Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

July 10, 2023259: Mio A. revisits
🔸 Pushing to claim my space keeps me up at night…
Romance, boundaries, and a surprise visit from The Tranquilizer (dissociation)
🔹 Parts:
P: Tranquilizer, anesthesia, whiteout. Proud of doing it painlessly. Rather be a floating cloud on standby, watching, communicating. Allowed to speak. Thinks Mio is very young, and up to ~30. Most concerned about E1.

P: Get all the sweet things, affection, by letting someone take over my life.

P: Push others away, keeps Mio up at night.

E: The open infected wound. The baby. Violated by mother

E: 6 year old, awakened by mother, pushing away, cold in mom's bed.

E: The guilty one, must protect mother

Self: I can feel what I want now.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Battling the clock again. I could be more insistent with the story teller, of course. I did moreso towards the end.
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58 min
July 08, 2023258: Clare A. revisits
🔸 Close the book, just move on, have fun! But something is holding back...
🔹 Parts:
P: Just move on, have fun! And the other side of that part: Don't go there. Thinks she's 30 (age of getting married). Afraid of being damaged by going to the dark places. Wants to lock it away

P: the wallower, enjoys wallowing in the other stuff

E: The nut in the shadows, with a sliver of healing light.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Clare and I have only had 2 other IFS calls in as many years, so I'm approaching this one as if she were a first-timer. I'm doing more talking/teaching, less inquiring about the exile, and making more assumptions about the nature of the parts we're meeting. There are much more skillful ways to do that. I didn't know if it would be another year before we talk again, so I wanted to highlight the map more than anything.
I could've guided better through unblending in the beginning, she’s answering from part.
Didn't get to do my usual prep today, a handyman just left my house 5 mins before the call.
📌 Clare followed up: That was really cool… ! The parts were much more defined this time …and the one that was with me most of the time seemed to be multi faceted because he sort of shape shifted… if that’s possible
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58 min
July 06, 2023257: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 Acquiescing, Going along with unwanted touch. And James gets feedback.
🔹 Parts:
Assertive (but always shut down) say no to this touch!

Acquiescing. Be nice, or be a bitch.

E's? 17yo? Parts worried about being left alone, scaring people off.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I felt particularly unhelpful in this conversations. + Points for being honest about it and not spinning out, and for choosing to keep most of my theories/conjectures to myself and sticking to the script (because I didn't have any better ideas).
I'll revisit this one more, but my first thought is that both Theresa and I like talking about the process. Very valuable In the big picture, but can also interfere with the direct communication with parts. The ""keep quiet"" protector that we targeted felt only half-present in the conversation. And there were several paths/points I wanted to explore but decided against.
Maybe "do differently" is: be more binary, like if we're talking to a part, then let's just talk to a part. I could have stayed with "ask the part", instead of hedging there. A "save questions for the end" mindset. Now, how to convince two ADHD brains to do that...?
But we're not merely distracted; we're both super keen on IFS! So I think we can't lose.
We've come to this exile-less place a few times, but I keep hearing a theme: "worried about hurting other people". I'm having trouble seeing that from an exile's point of view, just need to keep asking parts.
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1 hr 15 min
July 04, 2023256: Jovan A. revisits
🔸 "...to self-discover without shame". Meeting an exile & more very welcome questions about the process.
🔹 Parts:
P: Terrified...

P: The information seeker, thinks he is 12. Covering up, scared of overwhelm from:

E: Powerless, not knowing, can't ask for help, shame, hiding. ~12yo? Believes it will be judged, that it doesn't have the intuition & capabilities of others, fear of being saved, doesn't have the capacity to understand, hat the level of unknown is too much, and I'll be the only person who does life completely wrong.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I could have done more (any?) checking-in emotionally in the beginning, but being only our second call, I don't know what baseline is, so I decided to stick with "when in doubt, follow the protocol".
When I put the brakes on in second half of call, I mentioned the combined level of self energy. Another indicator, which I didn't mention, was his response to 3 different "How do you feel towards...?" Of the 8 C's, Calm is the least indicative of Self, in my book.
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57 min
July 02, 2023255: Scott A. revisits
🔸 "No longer defending myself from 'bad' thoughts", ruminating. Appreciating the beauty of protectors.
🔹 Parts:
Don’t go there: 7 year old says to depressed part. Don't ruminate.

Go there: The one who wants to rush past and get there. Afraid to be left behind.

