pushing to get through the process, not stopping to check on the emotion I detected in Brandon’s voice. I also might have missed some crucial clues in the targeting, working off my false assumptions. I definitely had an agenda: I wanted us both to try the experience of sticking to the script, just to see where that gets us. I felt like I owed it to Brandon, and to the integrity of the model by-the-book, even if my intuition was pointing elsewhere.
I'd like to find the middle way: leading without disregarding the emotion or taking us off course.

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46 min
June 18, 2023248: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 Co-parts-working for ADHD.
🔹 Parts:
P: The pusher/rusher. Uses clinching anxiety to get it all done, to the point of not being able to enjoy Lunch, etc.

E: Not ok to mess up, to drop the ball, to not show up w people, to disappoint. (Maybe not the main driver of this protector)

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Must.. resists.. adhd.. coaching! Maybe I should make a separate podcast. : p
I really appreciated that we both didn’t insist on digging for exiles. The books say protectors only exist because of exiles. Maybe true, but I don’t know why it would have to be. We all have different systems. Parts work doesn’t have to involve grieving.
Im not expressing much emotion, and our topic of exploration isn’t evoking much emotion from her. Chicken or egg?
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39 min
June 16, 2023247: Mio A. revisits
🔸 "A different way of looking at sadness"
🔹 Parts:
E: 8yo. The guilt pushes down the rage and mourning. Loss of dad, grandmother and more.

Needs: Stop thinking so much. Just accept my pain. Don't make suggestions. Trust. Pay attention to the one who wants to help, to take me to the mountains.

Wants to turn what she mourns into lights, not to forget them

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Would we have gotten here faster if I interrupted every "I think..."? Maybe, but it just hasn't felt right to me.
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"
1 hr 1 min
June 16, 2023246: Scott A. revisits
🔸 "This wasn't in the plan and nothing has worked". When Self doesn't know what to do.
📍 Context: You're joining us after 45 mins of our chat, but you're not missing any of the parts work.
🔹 Parts:
Skeptics & Spiritual parts. "What do I really need? The healing trauma track?"

Self doubt, need authority, permission

Age 23, 24 "I lost my footing" (interesting word choice, didn't he mention seeing just the feet in last call?)

The intact Dreamer

The exile: the referee. 12, 13yo, Defeated.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
- I should have played it safer. I think I rushed the unblending, relieved to land on a part (again, Scott had already shared for 45 mins), so I wasn't very thorough in checking for other parts stepping back nor for protectors (as it became more and more clear this was an exile). If he told me he was new to this, or didn’t have a solo-practice, I say red card. But in this context: yellow.
- I get into a “ok now let me talk” mode (not wrong in itself), But then I'm less inquisitive and more explanatory.
- Possible additional risk because I identify with Scott so much. I too am a musician who loves teaching kids, who wrestled w dreams of performing, who still (lucidly) dreams of his glory days on the soccer field, and although I don’t know the tragic details of the 24 year old in the hospital bed, I get the feeling the story looks a lot like mine. “Well he is like me, and this would feel safe to me, so I assume it’s safe for him”. Maybe true, reasonable, but not how I should make those assessments.
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45 min
June 14, 2023245: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 The tangled battle for effortless calm. Fun conscious blending, Self plays hide-and-seek.
🔹 Parts:
The task manager is at the surface, maybe always? Feels like "it is me!" And afraid of what it might mean if that weren't true. Intensifies the exile by "having me do things" (to be a better person, be normal, acceptable, healthy, etc). Wants to fix everything but realizes that doesn't translate to peace, meaning, healing.

Age maybe teen, thinks Olivia is teen. School. Do what other people say or be in trouble.

Needs what they all need.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Plenty of times I could have kept my mouth shut or asked questions instead of piling on. But. It felt right; didn't feel like parts were leading. (The thing I said at the end, about "adding tasks", was a bit of a test).
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"
1 hr 5 min
June 12, 2023 244: Luke A. revisits
🔸 "Everything is so much easier" - a view from the other side(?)

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Processing so many new perspectives and terminology, and not knowing which I was interpreting right, shook my confidence. We hadn't talked in months, so I didn't know if this call would be "I'm doing better than ever" or "I hit rock bottom". Call me simple, but sometimes I'm just trying to figure out "this experience he's describing, is it good or bad?"
A lot I didn't say, or clarify. Like the passage about "self expression", how analogous is that to IFS? I'm not sure. The worst case scenario in my mind would be if he is calling an exile "Self", and I'm missing it. I’d file that under bad.
Another scenario I'm looking out for (we did address) is "forgetting" the tools. He mentioned them dissolving. Is "I don't need to talk to parts" akin to the overconfident musician who stops practicing scales, or the sober person who no longer avoids the bar?
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"
1 hr 8 min
June 10, 2023243: Jo A. revisits
🔸 Not all exiles are young.
🔹 Parts:
P: Don't do creative stuff, Throat, Afraid of going off deep end, suicide, and pain of rejection. Rather be at the beach. Thinks she's 25 (significant)

E: hurt by rejection, depressed. Needs boundaries around others, and to focus on the process. Age 41

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
The initial targeting. I don't know if that was just a happy accident or what. It all felt right but I can't explain it.

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"
45 min
June 08, 2023242: Jovan A. - first call
🔸 IFS 101: (a.) Meeting a protector. (b.) Q&A, glimpses of most welcome parts.
Jovan is new to IFS, but not the landscape. Diagnosed w ADHD and suspects Autism.
🔹 Parts:
P: Don't show interest. Shut up. Keep it to yourself. Or else:

E: I'd be seen. Judged & overwhelmed. Age 9?

Protector thinks he's 17, stressful time. In tension with "Put yourself out there!" protector?

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
While introducing ourselves, we discovered we know some of the same people. A pleasant surprise, but also a background distraction for me, my parts busied by social calculations.
I enjoyed being challenged by the questions, I would like to be able to "explain" IFS as well as practice it. I have some work to do there. Or maybe not. Maybe I should defer to the spokespeople and teachers for that, and just stick to practicing.
-----
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1 hr 17 min
June 06, 2023 241: Clare A. revisits
🔸 The whirlwind wants to play, a pushy part gets in the way.

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31 min
June 04, 2023240: Justine A. revisits
🔸 IFS for headaches. What is this crazy magic?
🔹 Parts:
P: The headache. Blocks out the emotional pain of:

E: Failing to relate. People aren't safe, can't be trusted. Not being seen. Not safe/allowed to be my emotional self (sad/angry). Memories of life in London flat. Needs the listening circle. Start with attention.

P: Find the answers, or else you won't do it right. You can't do it on your own.

-----
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1 hr 18 min