Visions of a basement…

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I told Scott I had to keep it under an hour, thats why I'm pulling back in second half of call.
I feel a bit like I'm navigating in a glass house; great for observing parts, but occasionally I'll take a step forward onto what I assume is solid floor, and suddenly find myself in the basement. The toolkit I'm carrying is somewhat rigid, bulky, and I'm groping around to find the doorway that Scott is well beyond.
None of this is a criticism of him, and I've felt like this with other callers. Maybe it's a more common landscape for a lucid dreamer, a meditator, someone who does his homework.

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1 hr 2 min
June 30, 2023254: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 Existential, Fear of death. Building on her connection with task manager, Olivia is ready to meet those exiles! Protectors, on the other hand...
🔹 Parts:
P: Manager "Have to do a good job" checking mistakes so they don't accumulate or go unnoticed.

E?: "Life is set in stone". Mistakes = catastrophe. Death, grief and loss.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I think my targeting is improving. When we're hearing from the fear of the fear of the fear, etc. I think "time for direct access" but it's not by-the-book "explicit" nor "implicit". Having more of an intuition about what questions assess Self energy, and just more comfortable, giving myself permission to freestyle.
Like a driving instructor: when we're on the road we should follow the rules of the road. But sometimes we just need to drive around in the field, ignore the rules of the road, feel into the dynamics of the system.
In this case, my agenda parts were not up, I am welcoming all parts, it felt safe to me.
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1 hr 6 min
June 28, 2023253: Jo A. revisits
🔸 "The one part that doesn't belong": a part resembling dad, enraged by children not listening or fighting.
🔹 Parts:
5 year old, crying with sister that the toys would all be thrown away
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
A lot on my mind about this one. I was extra slow in the beginning, just was trying to open up to new possibilities.
I think there may be some truth to this being the "one part..." It's the one that the system hasn't accepted. And I think I failed in this call, and repeatedly in the past, in helping Jo 1. target this part and 2. follow up with it. I'll follow up.
This call was recored in at the end of 2022. I hired a new IFS coach, and put this issue at the top of the list to address with him.
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48 min
June 26, 2023252: Rosie A. revisits
🔸 Is this IFS? "Everybody else is good..." The gap between listening (to an exile) and offering something helpful.
🔹 Parts:
E: My needs are a problem. Everybody else is more lovable. Everybody else is good and I'm not. Why?

P: I'll figure out why!

P: WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS internal tail wag?

P: Try to be an adult, ask for what I want...

P: Caretaker. I'll explain to you, exile...

P: "I don't know how..." (I say that's a protector, but not one we identified as such)

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I feel like I'm only one-foot-in IFS here. I passed on several opportunities to follow the script, considering how much work Rosie has already hone here, and our history in which those methods haven't always landed as intended.
"What if you were unlovable?", a gamble. But is it misaligned with the bigger, Self-led perspective? I don't mean from the "James is in perfect Self energy" perspective, but that it was derived from my genuine consideration of how I, from Self, would be with a part like that. I've mentioned that that is how I conceptualize Direct Access. Rather than asking Rosie to "ask the part xyz", I just go to that place in me, with that exile in me, and see what happens. To me the answer to the question "What if we were unlovable by others (*and* I love you)?" is liberating, joyous.

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56 min
June 24, 2023251: Justine A. revisits
🔸 James talks with the part that doesn't.
🔹 Parts:
Keep the doors locked. Needs to be seen and appreciated first
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
At times I felt I was being too pushy or confrontational, but my logical parts like being met in the logical realm, so I wanted this part to know I'm happy to do that, that I didn't need to rely on any voodoo to communicate with it.
I didn't have an exit plan, though. Fortunately Justine's Self showed to do what it does best: mediate, connect, accept.
* Direct access (for anyone searching it). Maybe I should start using a tagging system...
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1 hr 35 min
June 22, 2023250: Me, James - Solo
🔸 "A nice boy"
📍At around 14m I resolve the awkward 3rd (4th?) person pronoun stuff. And sorry about the background noise, I was playing with the mic. Trying new things!
🔹 Parts:
P: Analysis Paralysis. Constant. Too many things. Wants few options, to be on a boat.

P: Pusher, push past analyzer. Afraid of gathering dust, being a loser

E: 14. Just wants to hold hands (and a blank check for warehouse of gadgets)

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51 min